Can this be real?

CHAPTER 7

A\N

This one is a bit longer. But two upload on one day is not bad.

The tell tale signs of Harry walking down to the library alerted me of what I need to do. After last night, I made up my mind to confront Harry. This has gotten out of hand. Last night he only went to bed after 3am, making his "visit" a record of 5 hours.

I cast a concealing charm and follow him softly. I know it may seem almost too easy, but Harry is not aware of anyone knowing about his visits so I know he will be somewhat relaxed, only concentrating on not making a noise himself.

I ease into the library behind him, before he can close the door with his spell. This will be the first time I am here with him, able to see what he gets up to. He pulls his chair until it is in front of the gallery of portraits.

"Good evening friends"

It is silent for a few minutes, as if he is waiting for their greetings.

"What? No greeting? No good evening? Not even how was your day? Oh yeah! That's right!"

He jumps up from his chair.

"How can you? You are DEAD! I killed each an every one of you! Now I have to face the consequences alone"

I knew it must have been something like this, but to hear him say it out aloud makes it so much more real. The guilt has been eating him up and I cannot stand it anymore.

"You are not alone Harry"

He jumps at the sound of my voice, casting an Expelliarmus charm, which have me flying through the air, knocking me against the wall.

"O Merlin Hermione! Where are you?"

He cast a revealing charm and I can see when he notices me on the floor, his face drained of all color.

"Hermione! Are you alright?"

His hands run quickly over my body, looking for any injuries. I swat his hands away, taking a few deep breaths.

"Harry, I'm fine. I have been through worst, trust me"

He helps me up, and takes a few steps away from me.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing here? Are you spying on me?"

I practiced this speech a few times yesterday but looking at the angry scowl on his face, make me rethink my approach.

"Yes, Harry, I am spying on you. I have been worried about you."

It really does not sum up my feelings but for now, it's a start.

Letting out a loud sigh, he flopped back into his chair.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you worried about me?"

For a brief moment he reminded me of the old Harry, the Harry Potter I first met, scared and alone. I kneel in front of him, taking his hands in mine.

"Harry, you are my best friend, of course I worry about you. You have been holed u here night after night and I can see what its doing to you."

A look of wonder came over his face before he blanked his face out again, making it void of all feeling.

"You can?"

"You have been trying to hide it for so long, that you do not notice us anymore. You live an empty life, a life full of lies, and it's killing me Harry."

He lean forward and rest his face against mine. We stay like that a long time before he speaks again.

"I don't know what to do anymore. They won't leave me alone. If I close my eyes, they there with accusing eyes, if I open my eyes, I see all of you filled with so much sadness that it is killing me."

"Harry, no one blames you. You killed Voldemort; you are a hero in the eyes of the wizard world. You're hole life was spent trying to help others, now it is time for them to repay the favor. Let me help you"

I do the only thing I can think of in this situation, I climb onto his lap, pulling him against me.

"Harry, do you honestly think that your Mom and Dad, Remus, Tonks or even Fred want you to blame yourself? They all died in what they believed in Harry, they died fighting for the greater good. Let me ask you this. Why did you put Muggle portraits up instead of the normal wizard portraits?"

"Because, even though I want to be reminded of all those brave people, I cannot handle the accusing stares that I know I will get. It will break one of the last pieces of my heart."

"Go to bed Harry, have a good nights sleep and tomorrow we start working on getting you out of this ditch you got yourself into."

I pull him out of the chair and lead him out of the library, hoping to get him away from the morbid feeling that surrounds portraits. Harry, however, stop me just outside the door.

"You go on up Hermione, I cannot sleep in any case, but I promise that I will let you try and help me. I am tired of feeling like this."

I should have realized the problem in my suggestion, but being me, I just wanted to help my friend.

"Come on Harry, I will stay with you till you fall asleep."

I waited till he made himself comfortable before lying down next to him, face to face. We talked about his training, my current projects, and even about Ron and my relationship. I did not tell him that we are no longer together, this is about Harry, and I know that once he finds out, he will try and fix it, pushing his own emotional state to the background, and that cannot happen. Harry needs to get better.

Somehow we drifted off to sleep, because when I woke up, I was draped across Harry, snug as a bunny, and it was the most relaxed I have felt in recent weeks. With my head on his chest, I listen to his steady breathing, and the feel of his arms around me. His one hand is resting on my behind, cradling it in his palm. Feeling an itch, I try to move but somehow Harry also moved and I ended up between his legs, with an exited member poking me from below. Looking up, I see his green eyes looking down at me, smiling slightly. Oh boy, what now?