Baby Steps

"So, tell me how you've been feeling?" Dr. Gerrard asked.
Steve breathed out slowly, trying to keep the resentment off his face. "Better" he lied.
"The panic attacks?"
"Still coming." Steve swallowed and looked down. "Not as bad now, not as often."
"That's good. That's very good." Dr Gerrard. "Why do you think that is? Have you developed a... coping mechanism?"
Steve shook his head. "I think reality has finally sunk in. I spent the first few weeks convinced HYDRA was playing some sort of elaborate trick on me. But once I actually got out there, on the streets, started dealing with people... I don't think even HYDRA are cruel enough to pull a stunt like that. So here I am, playing catch-up with the world."
"Catch-up, yes. The learning curve you're on must be staggering. But I hear you're doing tremendously well. You continue to work with Agent Sitwell?"
Steve gave a small, humourless laugh "He tries, poor guy. He must've pissed off Fury pretty badly to get stuck babysitting me. He sure is patient, I'll give him that.""
"A lot of agents would look upon the task of bringing you up to speed as an honour."
Steve silently studied the SHIELD doctor for a moment. "Wouldn't take long for the novelty to wear off, I'm sure." he said coolly.
The doctors scribbled some notes onto his pad.
"Can you tell me, Captain, some things you've discovered about the past seventy years that you like?"
Steve thought for a moment. "Futurama."
Gerrard looked surprised. "The TV show?"
"Yeah. Every time I'm feeling low, I remind myself that I only skipped seventy years. Fry skipped a whole millennium."
Gerrard chuckled. "Very nice. What else?"
Steve shrugged. "I joined the library; got a lot of books on twentieth-century art- some good stuff, really... experimental, cutting edge. I got some fiction, too. To Kill A Mockingbird. The Lord of the Rings. Those Harry Potter books, they're a gas."
"Have you seen the films?"
"Not yet, I'm still working my way through the books, I don't want to spoil it"
Gerrard nodded.
"I've seen a bunch of other movies, though. Singin' In the Rain. Princess Bride. Dances With Wolves. Rear Window."
"Very good. Good choices. Though... reading and film-going are very solitary habits."
"I was always a solitary guy. I read a lot growing up because I was too sick to do much else. I find it comforting."
Gerrard made a note and then studied him. "Have you made any efforts to be social?"
"Who with?" Steve shot back. "All my friends are dead. Kind-of makes for a small social circle."
"Have you made any efforts to make new friends?" Gerrard redirected.
Steve shook his head. "What would I have in common with anyone nowadays? What could I talk about with people, apart from a few films, a handful of books?"
"Well, I hear you've been going to dance classes." Gerrard played his trump card.
"Wow, you guys don't miss a trick." Steve grumbled.
Gerrard shrugged. "SHIELD is a spy agency. I myself am not a spy, just a therapist, but one hears things..."
The two men stared at each other.
"Dance classes are very social. I think this is an excellent activity for you. Though... I do wonder, what kind of dancing is it you're learning?"
Steve felt irritated; he didn't want to talk about this. It wasn't embarrassment. It felt... private and too new. This was something he was finally doing for himself, and he didn't want to justify it to some SHIELD shrink.
"It's called West Coast Swing." he said quietly.
"I've heard about it. Sort of a mash-up of Jitterbug and Lindy Hop?"
"I guess."
"Sort of like the dancing they used to do back in the Forties." Gerrard suggested.
Steve could see where the doctor was going with this.
"I wouldn't really know. I never danced back then, didn't know how."
"And now you do."
"So, you think this is my coping mechanism? Retreating into the safety of the familiar."
"Isn't it? Maybe you didn't know the steps, but the music, the style. That has to be comforting?"
Steve laughed quietly. "I have two left feet and I can't say more than ten words to any dame without blushing, but I'm pressed up against them all night. Does that sound comforting to you?"
"So why do it?"
"Because I always wanted to. And now is as good a time as any. I like the music, sure. What I really like is that everyone there is on the same page as me. They're all learning something from scratch. And they're all just as awkward and unsure as I am. I'm not the biggest idiot in the room for once, which is what the rest of 2012 has been for me so far."
Gerrard nodded slowly. "Good point." He made a flurry of notes. "This is excellent, Captain. I couldn't have suggested better therapy myself. You're taking baby steps, but they're active, social ones." he looked very pleased with himself, and Steve decided to let him take the credit.
"Well, I'd like to see you continue with these classes, and perhaps consider picking up something else, say, art classes at a community college? Modern literature might also be a good choice."
Steve managed to not roll his eyes. "Just one thing at a time, please. I know you're all used to multitasking and doing eighteen things at once, and pushing yourselves to cram every minute of your day with things to do; but I'm old-fashioned. I still need to figure out how to use my phone without breaking it. I'd like to get through even one Swing class without stepping on the teacher's toes. And I still can't double-click worth a damn. Just give me time? Like you said, baby steps."
Gerrard nodded. "Fair enough. Hang in there, Captain. We'll make a modern man of you, yet."
Steve frowned as he considered that. "Let's hope not."

TBC

Author's Notes: This part takes place just before the Captain is called up to join the Avengers Initiative. Disclaimer: I own nothing. Much love to Voiceofdisbelief, who loves to watch me make the Capt. suffer!