Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
A/N: This story feels like it's winding down, but I hope some of you are still enjoying it. I've been watching the Blood+ anime again, so have been a bit distracted. I think its just been too long since I watched Naruto anime or read lots of the brilliant fanfiction! There are a few flashbacks to past chapters to try keep the flow going.
Thanks to BloodRedShadows, LostsoulofRegret, Malta, Kimi492 (sorry! i saw your plot bunny too late! Hope you like this anyway ;), and everyone else who's been reading. Enjoy!
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Chapter 18
Everything
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"I've told you already," Anko repeated, "I don't know." Anger rose up like a wave, making her chest feel tight and her vision restricted, but she pushed it back down. Ibiki watched her closely.
"I find that hard to believe." he replied.
"Are you an idiot?!" she growled, "Of course Orochimaru didn't give me any way to find his hideouts! Why on this fucking earth would he trust me?"
"He trusted you enough to let you leave, didn't he?" the interrogation expert asked shrewdly.
Anko paused for a moment. He did let me leave. No one came after me. What does that mean? That he thought I'd go back? That he knew I had nowhere else to go? Or that he just didn't expect it? "I don't understand the way his mind works," Anko answered, "and I hope I never do." The kunoichi calmed herself down, ignoring the ache in her arms from being stretched behind her and massive headache that was developing. They'd loosened her restraints a bit, but not enough.
"Do you really have no memory of killing two Konoha ANBU?" Ibiki changed tack quickly, trying to catch her off guard.
"Not really." He'd asked her this so many times. "It felt like I was having a nightmare."
"A nightmare where you killed two people?"
"No!" Anko shook her head vigorously, "I told you already, dammit! It was a nightmare about when I killed that spy." She knew she was letting him get to her, but Ibiki'd been needling her for hours and she was at the end of her limited patience.
"And you have been sharing your body with a snake spirit that only wants the power it will gain when your contract ends, and nothing else, while giving you unlimited access to its chakra. Is that right?"
"Yes." Her headache was getting worse.
"Does Orochimaru know about the jutsu?"
She hesitated for a moment. "Yes. It was among his scrolls, after all." They don't need to know he's affected by it too. It doesn't mean anything important.
Ibiki leaned forward, looming over her. "What does Orochimaru want from you?"
"I told you. He wants me to complete some missions for him and to kill as many members of Akatsuki as possible." Anko replied wearily.
"Because he left their organisation. But I find that difficult to understand, Anko. Why would Orochimaru want you to kill Akatsuki when he is, and always will be, so much stronger than you are and would probably be able to do it without dying?" The torture expert watched her closely, waiting to see her reaction to his insinuation that she was not strong enough, and never would be.
Anko's face went pale with anger, and her hands shook as they pulled at the restraints, but she did not reply. "He insults us!" the reflection of the snake in the corner of her eye hissed angrily. "Show him if he does not believe." The kunoichi shut its voice out. Be quiet. I don't need you.
"Why would Orochimaru take you back when he'd tossed you aside before?" Ibiki pushed harder, "When he knew that you were not talented enough to be of real use to him?"
"Get out." her voice was softly venomous. She pulled harder at the restraints, and they cut into her wrists and spilled crimson drops on the floor.
He leaned closer, cracking her fragile sanity with his words. "What did you offer him, Anko? What did you give him in return for helping you out of your own mess and saving you from Konoha's justice?"
"Get the fuck out, Ibiki!" she shouted, eyes flashing murderously.
"Fuck?" Ibiki gave a tight smile as he pounced on the word and thought of a new way to push the kunoichi harder. He wanted to test whether she was in control like she said she was, and the only way to do that was to make her very angry. "Is that -"
Anko's face went suddenly blank, and Ibiki paused. "You will not insult us." she said, her voice strangely emotionless and toneless except for a slight slurring of the 's'. Her shoulders were straining as she pulled at the chains.
"'Us'?" Ibiki repeated, surprised. But he didn't get a chance to question her further, because there was a groaning snap of metal and her restraints were flung aside with a sweep of her arms.
