Note: I changed just a little of the backstory to make this chapter work.

Chapter 8

The next week is the first in the big house in Victor's Village seems comforting to me. My mother and Prim, having never known it might not be born, talk about everything we need to prepare for a baby. A crib, clothes, expensive cloth diapers we'll have to order special from the Capitol. Strollers, highchairs, toys, will it be a boy or a girl? Should we paint the room blue, yellow or pink? They bicker over where it should sleep as well; closer to my mother's room or closer to Prim's. They ask my opinion on few things, and I don't mind. I almost enjoy watching them fuss over my child, both because it makes them happy and because it makes me feel less guilty about my lack of feelings toward it.

I remember seeing pregnant women when I was little and thinking it was odd the way they constantly rubbed their stomachs. I wonder if it's instinctual, because I find myself doing the same thing. My normally flat belly has protruded out, just a little bit. I try to ignore it when I pull on my shirts each morning. But it's another thing that delights my mother, and especially Prim. I don't tell them I may not even be in District 12 when I have it.

I have not really seen Gale in almost a week and a half. We've passed one another a couple of times when I was bringing food to Hazelle's, and our hellos were cordial but cool. I know I'll disappoint him when I tell him I'm keeping the baby, even if he says otherwise. I think he's figured it out—if not, surely he'd have called, have tried to meet me at our spot on Sunday. I miss him, as I did in the arena, on the Victory tour. But things have never been quite the same since I left, and too much has happened since I arrived in District 12 for things to go back to the way they were. Back then, there was a lighthearted innocence about our friendship. We shared secrets, discussed our most private fears and hunted to keep our families alive. But below all that, our friendship was light and easy. The romance has felt less so. But in light of everything that's happened, I'm not sure I could have expected any more.

I haven't told Peeta I'm keeping the baby, either. I want us to prepare ourselves together for what's to come. After Prim and my mother head to the clinic that morning, I pick up the phone.

"Hello?" Haymitch answers the phone in a confused slur, as if he wasn't aware he had a phone until just now.

"Hi," I say. "It's Katniss. Are you free in an hour or so?" I ask. Stupid question, as Haymitch is always free, but I want to make sure we have his undivided attention.

"I guess I can find some time for you," He remarks, and chuckles.

"And Peeta," I say. "See you then."

I take a deep breath and slip on my jacket. It's Saturday, so he should be home. I've purposely not prepared for what I'll say; with Peeta, it's better that I not.

I tap lightly on his door. When there's no answer, I tap a little harder. I hear his footsteps down the stairs.

He opens the door, smiling when he sees me, but his smile is soon replaced with a sadness that I think is related to the baby. He's only in jeans, and his hair is wet like he just stepped out of the shower. I can't help but be amazed at the strong, healthy person he's transformed into since the games. My stomach flips a little and my hands tingle; I cannot help but feel attracted to him.

"Hi," he says. "Come in. I'll go find a shirt, sit down."

He comes back down and runs his hands through his hair before he sits next to me, like he's bracing himself for something. I feel a wave of relief rush through me that I don't have to give him the news that would crush him.

"You haven't called or come to see me," I say, unsure why.

"I know. I just thought you'd need… time. I didn't want to bother you."

I nod. "Yeah. Did you send your paintings to District 11?"

"Yes. Didn't get sent back or anything. Maybe they actually got them."

"I hope so."

We sit there quietly, a heavy tension filling the space between us.

"Katniss…" He starts, afraid to ask. He clears his throat. "Now that you're here, I can't wait. I need to know."

"I know. That's why I'm here." I swallow hard. "I'm keeping the baby."

His eyes widen. "Really?" he asks me softly.

"Really. I decided the last time I was here," I admit.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He looks confused, but everything about Peeta's demeanor has changed. He's sitting up straighter and the sadness has vanished from his eyes and voice. He's gripping his hands, playing with them out of what seems like nervousness and excitement. He is happy.

"I don't know. I just wanted to be okay with it myself first."

"And are you?"

"As much as I ever will be, I guess."

Peeta looks down, but I notice his face fall before he can hide it. Then he opens his arms to me, and I crawl into them.

"Thank you," he whispers into my hair. "I know you don't want this. I'll do whatever I can to make it easier for you."

"There's something you can do right now," I say. "Come to Haymitch's with me. We need to talk about what's next."

I explain to him what Haymitch said about the Capitol wanting more of us, about how he thinks we need to notify them of my pregnancy as soon as possible. I tell him about the television show they want to make. I tell him I think they're going to make us go there to film it.

He sighs heavily. I ask him if there's anything, besides the obvious, wrong.

"I just never wanted any of it this way. You're the only person I could ever imagine having kids with, but I hate that it's making you so unhappy. Now I'll have to go to the Capitol and pretend to be with you, again, making us both miserable. It'd be better if you could just live here with Gale. I'd raise the baby, and I'd be okay without you, because she would make me happy. This could work out if the Capitol didn't insist on taking over our lives, once again."

