Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach as much as I wish I did. It belongs to the brilliant Tite Kubo-sama.

Pairings: Shinji Hirako/ Ichigo Kurosaki

Chapter summary: Ichigo contemplates his life and has a talk with his inner hollow. Who said that the vizards knew everything about being one of them?

'thoughts'

flashback

/Zangetsu/

/hollow/

/Ichigo to Zangetgtsu or Shiro/

Un-betaed

Chapter 3: A Contemplative Mind

A 6 year old Ichigo skipped happily between his parents, holding their hands with a blinding smile on his face.

His mother was 4 months pregnant, with twins, his father had said. He was going to be a big brother. He couldn't wait for the babies to come.

His mother smiled bemusedly at him, amused but happy. His father was smiling goofily at his family, as well as everyone and everything that they passed. It truly was a picture perfect image of the happy family.

"What are you going to name them?" he asked, curiosity and excitement lighting his normally high pitched voice. (remember that his a kid, his voice is high)

His father started talking excitedly, almost as if he had been holding back earlier. Names spewed from his father like a waterfall." Sakura, Sayu, Sachiko, Yuki, Masaki Jr., Tomoyo, Tomoka, Karin, Yorusei, Mayu, Yuzu…"he chattered off.

His mother laughed, delighted at her husband's feelings for there soon to be born twins. His father stopped talking, taking enjoyment, just like he was doing, as they heard the bell like laughter ringing out of his mothers mouth.

"Why not just pick 2" his mother suggested, a beautiful smile blooming on her face. "There is only going to be 2 of them after all", the genuine happiness in her voice was like music to the males ears.

His father pouted, eyes going dopey eyed in a false mocking of the puppy look. "But there are so many names to choose from! I just don't know what to pick!"

His mothers smile got wider, releasing her bell like laughter again at his response, and at his actions.

"What do you suggest Ichigo-chan?"

I stopped, unsure of what to say. 2 names came to mind from what his father's name rambling had spewed. "Karin and Yuzu?"

He looked questioningly at his mother, uncertain if the names would meet her approval. After all, it was his dear father that had said it.

She smiled at his hesitance, and her eyes suddenly got a weird gleam, a gleam that sent shivers up his spine (if anyone can guess what gleam it is, I'll give you a cookie) "I think those are wonderful names dear". She patted him on the head.

He just grinned, enjoying the feeling of her hands going through his hair. Their truly was no one that he loved more than his mom.

A hand, so different from his mothers gentle caress and his father's rough rubbing, but oh so familiar came to mess with his hair, rubbing the orange but spiky soft hair.

"So what's made you guys so happy?" a kind, male, familiar voice asked.

I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face as I turned around, and threw my hands around his waist, breathing in the soft smell of sandalwood and chemicals that he reeked of. He was back, he was finally back!

"I'm so glad you're back…jisan"

The warm summer rays seeped into Ichigo's room, highlighting the boys face as he rested on the bed.

Tessai had long since dropped him off at his house. His father had acted as expected and dumped Ichigo in his room with some medicine before turning and going back to the clinic. It was nothing new, beside, it was Monday so everything in the clinic was busy as patients having appointments and those that just dropped by vacated the waiting room.

It had been like this since his mother died this somewhat segregation between himself and his family. He wasn't sure if they had noticed it, but he had, and it was well deserved. After all, it had been his fault for their mother's death. If only he had listened to her. If only he had known about hollows. If only he had his power available to him as a child, before his mother's death. If only he hadn't had this power so that he wouldn't put his family in constant danger.

But if onlys weren't going to change anything…They wouldn't bring her back or heal his family.

A cloud covered the sun, something that rarely happened this time in Japan. That was good, he hated the dun.

'The sun…her sun…that was what mother used to call me' he thought in despair. His mother said that his smile remaindered her of the sun. Whenever he smiled everything seemed to light up.

That's why he stopped smiling like he used to. He was a mere reflection of what he used to be. It was rather appropriate that Zangetsu meant moon fang, for it was the moon that he was now, a shadow of what he used to be. A reflection of the sun can only be the moon.

