The Woods Are Dark and Deep

by Blue Jeans

Chapter 6

Amagiri woke me with dinner the next evening. I had slowly come to notice how quietly dignified he was, though I had not appreciated this until now. One simply had to spend time in his presence to note by observation the graceful way he carried himself. After I stopped being afraid of him, I was starting to understand the respect I sometimes saw in Saito's eyes when the two of them fought.

Sen had advised me to tell Amagiri all that had happened with Kaoru. I knew the practicality of what she had said, but I was still reluctant to do it. After all, it was one thing to tell a friend like Sen about what had happened and another thing entirely to tell Amagiri. While I admired him and he made me feel comfortable around him, he was still very much a stranger to me. I swallowed my discomfort and forced myself to tell him in as much detail as I could about what had occurred between Kaoru and myself.

Before I could start though, Amagiri cut me off and handed me my dinner. "After you eat, Yukimura-dono," he told me. He was very respectful to me, and I knew much of it had to do with the fact that I was the head of my clan. It was not that long ago that I had thought I was the last of my clan, but knowing Kaoru existed did not give me peace.

It was a very sad realization.

Still, I complied as gracefully as I could to Amagiri's request. In his own way, Amagiri was worried about me. When I was finished, I settled down in my futon and began to tell him what had happened, slightly more at ease with his presence though no less weary of the things I needed to say.

Even though I wanted to, I tried to leave nothing out. I knew, when Kaoru had come at me, that even though he was not as skilled as Amagiri and Kazama were, he was still a force to be reckoned with. He may not have been as skilled as most of the Shinsengumi captains either but he was far stronger and faster than they were and that made a difference. I was no match for him. If he were to continue where my father left off concerning the furies and I were to try to stop him, I would need help. It was also not the type of help that Sen could give to me but the type that only Amagiri and Kazama could offer.

In a way, I was glad. Kaoru was a demon which meant human help would only cause more harm than good. It was easier to trust that Amagiri and Kazama could aid me without truly endangering themselves the way anyone else would have to if they tried instead. I had already seen both demons' skills as warriors and, strangely, what once terrified me about them was the only things that I could truly rely on now to help me.

Amagiri listened quietly and respectfully. Every once in a while, I caught him looking surprised. That expression was reserved mostly for the parts that concerned Kaoru. Every time I talked about the furies though, disgust and disquiet would make Amagiri's expression become grim and thoughtful.

When I was finally done, it was quite dark out and the lamp's flame wavered a bit from an unseen draft. Amagiri sat silently, a look of deep thought over his face. I said no more, letting him think over all that I had revealed.

"You will need to recover," he finally said with a nod. "It would be best for everyone if Kazama did not see you except in the best of health."

I blinked in surprise at his words. I had not thought it was possible but Amagiri gave me a wry grin. "I do not relish it, but we will have to tell him what has happened when he gets here. It would be a lot worse if you were bed-ridden." There was a hint of relief in his voice and I was so surprised that I found myself laughing at his words. I hadn't meant to, but I had not thought this would be Amagiri's first concern.

"I'm sorry," I finally said, wrestling with myself till I could look him in the eyes with only the slightest hint of a smile. "You really surprised me." I admitted.

Amagiri gave me the same wry smile. Then his face was serious again. "Concerning your brother, Yukimura-dono, I think we can agree that he is rather dangerous right now." I nodded. "Granted, while I have heard about the Nagumo family... I never thought they would turn to the Water of Life." This he said more to himself then me, sounding almost disappointed.

We were quiet for a long moment. "Princess Sen suspects she knows where your brother may be hiding." Amagiri told me. I looked to him in surprise. "The Princess had located your father earlier, before our confrontation. He was on land that the main Yukimura family owned." I gasped, my mouth unable to voice the thoughts racing through my head. "As it was the last known place Kodo-san was at before he came to attack Edo, we suspect the rest of his research rests there. If your brother is truly looking for Kodo-san's research, he would be heading there next."

I could only nod in agreement as I stared at him wide-eyed. The place I was born. I had not dreamed I would ever get to see such a place.

Amagiri hesitated as he looked at me. "Perhaps," he suggested, "you should stay here, Yukimura-dono." I realized then he must have remembered how I had cried when my father had died. This journey, at its worst, would mean I would lose the last person connected to me by blood. In fact, Kaoru was even more close to me than my father was, though I had no memories to associate with him except the ones I gained through our previous meetings.

"No," I shook my head without pause at his suggestion. I smiled, trying to alleviate the harshness I knew had been in such a sudden refusal. "I told Kazama then and I still believe it now, this is in a lot of ways, my responsibility. Even if I require your help, Amagiri-san, I still need to see this through to the end."

Amagiri studied me for a long moment and I thought I saw a flicker of respect in his eyes. "Kazama chose well," was all he said. My face heated up so fast I was almost dizzy with the force of my blush.

"U-um," I stumbled as he got up to leave. "G-good night, Amagiri-san."

Amagiri smiled at me with real humor in his eyes, nodding an acknowledgment my way before leaving. I felt from him that same kindness that my father used to show before he left for Kyoto. After he was gone, I sat in the room alone, thinking of the past for a time.

I remembered, as I looked around, all my childhood times spent in this house. I remembered my father, once more, not as the monster he seemed at the end, but as a doctor who had to see his clan destroyed, who had to do terrible things to keep me safe, and who must have lost not only to the madness of the Water of Life, but the madness of all the things he shielded me from about this world. In the end, looking back, I couldn't bring myself to hate him any more then I could that night when he died and I had not known any of these things.

"I forgive you, Father," I said softly to the empty room. "And... I'm sorry," I whispered as I put my head to my knees. At that moment I felt that I needed to apologize to the ghost of the past, for all the things I didn't even know until now.

After some time, I turned and blew out the lamp. We knew where Kaoru was likely to be and I needed to get better as soon as possible so that when Kazama showed up again we could track Kaoru down. I held the memory of Kazama close to me then, remembering how he had looked that night my father died, remembering the feel of his arms as he held me when I couldn't stop the tears from falling...

The memory of his strength lulled me to sleep.

To be continued...