Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
A/N: Sorry for the late update everyone, if you check my profile you'll find the reason. Future updates may be delayed as well because of university stuff. It all depends on how hard I work! Thanks to the following people for amazing reviews: BloodRedShadows, Chryseis Wyvernsen, LostsoulofRegret, Alucards-Vampire-BITCH, Sarah Pixen1, Blaze da Dragon, Dysthe, kimi562 and joly.
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Chapter 16
Mistakes
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Anko staggered over to the side of the training grounds, and let herself down slowly on to the fallen log. Her breaths came in deep, labouring gasps, and her limbs shook. The kunoichi wiped her face with a hand, and cursed softly. But even as she was sitting there, exhausted, she thought she could feel the energy trickling back. She'd drained her stored resources, but thanks to the spirit's added energy it didn't take as long to make it up any more.
She couldn't help feeling a surge of irritation at her training partner, who stood about a metre away looking as good as he ever did, and as fresh as if he'd had a nap. Orochimaru had an expression of faint surprise at her weariness.
"Another break, Anko?" he asked mockingly.
Anko gritted her teeth, but didn't reply. He would only mock her more, and he was doing what she'd asked – he was training her, and she was getting stronger. Sasuke wasn't taking it too well, but the Sannin had pointed out the benefits of having another person to spar with, and he'd calmed down.
Anko had certainly enjoyed their first spar, when Orochimaru had forbidden use of the Level Two curse seal and Anko had beaten the Uchiha with relative ease. She'd been trained as a child by Orochimaru after all, and had had Kakashi as a training partner so she was used to the Sharingan. She had the advantage of experience as well.
Sasuke hadn't taken the loss well, but it had made Orochimaru's decision to include Anko more logical. The Uchiha had been determined to beat her ever since, and he'd come very close a few times. He had a lot of skill, she had to give him that.
It had been a week since 'the incident', as Anko preferred to refer to it in her mind. More like 'the fuck-up' – in more ways than one, of course. Sasuke was oblivious, but she was pretty certain that Kabuto knew. He'd been giving her odd looks, and with his spy skills it wouldn't have surprised her if he'd known the very next day. If anyone else knew, they were being discrete. They'd learned by now how Anko reacted to people she considered 'irritating', and they were probably too scared or in awe of Orochimaru to gossip where she could hear them.
Anko hadn't exactly moved in to his room, but she ended up there more than she would like. When she tried to escape to her room, she undoubtedly had a visitor at some time of the night. It was all so intense, and so messed up, that she'd tried to stop thinking about it. It brought on too much guilt, too much regret, too much anger.
Orochimaru was giving her a look again, that said he was thinking about what he was going to do to her when they were next alone. And she felt such self-disgust at the instant way her body heated up. It was nothing more than lust, she was so sure, but lust was bad enough.
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Kakashi and Kurenai finally arrived at the village where Anko was last seen a few days after they had been given their mission. It took a few hours before they could persuade someone to tell them everything that had happened in the village. Despite the fact that there were obviously a few less-than-legal operations going on, it didn't take a genius to realise that the murder of a 'business man' and his bodyguards sounded like what they were looking for.
When they arrived at the house in question, the bodies had been cleared but the amount of blood and stories of those who had seen them was enough to paint a bloody picture of events.
"God, Kakashi," Kurenai said softly as they stood in the last room, which held a chair where the most grotesquely mutilated figure of the boss had been tortured. "Do you think it was Anko? Do you think she could have ...?"
The Copy Nin studied the rooms, the bloodstains, and recalled every detail of the stories. "I think she was here, but I don't think she would have done this. This torture looks like Kabuto's work."
Kurenai nodded slowly. "Then this ... man was involved with one of Orochimaru's operations. Someone who'd disobeyed maybe?"
Kakashi walked to one wall, tapping on the wood. "We might find something here that leads to him. We have to find something."
The kunoichi stared at his back for a moment, before moving to another part of the room to try and find something herself.
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His lips burned against hers, a smouldering fire that spread along her nerves so that it felt like she was catching alight. He pulled at her clothes, tearing them open, but she pulled back and threw a punch at his midsection. He grabbed hold of her wrist, using the momentum to spin her so that her back slammed against the stone wall behind them.
Anko coughed harshly, her body aching from the day of sparring and then this. Whatever 'this' was. Orochimaru came towards her with a smug smile, and she pretended to relax in surrender. But when she judged his guard down, she fell into a crouch and kicked his legs out from under him, sweeping him off his feet so that he landed heavily on his back.
