Chapter 6 :
What now?
After finally confessing their feelings to each other Maura and Jane stayed there, in Jane' s living room holding each other both of them not knowing what to say or do.
Over the past 10 days Jane and Maura had yelled at each other unleashing every bit of pain and resentment they had accumulated since the shooting. For the first time in her life Maura who was the most loving woman on earth allowed herself to truly hate and resent someone didn't spare any effort to show it to her, physically and verbally. After being confronted by her mother Maura had realized she had taken things way too far and had decided to visit Jane and apologize. Little she knew that visit turned into a heart breaking confession session. Settled in Jane's arms Maura didn't knew what to say or do but knew that they couldn't stay still and silent for ever.
"What should we do now?"Maura suddenly asked still comfortably settled in Jane's arms, her head resting on her chest.
"I don't know Maura. We have a lot to work on to rebuild our relationship and I'm willing to do anything in my power to win your trust back."Jane replied kissing Maura's forehead.
Sitting on Jane's couch both women were still trying to make sense of their recent conversation. For a long time they had ignored their true feelings, because they were scared of what people might think, or because they were scared of not being good enough or simply because they were scared of loosing their friendship if they ever acted on their feelings. Both women spent years torturing themselves, trying to find the most appropriate way and time to confess their feelings convinced that one that step taken, things would go naturally.
Unfortunately now that they had finally confessed their true feelings to each other Jane and Maura were more confused and lost than ever.
They both knew that it would take them tremendous efforts to rebuild their friendship and for Maura to forgive Jane for betraying her and neither of them knew if a romantic relationship was even possible. All they knew was that fixing their friendship was their priority and none of them were ready to consider taking their relationship to the next level or even to talk about it.
"Well, I think you should visit Dean and confront him about his actions."Closing her eyes, listening to Jane's heart beats Maura knew that Jane needed closure, that she needed to know if Dean had really used her to get to Doyle.
"I know and I intend to pay him a visit as soon as he wakes up and trust me this will be the last time I ever speak with him."
"Actually, I heard the nurses saying he was awake."Maura replied biting her bottom lip as she slowly escaped from Jane's embrace.
"Oh…well I better get my hands on him Internal Affairs interrogate him."For the past ten days Jane had been eagerly waiting for her ex lover to wake up so she could confront him and give him a piece of her mind. She had trusted her regarding the all Doyle situation and he had betrayed her and almost made her loose Maura in the process and that's not something she was ever going to forgive.
"Yes. From what Detective Korsak told me they already interrogated him, Frankie and Detective Frost. I don't know what they're waiting for to interrogate us as well."
"I think they needed everybody's testimonies before interrogating us so they could confront us with our mistakes you know : me and Dean shooting Doyle and you offering yourself as bate. Don't worry about it too much though, you're the Chief Medical Examiner, they won't touch you."
"How about you and Agent Dean?"
"Well Dean isn't under their jurisdiction and his own IA will probably have an investigation on their on and considering he shot one of their 10 most wanted he should be fine. As far as I'm concerned, I don't think I will be blamed for shooting Doyle but using the Chief Medical Examiner as bate, that's another story. "
"Do you think you might get suspended?"Suddenly face with the consequences of her actions Maura realized that Jane could loose her shield because of her crazy plan to make the murderer confess.
"It's possible, but it's alright I deserve it, I should have never agreed to your plan, look where it lead us. There were other ways to find the truth."The truth was that Jane didn't care about being suspended or even loosing her badge. After what happened in the warehouse and the way she had been betrayed by Dean and the way she herself betrayed Maura she had lost faith in herself and had almost no desire of going back to the force. Actually her suspension was the perfect opportunity for her not only to won Maura's trust back but also to do a real introspection on her own actions and the woman she had become.
"You didn't deserve to loose your badge or even get suspended, this was my idea, if someone deserves to get suspended it's me."
"No Maura, I shot Doyle and almost got you killed, I deserved any punishment Internal Affairs will see fit, don't worry about it."
"Well, I won't accept that, as you said I'm the Chief Medical Examiner and I intend to use all the power that my position gives me to make sure that you don't pay for what was my idea."The truth was that Maura believed that Jane deserved to be punished for betraying her but not for agreeing on using her as bate.
"Alright, alright, I know you enough to know that there is no way I'm gonna change your mind." Jane smirked seeing the determination in her friend's eye.
"Wait a minute, what about Doyle?I know Internal Affairs asked Detectives Frost, Korsak about his presence at the warehouse and they had to lie, oh Jane I realize that the tree of you had been covering for me all that time and now you might loose your badge if Internal Affairs finds out that Patrick Doyle is my father."
"Alright sweetie, just breath. Everything is going to be okay I promise. I'm going to continue to protect you no matter what it might cost me alright?If Internal Affairs wants to investigate the reason why Doyle was at the warehouse well let them investigate. I promise you that no one will ever find about you and Doyle alright?"For the past two years Jane, Korsak and Frost had kept Maura's secret in order to protect her from getting her by one of Doyle's ennemies the way Colin was and none of them were about to turn their backs on her now.