'Looks like Yuzu and Karin are home' Ichigo thought as he felt their reitsu and heard their footsteps. While Yuzu far away didn't have much of a reitsu aura to sense, when near Karin's own aura, he could sense her. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that they were twins. It was through this link that he was able to check up on them from time to time to see if they were ok.

Yuzu's feet stopped at the door to his room, "Ichi-nii" she murmured.

Glancing at the door from his position on the bed, he spoke. "Yes Yuzu?'

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah" inwardly, he was touched at his sisters concern.

The doors handle started to turn, "I'm coming in"

"Yuzzuuuu! Karinnnnn! Daddy's homeeeeeeee!" Their father yelled. Immediately the door stopped as Yuzu let go of the knob.

"Shut up goat face!"

Karin yelled over the TV.

Ichigo heard a crash. "Masaki! Why does our lovely daughter despise me so much? What have I done wrong?"

All was quiet for a moment, but Ichigo knew that it wouldn't last for long

Closing his eyes, he counted to 3 '…1...2…3'

"I KNOW WHY KARIN IS LIKE THIS!"

Sighing, Ichigo covered his ears, knowing that it was futile that something like this wasn't going to happen. His headache was getting stronger with all the loud noise. Even with his ears covered, he could still hear him.

"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND DON'T YOU! OH MASAKI, WHAT AM I TO DO? MY LITTLE GIRL IS GROWING UP SO FAST! SOON SHE WONT NEED HER DAD ANYMORE!"

He heard a large thump, but with his hands covering his ears it was most likely a crash. Mentally rolling his eyes at his father's stupidity, he went back to his earlier thoughts, barely acknowledging his youngest sisters footsteps walking away.

/Why you sulking so much king?/

Ichigo groaned and rolled over. Ever since he had come back from the vizards hideout it had become increasingly difficult to block him out.

/Go away. I don't want to hear you right now/ he muttered back

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered where Zangetsu was since he usually blocked out the hollow to save Ichigo the headache.

A crazy idea suddenly filtered into his mind, and had he not been sick, would never have given it a second thought. But he was sick and he did give it a second time, one where it was becoming an increasingly good idea no matter how stupid it sounded

/Hey hollow/ he called out

/What king?/ came the annoyingly high pitched voice of his other half

Mentally preparing himself for the backlash of what he was going to say, he continued, /tell me about yourself/

/Why do you want to know?/ The raw suspicion and faint hope that he heard surprised the teen. This was unlike the hollow that screamed every minute of every day.

/You're part of me/, he decided to be honest, and he was very curious about this other side of him. His mother told him that if you wanted someone to be honest to you, you must first be honest to them. /We may have different personalities and different goals, but we share the same soul along with Zangetsu-ossen. We inhabit the same body, and if we are to work together to stay alive then wouldn't it be best to understand one another?/

His hollow was silent and for a second Ichigo thought he had over did it. He started to withdraw from his mind, feeling disappointed for some reason.

/I know everything about you already/

He stopped as he heard the hollows voice, brown eyes widening somewhat at the reply.

Not many knew this, but Ichigo was smart, very smart. When he was little his IQ had been tested and it was found to be in the lower levels of genius. Only problem was, he got bored to easily or distracted unless he was curious about something. Beside, with everyone thinking he was not that smart it made it easy to be more underestimated. He had more than good battle instincts regardless of what other people believed.

/How does that work? We've only ever talked a couple of times, if you could call that talking more over the fact we were wrestling for control. ..is the reason you know me as well as you claim because you were born out of my soul?/ that would make sense. If he was formed from his own soul then they would know everything about him. Problem was that each split in his soul that gained forms had created their own personalities. That was most likely the reason why Zangetsu and the hollow were so different from him.

/Correct king/

Did he just imagine it or did he feel a sense of pride from his hollow…Not to mention it felt like he was smiling. He couldn't help but feel a little happy.

/I hate being called hollow/ furrowing his brow, he wondered why

/Why?/ The question was innocent enough, and he could feel his hollow scoff.

/Would you like to be nothing more than defined by what you are for your entire life and the rest of your existence? To be called human or shinigami and be judged by the actions they themselves took in but you had absolutely nothing to do with it? / The surprisingly deep answer once again drew surprise from him. When he thought about it, what he said made sense. He would hate to be judged for the actions of other soul reapers. That would mean being put in the same class as being law abiding freak to the point of death (Byakuya) or trying to exterminate anything different (bounts, quincys). For just a moment he understood what his hollow was talking about as he remembered what Uryuu was when they first met.