The Sannin smirked as she straddled his waist where he lay on the floor, breathing heavily from more than the strain of fighting. His hands slid up and down her thighs, and his smile, his expression, made her suddenly feel something other than lust, or anger, or guilt. He made her feel strong, and special, and beautiful. It was so unexpected that for a moment she couldn't breathe because she was so lost in the wash of emotion. Anko leaned down to kiss him, but it was different from before. It was filled with a strange kind of affection, and some of the love she'd felt for him when she was a child – an almost innocent, lost and lonely love, but love nonetheless.
Orochimaru seemed to pause for a moment, and then he twisted them so that he was lying over her, and he returned her kiss with one that seemed to contain affection of his own. Maybe it was a lie, maybe her reaction meant that in some way he'd won, but it felt good.
When Anko was lying satiated once again in his arms the memories of his skin against hers, and his lips sliding across every inch of her body, were overwhelming. He might have been her enemy, but he'd taken the emptiness away.
Their spars had been carried into one of the rooms away from prying eyes and ending in the same way with increasing frequency. It was disturbing, and exhilarating, in its wrongness. Anko was becoming addicted to him, and it was scary. She'd spared a quiet thanks for the jutsu that all ninja learnt as a method of contraception. It was only practical that they worked out a way that even married kunoichi could prevent from conceiving, and then miscarrying if they were on a mission and didn't know that they were pregnant. Shinobi, as well, could use the jutsu. The less than savoury undercover missions sometimes involved intimate relations, and the jutsu prevented mistakes. Anko hadn't considered, and didn't want, a child.
Anko watched her fingers trace paths on his chest, along his neck and throat to rest on the arm he had slung over her. She wondered how long such a peaceful interlude could last until it all came to a crashing end. How long was it before Orochimaru used her up and threw her aside? Maybe he won't this time, a small part of her mind whispered, but she knew that it was wistful thinking. He never changed, but she had. When he wanted to use her and leave, he'd get a surprising reaction this time. She wasn't a child any more, and she was going to kill him. When? she couldn't help asking herself. She was lying in bed with him, he was naked, unarmed and asleep – wouldn't now be a good time? No, she thought softly, fingers tightening their grip, when I'm tired of him. When I've learnt enough. When I've had enough. Then I'll do it. Not now.
She closed her eyes and crushed the part of her mind that asked when she was going to stop making excuses.
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The Sannin watched on as his two students sparred again. His eyes tracked their movements, their attacks and counters. Sasuke would use a fire jutsu attack, and Anko would counter with a water attack that he'd taught her. She hadn't learnt that many new jutsus since he'd last taught her, which he'd said was Konoha's fault. It was like they'd stopped training her when she left him, and everything new she learnt she'd taught herself. Disgraceful, he thought, watching her smooth movements, they didn't even know what they had.
"Orochimaru-sama?"
He glanced at his most loyal subordinate. "Yes, Kabuto?"
The spy spoke quietly, to keep their conversation private. "I've had a report that they are in the village. It shouldn't take them long to find what I left." He stopped for a moment, and then lifted the corners of his lips in a tight smile. "And you were right about who would come after her."
The Sannin smirked, watching Anko catch Sasuke in an earth-jutsu trap. "Of course. He wouldn't be able to keep away from such ... tempting bait."
"But ..." Kabuto began slowly, carefully, "Are you sure you don't want me to deal with him? Would it not be better to get him out of the way now?"
Orochimaru smiled, amused at his servant's eagerness to take on the man he'd fought once already. "No. My plans will carry out like they are. She will react the way I predict, and so will Konoha. Once they have shown her who she stands with, I will get the information I need. You forget that I taught her, and she knows more about Konoha than even Tsunade could guess."
"Why don't you force her to tell you?" the spy asked.
The Sannin paused, considering, before smirking cruelly. "Because it is more ... amusing, this way. And she will be more useful as a subordinate than she would be dead or broken." Although, in a way, she is broken already. He watched on approvingly as Sasuke gave Anko some of what she'd given him. His surprise attack had flung her through the air, and her body slammed into a tree before melting into mud. Kawarimi. She's learning. The Uchiha stared around warily, and managed to evade her following attack. "And have you heard from our ... friends?" he asked at last.
Kabuto nodded, adjusting his frames. "Yes. They are eager to make sure Konoha doesn't ever recover. But what if Suna interferes?"
"They are too far away to bring help in time." Tsunade will pay the price of over-stretching her resources and underestimating mine, and even that fool Jiraiya and his new student won't be there to get in the way, he thought contemptuously.
"And ... Sasuke?"
Orochimaru stared at the fighting ex-Konoha nin, and gave a small sigh of pleasure when Sasuke used a new and particularly complicated jutsu to trap Anko long enough for him to get a clean, hard hit. "He feels nothing for them any more. It will be interesting to see how he performs." He turned a hard stare at his subordinate, "But he is not to be injured. Understood?"
"Hai, Orochimaru-sama."
