Welcome back friends! Thanks for all your super nice reviews; I love them more than red beer. Omg, I just got so drunk on red beer; for those who do not know, that is beer mixed with tomato juice, hot sauce, and magic. Ummmm, and with olives! You have no idea how much I love red beer; well, I love your reviews even more! Squeeeee!
Lol, in other news, *spoiler alert* this week in the anime Konan died, which was a sob-fest for me *sob*. If you feel like checking it out, I wrote a lil' one shot dedicated to her called "Seven Colored Bridge." Check it out if you feel like it!
Without further ado...!
Published to "Photojournalist" By New Black
Chapter Five: Mission Impossible
"These are the terms of our requests, honored Konoha guests," Temari replies in that formal, stilted voice. "We hope that you find them acceptable."
Shikamaru practically spits out his coffee all over Gaara's expensive desk. "Are you insane? These 'requests' are—"
"Nara-san, I ask that you act decorously in front of our Kazekage," Temari breaks in, her face a serene mask. "Perhaps you are not trained in proper court behavior in Konoha? Strange, I thought Tsunade-sama said that you were a most elite team." She takes a sip of her tea, as if she's just commented on the weather—as if she hasn't just insulted him.
Shikamaru is about to offer a hot retort, but Ino slaps her hand down on his arm and breaks in hastily. "Forgive us, Temari-sama. It is just that your requests are…unexpected."
Gaara, who hitherto has been silent, finally speaks. "We will give you time to think about the terms of our agreement; no need to sign at this very moment."
"As well we know that Nara-san takes a long time to think things through," Temari adds; she titters at her own joke, a fake, hollow sound. "We suppose that some geniuses don't think very fast on their feet."
Shikamaru can't help it; he rises from his chair, his face flushed with anger. It's her supercilious tone; the fact that when she says "we," she is not referring to herself and Gaara, but the royal "we."
"Temari, enough," Shikamaru snarls. "You don't need to treat us like—"
"I see Naruto-kun has had a deleterious effect on your manners, Nara-san—"
"For Kami's sake, call me Shikamaru—"
"Yamanaka-san, Akimichi-san, please restrain your teammate." Temari takes another sip of her tea and deliberately avoids Shikamaru's incredulous gaze.
"Shikamaru!" Ino hisses in his ear. "Get a hold of yourself! We're going to get fucked on this contract if you keep losing your control!"
Shikamaru blinks, realizing that this is exactly what Gaara has planned. The Kazekage is using Temari as a tool to undermine his own intelligence so that they lose standing in the arbitration. True, Suna and Konoha are as friendly as two countries can be, but they are still diplomatic entities conducting a contractual agreement; Shikamaru knows that Gaara will do anything to get an edge during these proceedings, just as any Kage would do.
Very well. Two can play at this game.
"Forgive me, Kazekage-sama, Sabaku-hime," Shikamaru murmurs, his tone turning acerbic as he says Temari's title. "I thank you for allowing us the time to peruse the terms of this agreement. Your generosity is most welcome," he says, as evenly as he can.
Temari places her cup of tea down on its porcelain saucer; it makes a gentle clink. "But of course. Konoha is one of our dearest friends. We want you to feel comfortable reaching an agreement with us. How much time will you need to figure out every possible scenario? A week? A month?" Temari barely disguises her smirk as she folds her hands in her lap.
Shikamaru takes a deep breath while formulating a reply. "We'll hardly need a month to reach a decision; though in truth, it will be difficult to leave after just one week, depriving ourselves of your good company." He says the words slowly, rolls the syllables around in his mouth before he lets them drop with all the scathing sarcasm underlying his meaning. "However, since Suna is so dependent on Konoha to formulate all of its strategies, we shall stay as long as we are needed."
To his deep satisfaction, Temari lets out a thin hiss; she has read underneath his words, and she knows that he is not referring to Suna and Konoha, but to himself and Temari. That's right! You are dependent on me! How else did you stay alive in the last war but by my advice, you crazy, tempestuous woman?
