Chapter 2

Time passes so slowly. Life in District 12 goes on, but I'm constantly waiting, worrying about what is to come. There's no way the Capitol will let what we did go. Well, what I did. But Peeta's case isn't so good now either, after the gift he offered to Rue and Thresh's families in District 12.

You should have told him, I think to myself. He could've been totally spared, if not for what happened in 11. Everyone believed he was in love with me during the games and, looking back on the footage, I can see why. If that incident hadn't happened during the Victory Tour, I don't think I'd have to worry about Peeta's fate. But I do.

The days I spend hunting with Gale are better than the others, at least. Since he's working in the mines, we normally only go out on Sundays, but we also eat dinner together a couple of times a week. Sometimes Prim and my mother join us.

The first time he kissed me was just last week. We were laughing about something in the woods and then his lips were on mine. I didn't expect it, but I kissed him back. I was fascinated by the feelings of my best friends lips. Best friend. That's still how I thought of him.

But I knew he wanted more. I saw it in his eyes the moment we hugged when I returned to District 12. And I realized how much I had missed him. I felt loyal to the boy who had helped keep me alive all those years, but I also realized he wouldn't have had the chance if it weren't for Peeta, throwing me the bread that gave me hope.

When we pulled away from the kiss, I looked up into his deep, dark eyes. He was so handsome. And so protective of me. No doubt, I loved Gale. I knew it didn't feel like kissing Peeta in the cave, or that night on the train, but I thought it would, eventually. Gale silently asked me to give us a chance that day. My response was an embrace, a silent yes, I will.

I give the door a light knock and walk in. Hazelle's back is turned to me, cooking at the stove.

"Hey, Hazelle," I smiled to her. "Smells delicious."

"Thanks to you, Katniss," Her smile beams to me from across the room and I feel so lucky that I'm able to do this for their family. Besides, it gives me something to do, a reason to keep going, despite my endless anxiety about the future.

I help Hazelle set the table and played jacks with Rory as we waited for Prim and my mother, and for Gale to return from the mines.

"Katniss, could you run over to the bakery and buy a couple loaves for dinner?" Hazelle asks me, handing me a few coins.

I freeze, but remember there's no reason I can't talk to Peeta. I silently assure myself it will be fine, that I can't avoid him forever.

"Okay, Hazelle," I say. "But you keep this," And I had the coins back to her, because Peeta would never charge me for the bread. Plus, I'd pay for it if I had to, rather than take any money from Hazelle.

I take a deep breath as I walk to the bakery, and a wave of dizziness hits me. In any other circumstance I'd assume this is related to my nervousness to see Peeta, but I've been sick on and off for a couple of weeks.

Luckily, I was alone in the woods the majority of times I felt the need to vomit, but Prim walked in on me last week in the bathroom. A worried look immediately seized her face.

"Katniss, tell mom you're sick. I'm sure she can help," She said.

"If it doesn't go away soon, I will. I just don't want to worry her unnecessarily," I had explained.

"OK. Promise, if you still feel sick in a few days, you'll tell her?" Prim has asked.

"I promise."

My dizziness quells on the walk to the bakery, but I suddenly feel a little nauseous. I roll my eyes to myself, more out of annoyance then concern. This time, I'm sure it's because I'm nervous about seeing Peeta.

I walk into the shop and a little bell on the door rings. There's music playing behind the counter, but otherwise, it's quiet. Peeta quickly appears, his face changes from a friendly smile to a surprised one when he realizes it's me.

"I definitely wasn't expecting to see you," He laughs a little, knowing how dramatic his change of expression was when he saw me.

"I know. I never come by," I say.

"Do you have to pay off Prim to always come get your bread for you?" He asks, a glint of humor in his eyes.

I blush, because it's true. Not the paying her part of course, but I do coerce Prim come over to buy bread when we need it. If not, I'll tell my mother I'm going to be in the woods very late, and could she pick it up? I guess I didn't realize Peeta would pick up on it, but now, it seems obvious.

"I…" I have no idea what to say about this. "Peeta," I say, and drop my head. But I want to keep it light so I mimic his tone. "It's not like things have been entirely… comfortable."

"You're telling me," He says with sadness in his voice. When I look into his blue eyes I see the sadness there, too. I want it go away.

"Peeta. I do want to see you. I miss you," I start. "But I don't know what to say. I'm no good with words, not like you are."

He smiles a little. "Well, I have none now."

But then he says, quietly. "I just wish you had been there when I woke up."

I look down immediately, and I'm probably blushing. I had woken up sleepily in bed, shocked when I remembered what had happened. I saw no other option but to leave so I could think about how to handle it alone. It was very early, and Peeta was still sleeping… but even in sleep, I remember detecting a hint of a peaceful smile on his face.

Peeta and I had talked the next day, after dinner, but it hadn't gone very well. I was purposely very cool toward him, very matter of fact. I thought if I were anything but cold and unresponsive, my real feelings—whatever they were—would force their way out. My emotions haven't exactly been in check lately, I had thought.

"It was a mistake," I said. I was saddened by my own harsh words, so I didn't want to even think about how they made him feel. I couldn't look up but he was silent, staring at me, and I was forced to. What I saw was shock and devastation. But after another minute of silence, I was still surprised to see the lone tear running down his cheek.

I felt badly after that night, because I didn't really mean what I said. I meant that it was perfect. I meant that I cared for him deeply. And I meant that despite those truths, I just couldn't give myself to him the way he wanted me to. Yes, Gale was a factor, but it was also many, many other things.

After that night I had wished I said that, instead of saying it was a mistake. But I didn't want to hurt him any more, I couldn't bare it. I wanted to get all the hurt out of the way then and there.

I was warmer to him after that, though. Or at least I'd tried to be. But he's been kind to me in the few awkward moments we've spent together since the train, so I think he's noticed that I'm trying.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do, I thought being alone would help," I said.

"Did it?"

"Not very much."

"Well, I miss you too, Katniss," He says.

"If it had never happened, this wouldn't be like this now. We'd be friends. It would be normal. I wish it never happened. Don't you?," I blurt out.

He shakes his head and looks at the ground. "How can you ask me to say that?"

I suddenly feel angry. "So you're fine with this, then? You don't want to see me? You don't miss how things were, at all?" I'm almost yelling at him now, and my heart races in my chest. When I look up again I'm surprised to see that he looks angry at me, too.

"That is so unfair, Katniss. Of course I want to see you. I've been miserable since we got back. Have you not noticed?" he scowls. "And now you want me to say I regret being with you, but you know I'm in love with you! I'm not going to say what you want me to hear. Not this time. It was perfect and I am glad it happened."

I am silent.

"Do you need something?"

I pull coins out of my pocket, and put the price for two loaves on the counter without saying anything. He hands me the loaves and pushes the coins back toward me. I can't find any words and I just stand there, speechless.

"Go have dinner now, Katniss," he says quietly, and disappears into the back.