/I understand. What do you want to be called then?/

/I seem to have inherited you lack of creativity/ the sarcastic response annoyed him

/Sorry for being so unimaginative/, he winced after he said that. He hadn't meant to be so snappy.

/Shiro/

/Shiro?/

/My name/ the hollow muttered in a huff

Berry blinked, /that's really-/

/Don't say it/ the hollow muttered in embarrassment, something which filtered through there link, /or I'll kill you/

Had Ichigo been in his soul where Shiro could see him, he would have been holding his hands up in surrender. /Ok! Ok calm down/

Smugness replaced anger and embarrassment. /Is the king afraid? / It was meant w as a taunt, but for some reason Ichigo thought it sounded more as a joke.

/No. Just amused/

/That's good/

Confusion was what he felt now, /why?/

/I hate the rain. It rains every time that you are sad. I don't like the rain/ the sadness in Shiros voice was very easy to read.

Ichigo shifted to his side, looking at the last rays of light as the sun went down into a half phase. It rained when he was sad…Zangetsu hated the rain too. It probably had something to do when his mother died; after all, it had been raining then as well.

/Ne…Shiro…/it had been bugging him for a while

/Yes king? /

/Why do you call me that? I'm no king/and he wasn't. Didn't have an ounce of royal or noble blood in him.

Shiro was silent for a moment. 'Does he not have an answer?'

/It's what you are, or will be. You are the king of this world as long as you are in control. Though, perhaps considering your age, it would be more appropriate to call you prince/

Ask a question and end up with another name. At least this one was better than King. King just sounded too high and mighty, and while he may be arrogant, he didn't believe that he was too arrogant. The groan that he let out though was enough to make Shiro smirk in satisfaction.

'I think that this new name of mine will pave a way for many many headaches.'

Shiro wondered though, for what reason did it feel so right to call Ichigo those names, those names of power. Perhaps it had something to do with the old man and whatever it was that he was keeping from the both of them. Subconsciously, through the link that they shared from being part of the same being, he could remember something, but at the same time not remember. It irked him to no end. However, the old man could keep his secrets, as long as it did not in any way put the king -prince- in danger, or himself, as an afterthought.

"Well if it isn't little Orohime! Here to visit my stupid son? Yasatora, It's been a while, don't well I hope?" his father's obnoxious voice yelled from the floor below. It was loud enough to snap Ichigo out of his trance.

The dark, but oddly comforting reitsu of Chad and the bubbly reitsu of Orohimes (that strangely enough felt a lot like his own) washed over his senses. Looked like they had finally come.

/Later prince/

/Yeah/ he said back as a way to get him to say goodbye, /later/

For some reason, his soul felt lighter, almost as if it had been released from someone's strong hold, and the future actually looked like something good was going to happen despite Aizens threat to the worlds.

Maybe, just maybe he could relax and look forward again.

A soft knock on his door penetrated the silence of his room. "You can come in"

The door opened, and his 2 nakama walked in, and for the first time in a while, Ichigo smiled a real smile, something he hadn't done since the death of his mother.

The last of the sun's rays behind him brightened just a little bit before disappearing.

'Maybe… Just maybe'

End chapter

AN:

Well there is chapter 3. I would like to thank those who reviewed, it kept me going. And I'm finally 18, my b-day was the first. Anyway, I got some great ideas for the next few chapters; some so much that I'm pretty much ignoring writing the other. Not to worry though, I'm still writing. Chapter 4 is shaping up to becoming a long chapter, and my fingers hurt just thinking of how much there is.

Also, i would like to apoligize for this chapter taking so long to get uploaded. Some bad shit happened and I havent been in the greatest of moods, as you could probably tell from the way the chapter started out. I am happy to say however, that it has passed and the next chapter should be uploaded in about 3 weeks. Its gonna be a pain to type though.

I would also like to thank Orichalcos for pointing out my mistake in chapter 2. Yes, i did get Rose and Love confused. Thanx ;)

Now please review, they make me write faster ;)