The Woods Are Dark and Deep

by Blue Jeans

Chapter 4

It was the sound of the door sliding opened that woke me. Despite my trepidations, I had simply been too exhausted to stay awake. By the time I had cleaned my father's work space a little and settled down to go through his numerous notes, I had barely finished piling them together before my eyes shut and my head lulled.

I hadn't even started reading a single page.

At first, waking up in his study disoriented me so much I thought Father was coming in with tea. I thought it was another time, when I would sometimes sit by him into the night as he read over his work and took down notes. I must have simply fallen asleep, I thought. Sometimes, when I was younger and scared of some nightmare that might have woken me up in the middle of the night, I would do this. For a moment I even forgot how old I was.

"Father-?" I said, turning with blurry eyes towards the door.

I blinked in surprise at the person silhouetted there. The same face stared back at me. Her short hair framed the same jaw and the same eyes narrowed at me in amusement. Here was a face I had seen in the reflection of mirrors, puddles and lakes, wearing an expression I have never worn. It was a face much more familiar now, without the jeweled hair and the expertly painted lips and eyes.

"Ka-Kaoru-san?" I blinked.

What was Nagumo Kaoru doing here? The last time I had seen her was with Okita. The thought was a little painful, for I had not seen Okita in some time. The last time I had seen him, he had been too weak to move from his bed and was being sent to Osaka to see Dr. Matsumoto for treatment. Heisuke had teased Okita once, long ago, on our first meeting with Kaoru. He had been certain that she must have harbored a crush on Okita for saving her from the ronins. Okita, even then, had only slyly replied that Heisuke must not have known anything about women if that's what the other thought.

Okita... he had always been far too clever for his own good.

"You're alive," Kaoru noted, her voice was as gentle and as elegant as I remembered. There was a cold glitter in her eyes and I wasn't sure if it was due to disappointment or relief. She had said it so flatly, it was hard to read it as relief.

There was no doubt that this was the person I'd met that day in Kyoto. Her hair was shorter now, brushing her shoulders instead of elegantly tied up atop of her head. She was no longer wearing the beautiful kimono I had envied her for and her face was devoid of makeup. The dark jacket, the utilitarian pants... She looked ready to battle. She looked, in fact, very much like a boy.

I wanted to ask why she was here. There was a lot I wanted to ask but her smile, so coldly cutting, stopped me. I felt that same uneasy slither down my spine and it was a feeling I had thought to feel no more after the war had ended. However, no one could spend time with the Shinsengumi and not know what that feeling meant.

It was the killing intent.

I rose as quickly as I could with my legs screaming in protests, pins stabbing my limbs. They had fallen asleep beneath me and it was all I could do not to fall over or shudder at the sensation of using them now. I tried to steady myself, my hand wearily resting on the hilt of my kodachi. Kaoru's smile became an indulgent smirk, but she did not reach for the katana on her hip. I wasn't fooled by her inaction and I did not relax, not after having lived with swordsmen like Saito. Instead, I watched her lean against the doorway and study me, as if it were perfectly natural for her to be in my father's study. "Have you still not remembered who I am even though I have come all this way to help you, little sister?" Kaoru asked, looking almost hurt.

I glared at her and then I blinked.

Wait... did she just say little sister?

I paused, my hand convulsed around the hilt of my wakizashi as I looked at her with wide-eyed surprise. My mouth dried and I swallowed audibly. "Wh-what?" I asked stupidly. "I- Father never said anything about... Wa-wait, what?"

Kaoru looked regretfully away. "When our family refused to help overthrow the Shogunate and was destroyed, you were taken in by Kodo-san and I was taken in by the Nagumo family from the Tosa Domain. We were... separated." She looked, almost sad.

I had known already that Kodo was not my real father. However, I never asked Kazama about what happened to my real family or even who they were. I had always been a little scared to find out. A part of me will always think of Kodo as my father, and I had thought, when the war was over, I would have time enough to sort out my feelings and find out about my past. After all, it would not change no matter when I went looking for it.