"No Jane!I can not allow you compromise your career for me. What if Internal Affairs starts to suspect you of being one of Doyle's mole?Have you considered the repercussions if they start to believe that he was there to save you?No Jane, I won't let them suspect you of being a corrupted cop."Up until now Maura had gladly welcome her friends' protection but was now starting to realize what protecting her secret might cost them.
"Maura, please let me do this alright?I deserve to get punished what I have done and besides if the truth gets out you will be in danger and I won't let that happen."The truth was that Jane would have given her life to protect Maura's secret and for the first time she knew that she might have to give what mattered more to her : her badge. When it came to Maura nothing but her safety mattered, not her badge, not the the law or the oath she took or even her own life.
"Loosing me isn't enough of a punishment?"
"Loosing you is the worse punishment possible." Jane replied shaking her head looking down at her feet.
"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. We both need to let go of past anger if we want to be able to overcome this."Maura replied reaching out for Jane's hand.
"I agree, Damn, it's almost 8, would you care for some chinese ?"Jane asked reaching out for some menus on her coffee table.
"Thanks but I should get back to the hospital before my mother falls asleep."
"How about I call my mother and ask her to stay with Constance tonight?You could use a good night of sleep."Looking at Maura Jane could see how pale she was, that she had lost weight and considering the bags under her eyes she knew that she probably hadn't caught any sleep since the shooting. Now that they were talking again Jane was determined to take care of Constance and Maura.
"Yes, I must admit that I'm tired but I wouldn't want to ask your mother to do that."Rubbing her face with both hands Maura had to admit that between the emotional strain that this all drama had caused her and the lack of sleep she was a wreck, but considering her father was still in Africa and wouldn't be able to come back to the states for another two days Maura took it on her to stay at her mother's bed side neglecting her own health.
"Come on, my mother loves your mother, you know they grew up pretty close since the first time they met and I'm sure she'd be more than happy to look after her tonight."
"No, I have to be there in case she wakes up and needs medical assistance ." Maura said suddenly standing up determined to take care of her mother on her own.
Night after night Maura would sit next to her mother and watch her sleep and the rare moments she would allow herself to close herself she would see her mother's pushing her away and saving her life. For the past 35 years Maura and her mother had lived estranged from one another but thanks to Jane's help the two women had grew up close over past few months and only minutes before being run over Constance had expressed her regrets and intention to visit more often. After spending her life trying to get her mother's attention Maura finally had the feeling that the two of them were going to have the relationship she always dreamed about. Now that her mother was awake and walking around the hospital Maura was still unable to leave her at nights, eaten by the guilt of her mother's sacrifice, she couldn't, wouldn't let her alone.
Unfortunately Jane was right, she was exhausted and could barely keep her eyes opened or even stand up.
"Hey slow down alright? If you want to be with your mother, I'll drive you."
"Thank you….I…"Trying to walk towards the door Maura suddenly felt dizzy and before she could say another word she literally collapsed in Jane's arms.
"Wow, here I got you."Catching Maura as she literally fell back right in her arms Jane could see the consequences of having both Doyle and her mother in the hospital had on Maura. For the past 10 days she had spent her nights and days splitting her time between the two of them and Jane could see how she was neglecting herself : she looked exhausted and had lost at least 10 pounds.
So Jane gently grabbed Maura in her arms and carried her to her bedroom, laid her on her bed, took her shoes off and pulled up the covers. Looking down at her friend sleeping Jane started to think about the hostage situation they went through and started to realize that Maura had probably spent every single minute at her bedside during the week she was unconscious. The shooting happened over a year back but the two women barely talked about it but Jane knew how Maura must have taken care of her, making sure her and Frankie received the best medical care possible not to mention that she probably spent fair amounts of time comforting an hysterical Angela.
For the past few years Maura had stood by Jane's side forgiving and accepting her flaws, exces of pride and bad temper and had trusted her with her life without ever questioning her intentions or loyalty. On the other hand Jane had literally killed for her, had protected her secrets and had almost gave her life to protected her without ever flinching. Looking back at what they had gave and sacrificed for each other Jane realized that she took Maura for granted, that she always assumed that Maura would always be there for her, to forgive her flaws and mistakes and was determined to correct her exces of pride and to never allow herself to get comfortable in their relationship ever again.
So guys, I was disappointed on the nubmber of reviews for last chapter which IMO was really important.
I know this chapter was all over the place but after reading spoilers on the season premiere I realized that IA will go after Jane and the team and that they're gonna wonder why Doyle was at the warehouse...We all know Jane won't betray Maura and reveal her link with Doyle and I thought it was important to mention this in my story. I think that facing IA is gonna be a part of my story, I think it's important, don't you?
Anyway is this story worth continuing?