There are a dozen things I want to say in response to this, but I pick one. "Her?" I ask.

"Oh. It's just I imagine the baby just like you, so I think of it as a girl."

I smile. "I think of it as a boy, for the same reason."

"Really?" He smiles. "Well, if they force us to the Capitol, I bet we'll find out. A special episode… the sex of the Star Crossed Lovers baby!" He says the last part with dramatic effect. We both laugh. In District 12, midwives tend to pregnant women, and we don't have the luxury of finding out gender of babies before they're born. Peeta tells me that he thinks his family was disappointed when he was born, another boy. I tell him that I thought my father would want a boy and remember asking him if he was disappointed when Prim was a girl. No, I love my girls. Besides, who needs a boy when I have you to go hunting with? He'd said with a smile.

We walk over to Haymitch's, the mood remarkably light. I knock and our mentor answers.

"If it isn't my favorite pair of tributes. Come on in."

We walk in and sit down at his table. Even though I haven't been around lately, the house looks noticeably better than usual.

"Did you clean up in here?" I whisper to Peeta when Haymitch is in the other room. He nods.

"So. First of all, you still knocked up?" Haymitch asks me.

I blush immediately and nod my head. I can tell Peeta's smiling at my embarrassment. I roll my eyes at Haymitch, so he'll know I disapprove of the term. "I'm still pregnant, yes. I'm having it."

"Phew. I see you've come to your senses."

"What happens next?" Peeta says.

"What happens next is I call the people in the Capitol. Tell them about the pregnancy, and how the two of you are entirely willing to go to the Capitol to film the journey to the birth of your child," He says, his voice smooth and romantic. Mocking. "The other thing. Like I told you, Katniss, they'll want you to get married."

Peeta and I share a glance before I look away. We'd talked about this, way back at the beginning of the Victory Tour. I forgot to mention it again today at his house.

"So you better tell me you're willing to go along with it before I tell them you will. Obviously, it's just a Capitol wedding. When it's all over you can run off with your… cousin and as for you, well," he says nodding to Peeta. "Hopefully you won't end up like me," he laughs.

"Haymitch," I scowl. I don't like even the mention of Peeta ending up like Haymitch. I wouldn't like the mention of Peeta married to someone else either, though.

I look at him, waiting for a confirmation of this plan before I say anything else. He just looks at me, his face saying, whatever you want. He's already mentioned today that he doesn't want this with me—not this way. But I also know Peeta's been protecting me too long to give up now.

"Ok. Fine. Yes, you can tell them we're already engaged maybe. Unless they want that to happen on TV too."

"Who knows. I'll call them tomorrow morning,"

"Try to call before you have too much to drink," I quip.

"Funny. They never minded dealing with me that way before."

"I'm hungry," I say, standing up and walking toward the door. Peeta follows my lead "I'm going home for lunch. We'll come by tomorrow afternoon."

Peeta walks me to my door, neither of us talking. When we get there, I notice him looking down at my stomach. My small t-shirt is a little tight already, and it rides up just slightly over my abdomen. I tug it down, self-conscious. He looks up, meeting my glance, his eyes full of curiosity and longing.

I sigh and tilt my head to the side. "You want to touch it?"

He laughs hesitantly. "Alright," and carefully brings his hand to the small bump. He touches it in fascination. "It's kind of amazing, isn't it? You can't deny that."

"I guess so," I offer. "I'm glad I'm showing anyway. The Capitol will like that."

Peeta's eyes harden again. "You think we'll be safe there?"

"I don't know. At least until we're done filming. I guess I will be, until I have the baby. But after…"

"But we made it out of the arena, Katniss. Escaped a dozen people hunting us. Starvation. The mutts. If we can survive that, we can survive the Capitol."

I nod my head, but my heart is full of doubt. Suddenly, he says, "See you tomorrow." I stand on the porch and watch him walk home, terrified of what's to come.

Soon, I'll have to tell my mother and Prim I'm leaving again. Gale. Hazelle. I won't be here to hunt for their family. I make a mental note to bring them everything I can before I go. Maybe I can fatten them up and hold them over for a while. Winter is coming soon, and game will be harder to come by when Gale makes it into the woods on Sundays. If they want me to stay until I have the baby, we could be in the Capitol for more than 6 months. I have no idea how I'll keep Peeta safe that long. As I watch him walk inside, I realize I have not only Peeta, but another person to keep safe this time, too. My head spins. In the arena, I didn't exactly know what to expect in terms of climate, weapons, and food sources. But I knew the gist of what I was up against. This time, I don't know if they'll be hunting me or coddling me. Most likely both, I think wearily.

The next morning, Haymitch calls me and tells me to come over. When I get there, he and Peeta are sitting at his dining room table. I'm surprised to see that there are two drinks rather than one sitting between them.

I sit down next to them. Haymitch glances at Peeta and back to me. "Start preparing. Your train comes in two weeks."