Chapter Two: This Too Shall Pass
I spend time in the kitchen in total silence. Not that I had anyone there to talk to anyways. Even if I did, the words won't come. Instead, I focus on my rabbits.
My hands move expertly over the animals as I skin and clean the meat. Out of habit, I try to salvage as much of the fur as I can. Someone might want it for something. I'm so used to using just about every piece of the animals that I hunt – it is how we survived. For a brief moment, I think of the Capitol. How we saw them want for nothing. They didn't know what it was like to have no idea where their next meal would come from. No, they just didn't know what room they wanted to puke in so that they could continue on with their gluttony.
My face scrunches up and it isn't until I feel the second rabbit's hind leg break in my hand that I realize I'm letting those memories get the better of me.
Ignorance really is bliss. I was much happier before I knew how life really was in that damn place.
Sighing, I finish my work, quartering the bodies, then storing them nicely. Greasy Sae is going to enjoy working with the meat. It will be like old times. Good memories to focus on. I try to ignore the darkness creeping up on me. The knowledge that all I have left of Prim are our memories that we have already made. I'll never know what silly things she will say. Never know if she will ever grow out of being my little duck with her shirt untucked in the back. I'll never know…
"If your hands aren't clean by now, Katniss, then I'd suggest a different approach."
Jumping a bit, I realize I was lost in my thoughts, unsure of how long my hands were under the cold water. I quickly shut the stream off, needing to dry my hands as I turn to face Peeta. "I was thinking," I tell him lamely as my eyes scan for a hand towel to use.
"Obviously," he replies, tossing a small towel in my direction. I catch it and glare at him. The fact that he knew where the hand towel was and got to it before me was enough to grate on my nerves, my mind a mess of nothing but irrational anger. He was always so perfect, wasn't he? Always had the right answers, the right thing to say, did exactly what needed to be done in every moment of his life. I continue to glare at him as I dry my hands on the offending fabric and then throw it on top of the kitchen table.
"What a pleasant surprise to see you this afternoon, Peeta," I say, completely deadpanned as I cross my arms over my chest. "What brings you here for this lovely visit?"
Instantly, he stiffens. "Just thought I would check on you. See if you might want to take a walk."
I shake my head. "I just took a long walk to the woods. Came back with two little friends for dinner. I figured Greasy Sae would enjoy fixing them up." While my hands are still crossed over my chest, I can't help but ask, my tone slowly less condescending. "You'll come for dinner, right?" I ask, not realizing how accustomed to his face I had truly become. Even just seeing it for a meal.
"Ah," he said, his hands in his pockets as our conversation has come to a stale mate. Peeta nods and it is a silent confirmation of our dinner plans.
The silence that creeps up on us is almost deafening. This game we play of waiting for the other one to say something first is slowly getting old and today he is going to be the victor as I can't stand the silence much longer. "I invited Haymitch," I offer and the look on Peeta's face acknowledges the fact that he expected to leave in silence in the next few minutes. "He might come over. Though, there wasn't really a confirmation so much as a belch. I figure he's coming up on the end of his stash." Now I'm talking a bit too much and I can't stand it. Finally, I bring a hand up to my mouth and start chewing on the already short nails out of habit.
"You really need to stop that, Katniss," Peeta says but I continue on. "It's not good for your fingers. You're going to make yourself bleed."
"I've had worse," I reply honestly and without thinking. Peeta's facial expressions go a little dark and sad at that and I realize it was in poor taste. Of course I have had worse. We all have. I bring my hands back down, clasping them together in front of me as the silence creeps back up out of no where
"Right, well," Peeta starts, this time letting me win the silent battle. "I should probably go bake some more bread, especially if we are going to have an extra mouth at the table tonight. Don't want to have to ration out the goods. Do you have any requests?"
I shake my head, my hands clasping tighter together as I resist the urge to bite at my nails. Peeta just nods once more and starts for the front of the house. As he nears the door, I don't try to stop myself. "Cheese buns," I call out, watching him stop in the open doorway and then give a nod of acknowledgement. A large part of me wants to believe he was smiling in the process.
I resist the urge to hide in the closet as the day progresses. It is hard, but I know I have to keep going. I have to try and continue to be a functioning human being. Instead, I choose to sit on the couch and stare into the fireplace, watching a fire that doesn't exist. I've grown afraid of fire, and for damn good reasons. I've been burned more times, physically and metaphorically, than I care to admit to. Winter is going to be really cold this year.
I continue the way I am until Greasy Sae shows up. Rising, I take her to the butchered meat and actually smile a little as I see how excited she is for the rabbit. Usually, I just let her take control of the kitchen and find someplace to lie down until she calls me to the table. Today I change my mind and stay in the kitchen. I watch as she seasons the meat with what few spices I still had in the cabinets. Once the counter space is freed up, I hop on top and continue to watch her as she prepares a rabbit stew. Every now and then I help her by peeling a root for her to chop up, but I mostly just watch. It's a sad thought that comes to mind when I think about the fact that Greasy Sae won't be around forever. And, while I can roast a vegetable and put a small animal on a makeshift spit to cook over a fire, I'm not really much of a cook. Greasy Sae is as good as anyone to learn from.
She excuses herself for a bit, saying she needs to go pick up her granddaughter and leaves me in charge of the meal. Periodically I stir the stew as she has shown me and then cover the pot back up. Part of me feels like we will need something else with this meal until I remember that the stew will be hearty and Peeta's bread will be the perfect finishing touch. Besides, if we want something sweet, Peeta probably has some cookies or something at his place. Not all of the smells from his house are savory, after all, and my mouth has watered a time or two at the sweetness in the air.
