I know, I know... I haven't posted since July...
Anyway, here's more KuroFai.
Part Sixteen : If I Give You My Heart : Fai POV
When I entered the park, it was already 12:15. Half of me hoped that I wasn't too late, while my conscience told me to turn around because it knew that I was. I kept walking toward the fountain in the middle of the park, unsure of whether or not Ashura would still be there.
He was.
I paused for a moment. This was my final chance to turn around and forget that I had even received his invitation to come here today. There Ashura was, his long, black hair swaying and his long head turned the other way. My heart began to pound within me as I began to weigh my options.
To go or not to go? I took too long to decide and my decision was made for me.
"Oh, thank goodness you came…." Ashura approached me at a run. He stopped just short of what I would have considered to be too close. "I was beginning to worry that you weren't going to come…. I invested a lot of time and energy preparing for this moment."
"Really?" was all I could think to say.
He took my hand. "Yes, Fai, my love. All for you. I understand that you are currently in a relationship with another man, but I am very glad that you are even giving me this opportunity to show my true feelings."
I almost said something, but he put his finger to my lips and continued.
"Shh.… Not a word. Not until after this."
He backed away from me and stood there for a moment before snapping his fingers, as if to set a tempo.
He was setting a tempo. And on the downbeat, four of his friends that I recognized came out from behind some bushes. They were doing backup vocals and beats. Looks like I was about to be serenaded.
( It's another song, everyone! Another Temptations song! This one is called, "If I Give You My Heart". They lyrics are in italics, and the story is in regular font. )
Shoo be doo doo
Shoo be doo doo
Shoo be doo doo doo doo
Ohh, ohh, yes.
Shoo be doo doo
Shoo be doo doo
Shoo be doo doo doo doo
Yes.
Ashura was really getting into this song. So were his friends. I couldn't believe it. I had never seen him so passionate about anything.
I look into my eyes,
To see the change in me.
It's deep down in my soul.
I look into my eyes,
To feel the love in me,
For you and you alone.
My heart began to race.
Baby, how can love like ours begin again?
I'd give anything to hold you again.
Ohh, ooh, baby.
My heart began to sprint.
If I give you my heart,
Can we make a new start?
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you love me baby?
If I give you my heart,
Though we've drifted apart,
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you love me baby?
Will you still love me Fai,
Mmm, Fai,
If I give you my heart?
Oh, listen to my voice,
To hear the need in me,
For you and only you.
Oh, listen to my voice,
If you believe in me.
You know my works are true.
I keep aching baby send me a sign.
I'd give anything to know you're still mine!
Ohhh, baby.
I couldn't believe how sincere I felt he was being. No sane person would put something like this together if they really didn't love someone.
If I give you my heart,
Can we make a new start?
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you love me baby?
If I give you my heart,
Though we've drifted apart,
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you love me baby?
Will you still love me Fai,
Mmm, Fai.
If I give you my heart?
Ashura stopped singing for a moment, and began talking to me. He approached me and took both of my hands. He kissed one before beginning.
Oh, Fai. Remember when we used to go to the movies?
Holding hands….
I remember those times, darling.
I just think that we should do those things again.
Just give me… a brand new start.
Will you do that for me darling?
Please.
He stepped away and resumed singing to me.
I've been missing you so much I could scream.
There's got to be a chance for this dream!
If I give you my heart,
Can we make a new start?
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
I said, will you love me Fai?
If I give you my heart,
Though we've drifted apart,
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you still love me just a little bit? Oh yeah.
If I give you my heart,
Can we make a new start?
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Love me like you did last year baby.
I remember last year…. It felt good to finally have a boyfriend.
If I give you my heart,
Though we've drifted apart,
Will you still love me Fai, will you love me Fai?
Will you love me, babe?
Will you still love me Fai?
Oh, will you still love me baby?
Will you still love me Fai?
Mmmm, yes….
If I give you my heart?
I was stunned when he was finished singing. Ashura and his back up singers went into the ta-da position. They looked at me, awaiting my response. I certainly didn't know what to say, and I couldn't think of what to do. My automatic response was to clap, so I did, but I don't think I was aware of what I was doing.
