Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

A/N: This story still seems to be writing itself, even though I've got no clear idea what's going to happen next :) This chapter has more of our favourite Copy Nin, because I decided that he needs more attention and frankly I like writing about him. Thanks for the positive comments, they help keep me going. Oh, and I've been asked about putting in a lemon. I think a well-written lemon is worth including, but since I've never written one (this is the first fanfiction story I've ever written) it's a bit of a problem ;) I'm not going to rush it, and though I'd like to include one I only will if I think I can do it properly. I hope you enjoy reading, because that's what it's all about :)

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Chapter 12

Lost

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Hatake Kakashi was a good shinobi. He followed orders, mostly, and completed more missions successfully than many others combined. Of course, he went on many more missions than other shinobi as well. He considered it an occupational hazard of being famous as the 'Copy Nin'. It also helped that many enemy shinobi were reluctant to deal with him because he was well-known.

He had had a successful time in the ANBU as well, though few people knew how successful. In fact, only his commander in ANBU and the Hokage (if he/she happened to look through the secret records) and a few fellow ANBU knew that Kakashi had excelled in almost all of his missions. He was intelligent, skilled and, if he said so himself, pretty good at improvising or charming his way through any situation. Many people even called him a prodigy.

But his friends were the only ones who could tell you all of them had been caught first-hand by his dry, and slightly wicked, sense of humour. They would tell you that he was hard to get close to, and very laid back. Maito Gai would say he was 'hip' and 'modern', and a worthy opponent. They would also tell you he didn't get angry very easily, but you'd have a hard time believing that if you saw him right at that moment.

Hatake Kakashi was not very happy. To put it less politely, he was fucking pissed off.

"What?!" he forced the words out through gritted teeth. "What do you mean they lost the trail?"

Tsunade rubbed her temples wearily, beginning to lose her own very short temper. "The ANBU lost the trail, Kakashi. It was Orochimaru for god's sake! What did you expect?" She held up her hand, forestalling his next question. "And before you ask, no I do not want you to go out there and see if you can do any better!"

Kakashi held himself stiffly rigid, reining in his anger. "Tsunade-sama," he began again, "I respectfully ask if I may take up the search for Mitarashi Anko."

The Godaime folded her fingers in front of her mouth, and studied him over her hands. "You are too close to this, Kakashi. You know Anko's history."

"That means nothing!" he replied furiously, and then forced his voice to calm, "Anko would not have gone with him. She's not like him."

"Shizune, call Yuuhi Kurenai in here now." Tsunade said softly.

The aide went to the door, her eyes wide from seeing Kakashi's rare display of temper. Kurenai walked in soon afterwards. It had been two days since Anko had left, and she still couldn't believe anything she'd seen. She'd been sworn to secrecy. The Godaime didn't want a story of another nin leaving Konoha, especially after killing two ANBU, reaching other villages just yet.

"Tell him, Kurenai." Tsunade ordered.

The kunoichi glanced at Kakashi, then back at the Godaime. "Tsunade-sama, are you sure?"

"Tell him."

"Tell me what?" Kakashi asked, worry threading through his voice under the anger. He looked at their faces, all three of the women, and almost didn't want to know. A part of him didn't want to know what they were hiding about Anko. Anko ...

Kurenai lifted her chin, steadying her stance. Kakashi recognised it. It was the posture of a soldier giving a report while distancing themselves from the content. But she couldn't hold the pose for long. "I saw Anko racing through Konoha. I'd just heard Kakashi had been injured, and thought that she may have been upset. But ..." she looked askance at Kakashi, "It was more than that. Her chakra was fluctuating wildly, and when she looked at me for a moment her eyes ..."

"What about them?" Kakashi prompted.

"They were wrong. Just wrong."

"You followed her." Tsunade made it into a statement. She had already heard the report.