The shinobi took an involuntary step back, as Anko stood up and stared at him with dead eyes. "Mitarashi Anko, I am going to ask you to step back." He could see the flicker of emotion across her face when he said her name, and as she stepped forwards toward him he persisted. "Anko! Anko, step back!"
The kunoichi blinked, coming back to herself. She looked down at her free hands and watched the blood tears drip from her cut wrists to the floor. Anko looked up at Ibiki, and closed her eyes as she realised what she'd done - that she'd lost control. She slumped back in her seat even as the door slammed open and three ANBU charged in.
"It's alright," Ibiki stopped them from restraining Anko, and was staring at the kunoichi with uncharacteristic sympathy. "Call in a medic to see to her before she'd chained again."
Ibiki left with the three reluctant ANBU who obviously thought that it wasn't a good idea to leave her alone and unchained. But Anko wasn't planning on going anywhere. She stared at her hands, resting them in her lap. Her cuts weren't serious, but they ached. Everything ached. She could hear a slithering voice in her head telling her to leave while she was free, but she wasn't listening. How can I feel so heavy and so empty at the same time? Why does everything get taken from me? She wished she was a child again, and everything was uncomplicated. Even when she had been Orochimaru's genin life had been better. There were days when he tested her and hurt her, but there were others where they had trained together, or just studied in silence. There were days when she hadn't felt alone.
Kakashi had given her some of that as well, but she couldn't give him all he wanted. She could only hurt him. He loves me? What sad irony. Maybe if things had been different ... maybe I would have loved him as well.
The door swung open silently. The same medic from before walked in and up to her. He took her hands and healed them without speaking, and then slipped them behind her back and secured them with chakra chains that couldn't be undone by the wearer. He healed the aches in her cramped arms as well, and Anko sighed in relief.
"Do you think you could do something about my headache?" she asked softly, closing her eyes.
He knelt in front of her, and held his palms on her temples. Cool energy flowed through her, and washed away the pain. Then his hands slid from her forehead down her cheeks, and a thumb brushed over her lips.
Anko opened her eyes and stared at the medic in shock. It looked like the man who'd treated her before, but his expression was very different. His lips curled in a slight smirk, and he pulled his hands back from her face and ran them suggestively along her thighs from knees to hips.
"Orochimaru?" Anko whispered quietly, disbelieving. He came for me?
The medic's smile widened in amusement, and a hand went up to the bridge of his nose. Adjusting glasses that weren't there. "Kabuto?"
The jutsu shimmered away, and Anko saw the spy's normal features smirking at her. "Yes." He rested one hand on her knee and ran the other along the curve of her jaw. The medic leaned forward to kiss her, but Anko turned her head abruptly to the side.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" she exclaimed angrily.
Kabuto seemed unworried about her rejection. "Orochimaru-sama sent me to ask how you are enjoying the hospitality of your old village," he replied. He glanced around the interrogation room. "It looks like they gave you a wonderful welcome back." Kabuto sneered mockingly.
Anko glared down at the hand that was still on her knee. "And I suppose he asked you to molest me while you were at it?" the kunoichi growled.
The spy's lips curled in a smile that Anko didn't trust. "No. He told me to remind you what you've left behind."
Before Anko could finish blinking, she was looking at Orochimaru. She knew it was a jutsu, that it was really Kabuto, but just seeing him so close, even a copy of him, gave her chills. His gold eyes and smug smirk were so familiar, so real, that she could believe that it was him.
The fake Orochimaru leaned forward, and Anko didn't resist when he kissed her. His hands slid over her throat and down her arms and across her stomach. She started feeling the burning ache that he brought on in her and sighed when his hands ran along the outside of her thighs. But then he came closer, and pressed her knees apart so he could trail his fingers along the inside.