Ashura and friends laughed.
"Oh, Fai," Ashura began. "I know you weren't expecting that. But it's what I felt like I needed to do to convey how much I love you." He stepped closer to me. "I'm giving you my all, Fai. You have me. Will you give me a brand new start?"
Ashura looked like he wanted an answer right then. It was difficult after the show he had just put on, but I tried to think.
I could not deny that Ashura still had a little piece of my heart simply for being my first boyfriend. However, Kurogane had opened my eyes to the abuse that Ashura had put me through. The cheating, the punching, the abandonment… those were all terrible once I realized what was happening. While I was with him, I just overlooked those things so they wouldn't hurt me. Over time, the pain from what he had put me through had faded away. I barely remembered his mistakes anymore. But I did remember how nice his tongue felt against mine…. Kurogane is way better. Not only is he a better kisser, he is a better man. He hasn't laid a harmful hand on me our entire relationship, and I've annoyed the crap out of him since the day we met. I never called Ashura anything except for his name, yet he beat me for not being home when he expected me to be. He beat me when I didn't give him enough of my paycheck from my office secretary job. He even beat me if dinner didn't have enough salt in it.
"Ashura… I appreciate the thought. I really do. But, I can't go back to you…."
Though I had just convinced myself he was no good for me and never would be, I found it a little difficult to turn him down after that performance and while his face looked so devastated.
"I'm with Kuro now, and it's a pretty serious relationship. I can't just leave. I'm sorry."
Ashura sighed deeply. "This isn't over."
"It has to be… at least while Kurogane and I are together."
A thought popped into my head. What if I wasn't with Kurogane? What if he had left me? Would I go back to Ashura then? I hoped he didn't have the same idea….
"…Fine." He seemed defeated. I felt relieved inside. I don't know what I would do if Ashura tried to go against Kurogane. Well, Kurogane would kick his ass no question if it was a fist-to-fist battle. Sword-to-sword would be the same thing. The only way Ashura would have a chance is if he brought a gun into the situation….
"Please, Ashura. Don't go after him. And don't go after me. I'm sure you can find someone else. You seemed to have no problem finding other people before…."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. Uh, oh. Did I upset him by bringing up his past? "Fai. I love you. Only you. I can't get anyone else because I don't want anyone else. Please… take some time to reconsider." He was begging me. I could see it in his eyes.
I wanted to just say, "Okay," so I could leave, but I had to end this to make sure he didn't show up at Kurogane's room one day with flowers or put together another song.
"No, Ashura. I'm sorry."
I turned around to leave before he could plead any more. He didn't follow and neither did his friends.
~ . ~
Kurogane wasn't in the dormitory when I got there. I got into the bed and let the events from the past hour play in my mind.
Not long after I came in, Kurogane opened the door. I pretended to be asleep. I could tell he was sweaty from his sword practice since he went straight to the bathroom after taking off his armor pieces. He came out ten minutes later and didn't bother me. If it wasn't for me having to use the bathroom, I would have tried to fall asleep for real.
"Oh, you're up," he commented when he saw me step out of bed.
"Yeah."
"You beat me home. What did your professor want?"
"He wanted to congratulate me on how well I did on the final exam!"
"Really? That's great. Perfect score?"
"He, uhh, wouldn't tell me the exact score."
"Why the hell not?"
"I don't know. Like I said earlier, he's weird."
"He sure is…. Well, at least you know you did well."
"Yeah…."
Another lie. I rolled over in bed so I wouldn't have to look at Kurogane. I had no idea what I had gotten on that exam. I thought I had done well, which is why I felt sort of safe telling him this. But for all I knew, I had gotten a C, which is far from a perfect score. I spent the rest of the day hoping that my test score was top notch. I also wished that Kurogane would ask me more questions so I could confess, but he didn't say anything more about it. I couldn't bring myself to say anything on my own, so the lie stayed in place.
Obviously, Kurogane trusted me. He shouldn't.
Gosh, I hope I can write more soon...