"Yes. I sensed ANBU following behind, and two in front just behind Anko. Obviously I wondered what was going on, but after seeing her eyes I was sure something was wrong. When she moved into the trees, I really started to worry. I knew she wasn't allowed to leave the town – Kakashi had told me so that I could keep an eye on her. I followed, and reached a clearing where they had stopped."

Kurenai looked out past all of them through the window behind Tsunade. She breathed deeply, trying to concentrate on the serene sky and outline of Konoha while she spoke the words. "I saw Orochimaru holding Anko's face and speaking to her. She ... her arms were covered in blood, and there was some on her face as well.

"There were two ANBU lying on the grass, both bleeding from chest wounds. Both dead."

They were all quiet for a moment, but Tsunade was watching Kakashi and waiting for his response. It didn't take long.

"What are you saying?" he asked, agitated, "Are you trying to say that Anko ... that Anko killed two ANBU?"

"I know what I saw, Kakashi, even if I wish I hadn't." Kurenai replied softly.

"It must have been Orochimaru," Kakashi argued, looking at the Hokage. "Anko couldn't ... Anko wouldn't have killed ANBU!"

"Orochimaru had no blood or visible weapon on him, Kakashi," Tsunade said gently, "And Anko is fully capable of having done it, though the speed is a bit surprising."

"Anko let Orochimaru pick her up, and she didn't fight. She left with him, Kakashi, and she looked content to go. She didn't even look at me." Kurenai added.

"Those same ANBU confronted Anko in your hospital room, Kakashi, as you know. What I haven't told you is that it is because Anko left Konoha after finding out that you were in hospital. She met with Orochimaru." the Hokage informed him.

Kakashi shook his head, but she went on. "I was worried about Anko's erratic behaviour, and had an ANBU trailing her. He followed her out of Konoha from the hospital, and was close enough to see her meet Orochimaru and see them speak. He also said she was behaving strangely, like she was out of control and not herself."

Kurenai frowned. "I noticed the other night, when I accidentally mentioned Orochimaru the day after she'd been forbidden from leaving Konoha, that she seemed different. In fact, she's been on edge since she was away for a few days."

"She was away?" Tsunade asked, curious. She felt there was more to the story than any of them knew.

Kakashi looked puzzled. "It must have been while I was on a mission."

"She only came back after that first incident, Kakashi, when you found her just after she'd fought with Orochimaru. She'd been away for a few days before that. She started acting strangely after that, but I thought it was just because of seeing him again."

"Me too." Kakashi agreed. "She was more ... aggressive, than usual."

The three women raised their eyebrows, but said nothing to that comment. "So something was wrong with her?" Shizune asked.

Kurenai nodded. "Definitely. Her eyes ... they weren't normal. Not to mention how high her chakra levels were. And in that clearing it didn't seem like she was seeing everything properly. She almost looked drugged."

Kakashi frowned, deep in thought. Tsunade looked at him, noticing. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure. I seem to remember something ... I think Anko was talking to me just before I woke up. I think she told me something."

"Anything you remember could help." Shizune encouraged him.

"She said she needed help," he looked up at them, eye dark, "and the only other person she could have turned to was me."

"Do you think the other person was Orochimaru?" Kurenai asked.

"It seems so," he replied. "She said something about being out of control ... something about killing those she cares about ... and she had to go to Orochimaru for help." His eyes were haunted as her words came back to him. "She said she would kill him when she could, and try to come back ..." Kakashi closed his eyes and turned away from them. "She said goodbye."

"That must have been after she'd seen him the second time." Tsunade mused. "He must have offered her a deal. But why would he take her back? He usually uses people and throws them away. Why would he want her again?"

"Does it matter?" Kurenai asked. "If she needs help we need to find her!"

"But she went to Orochimaru willingly, Kurenai. And you can't forget that she killed two ANBU. If what Kakashi said is right, then she is a danger to all around her." Tsunade pointed out.

"And even if you get her back," Shizune added quietly, "She will still have to be put on trial."