Temari does not meet his eyes but gazes lazily out of the window; he can tell the affect is forced, though, because the lines around her mouth are taunt. "How amusing, Nara-san," Temari replies. "It seems that it is the other way around: if Suna hadn't worked so closely with Konoha in the last war, then many a Konoha shinobi would have died by the hands of crazed zombies. You—Konoha—depend on our military strength for your very survival."
Shikamaru opens his mouth to speak, but he is too slow, and Temari presses on before he can parry. "And let's not forget, Nara-san; you might be adept at formulating strategies, but when it comes to real-life missions, never forget who is superior. Life, after all, is not the chunin exams."
Shikamaru can feel his face flush; he knows what she is referring to. Though he won the match against her during the chunin exams, it was Temari who saved his ass shortly thereafter. Before he can stop himself, he blurts out, "That may be, Hime; but lest your head grow too large for your crown, remember the aid that Konoha lent during the last war. Without Konoha, you yourself would not be sitting here, arguing with me." And making my life a living hell, Shikamaru adds silently, his dark eyes flashing.
Temari laughs at that, a cold, crystalline sound. "How very amusing, Nara-san; I seem to recall that it was Suna that came to your rescue, and more than once. Without Suna, you would have been dead long before the last war. Enough," she mutters, when Shikamaru opens his mouth to speak. "We have a saying here in Suna: when in the lair of the sand cat, do not ask for scorpions to be put in your shoes."
"We have a saying, too, that you would do well to remember, Temari," he growls, not bothering with formalities any longer. "In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum; but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum." He glowers at Temari then; her face flushes, then goes white, then flushes once more.
"Nara-san, please address me by my formal title," she replies, her voice barely audible over the rush of blood in his ears.
"No," he hisses. He can see Gaara out of the corner of his eyes; his face is totally expressionless. What is he planning…
"Shikamaru," Ino rises and whispers in his ear, "team leader or not, you are botching this mission. Stand down!"
He wants to say no to Ino, but he knows that he is acting like a petulant child. "Forgive me," Shikamaru rasps. "I believe I've caught sunstroke. Yamanaka-san, if you wouldn't mind taking over?"
Ino nods her assent, but Gaara claps his hands; the abrupt sound startles Shikamaru, though he does his best not to show it.
"Enough talking," the Kazekage rumbles. "Shikamaru-san, I would like you to come with me. I want to discuss the possibility of the barrier shield with you, as well your thoughts on starting a Konoha embassy in Suna. Choji-san, come with us as well; I will take you to my brother, Kankuro, who will introduce you to our construction specialists. Ino-san, if you would be so kind as to accompany my sister, she will give you a tour of the hospital.
"Let us go then, before the noon-hour. I thank you, as the Kazekage, and as a friend, for your efforts."
Before anyone has a chance to protest, Gaara takes Shikamaru and Choji by the arm and practically drags them out of the conference room. Ino and Temari are left at the table, sitting in stunned silence.
"Temari-sama," Ino states at last, her words slow and careful. "What…?"
"Yamanaka-san, let me take you on that tour; I'm sure you'll see that our facilities could certainly use well-trained Konoha medics," she replies in an airy voice. Temari seems to float out of her chair and towards the door; Ino's brow creases with worry as she follows her.
They exit the Kazekage's tower and enter into the arid city streets. It is close to noon, and the sun beats down on the cobblestone streets, making waves of heat shimmer from the ground. Ino can feel her cheeks turning red.
"Temari-sama, hey," Ino ventures after they've walked for a while, "I just wanted to say… Whatever Shikamaru did, I'm sure it was his fault, and that he was total idiot."
Temari seems startled; she stops walking and eyes Ino warily. "I—"
"No, hear me out," Ino breaks in firmly. "I've known Shikamaru my whole life: he's lazy, he's misogynistic, and he's totally self-absorbed. You have every right to be pissed at him. If you want me to beat him up for you, replace his shaving cream with caustic chemicals, fill his bathtub up with piranas, you just say the word. Okay?"
Temari's facade seems to crack for a moment. "I…" She sighs and leans against a street lamp. Ino worries that Temari will retreat back into her shell, and is surprised when instead, she offers her a real smile, one that reaches into her green eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm really only upset with Shikamaru; I shouldn't take it out on you and Choji."
