The Woods Are Dark and Deep

by Blue Jeans

Chapter 9

Something had been bothering me. I did not know how to put it to words. The further north we went and the closer we got to the home I could not remember, the more dreadful I felt.

In the day I was usually so weary from the long treks through the woods that I just wanted to sit and sleep. It was as if I could never sleep enough before dawn was upon us again. The days grew shorter as winter got closer and we reached further north, heading ever deeper into the woods. We did not want to be seen by anyone, and I guess everyone else was more used to using their demon stamina than I was. At night, the chill of the fall seeped into my clothes and I found myself, many times, staring up at the sky and shivering myself to sleep.

What kind of sky must Hijikata have seen in his last moments? I wondered this often as my breath misted the space between me and the heavens. Other times I would remember standing in front of my room on cold nights similar to the ones now, watching it with Saito's quiet presence next to me. Once I even remembered Okita teasing laughter as he made fun of me for talking to myself again. I missed them so much in those moments before I slept, thinking of the past so I would forget that I was surrounded by the cold and the darkness. Unlike before, my walls were now made up of air and trees instead of stone walls, wooden beams, and paper. The place I was at I had no name for, unlike Kyoto or Edo. When had I began to think of Kyoto as home? When had I began to call Edo my home again?

These types of questions came and went through me, the cold making me sad and nostalgic.

There were not many people around, and we stopped running into massacred villages that needed to be burned. At least that was what I thought, until over a week into our trip. It was dark out, not surprisingly, when we were attacked.

Amagiri woke first even though it was Kimigiku who was on watch. She hadn't needed to wake him for him to realize what was happening and he was the one to alert her of the approaching dangers. She had felt it too, but by then he was already beside her. She woke us in the all too quiet darkness, her hands on our shoulders, gentle but firm. I saw the two of them exchange a look and an agreement seemed to have passed between them then.

Kimigiku silently pointed us in the direction opposite of where Amagiri was standing. Apparently, we had not been surrounded. No one argued. I grabbed Sen's hand in my own and the two of us ran in the direction we were pointed to. Both of us had gone to the river earlier. At the time it was only to gather wood for the fire and water for our provisions, now it was to get away from the heat of where the battle would be fought. Even though it was dark, our demon eyes could still perceive the woods around us quite clearly. It was a trick that Sen had taught me just before we left.

I could still remember how reluctant she had looked when I convinced her that I needed to put on my boy clothes again. While it was more comfortable and more suitable for our trip, Sen had seemed rather disappointed with the overall look. "I was hoping Kazama-sama would see you in your kimono," she admitted the evening we left, as we sat around the campfire. "It would have been nice to see his face make an expression other than his normal one."

In fact, that was Sen's polite name concerning the arrogant expression Kazama usually wore around people.

I didn't see it as often anymore, not as I used to. He liked to wear his quiet, gentle look around me more. Sometimes it would become thoughtful and other times playful and teasing. While he was rather handsome when he smiled, I was usually more preoccupied with being affronted at how much enjoyment he got out of making fun of me. This usually caused him to smirk at me all the more, knowing how much more insulted I was the longer he continued.

Even Amagiri and Kimigiku shared a knowing smile at Sen's words and I had hoped the heat of the fire would hide my blush. Even then, in the dark forest and searching for furies, Sen could make us all smile.

When we finally reached the river, we looked back, hearing the clashing of swords. "Should we continue?" Sen asked worriedly. I wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not, but before I could decide, we were interrupted.

"Ara," an elegant voice cut through the darkness and froze us in place. "Two little girls lost in the woods. Where are your protectors? Would not the wolves gobble you up if they knew?"

I turned and my wakizashi was out before he was even finished, but Kaoru stepped into the moonlight lazily, not at all threatened by my stance. We both knew who was better with a sword and with an eerie smile on his illuminated face, he stopped some distance away. "Hello, little sister," he said at last before his eyes swept over to Sen. "I see you brought a friend, this time."

I gritted my teeth. "Sen and the others have nothing to do with this."

Kaoru laughed. "I beg to differ. I think they are quite willing to involve themselves in our affairs. Why else would they have come here with you, little sister?"

I had no answer. He was right. I had dragged them along. In the distance I could hear the screams of metal against metal. Why did it come to this?

"Why am I doing this to you?" Kaoru asked with an unhappy look on his face. "Surely that is what you are wondering." His smile became cruel then, and for the first time I felt as if I was seeing his heart. "Isn't it obvious? It's because I hate you, little sister." His voice was still calm and elegant and something about us made even Sen stay quiet beside me.

"Why do you hate me?" I asked as calmly as possible, even though fear made my heart flutter.

All I saw then was the white of his hair, gleaming in the moonlight. I had no chance to react and then suddenly, Kaoru was beside me and Sen was at his feet. I did not smell blood but I panicked. I jumped in front of her, ready to shove Kaoru away but he was no longer there and I found myself standing between Sen and him.