Tsunade nodded slowly. "That's true. And there may be more to the story, like why her chakra increased so and why she got 'out of control'."

"She may have used a forbidden jutsu," Kurenai said softly, reluctantly.

"I've never heard of one like that," Kakashi disagreed strongly. He knew more jutsu than any of them except, maybe, Tsunade. He also didn't want to think about the consequences if Anko had.

"That doesn't mean one doesn't exist." the Hokage replied. "And it can't be ruled out." She sighed, rubbing her temples again, but this time from weary frustration. She didn't want to lose Anko – she was a good kunoichi and close to Kakashi. If she were to be found and put on trial, however, with the Council's distrust against her past with Orochimaru, it would not go well. It was practically a guarantee. But at the same time she couldn't allow another Konoha nin to fall into Orochimaru's hands – for security reasons if nothing else. Unlike Sasuke, Anko knew the workings of Konoha well, and could be a great liability if she passed on information to Orochimaru.

"I still think you are too close to this, Kakashi, and that's why I'm going to send two more ANBU to try to find Anko." she said at last. Kakashi looked furious, but said nothing. "But ... if she isn't found within a few weeks, or if she doesn't come back herself, then I'm going to have to put her in the Bingo Book."

"What?!" Kakashi exclaimed, "You'll have all the shinobi villages after her then! They won't care if she's dead or alive!"

"That will be all, Kakashi, Kurenai. You may leave." Tsunade said shortly. She turned her chair around so she was facing out of the windows, over Konoha.

Behind her, Kakashi stood for a moment, fists clenched, before he allowed Kurenai to lead him away.

Shizune shifted from foot to foot anxiously, watching her Hokage. "Tsunade-sama ..." she ventured at last, "What do you think happened? Why would Anko-san go with him when she hates him so much?"

Tsunade sighed again. "Orochimaru is an expert at manipulation, Shizune. There is a complex bond between sensei and student, especially when, in Anko's case, she was the only student. I'm sure you must have read about her parents."

"They were killed, weren't they?"

The Sannin nodded. "On active duty when she was five. A mission gone wrong. It's not unusual, unfortunately, for children to lose a parent that way ... but both of them at the same time with no other family around?" She shook her head sadly. "And then to have Orochimaru as the only person who cared about her after being alone? She left him by choice, and that takes a lot of strength but you still have to wonder how she really feels about him. It's hard to forget bonds as strong as those built like that." Like the bond Jiraiya, Orochimaru and I used to have. I understand more about how Anko feels than Kakashi, I think.

"I think she's quite unstable," Shizune added softly.

"That's why it's hard to determine what really happened without having her here to ask." Tsunade agreed.

"Kakashi seems to care for her a great deal."

"Yes, it does seem that way. It's strange. I never thought of either of them as being the type to get attached or settle down." she commented wryly.

"What are you going to do if they find her, Tsunade-sama?"

"Frankly, Shizune, I don't know. I don't know at all."

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Kurenai and Kakashi walked together out of the Hokage's Tower, Kurenai filled with discomfort and Kakashi with furious rage. He walked stiffly, and when they passed various shinobi they all moved out of the way without a word. No one had seen Hatake Kakashi so angry, and no one wanted to ask him the reason for it. Kurenai wanted to duck away to escape the questions she knew Kakashi would ask, but she didn't. She respected him too much, and thought that he needed to hear everything she had to say.

Finally they came to a quiet corner, and Kakashi stopped.

"Do you think Anko is a traitor?" he demanded softly.

Kurenai met his visible eye. "Kakashi, Anko is my friend. She is an amazing kunoichi and very talented, and I, like you, think she should have been promoted to full jonin a long time ago. However, I can't deny what I saw with my own eyes, or what I know about her. She has a lot of problems, as you well know, and Orochimaru is the cause of them all."

"You haven't answered my question."

