26

So you take something that you have to say

and you throw some part of your love away

Then be naive, thinking that your luck has changed

It won't stop here, staking all you knew

What It's Worth, Lyrics by Engineers

We drove out to my favorite alone spot, and I removed a copy of Jake's memory spell from my back pocket. I'd memorized it, but I still had to see it again. My fingers folded over its creased edges, and the dark, harsh words burned my eyes.

What Adam didn't know was that I wasn't just tapping into my dark magic, the spell itself was seriously dark magic. I hadn't known this the last time I'd tried it, but I knew it now. And what would Adam say if he found out?

Would he still want to be bound to me forever? I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but more than that, he'd peel back my layers until he knew my very essence, and that would probably be the death of us. Because despite his beliefs that I was much more than my dark magic, I was sure I was not.

I followed him down to the point and we sat on a flat, sun-warmed rock. My boots hung over the edge, and the spray from the waves was far too close. For a time, we stayed silent and looked out to sea. Then his hand crept over mine, and I let him take hold of me. His fingers were warm, and it was reflected in his gaze when he looked over. "Are you ready to do this?"

"Mmm," was all I said as I placed a folded handkerchief with locks of our hair that had fallen to the pillow as he took me for the second time. Knowing I couldn't possibly explain this to him, I tightened my grip and started chanting the words.

It took only for a second for us to connect, and I nearly fell over as random images and sounds flew at me at lightning speed.

Adam seeing me for the first time.

Wanting me more than anything.

Hating himself because he loves Diana.

Promising it won't happen again.

But then it does, over and over.

Every time he sees me, he lights up inside, just like Ethan described.

It's unfathomable, and far too intense for him to take in stride.

Resisting me even as he's drawn to me.

Running after Diana, even while she's pushing him away.

Agony over what he's done, how can he forgive himself?

And then it gets slowly better after Jake's gone away. He has me all to himself, and decides to make his move.

I see myself in that basement, terrified of what I'm feeling as his mouth closes over mine, wanting everything he wants, knowing what would have happened if Jake hadn't shown up.

It spirals out of control after that, and Adam is drunk with passion, fraught with anxiety, and up to his eyeballs with frustration over Jake's mocking interference.

Then it happens, that moment one only dreams of. Most people never experience it, and some only get a glimpse of it, but we have our time. That perfect bubble is burst by my father, and darkness descends for both of us.

We both stand there in memory limbo, and that's when I know Adam is finally connecting to me.

And I have to let him in, for he showed me everything.

Adam sees the lonely girl on the outskirts, wanting the long time friendships, but not daring to intrude on the established group.

He knows what I know, and gasps at seeing his father at the boatyard, just as I reported to him. It jumps away from destiny for awhile, and Adam is privy to details I'd rather he not found out. He knows all I have kept from him, as I try to keep his relationship with Ethan intact. He figures out what I've always guessed about my mother, that she is no saint and is equally responsible for what happened 16 years ago.

And then it turns on me, madness and anger rushing out of me and engulfing Adam, bitterness and melancholy choking him as it still strangled my emotions. He knows about my endless bouts of crying, even as I try to hide my emotions from everyone by pushing them away. And then there are the ongoing daydreams starring him and me, always ending up in the comfortable cocoon of my bed. Protected by the wards I've placed there, safe from the world.

Except we aren't.

I suddenly realize I've said the words aloud, and that I'm back to staring out to sea. His hand is no longer clenched in mine, and he's huddled under his hoodie. My mouth opens and as if emerging from a long sleep, I said, "Did it work?"

Adam gave a sharp nod and I suddenly notice tears running down his cheek. "I saw, felt, and remembered everything, and then it was gone."

"Gone," I echoed in confusion.

He looked over and his crushing disappointment gutted me emotionally. "It only works when I'm connected to you."

A sudden fit of anger sears me, and I tear up the spell, watching the bits of paper float off in the breeze before stalking up to his car. "Let's get out of here."

Adam follows slowly and slides behind the steering wheel. "We could try again."

I shake my head. "It won't work. It's a temporary fix to a much bigger problem."

He cocked his head slightly and laid his arm on the back of the seat. "And what is that?"

Two words. "John Blackwell."

"Does that mean...?" His words trailed off as my tone and meaning hit home.

"We end him."