Greasy Sae returns first with her granddaughter, who helps me set the table for five. Peeta is next with a large basket covered in a towel that he sets lovingly on the table. We don't speak, but eye contact is made and slight head nods are acknowledged. Just as we are sitting down and I've all but written Haymitch off, the older man comes stumbling into the house and makes his way to the table with his hands full of liquor and paper.
"Nice of you to finally join us," I say, trying not to sound too terribly rude. He did show up, after all.
Flopping into his seat, Haymitch nods and puts his liquor on the table. "Yeah, well, can't turn down a decent meal in District 12 now can I, sweetheart? Besides, we all need to have a little talk."
"What's in your hand, Haymitch?" Peeta asks as I ladle a good helping of rabbit stew into my bowl and then help Greasy Sae's granddaughter before passing the pot on. Picking up my spoon, I stir it a bit to cool it as my eyes stay on Haymitch and the cluster of papers in his hands.
"I assume neither of you got a letter recently? From the Capitol?" Peeta and I look at each other before our focus is back on Haymitch, both of us shaking our heads no. "Well, good. This would be better coming from me anyways instead of getting the letter yourselves or seeing it on the news when they broadcast it. It seems as though we have a minor issue."
Sighing heavily I use my spoon to stab at a chunk of rabbit meat. Of course there would be an issue soon- Something going on to ruin everything. And especially when I was making enough progress to not want to remain hidden all day. I let Peeta man the battle stations and ask the questions. Haymitch continues, sliding the papers over his way before giving himself a huge helping of stew.
"Tracker jackers." He says and my eyes are instantly on Peeta. I'm watching for any sign that he might have a flashback. Any sign that I might lose Peeta. The fear is still so strong inside me that it surprises me how badly I don't want to lose him. Peeta is handling it well, though, his eyes scanning over the pages before him. "Seems as though word got out about your time in the Capitol, Peeta. People now know about the tracker jacker venom and how it was used against you. Peacekeepers have caught a few rogue experiments of people trying to do the same thing. And scared of another uprising while Panem is seriously very fragile, well, Paylor has decided to get rid of them."
"How kind of her to decide now to do it," I say before I can stop myself, my tone slightly sarcastic. "Every last damn nest should have been destroyed by 13 as soon as we knew what was going on with Peeta."
"Not that simple, sweetheart," Haymitch said with a shake of his head. "You should know as well as anyone that attempting to destroy those nests is dangerous. Besides, getting rid of them out here doesn't stop them in the Captiol. No, Paylor wants them all gone. All."
"And how does she plan to do that?" I ask, worry starting to build up inside of me. The idea of someone trying to get rid of a nest and the tracker jackers stinging Peeta is starting to swell in my imagination. It is something that I would prefer not to see ever happen.
"Beetee," says Peeta, finally looking up from the papers. "He's come up with a way that could kill the tracker jackers. But you might not like it, Katniss. I'm not even sure I like it that much."
I look between the two men, waiting for more of an explanation. It is almost like they have a little secret that they have no plans of sharing with me. I never so much cared about that when I was in school and girls acted like they knew something that I didn't know. But after everything that I have just been through, I feel as though I have a right to know. "Well?"
"Electric current bombs." Peeta says, his eyes directly on me as the words bombs pass his lips.
"Oh, well that's great. Beetee is wonderful at bombs. I'm sure Gale has some say in this as well," my voice raising in frustration. Bombs. More and more bombs. And just when you think you are done with them, guess what, here are some more bombs. I start to push my chair back, tossing my napkin on the table as Haymitch finally reached out to put his hand on my wrist to get me to stay. My eyes glare at him, though I don't raise from my chair.
"They have tested these out to near perfection, Katniss. And they are going to send a message to everyone in Panem to inform them all. This isn't a surprise bombing situation. And, if anything, it will make things better to have those mutts gone." He tells me and I pause for a decent amount of time before scooting my chair back to the table.
Peeta watches me the whole time and doesn't speak until I'm back to the table properly. "It says in the letter that on a certain day, they will release a large number of these electronic bombs. When they detonate, they will shoot out an electromagnetic current specially designed for the tracker jackers. The current should kill the tracker jackers almost instantly. A team will be designated to each district to find the dead tracker jackers and dispose of them and their nests."
I nod at the idea, though I still think it is risky, it sounds a whole lot nicer then smacking a nest and then running into water. "What about you?" I ask softly, watching Peeta across from me. "Is this electronic current going to do something to you?"
The look on his face tells me that he knows it was a nice was of asking if it might set him off again. Peeta shrugs, holding my eye contact. "The letter says they don't want me out of the house for a week and to be somewhere away from windows and doors when the bombs are supposed to detonate. I guess I'll just hide out in the house and make sure I have enough baking supplies for that week before hand. Though, not being able to go on a daily walk will be annoying."
"You'll stay here," I tell him, not even hesitating or thinking if it would be a good idea or not. I know it would be a good idea. Someone needs to be with him. I need to be with him. Peeta and Haymitch both raise their eyebrows and Greasy Sae smirks into her stew. "You're not going to be alone. None of us are. And I want to make sure that everyone is safe and ok. So you will all just…stay here. We will stay in the basement when they go off and then when we get the all clear, you can all go back about your business. And Peeta can stay with me and bake here until we are sure everything is fine and he is allowed outside again." Plus, there's an understanding between the three of us. If Peeta starts having a flashback, I'm one of the best people to bring him out of it. And should he get violent, then I need Haymitch's help.
"Alright, sweetheart," Haymitch finally agrees, nodding his head as we all go back to our stew.