This is not Orochimaru! her mind shouted, and Anko pulled back hard, twisting her body to shut him out. "Stay away from me, you asshole!" she snapped, still shaky. She glared at the fake Orochimaru, and snarled out her threats. "I swear I will rip you apart when I get out of here, Kabuto! And your 'head' will be the first to go!"
The henge faded to reveal Kabuto again. He shrugged, unconcerned by her threats. "I was just passing on a message, Anko-san. Don't shoot the messenger." He chuckled at his clichéd joke.
"I'll do more than shoot you ..." she warned acidly. "And you can tell Orochimaru that he can deliver his goddamned messages himself!"
Kabuto got up, and smiled down at her. "I'll pass that on." He turned towards the door, and started to walk away.
Anko glared after him. "How can you be so sure that I won't tell them that you're here?" she asked.
Kabuto smiled mockingly. "I will be long gone by then, but why do you assume that they would believe someone that they are putting to death?"
The kunoichi froze. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, after the stunt you just pulled could you expect anything else? You almost attacked one of their members, after killing two ANBU. You've proved that you can't be trusted. Don't you think the council were waiting for you to do something like this? Now you've given them more than enough reasons to execute you." He smiled cruelly. "And if you mention me, how much worse do you think it would be? Do you think they will believe that I came here to send you Orochimaru-sama's regards, or that I was trying to help you escape?" Kabuto laughed again. "By all means, tell Kakashi Orochimaru's message! I'm sure he will be very amused ... But then, he doesn't strike me as the most forgiving man."
"I don't believe you."
Kabuto shrugged, and continued to the door. "Believe whatever you want, Anko. It makes no difference to me." He replaced his medic disguise, and gave her a small mocking wave goodbye.
Anko stared at the door as it closed, still in shock. Too many doors were closing in her life, and not enough were opening. Kill me? They won't ... will they? I didn't attack Ibiki. But a small voice replied: You were going to. You weren't in control. She shook her head in denial. But I can't die ... not now. I can't die for nothing!
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Tsunade sighed, resting her head in her hands. "Are you sure?"
"Yes." Ibiki replied. "I'm afraid so."
"Dammit!" she slammed her fist against her desk in frustration, and the abused wood creaked alarmingly. The Sannin rubbed her temples wearily, feeling defeated. She knew that a representative from the council would be walking through the door any moment, asking for a date for Anko's execution after this new example of her instability.
"Hokage-sama," Ibiki interrupted her thoughts, "It is my opinion that she needs help, not an execution."
"What do you mean, Ibiki?" Tsunade asked bitterly. "You know that the council will see this act of aggression as the last nail in her coffin."
"Yes." Ibiki acknowledged, "But they are wrong. It was not really Anko who almost attacked me."
"I know, but it won't matter to them. They don't trust her, and frankly I don't either."
Ibiki watched the Hokage carefully. "Yes. She couldn't be called mentally stable, could she?"
"No. What are you-" the Hokage paused thoughtfully. "Of course. If she's not completely sane, or at least aware of all her actions at all times, it would not be within the law to have her executed."
"She would have to have a psychological exam to prove that."
Tsunade rested her hands on the desk, relieved. "It'll buy us time, and at the moment that's all we need. We'll have to use it to find a way to cancel that jutsu."
"I could send to Suna for an impartial witness to the exam." Ibiki offered.
The Sannin nodded. "Anything for more time. I'll go and see her tomorrow and let her know. I'm going to study her links to this jutsu myself." She smiled a little at the sober shinobi. "Good work, Ibiki. I wasn't looking forward to telling her friends that Konoha was going to have her killed."
The scarred torture expert shrugged. "It's not over yet, Hokage-sama."
Tsunade's expression turned grim. "There is still Orochimaru to deal with. Now, tell me what you think he did to her."
Ibiki frowned. "I only have her reactions to go on, but you are not going to like it. I don't think the council should know as yet either."
Tsunade met his eyes, and nodded. "Tell me."