He was smiling again, his hair black and gleaming, his eyes hollow like the sockets of a skull but no longer gold like a demons. "I wasn't a daughter," he said. His words made me gape at him, and I didn't dare ask him what he did to Sen or even why he was saying what he was saying. "The Nagumo were so disappointed. They had thought they would get the daughter, after all. No matter what they did to me," he seemed to grimace at the memory, "I would not turn into a girl." His smile then was haunted and mad. There was so much fury in him I doubted that he had ever needed the Water of Life. "But don't worry. Those people are long gone," he said. It was more a reassurance to himself than to me.

"But you, little sister," he turned the full force of his anger onto me. "You were so loved. So happy. You didn't have a care in the world. What more could you possibly ask for? Don't you think that our meeting is destined... so you could know how the other side lived?"

I wanted to reply, but I found suddenly the world seemed to spin around me instead. I fell to my knees and heard him laugh. "I guess this was a good time to check on you after all." He was standing over me again. I remembered how it had felt with a hole in my stomach, unable to stop him from taking my father's notes. Yet, even then I had been able to feel him loom over me. Right now, it was as if he had appeared in front of me again... or had I simply lost track of consciousness for a moment?

My forehead felt hot, my skin felt clammy. I wanted to vomit and my throat felt parched and dry. My arms shook to keep me upright. I tried to swallow the bile and the feeling, glaring up at him as I tried to regain control over my own body.

Yet, Kaoru only stared down at me without a threatening move, even at my weakest moment. Finally, as if waking, he blinked and then began to laugh. I couldn't understand why, but then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the river beside me. I paled. Horns adorned my forehead and my hair was ghostly white. My eyes, usually a honeyed-brown, were a silvery-gold in the moonlight. I blinked and the reflection did not change.

I gasped and straightened, pushing myself away from the images as I swayed to my feet. Tentatively, I touched my horns and they were two solid points upon my hot forehead. Was this my demon form? I had moved too fast and I felt dizzy from it, but the momentum allowed me to stand again.

"Oh good," Kaoru said, further away then I remembered. "Now you realized that you have become a fury." His might as well have stabbed me again, twisting his katana inside of me over and over. His words hurt me worse than any physical wound he had ever inflicted upon me. "Did I forget to tell you that I drank the Water of Life? That day when I stabbed you, I had cut myself so that my blood would mingle with yours. I'm glad it was strong enough to turn you... But I guess you thought it was the wound that caused you so much pain." He said it so casually, as if he had not done the worst thing in the world to me. As if he was telling me the night was getting colder than usual, not that all my dreams were dead.

If he had killed me, it would have been kinder.

I tore my gaze from my reflection and looked at him then, horrified. I had been getting more tired in the day, but I had never felt the need for blood. So far, I had written it off as recovering from the injury he had given me earlier and to the long treks we were making daily. I had been making a lot of excuses for it, because I had not known this was even an option. I wanted to ask him why he would do this to me and I wanted to know how my suffering meant anything. But he must have seen all of it on my face.

"Can't live in your safe little world anymore, can you, little sister?" He tried to smirk but it only came out as a snarl. Without further prompting he had turned to leave. "I'll check on you again, soon. This time your expression was almost perfect."

And then he was gone.

By the time Sen woke up I had rested her head on my lap as I waited for Kimigiku and Amagiri to find us. I had no strength left after Kaoru's cruel revelations. While I had not drunk the Water of Life, it did not seem to matter. I had my own blood mixed with Kaoru's and that seemed to have been enough. What did this mean for me? Does this make me a monster as well?

I had come to accept the fact that I was a demon. After Kazama's kiss and Sen's friendship, I had never been gladder of it. But what was I now?

Sen's eyes finally opened a short while after the sounds of battle were quieted. Because no furies came for us, I assumed Amagiri and Kimigiku had won. She looked at me in concern, wincing when she shifted, so I smoothed her hair but forced her to remain lying down when she tried to get up. Rising too quickly would only hurt her. Even though she was a demon, I had seen that Kaoru had not held back when he hit her to knock her out. There was a lump on the base of her skull that was rapidly reducing, but it was not completely healed yet.

For once I was glad she had not been awake to discover my secret.

"What happened, Chizuru-chan?" Sen asked confused and a little scared, her eyes searching my own.

I smiled down at her as reassuringly as I could manage and held her hand. Her body relaxed so I guess I was somewhat successful in hiding my turmoil. "It's okay now," I told her instead. "Kaoru is gone." I couldn't bring myself to tell her what he had shown me, what he had done to me. I couldn't tell the person who knew about Kazama's kiss that I was now tainted.

It hurt me too much to even think about it for any period of time.

I fought to hold it in. Yet, with Sen looking at me with her clear, understanding eyes, I felt the tears slip through my control. She rose slowly then, pushing away my now limp hand that had stayed her before. Hesitating for only a moment, she reached out and held me to her like she had before when I had woken to realize all the things I had never known.

"It's okay, Chizuru-chan," Sen murmured to me. "It's going to be okay."

Over and over again she assured me with her soothing voice. I clutched at her sleeve and cried into her shoulder, unlike before. I listened to her knowing it to be a lie no matter how many times she repeated it or how gently and kindly she meant them.

Nothing would ever be alright again. Those words choked me but I still could not bring myself to tell her.

This time, like the past, there was nothing I could do to change it.

To be continued...