They continued watching until the two opponents were exhausted and Orochimaru called a halt before either could be named the clear winner. Sasuke was improving with the experience Anko offered, and she wasn't winning so easily any more.
The Sannin stopped Anko before she left to wash and eat.
"He's improving," she commented, seeming almost surprised but not as competitive or bitter as he might have thought.
"I chose him for a reason."
"Well I knew it wasn't for his personality."
Orochimaru smirked, and then reached out to trail a finger down her right arm. "I won't be here tonight." he told her, with almost-regret.
"Oh." She didn't know what to say. Damn. So what. Why should I care. Don't leave me. Go and fucking never come back. "Fine." Anko turned and left, pretending that she didn't care whether she ever saw him again or not. But he knew better.
His gold eyes hid the amusement behind the 'regret'.
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She couldn't sleep.
Anko stared up at the stone ceiling, frustrated and tired but unable to do anything about it. She hated how she wished he was there. I'm just bored, she told herself, I'm just lonely. There's no other reason. Of course not.
The kunoichi got up, and pulled some clothes on before leaving her room and the underground building. She'd been there ... how many weeks? Months? But the dank darkness still unnerved her. She walked outside, and breathed a deep sigh. The stars were bright lights in a sea of darkness, and the wind refreshed her and washed away the damp smell of earth and stone. She walked into the trees, and then took to the branches until she was outside the boundaries of Orochimaru's hideout. Looking back, there was no trace that anything had ever been there. The snake Sannin's concealment jutsus were second to none.
She sat on a high tree branch, staring up at the sky. Anko didn't like or hate the night sky. The stars made her feel insignificant, which she didn't like, and she found a cloudy sky oppressive. She wasn't happy with either. Maybe that was the problem. She wasn't happy, but she'd never really been except when she was a child. After her innocence was stripped away, nothing was the same. She'd gone from child to bitter adult in a week, and hadn't shed a tear since. She held it all inside: her bitterness, her anguish, her despair, her rage. It was a simmering whirlpool of emotion that had bred the split personality, and the wariness. She had been a mess, and still was.
Love? Do I ...? She wanted to cry her unshed tears. Orochimaru was her enemy. He had brought her nothing but hell, yet she couldn't escape. She wouldn't escape until he was dead, she'd known that for so long, but he ... Her feelings for him were so twisted that she couldn't untangle them enough to see what they were. When he touched her, she could forget the madness that made up her life, but it was so wrong.
Anko let the breeze clear her thoughts, and she closed her eyes and tried to meditate. She tried to leave it all behind. But she'd never been really good at that.
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"Orochimaru-sama!" she cried, running to her sensei excitedly. The older man looked up at her from his place at his desk. The Sannin's lips widened in a small smile.
"Anko, what have I said about disturbing my study?"
Anko looked at the scroll in his hand, wide-eyed. "I'm sorry, Orochimaru-sama," she said, properly subdued.
"What is it?"
She met his eyes, excitement shining from hers again. "I did it! I completed the jutsu!"
"Show me."
His proud smile and praise lifted her soul up. He made her feel wanted. He made her feel like she wasn't alone, even when she returned to her empty family home. She didn't have much time there any more, but it was enough to remember what she'd lost.
Anko fingered her necklace, the last present her parents had given her and one she never took off. The Hokage had encouraged her to think of a life other than that of a kunoichi, but she would have none of it. Her sensei believed in her, and she would do anything for him.
Anko slumped to her knees on the beach. Her breaths came in short, sharp, agonising gasps and her legs couldn't hold her up any more. She crawled along the sand a way, but stopped when her arms gave up on her. She knew that she had to keep moving, that she had to get away from something, but at the same time there was a void inside her that was larger than the one where her memories should have been.
She grabbed handfuls of the coarse sand, and squeezed it in her fists. The grains slipped between her fingers, and she gripped harder but more fell to the ground. Anko slammed her fists against the sandy beach, and screamed her anguish. That was how the ANBU found her.
She was crying hysterically, and didn't respond to anything they said. When one mentioned Orochimaru as a traitor, she cried harder.
"Don't leave me!" she sobbed, and nothing they said could make her stop repeating the words, because she wasn't speaking to them.
He was tasting her skin. She cried out as his teeth sunk into her shoulder, and groaned when he filled her aching emptiness. His eyes as they locked on to hers were a radiant gold, and his hair spread across her stomach like an ebony silk curtain. She burned hotter when he spoke to her, when he told her what he wanted to do to her.
When he told her that she was his.
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"Anko?"
The kunoichi opened her eyes slowly. She stared at the branch across from hers, at the man standing there and the woman who landed next to him. It felt like a dream. She'd been floating in a sea of memory, and this didn't feel like reality.
"Anko?" he repeated. "Anko, are you alright?"
She shook her head slowly, coming out of her daze. Reality hit hard, and Anko leapt backwards as Kakashi made a move towards her.