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Anko was dreaming. She was curled up on her side on a hard narrow prison bed, her hands still chained behind her back, and she was dreaming. The kunoichi's dark hair was splayed across her face, highlighting the pale curve of her cheek and lips. Her eyes flickered beneath her closed lids, seeing things her mind conjured from the darkness. He wondered whether she was dreaming of him.
His lips curved in a smirk.
He was sure she was.
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Anko was standing on a steep ledge. She was in the light, but on the edge of darkness. The kunoichi's head swivelled from side to side, trying desperately to find some way off the ledge. But there were only two ways ... forwards, or back. The chasm in front was just as dark as that behind, and neither seemed to hold more hope than the other.
"Where am I supposed to go?" she called desperately and, being herself, bordering on furiously. She didn't react well to frustration. If there was something to fight, she would fight it. But ... she couldn't fight a choice that made no sense.
"Where do you want to go?" The voice echoed in the void, coming from everywhere and nowhere.
Memories flashed past her eyes. Memories of people. Kurenai was there, looking at her with horror-stricken eyes, and Naruto with disbelief. Kakashi was there, with an eternity of pain radiating from him that made her ache and desperately want to cry.
Orochimaru was there. He watched her, hungry with lust. But under the want lay contemplation of her uses. He was weighing her up, and wondering whether she was worth his effort, his time. Wondering whether she was worth anything. He was offering her shelter from the people who had been her friends, but his shelter was never free.
She was never going to be free from them all, whichever way she fell.
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When Anko opened her eyes, she knew he was there. He hadn't been there long, and she hadn't been sleeping long either.
"How did you get in here?" she asked quietly, feeling almost empty of any emotion.
"Do you really have to ask that?" His arrogance was pronounced, but then it had been a stupid question. She knew better than to think that there was any place safe from Orochimaru.
"Why are you here?" She was so tired ... so tired of everything. Her arms still ached, and she hadn't slept enough for days. She hadn't wanted to sleep. Nightmares were hard to avoid, otherwise.
"You said that if I had any messages, then I must bring them myself."
She could hear the smile in his voice, and lifted herself so that she was sitting up on the bed. Anko turned around, and looked at the Sannin, her old sensei, who had broken into Konoha where every shinobi was honour-bound to attempt to kill him. He didn't seem very worried.
"I'm not stupid, Orochimaru. You aren't here for a simple message." Anko spoke forcefully. She glared at the complacent shinobi with bloodshot eyes. "I'm tired of your games!"
The room seemed to darken with the Sannin's disapproval. "It has never been a game, Anko. Never. These Konoha nin who you prize so much are arguing about your life – about whether you deserve to live. Is that a game to you?"
The kunoichi shook her head, denying his words. "They won't kill me." But it seemed weak even to her.
Orochimaru saw right through her self-deception. "They believe that you are too much of a good student – that you learnt the lessons I taught you too well. They have always believed that, and you know it. And now they will put you to death." He paused, emphasising the words. "They will kill you, Anko, and your purpose will end. You will end."
Anko stared down at the creases in the sheet covering the bed mattress. The white cloth was partly in light, partly in shadow. Like her soul.
The Sannin moved closer, sitting beside her on the bed. He smoothed her hair with his hand, lingering on her cheek. "Do you want to die?" he asked softly.
"No." she whispered. "No!" Anko shook, feeling like she would break inside. "I can't die, not now! ... I don't want to die."
"I can help you." He offered the words like a gift. His lips brushed her ear as he breathed the next. "I can save you."
His hands on her shoulders pushed her back, and she couldn't use her tied-up arms to stop him. He was leaning over her, slipping his fingers beneath her clothes. Orochimaru raised her shirt, and tasted her skin with his lips.
Anko stared up at the stone ceiling, and tried to shut him out but it was no use. Despite where they were, despite the fact that anyone may come at any time and Kakashi was moments away, she couldn't help react to him. He was soothing her into calm complacency, into a place where she would give him anything just so that he would not stop.
"But ... nothing you give is free." she murmured, sighing as his mouth moved to her throat.
She could feel him smile against her skin. "Of course not. You know that."