"She went with him of her own will! Maybe her will was weak or clouded, but that doesn't change that she went with him and killed two ANBU before she left! God, Kakashi, do you think I want to lose her?" she replied tearfully. "She may be difficult and bloodthirsty, but she's one of the strongest and weakest people I know. I feel responsible for not helping her sooner, for not stopping her from going."

Kakashi had a strange double-image of Sakura superimposed with Kurenai. "I couldn't stop him, Naruto! I couldn't stop Sasuke from leaving!" He could see the young kunoichi in his mind's eye, and although Kurenai wasn't sobbing like she'd been, it was still too eerily familiar. What's happening here? Why is Orochimaru winning?

"I will not let you, or the Hokage, or anyone treat her like a traitor. I don't care what she orders. I won't let Anko be blamed for something that was clearly set in motion by that bastard fucking snake. He set her up." His voice was firm, angry, and full of denial.

Kurenai stared at him, her sad expression fading. "You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement. There's no point talking to you like this." She turned away, and walked a few steps before speaking softly over her shoulder. "You won't be able to help her if you deny the truth. She left us, Kakashi. She left you."

He had never wanted to kill a comrade like he did right then.

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Kakashi was sitting above the head of the Yondaime, with his Icha Icha book open in front of him. His eyes were glazed as he stared at the page, and with a sigh he looked at the view of Konoha. It was coming on sunset, and the sky looked beautiful in shades of red, pink, purple and deep blue. But all he could think about was how Anko hadn't cared about the sky, or the sunset, or the view of Konoha. She was so practical, so down-to-earth, but at the same time so wild and above it all. She was a mystery he had never been able to solve.

She had suited him because she didn't care about anniversaries or cards or poetic words, and he couldn't be bothered with them. She'd been so edgy, so strong, and like a shadow or wisp of cloud she could disappear in a moment. He was sure she cared something for him, because she'd told him by small moments of uncharacteristic affection when he arrived back from a mission, or more characteristic affectionate punches.

He missed her.

His fury had taken a few hours to fade after he'd left the Hokage's office. He'd wanted to storm back in and demand to be allowed to search for her, because he had never asked for anything and goddammit they owed him something! He did as many missions as they wanted with no protest. He took up a lot of the burden left after the many deaths when Orochimaru attempted to take Konoha again, and felt that it was his goddamn right to do this one thing. Anko ...

But the anger hadn't lasted. It wasn't in his character to show too much emotion other than pure laziness. Some of it was a façade, but not all. So the rage dissolved into frustration, which had yet to mellow down any more.

He remembered the first time they'd got together. It had been years ago, now. He'd been ... however old ... and she'd been twenty. Four years, isn't it?

...o..o.o..o...

He was at a bar, on a break from another long mission. He was going to have to retire from ANBU soon, he knew, because the Sandaime believed he would be good at taking a genin team. He sighed as he remembered the conversation. He'd been very against it, because the memory of his own team still haunted him, but the old man wouldn't listen. He knew the reasons for Kakashi's reluctance, of course, but had just smiled.

"You have a lot to give, Kakashi, and any genin would benefit greatly from your lessons. You had a good teacher, after all. He would want you to pass those teachings on."

That had been it. How could he refuse when the stubborn old bastard held the disappointment of the Yondaime, his dead sensei, over his head? So his freedom as an ANBU was at an end. The thought of teaching kids brought a distinctly unhappy slant to his visible eye.

"You look like you have a Mist nin stuck up your ass."

He looked sideways to see a dark-haired kunoichi sitting next to him at the bar. He raised his eyebrow at the number of empty sake bottles lined up before her. "Not quite. Do you have some reason to have drunk so much sake? It's quite impressive."

She smirked, and seemed amused. "I always have a reason, but I don't need it. I always have this much." She turned and growled at the bartender. "More dango!"

"I didn't know they served dango here," he commented as a plate was quickly brought.

"They don't," she replied after practically downing a stick and reaching for another. "But they're open to my kind of persuasion."