"It's us, Anko!" Kurenai called anxiously.
"You're coming home." Kakashi added softly. She could see the hurt in his eyes, but nothing touched her heart. She didn't have one.
Anko shook her head again. "I don't have a home. Especially not in Konoha."
Kakashi took another step forwards. "You have a home with me."
The kunoichi laughed bitterly. "I'm a murderer, Kakashi. The only home Konoha will offer me is a prison cell, and I won't accept that. There are things I have to do first."
"You don't have to be personally responsible for killing Orochimaru, Anko." Kurenai said firmly. "There are a lot of people who want to claim that task, and it's not up to you to betray everything to do that."
Betrayal? If only you knew ... Anko's lips widened in a mocking smile, and her eyes watched Kakashi as she spoke. "Who said I want to kill Orochimaru, Kurenai?" her voice was cruel, and her words were meant to hurt.
"You did." he replied softly. "And I won't let him make you forget that. You've made mistakes, Anko, but I'm going to take you back whether you want to go or not."
"You can try." Anko replied, and Kurenai started at her tone of voice. She was so much darker, so different to how she had been. She wasn't hiding the darkness inside any more – she wasn't trying to fight it.
Kakashi uncovered his Sharingan eye, and the black tears spun as he leapt at Anko. Kurenai wanted to call him back, but the words stuck in her throat. She could only watch for the moment, stunned at the sight of the shinobi and kunoichi fighting.
It wasn't like the spars they had often had. They were both fighting for real, and the blows were meant to hurt. Anko's jutsus had advanced exponentially since she'd last seen her fight, and Kakashi was having trouble adjusting. Kurenai could see that he was surprised at the kunoichi's strength.
Kakashi was flung backwards, but he recovered in time to land on his feet. He stared at Anko for a moment, and she stared right back. "You did learn from him." he said softly.
"I'm not weak any more, Kakashi. I won't let you make me weak again."
"I made you weak?" the shinobi asked incredulously, showing more emotion than was characteristic for him. "What are you talking about?"
You made me feel like I could be free from vengeance. You made me feel like I could leave the darkness behind. But I can't. What would you say if you knew what I've done?
You are my weakness.
"You can't save me, Kakashi." Anko replied. "There's nothing left to save." The conversation was so obscure, so dramatic, so pointless. There was no use in talking. She had nothing to say to him that wouldn't hurt. Anko attacked him again using the Shadow Snake Hand, and he leapt out of the way. They were fighting again, but now Kurenai decided that it was time she stopped watching. Anko wasn't going to leave with them by her own will.
This is going to be a long fight, the genjutsu expert thought.
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Anko breathed hard in her place behind one of the giant tree trunks. It was one thing taking on Kakashi, but Kurenai was a brilliant jonin as well. The kunoichi had almost been caught by her genjutsus a number of times, and had a great respect for them. She'd only escaped because of how much she'd improved, and it was still a close thing. Anko had to draw on more of the snake spirit's power than she had before, because the fight had already lasted a few hours and was against two jonin rather than a young Uchiha.
She glanced around the tree, and had to jerk back to avoid a water attack from Kakashi. At the same time, Kurenai threw kunai from the other side, and Anko leapt straight upwards to a higher branch. The Konoha jonin were very good, but she had more power. She just had to draw on it.
Anko pulled more chakra from that alien source inside herself, and could feel it flow along her vein and chakra paths bringing new strength. She launched from her hiding place, attacking both jonin simultaneously. This time, she used kunai combined with chakra that gave them enough power to go through anything in their way and aimed them at where she knew Kakashi and Kurenai were. They dodged, but it was a close thing. Both stared at each other, shocked at the reserves Anko had.
Anko started to move towards another vantage point, but a sharp pain in her chest made her drop to her knees. She couldn't stop a small gasp of pain, and thought for a moment that she was going to black out, but pushed past it and forced herself to stand. But Kakashi attacked again, and Anko had to put up a mud shield to ward off his shuriken. Kurenai followed with another water strike, and Anko warded that off as well. They were pounding her, and she didn't have a chance to counter. I need to get out of this! She thought furiously.
But with each successive use of chakra, the pain intensified. Something thick and wet was running from her nose and from the corners of her eyes. She grimaced as she failed to stop a kunai which slammed into her shoulder, but the pain from that was nothing compared to the fire following her chakra paths. The world span as her clarity of vision faded, and Anko fell to her knees, and was about to fall further when strong hands caught her shoulders. Words tried to filter through, but they were too far away.
And then there was nothing but darkness.
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A/N: I think the end is in sight in a few chapters' time! I'm not going to rush it, but one of my goals is to write a complete story so it is going to end at some point. Thanks for all the support, and I hope you enjoyed reading :)