The Sannin's teeth scraped her shoulder, pulling a gasp from her lips. "What do you want?" she managed to ask, feeling like she was falling. She was falling back into the void that he created, where there was nothing but the two of them. Where everything else faded away.
"What do I want?" he repeated, amused. "I want all you know of Konoha. I want this place to fall. I want you to do what I will. I want to kill all those who defy me. I want you."
He pulled back enough so that she could see his dark, hungry expression that was full of madness. "Don't you realise, Anko?" he asked.
"I want everything."
Will I ever escape from him? Will I ever be free from those eyes?
Anko stared at him, like a mouse being hypnotised by the snake about to devour it. She was being pulled into the dark void in his eyes, and the darkness was infecting her. Her snake spirit was agreeing loudly with his offer, and its words and his reverberated through her mind. She was losing who she was, and losing it so fast that she almost didn't even realise it. Something in her mind was slipping, teetering on an edge with the balance being ripped away. His hands were hot on her skin, and his golden eyes burned a path through her broken soul. He was offering her guidance, offering her a way away from this place where her friends looked at her with pain-filled eyes, where her only memories brought her anguish. He was offering her a way out.
She was a child, all alone, and he was the only one she had.
She was a woman, who'd betrayed everything else, everyone else, and he was the only one she had.
How could she not take it?
Kurenai ... Hokage-sama ... Kakashi ... If she gave him what he wanted, they might all ...
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"Long time no see, Anko." He lingered on her name, as if he knew hearing him say it pained her.
"You're now a most wanted level S dangerous criminal." she replied, almost conversationally. "I must stop you even if it costs me my life ..." She armed herself with senbon between each finger of her one hand.
"I learnt everything from you," her voice changed, filling with anger, "I was one of your soldiers and thus, that is my duty, right?" she shouted, "Orochimaru?" Hatred dripped from every syllable of his name, and she felt like just speaking it poisoned her lips.
He turned away, only to be stopped by a small hand around his ankle. The Sannin looked down at the young, hurt, pleading face with no expression on his own. No regret.
"Why are you doing this..." both young and old Anko asked, pain lacing her words, "even though I have always respected you?!"
Orochimaru turned and knelt down before his student with his lips curled in a cruel smirk. He lifted Anko's chin, caressing her skin with his fingers, with his own face a mere breath away. He spoke while looking her directly in the eyes, allowing her to see fully the evil that lay in his.
"You are lacking ... the will to seek power." his eyes widened as his insane passion gripped him, "Vengence. Hate. And everything else." Her mouth trembled, and he licked his lips at the force of her fear. "But that's right. Just letting you live may be of some use to me." He studied her face, his features twisting as he seemed to consider what use she could be.
"Hey."
"Come with me."
"You corrupted me!" she shouted, "You made me into this!" Images flashed through her mind, of how much she had respected him, trusted him, loved him, "You took away my normal life and twisted it, poisoned it and poisoned me!" Red flashed past her vision – she always saw red in the corners of her eyes. Dripping, crimson tears. "You made me into a thing so that all that mattered was blood!"
She was falling into the void in his eyes. He was pulling her in, and she couldn't hold back any more. She couldn't deny the lust she felt for him, or her desperate desire to feel. The alcohol took away her ability to rationalise why it was wrong, even in the face of his story that he'd used her all along and intended to continue to use her when she left him. Maybe if she hadn't been drunk she would have been able to resist. Maybe she wouldn't have resisted anyway.
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She had experienced so many moments of Orochimaru showing what he was really like, but now they were buried under a confusion of lust and dependency ... and a twisted form of love. They had so much past together.
"What have you done to me?" As if he would ever truly answer, or admit to anything.
Orochimaru ignored the question, not that she hadn't expected that. His answer and offer was in his eyes. Hey. Come with me. Fall into the hell only I can offer.
He held out his hand.
She took it.
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A/N: You can't tell me you weren't expecting that ;) Thanks to all who reviewed!