I swallowed the million questions running in my head. It was true then, our real parents were dead. It was the most likely possibility, but even then I had carried a small hope that I had only been abandoned and that they were out there somewhere. I had thought there might have been a small hope, that someday I might even get the chance to find them.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru apologized, watching my face. "I have also lied to you about my gender as well," Kaoru added, almost lazily. I blinked at her- him. So, this beautiful other me was really my brother. I had still thought, until then, that he was a girl, dressed like a boy, as I was.

There was only one question that I should know now. "Why are you here?" I asked, slowly and carefully.

Kaoru looked disappointed at my response, though I was not sure of the cause. "Do you still not trust me?" he asked as he straightened.

I was compulsively opening my mouth to disagree, just to not seem rude, when I saw him draw his katana out, sheath and all. "If you don't believe our similar face, perhaps you would believe in my sword." He raised a brow at me in inquiry as I stared at him uncomprehendingly. "My Daitsuren is the companion of your own Shotsuren. They were separated, along with us."

I could not deny, just by looking at the katana in his hand that it was truly the other half of my set. I did not want to believe that, of all things, my father had kept this from me. But, in the light of things, I could not deny that surely Kaoru and I were connected, the way his katana and my wakizashi were connected. However, that was not what I had trouble accepting at all. He must have mistook my question for what it was.

"Why would I not want to help my little sister stop the furies? Even the strongest of humans, even the Shinsengumi, would be helpless against a horde of them," He spoke to me with the such a sincere look on his face that I felt bad for putting my hand on my wakizashi. So he knew. He knew about the furies too.

Maybe... maybe he could help me.

Even though there were unanswered questions still, there was no doubt Kaoru was related to me. I let down my guard then and let go of my blade. Kaoru had shocked me into realizing that I wasn't the last of my clan. It was... a relief. I had been worried over how I would stop the furies ever since I had learned they were not completely wiped out. Maybe, with Kaoru's help, we could finally put an end to my family's sin.

I could... have a family again.

It was, perhaps, the most careless thing I had done until then. Not knowing his reason for what he said, and trusting him simply because we shared the same blood... I had made similar mistakes like this before, in the past.

In the blink of an eye, he was suddenly there, and I realized then that up close, there were subtle differences to his features. A sharpness to the edges of his eyes and a harshness to the press of his lips that I never had. I never wore such an expression tinged with so much bitterness and mockery, and I hoped I never would.

"Welcome home, little sister," he whispered lovingly as he drove his katana into my gut, watching my face hungrily as my eyes widened in pain.

"Chizuru-chan!" a voice interrupted us then. "Are you home? Is anyone home?"

My mouth opened, but I could barely stand the pain let alone scream.

It hurt so much...

I almost missed the tick of annoyance on Kaoru's face as I stared at him in shock. My hands grasped at his jacket as I clung to him to stay upright. I could not respond except a hoarse cry of pain as he twisted the blade inside of me, pushing it further into me before jerking it out roughly.

For a long moment my world went white and I couldn't even breathe. My body trembled like a leaf from the pain while I felt like I was choking on my screams.

"How could you have hoped to stop the furies as you are now, little sister?" he asked with a disappointed shake of his head.

I could only look at his feet as I collapsed. Was it my imagination or was there blood on his hands when I had briefly glimpsed them? It was, probably, my own blood. Our shared blood.

There was so much blood.

It stained the tatami mats of my father's study and the western clothes Kazama had given me.

My hand convulsively clutched at the hole Kaoru left behind, trying to staunch the blood that was spreading with each shuddering breath I took. I found myself sitting, barely able to think around the pain but still able to feel the weight of his gaze on my head. The silence stretched as I struggled to breath, fighting myself against curling up around the wound.