Ino smiles her blinding, super-model smile and wraps an arm around the taller woman, despite the heat of the day. "I don't know what Shikamaru has done, but we can still be friends, right, Temari-sama?"
"Just—Temari. Thanks, Ino." Ino's not sure if it's her imagination or not, but Temari turns her head away and wipes at her eyes. "I've been surrounded by pig-headed men for so long, I forgot how nice it was to have other kunoichi around."
"I know how you feel!" Ino gushes, then proceeds to babble at Temari with all kinds of funny sister-power stories. Temari laughs, just like in the good old days.
That's right, Temari-pie. Let your guard down, and then let me fix whatever stupid thing Shikamaru has done. Ino applauds her feminine wiles and knows she'll get to the bottom of this mess in no time.
Inwardly, Temari is laughing at Ino's gullibility. Let the garrulous girl think that she has Temari's confidence. Gods, these Konoha nin are so soft, so easy to manipulate! Sure, she'll admit that it's nice to have a woman to talk to, but Temari is certainly not going to let Ino maneuver her.
On the contrary, Temari is going to use Ino to lure the Konoha team into signing that contract, and, if she can swing it, wreck her revenge on Shikamaru. It's what that bastard deserves, Temari thinks, self-righteous despite the sinking feeling in her stomach. After all, that jerk gave me Zombie Plague.
Gods, she wants to throttle Shikamaru after what he had said to her, of what he had insinuated under his honeyed words. Temari is not, nor was she ever, dependent on Shikamaru. She'd sooner chew off her own arms than have to be dependent on any man—especially Nara Shikamaru.
"I mean, do you feel me, Temari-chan? Are men idiots or what?" Ino remarks, breaking into Temari's thoughts.
"Mmm, most definitely," Temari agrees with a small smile, though she has no idea what Ino was just talking about. "Here's the hospital. I'd like to introduce you to the medical nin on our staff. Unfortunately, we don't have many; I'd like you to ascertain for yourself how talented they are."
"It would be my pleasure, Temari-chan. After all, what are friends for?"
Friends, huh. These Konoha nin are awfully presumptuous. Sure, she and Ino had fought shoulder-to-shoulder in the last war, but that didn't make them best-friends-for-ever. Temari is loyal to the Sand; she is close to her brothers, but that is about it. She had developed a fighting rapport with her Konoha shield-mates, but she wouldn't go so far as to say they were friends. Maybe she and Shikamaru had been friends, back before they had slept together and fucked everything up—literally. But now?
Tch. Friendship. Some idle Konoha idealism. Someone should take the stuffing out of Naruto's head before he infects everyone with his ridiculous love-no-jutsu.
The rest of the afternoon goes by in a whirl; Ino interviews the humble staff of ten ninja medics while Temari oversees the process. "Looks like most of your staff can do the basics, but they're severely under-trained in surgery, advanced medicines, and techniques that require expert chakra control."
"I see." Temari purses her lips, as if lost in thought.
"I'd be happy to give your staff a bit of training while we're here, but you'll definitely need to call in an expert for this; Sakura's more advanced than me by far." Ino sighs at that and toes the linoleum floor.
"Is something wrong?" Temari asks when Ino falls silent.
"Oh. It's just…well, you know, Forehead—er, I mean, Sakura—hasn't been the same since the war. You know, the whole Sasuke turning out to be a major asshole and insane evil ninja situation."
"Hmm. I heard. He retreated after he lost the battle with Naruto, leaving with Kabuto and Madara."
"Yeah, well, I think it would do Sakura some good to come to the Sand—you know, gain some perspective. It shouldn't be hard to convince Shikamaru that it's in everyone's best interests for her to come to here."
Temari blinks at Ino owlishly. "Why… Why are you offering to help when we haven't even settled on the contract?"
Ino laughs at that, a full, rich sound that startles Temari. "Because we're friends, silly! That's what friends do." Ino gives Temari a bird-like look. "Well, I know you folks do things differently in Suna, but I hope you don't mind if I start drilling your medical team tomorrow morning?"