The cruel hint to her laughter intrigued him. In fact, everything about her did. She seemed not to know who he was or at least didn't react if she did, which was unusual, and she had an edginess that was refreshing. He recognised her as a Leaf kunoichi, but could not remember her name.

"Hatake Kakashi," he introduced himself at last.

The kunoichi smirked. "The Copy Nin, huh? Mitarashi Anko."

Kakashi returned a flirtatious smile of his own beneath his mask. "The snake kunoichi? I heard you were dangerous to be around."

She raised her eyebrow suggestively. "If you want me to be."

...o..o.o..o...

They'd hit it off, and got together generally whenever they met. Eventually they'd started planning meetings, and when Kakashi left the ANBU and started taking on genin they spent time with the same group of people who became their friends. But it was never serious, and they'd never acted like a couple. She wasn't like some women who threw themselves at him because he was Hatake Kakashi, and she didn't care about his frequent missions or worry about him finding someone else. Strangely enough, he didn't after they made their 'arrangement' more frequent. When he'd commented on it, she said it was because he didn't have the stamina to deal with anyone else. He had thought that that was probably true.

Kakashi had known, like Kurenai, that a part of Anko was broken. He knew she battled with compassionate emotions and with her blood-lust, and he knew the reason why. He knew it was because of Orochimaru.

When he'd seen the Sannin just after he'd sealed Sasuke's curse seal during the Chunin Exams, he'd talked strongly about killing the man even if he had to kill himself to do it. Part of that had been because it was his duty, and part was because he wanted to set Anko free. But when the Sannin left ... Kakashi knew he wasn't strong enough to live up to his challenge, and he knew that Orochimaru knew it too. When the Sannin left, he'd been trembling with a fear that he wasn't used to feeling.

And then seeing Anko, only days ago, completely numb and speechless after encountering and trying to kill Orochimaru again. Seeing the strong woman he had come to care so much about brought down by the man who was responsible for all her nightmares.

It made him feel more weak and helpless than Itachi's Mangekyou Sharingan.

He knew that was the other reason Tsunade wouldn't let him go. Kakashi was on (forced) sick leave because he was still recovering from 'near death', as she put it. None of them were sure how he came out of his coma so quickly. The Hokage put it down to her student almost killing herself trying to heal him when he was first brought in. Sakura's grown more in the Godaime's short care than she ever could have with me. Anko would have put it down to his stubborn will to finish his latest Icha Icha book.

Kakashi looked down at what he could see of the Yondaime's carved face. It wasn't much from this viewpoint, but then he'd always thought the man looked much better than his carving. He pulled up a piece of grass, shredding it into tiny bits, and let them drift through the air over the monument below. He felt calmer being near his old sensei's likeness, though he felt more of a failure as well. I've never lived up to the example you set. I was never as good, strong and kind as you. Then again, no one was ... or is. I wish I knew what you would do. I wish you hadn't died. I hadn't finished learning from you.

The Copy Nin looked up at the stars that had started to appear in the darkening sky. The breeze was cool, refreshing, and it ruffled the pages of the book he held absently in his lap. He thought about Orochimaru ... and Anko. He knew pieces of their history, but he'd never really known enough. She'd never spoken about it except indirectly, like when he asked her to speak to Sasuke before he left. He'd seen his share of his comrade's nightmares, especially during his time in the ANBU, but hers were on a completely different level. They were like his nightmares about Obito's death. He'd been there, a few times, when she had one. They gave him chills, seeing her thrashing and the look on her face when she woke.

It was a look that combined complete horror, despair and such utter self-hatred. The only thing he'd been able to give her was sex, and dreamless sleep using his Sharingan.

I should have made her get help. I should have erased her memories ... anything. I knew ... I knew that she wasn't getting better, only worse. After the Ocean Country mission, I thought she was okay, but then ...

Gods Anko, I should have known how lost you were.