Finally, tenderly, he reached down and tilted my chin up so our eyes could meet. Even the voice outside could not rush him and I knew then that he savored my pain. "Till we meet again, little sister," Kaoru said, almost affectionately as he gently wiped the line of blood trailing down my chin from my mouth, smearing it on my skin. I had bit myself to stop the cries of pain and the swelling of tears, fearful of what he would do the person who would come in and interrupt us now. Still, despite my efforts, I could not help stop the small noises I made as every movement he forced upon me was agony. He looked into my eyes, as if trying to imprint how I looked at that moment. "Next time, I hope you have a better expression on your face to show me."

He smiled down at me and it was all the more frightening in its gentleness. Then he let me go and stood, casually cleaning his hands on a handkerchief as he walked away. I felt my head drop, my neck too tired to hold it up now that his fingers were gone, and I saw dazedly that one of my hands was still pressed against my stomach. It would heal, I knew it would despite the pain, for it was not a fatal wound. It would still take a while longer than a day to heal completely but it would heal. While this was far from the scratches I was used to getting, I was still a demon.

Who knew my ability would become handy now? Or that one could hurt so badly from such a wound? Briefly, I remembered the scar on Harada's stomach and how Shinpachi always got the other to boastfully joke about it. I had new respect for Harada then, who was far from being a demon and still healed from his wound with a triumphant smile. Somehow, I doubted that I would ever boast of surviving this.

Thoughts of the Shinsengumi gave me strength. I forced myself to look up when I heard the rustling of paper and realized then that Kaoru was not gone. In fact, he had walked over to the desk where I had been sitting earlier. In his hands I saw that he had gathered the notes my father had left behind, the same ones I had spent so much of yesterday and earlier today collecting. I found my voice then as he looked down at me in that same way that Okita had often looked at me when I had first been abducted by the Shinsengumi. It was a look that was completely indifferent to whether if I lived or died; a look with no compassion or feeling. Granted, Okita's eyes always held a hint of ironic humor, which was also what made him so scary at first. Kaoru's face had not even a glimmer of what could be called humor on it and, until now, I didn't realize how much more terrifying it could be without it. His visage might as well have been made out of stone, his eyes as hallow as dark pits.

"No!" I cried hoarsely, reaching out as if I could stop him with will alone. Even then, the little strength I had mustered from memories and fear was not enough and it had only managed to make me hurt more as my supporting arm lost strength and I collapsed bodily onto the floor. I lost my breath for a moment, and possibly consciousness. Still, I could not look away when my eyes finally cleared, but it was already too late. I was always too late.

He even had time to wait for me to see him again, to look back at my pitiful form and thank me for my earlier efforts of putting the notes together. My futile attempt to stop him had only caused him to smile. It was a smile that chilled me to my heart. And then, he was gone.

The pounding of feet on the wooden floor thundered and was ignored as I stared in horror at the place where my brother had stood. He had disappeared with my father's notes.

"My lady, over here!"

I could barely register the voices while I lay there contemplating the possibilities of Kaoru possessing those notes. Hands suddenly clamped around my shoulders, lifting and turning me. I finally turned my gaze and blankly stared at a face I felt I should have recognized.

"Chizuru-chan! Chizuru-chan! What happened?" That voice was so desperate, the hands trying hard to be gentle.

I blinked and the tone pulled me momentarily from the haze. Worried eyes stared into my own. "Sen?" I whispered, tasting the blood again inside of my mouth. I shaped her name as recognition finally registered who I was looking at. My voice failed me from saying more and then I was lost again as I saw the dark courtyard over her shoulder from the opened door.

In that moment, I could not help but look through her to see the future full of furies coming to life in the darkness outside.

In the midst of that hallucination, I saw Kaoru standing alone. He looked right back at me, smiling at me with that same smile that was more cutting than the katana he had twisted inside of me. "Next time," he promised me. The shadows surged around him, obscuring my view of him at last. A million red eyes blazed with blood-lust and burned themselves into me, rushing towards me, their shouts of hunger drowning out the bloodied world.

I couldn't even scream as they came upon me.

Instead, I fainted.

To be continued...