I don't own Harry Potter…T-T
It had been a year. A whole year since that first amazing night…a whole year since she'd left him alone. No matter what he did, he couldn't forget the betrayal that had ripped his heart hadn't been in bed when he woke up that Monday morning, contributing even more to the feeling he had that something was going to happen today. Something bad.
He'd been awakened in the middle of the night to find her crying softly, muffling her sobs in his bare chest. He'd felt the warm wetness of her tears sliding down his skin. She hadn't realized he'd woken up and he didn't alert her. Instead, he'd lain awake as her bawling had stopped and her breathing slowly evened. When she'd returned to blessed unconsciousness, he'd cradled her to him and didn't loosen his grip till he to had drifted off.
Sunday had been amazing. They had stayed in bed all day, just enjoying the delights of each other. It had been a wonderful day, although she had disappeared for part of it. But now it was time to go pick up Harry, and show him the surprise of going to the Beach House. They had even discussed having the large family come and stay with them here. They'd been friends with the large red-haired family for two years and they'd never been to either of the two Potter houses. They'd only met Sirius twice, and most of them were still convinced he was Harry's father. Something that would hopefully be true soon, if he had his way.
With a sigh he'd got up, tossing the foreboding feelings that plagued him aside. That day was going to be perfect. He'd get to spend time with Lily, the love of his life, and Harry, the child of his heart. He'd also decided to try and talk Lils into the one think he wanted from her most. For her to be his wife.
Oh what a fool he way…
~X-x-X~
She glanced over her shoulder at the place were Severus had just apparated home from, then hurried toward the house. She and Sirius were due to pick up Harry in less than an hour, and she still had to get ready. Right now wasn't the right time for him to know yet…
That's were tragedy struck. As soon as she stepped into the house, she saw him. His attention wasn't on the front door, but glued on the large fireplace. An excited smile was on his handsome face, and his hands were clutching something in his pocket. He was planning something…Something big.
She gently closed the door, hoping he didn't here. But she had no such luck. As soon as the entry way clicked into place, his ears perked up and he swung his head toward her. A large grin flashed across it and he hurried toward her.
"Lily!" he exclaimed excitedly, "I've been waiting for you to get home! I want to ask you something."
Reaching her, he pulled her into a hug and stuck his nose in her hair. That's were he froze.
"Lily? Your hair doesn't smell like you. It smells like pipe smoke and…" he paused, thinking before the answer hit him. "Snape?" he whispered in confusion. They stared at each other, neither daring to say anything.
"Lily, no one else I know has that smell. Why were you hanging out with Snivellus?" he asked carefully, starting to sound mad.
She didn't answer, but stayed silent to try and figure out how to best word a speech to intentionally break both their hearts. Something that had to be done…but she wasn't ready now. This was to soon…
"Lily?" he demanded again, more force behind his words now. He was angry. She could only tell him the truth.
"I-I-I was on-on'a d-d-d-ate with h-h-im…" she managed to stutter out, shocked by how angry he looked.
They stared at each other silently, his eyes widening in shock and betrayal as he processed what she'd just confessed..
"Snape! Lily, why are you going out on dates with Snape! And after the last couple of days…"
She looked away.
"Because it had to be done…" was the only answer she gave him before trying to flee up to her room. She didn't make it far.
"Lily, what are you talking about!" He'd chased after her and restrained her from running, then demanded the answers from her she so didn't want to give. "Why do you have to go out with Snivellus of all people!"
Her answer was what had simultaneously angered him the most and tore his heart out. It was the reason he left. Just eight little words…
"So I wouldn't have to be with you…"
That's all it took for all the plans he'd began constructing for them to crumble. For their future children to die before actually coming into existence. For his godson, who he wanted so much to have call him dad, to be forever out of his reach.
His fears had come to pass. She didn't actually want to be with him.
"So you just used me…right?"
~X-x-X~
She didn't know where that accusation had come from, but she grabbed onto the story and held on tight.
"What do you think Sirius?"
Instead of answering right away, he turned away and bowed his head.
"I don't know what to think anymore Lils…" he said dejectedly, the anger vanishing in an instant and his voice now barely a whisper.
She flinched. Yeah she wanted to get him away from her for his own good, but…it sounded like he was heartbroken. He didn't love her that much…did he?
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion she didn't want to feel and tears she didn't want to cry. This was for their own good! For Harry's own good! What was best for everyone. He would bounce back. He always did. Sirius Black was, after all, many things. A wizard, a godfather, a Marauder…but he, with his mischievous silver eyes, carefully mussed raven locks, and devilish grin, was, when he chose to be, a very charming lady's man that just about no one could say no to. He would be fine…and she had Sev…so why did it hurt so much?"
