Can this be real?

CHAPTER 8

A\N

Firstly – Thank you so much to all the favorites and reviews!

I really appreciate it all, just having someone read this is already a huge bonus to me, having someone comment, so much better!

The next chapter or so will be mostly about Harry and his depression, but hopefully it's not all bad!

The wheels are turning in my head. I smile, looking up at Hermione, but cannot help the thoughts running through my head.

Who am I kidding? She will never want a messed-up man like me. Yeah, I can see the faint blush on her cheeks, the shortness of her breath as she stares down at me, but I know she is thinking of Ron. He is Perfect Ron, who can do no harm, who does not go around killing people.

The smile disappears from my face, reality checking in, and I gently push her to the side. Dragging myself out of bed, I grab my shirt and disappear out the door, not looking back.

I go to my hiding place that up until last night, I thought to be a secret. How could I have been so careless? No wonder all those people died! I am still an immature, self-centered idiot!

I kick the chair out of my way, jerking my foot back when the pain reaches my brain. Trying to be normal will be extra difficult today. She knows now, my biggest secret, kept from her all this time. I could not control myself enough and I know she noticed when Mr. poked her in the stomach. How do I explain to her that I am still in love with her? That it kills me to see her with Ron, that the real reason Ginny and myself broke up, was due to the fact that I called her Hermione one to many times.

Sitting here night after night, looking at the portraits, cursing myself for not saving them, I also curse myself for lusting after my best friend. How does Hermione think she can help me? She is probably the worst person to try and help me get out of this …, whatever I am currently experiencing.

"Harry?"

Of course, she can never leave well enough alone.

"What?" It came out harsher than I wanted.

"Can I sit here for a moment?"

Okay, I did not expect that.

"Yeah, sure"

She sit down in the chair opposite me, her hand folded in her lap and for some strange reason, it irritated me. Hermione can be so….. perfect sometimes, its maddening.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I can feel Hermione looking straight at me while I am looking straight at the portraits. Normally I do not come in here during the day, but circumstances forced my hand.

"Harry, can I ask you something?"

I contemplated this question. Is she going to start asking questions about what happened upstairs? Be a man Harry, I scolded myself.

I look at her, not saying a thing.

"How do you feel right at this moment?"

"I'm sorry… but huh?"

"Why did you come down here?"

"I just needed to get away"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?" I can almost hear the sigh Hermione gives.

"Harry, why did you run away this morning and come to the one place that causes you so much hurt?"

Oh. Because it hurt to much to stay there with you. But of course I did not say that out aloud.

"Because where else can I go?"

"Fair enough, but you still did not tell me how you are feeling at this moment. Remember Harry, I promised to help you, and I stand by what I said. I will not tell anyone about this"

"Pinky Promise?"

I mentally slap myself. Really Harry, are you five?

Hermione gives one sincere smile, stands up and walk over to me, extending her pinky.

"Yes, pinky promise"

Sparks are flying when our pinky's touch. Okay, so perhaps that only happened in my mind, but still.

"Embarrassed, scared, irritated, hateful"

Please don't show me sympathy, please don't. But I feared for nothing.

"Why would you feel embarrassed?"

Out of all those, she chose that?

I feel myself blush, my earlier feelings of despair momentarily forgotten under a cloud of even more embarrassment.

"Umm, isn't that obvious?"

She shakes her head and I look at her in surprise.

"Hermione, you woke up to a very embarrassing thing this morning. Granted, very normal, but it is very embarrassing none the less to have your friend wake up to your member poking her awake."

"Don't be silly Harry. I understood completely. You most likely were dreaming about Ginny, and therefore had no control over your…ummm, member doing what is so natural to a man."

"Ginny? You think I was thinking or dreaming about Ginny Weasley?"

"Sure, it's only natural to come to that conclusion"

"No, Hermione. It was not embarrassing for me to wake up in that state, but it was embarrassing for me, because at that moment when I opened my eyes, I woke up to the reason for my morning standing ovation."

Looking her straight in the eye, I swallowed my pride.

"I had a wonderful, lust filled dream about my best friend, Hermione, and that friend is you."

"Oh dear"

A/N: Sorry for the short stop, just have to keep you waiting a bit longer. The rest of the story will remain in Hermione's POV, I am not a big fan of chancing it every other chapter.

A sneak peak for what's up next?

Harry and Hermione get a lot closer, trying to get Harry to accept that nothing can change the past. The truth also comes out about Hermione's current relationship status.