Temari shrugs. If Ino wants to waste her time and weaken her bargaining power at the table, she can be her guest. "Sure. Suit yourself. I'm going to—"
But she cannot complete her sentence, because a doctor—her doctor—rounds the corner. "Temari-sama, have you come for your weekly exam?" she asks, blithe and oblivious as ever.
"No! I was just here a few day ago. Can't you people keep your grubby hands off of me?"
The doctor smiles her sickeningly sweet smile. "We just want to make sure we keep you and your—"
"Thank you, my wonderful physician," Temari breaks in hastily, speaking louder than necessary so that her doctor stops talking. "But I believe my appointment is not until tomorrow." Temari grinds her teeth and adds, mentally, Oh, I'll come by tomorrow—and tell you to keep your big trap shut abut my little bundle of unhappiness!
"See you then," Temari snarls as she grabs Ino by the arm and practically runs out of the building, away from her psychopathic doctor.
"Sorry about that," Temari titters nervously. "I hate doctors."
"What do you need weekly visits for, Temari-chan?" Ino asks, concerned. "Are you—"
"Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine, just caught a little bug after the war, that's all. Gaara just wants to make sure I stay healthy!"
"Eh, Temari-chan, do you want me to take a look? After all, the doctors here—"
"No! No thanks, no—I'm fine," Temari mutters nervously. "Really. It's just a minor case of the Zombie Plague. Heh, heh."
Ino's eyes grow wide. "Zombie Plague?"
"Yeah, you know, Zombie Plague. No big deal."
"I thought…I thought Naruto made that up," Ino says. "Sakura said that he just ate bad ramen…"
"Oh, it's real, I assure you," Temari replies, her mouth twisting in a wry grimace. "Gaara says I won't die of it…probably." Temari lets out a long breath; it is all too common for women to die in childbirth. It is a possible outcome of becoming infected with the so-called Zombie Plague.
"Let me examine you, Temari—"
"No! No, I'm fine, everything is under control. I'm not contagious, and the bug should go away on its own." She lets go of Ino's arm and proceeds to walk on the shadowed side of the street. "Do me a favor, don't tell anyone, okay? It's supposed to be a secret. Can't have the troops getting all in a tizzy just because their fearless Wind-Princess has a bug."
"Wait. It's really…real?"
Temari nods gravely. "Of course it's real. It mainly effects women with wind-style chakra, which is why you haven't seen more cases; wind-style chakra is rare enough."
"But Naruto—"
"The Kyuubi is female."
"Oooooooooooh." Ino screws up her face, lost in thought. "But wouldn't have Sakura told me if—"
"Of course not. Imagine the panic your village would be in if your Hokage-elect had plague! Don't worry, it's just like a bad flu that lasts for a year. And Naruto's strong, he'll probably live."
"But—where did you pick up the disease from?"
Temari chooses her words very, very carefully. "I believe Shikamaru had the pathogen on him after he fought Asuma. From my research, it seems like the pathogen travels on zombies with wind-style chakra, and then contaminates other wind-style users. And while men can't be infected, they can be carriers. Asuma gave Shikamaru those chakra blades, remember? The blades he later gave to Naruto?"
"Oh shit," Ino breathes. "Shikamaru gave you the plague! No wonder why you're pissed at him."
"Yes, Shikamaru certainly gave me Zombie Plague," Temari replies, patting her belly discretely. "I haven't broken out into oozing boils yet though, so it looks like I'll live through it. Probably. Well, I'm off to get some lunch. I'll see you later, Ino."
Ino looks up with a start, finally realizing that they've come to her inn. "Of course. See you later, Temari-chan."
Temari walks away with a smile curving her lips. Oh to be a fly on the wall when Shikamaru learns he's given me plague. In a sense, it's all very, very true; except for the part about Naruto. But as all messages to Konoha are intercepted by ANBU, Temari is fairly confident that Ino will not be able to speak with Sakura directly about Temari's "infection" until Ino and friends are back in Konoha.
Fucking Shikamaru. I'd like to wring his neck right now… Instead, Temari settles for the next best thing: a bowl of bland oatmeal, and then a trip to her private training grounds. She has told the guards to supply her with a fresh row of training posts; posts which she intends to decapitate following lunch.
Have a happy weekend! Please review:)