"No," he whispered in response, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you lie about your feelings and shag me just so you wouldn't have to hurt mine. That wasn't fair to you. Serves me right for ruining our friendship I guess…"
She so wanted to comfort him, to tell him what he spoke wasn't true…but she didn't open her mouth. This was the correct, and only course of action she could take for his future to be okay. He had to marry well and produce heirs for his family. It's what everyone expected of him, to marry another of his kind and keep the lines pure. Not to be with the widowed Muggleborn wife of his best friend, who happened to have the child of said friend.
She couldn't do that to him. So she took it on herself to make it right in everyone's eyes.
"It's not like that Sirius…" she said at last, wanting him to at least have an understanding of the truth. These last few days would be in her heart forever. The few hours she got to spend with the man she loved now, before they had to face the unfair reality of life.
"It's okay Lily. You don't have to sugar coat it for me. I can handle the rejection." He stopped talking momentarily and glanced at the clock. "It's nearly time for Harry to be picked up. You go do that, and I'll… well I'll pack my stuff. I don't imagine you'll want me around anymore."
Before she could deny what he said, he was gone. She heard his footsteps on the stairs, and overhead as they headed toward the bedroom they had shared only hours ago. It was truly over now…
With nothing else to do, she turned on the spot and disappeared. Two hours later, she sat in the kitchen of the Burrow with a smile on her face listening to Molly's newest gossip. Even the youngest of the Weasley children could tell something was wrong with the seemingly happy woman. It was the eyes that gave her away. Usually so green and happy, they were now lifeless and red rimmed. A sure look into her soul and the despair that she felt.
~X-x-X~
In the beginning, it had been as if James had died again, although this time there had been no Padfoot to comfort her. No one to hold her as she wept, no one to gently stroke her hair, no one to just sleep by her and give comfort with his presence…she was alone. Undeniably alone, and it was all her fault. It was for the best…but that sentiment did nothing to comfort her.
Although he had left, he was not gone. Every other weekend, he sent a letter to Potter Manor asking if Harry would enjoy a "Marauder Weekend." A weekend with Remus and Sirius to jus hang out, learn new pranks, and talk.
While away on these weekends, she went on dates with Sev to beat off the loneliness that always set in. If it was like this for her now, she wondered what it would be like when her son started school. Then she would be alone everyday since Sirius… and that's when that train of thought always derailed. It hurt to think about Padfoot. As he'd promised that day, he was gone when they returned. His things were gone from the house when they went home. There was no sign of him, minus a letter of apology to Harry. She didn't know what it had said, but whatever it was had stopped him asking questions about why the man who had been there all of his remembered life was suddenly gone. She always felt as if she was trying to replace him.
No matter how much she wanted them to, Harry and Severus would never get along. No matter how much she tried to convince the potions master that her son wasn't his father, or no matte how many times she threatened the boy to behave around the man or else, the more neither listened to her.
Right from the get go, they'd hated at each other. The Marauder's son had taken one look at Snape, with his sallow skin and hooked nose…his shoulder-length greasy black hair, and the black eyes that were cold when looking anywhere but at her, and taken an immediate dislike toward him.
On their first meeting, he had been dropping her off after one of their few dates during the weekdays. They'd almost kissed for the first time…when a bucket of shampoo came raining down and covered him. Both their gazes had skyrocketed upward to see the giggling form of Harry disappear back into the house from the balcony. She'd promptly invited him in to clean-up, which turned out to be a bad idea.
The Professor had departed the Manor with not only the Shampoo still on, but also drenching wet, his once flowing black robes turned bright pink, his shoes into clown shoes, moose ears in the place of his real ones, and everytime he took a step he seemed to have to fart. All in all a pleasant evening…for the little greened-eyed Potter monster, as he'd been dubbed by Snape. Harry later confided in her that the pranks hadn't worked right. The one that had turned his robes pink was suppose to have turned it into a tutu.
Other than his feud with her son, there were other problems with their relationship. While he was great at coming up with the dates she loved…there was just nothing there. She thought of him as one of her best friends instead of a boyfriend. Their first kiss, when they finally got around to having it, was perfectly nice… but it hadn't made her toes curl. It hadn't sent her heart into a fluttery rhythm, hadn't made her dizzy with happiness, and hadn't given her fireworks. With both Jamie and Siri there had been fireworks with their kisses...
Incredible, engaging, heartfelt kisses that she was missing not just with her lips, but with her soul.
She missed him…
~X-x-X~
Sometimes hooking up with an ex-girlfriend can come back and bite you in the ass. Before the death of Prongs, he'd been seeing a fellow Auror named Stephanie Reid. She was an attractive half-blood witch, with dark honey blonde hair, brownish gold eyes, and large breasts. In his opinion at the time he'd been dating her, the perfect woman. They'd quit seeing each other after the funeral, when he had resigned from his job and moved in with Lily. But they'd stayed friends.
She'd got in touch with him a little over a month ago and asked him for a favor. To accompany her to a Ministry event, the unveiling of a new potion. A dress robe required party to celebrate the potion Wolfsbane. A new creation that was said to make it easier for Werewolves to transform on the full moon, and safer for regular human beings to be near them when in wolf form. The first steps in a search for the cure of Lycanthropy. Her brother had been one of the researchers. He didn't truly want to go, but he did it for two reasons. A favor to her…and he owed it to Remus. The man had been shocked speechless when he found out there might be a way to make it easier without his best friend having to put his life in danger.
A potions convention. He really should have realized she would be there too, the woman he both loved and avoided at all cost. Was she not a potion fanatic, as well as dating the Hogwarts Potions Master? Of course she would be there as well! After all, she was friends with Remus to…
She looked truly radiant, this being his first thought when he saw her for the first time that night. She wore a dress of gold, etched in black. In was Muggle in origin, a spaghetti-strapped number that fell to the floor with slits up to mid-thigh. Her hair was up in a bun, her bangs held back from her face with a headband that matched the dress. Black heels finished off the outfit, as well as a small black clutch bag and black shawl around her shoulders.
She was on the arm of the ever grim Snape, who was dressed in his normal black, flowing bat like robes, although it was in fact a dressier pair. As per usual, his hair was long and greasy. The beauty and the beast in would seem…
He sighed and headed toward the bar, silently wishing that her apparent happiness had something to do with him. But he knew only to well he didn't. After all, he told himself grimly as he downed the first shot of Firewhisky, she didn't he know he was here.
~X-x-X~
Lily was dancing, although kind of surprised that they would have dancing of all things at a potion uncovering, with an old acquaintance from school, an old member of the Potions Club that had worked on the brewing of the new discovery. John had been regaling her with stories of his time in making it when she first saw him. Sirius…
He was dressed in his midnight blue dress robes, the ones that set off his hair. He was standing by the wall with his head turned away from he, a drink in his hands and a pretty witch in lavender nearby listening in fascination as he told her about something she couldn't make out.
'See?' she told herself, ignoring the jealousy that had begun to eat at her heart. She knew he would bounce back. She also wouldn't be surprised if that particular woman ended up in his bed tonight. In any case, hadn't she seen him doing that same thing many times while at school?
But that didn't make it hurt any less.
~X-x-X~
The rat glared down at the trap that held him hostage. There was no way he'd be able to get out of this without returning to human form. Curse that stupid redheaded Muggle lover and his stupid Muggle artifacts! Only he would lay out a sticky trap…Curse that wife of his as well for complaining about vermin getting into her pantry…
Without any alternative, he began to shift. He grew taller, as well as grew out. Hair shrank back into his skin…soon he was a person again, for the first time in nearly six years. He'd been catching one last meal courtesy of the bloodtraitor Weasley family before he fled their ramshackle house, when he'd been caught in that infernal trap. It had delayed him for an hour already, which wasn't good for him. The red-haired woman would be awaking soon and coming down to start breakfast for her vast brood. When that happened, she might find him…
But true to his nature, he couldn't resist taking just a little more food. This would be his downfall.
As he sat with his back turned, eating a tray of banana nut bread, he didn't notice the door swing open. He was only aware of it as a scream filled the air.
~X-x-X~
The party was in full swing late into the night, and somehow they ended up in front of each other.
She looked into his eyes, the ones she'd been watching smile all night, and long to kiss him. She missed the touch of his lips on hers… but it sadly wasn't to be. Instead, he casually struck up a conversation on how the potion earlier revealed might help Moony. She agreed that it would, but before she could say anything else, their dates appeared on either side of them. She recognized his escort to. The blonde he'd left when he moved in to help her. The woman had never forgiven her for that…
~X-x-X~
The end of the night found them back at the manor. Harry was in bed and Remus, who had babysat for her that night, was waiting anxiously for any news that the reports on the potion were true. After she told him her assessment on it, he left with a hug for her and a nod to Sev. The old Marauders and him really didn't get along, which was bad because Remus always seemed to be around lately. She suspected it had something to do with a promise to Sirius after he moved out to keep an eye on them…
When they were alone, the two adults sat in front of the fireplace.
"Lily, may I ask you something?"
That was something different from Sev and Padfoot. Whenever he wanted to ask or say something romantic, he always asked her permission first. Sirius had just blurted it out.
"Of course Severus…"
He came and sit beside her on the couch, and took her hands in his. "Lily, we've been going out for almost a year now…but I have to confess something to you. I've been in love with you since the first moment I met you. I've dreamed of a future with you, of children that are apart of both of us. When Potter broke us apart and you married him, I thought I would never heal from the pain…I've wanted to share my life with you, so will you do me the honor…"
She felt her breath stop, already knowing what was coming but not knowing how to answer. Or how to correct him that it was he that had called her that name… Before he could get the question out though, they were interrupted as the fire flashed emerald green. A man came into view, still turning slightly as he tumbled out.
It was Sirius, still in his dress robes from the party. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing there…but he beat her to it. The explanation he gave seemed to freeze her soul.
"They caught the rat."
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