First of all guys, I wanted to thank you for all your nice words and encouragement. You actually brought tears to my eyes and warmed my heart up.

I can understand that some people were offended by this story saying it wasn't well documented and as someone mentioned I should have mentioned that this story is based on my personal experience and isn't backup by any research and from now on I will mention it at the beginning of every single chapter.

Some people said that people come here to find answers to their problems…well it is fiction that we're supposed to write here even if it's often based on our own experience and I'm not sure people actually take everything written here seriously but just in case I will be careful from now on.

Chapter 3 :

When the shoes doesn't fit :

About two hours later Jane woke up her head on Maura's lap. Slowly opening her eyes feeling the sun burning her face all Jane could remember was splitting her guts to Maura and collapsing in her arms afterwards.

"Why are you playing with my phone?"Slightly opening her eyes looking up Jane immediately noticed her girlfriend typing on her phone.

"Your mother has been texting you because she heard that you called in sick, so I took the liberty to reply to her telling her that you weren't feeling well but that it was nothing that required her presence." Maura replied looking down wipping a strain of hair away from Jane's eyes.

"And she agreed not to visit?"Narrowing her eyebrows as she straightened up on her couch Jane couldn't believe that she actually convinced her "helicopter mom" not to visit her sick child.

"Yes, as you know I can be very convincing."

"I know. Anyway I'm sorry for falling asleep on you like that." Jane replied cracking her neck and knuckles.

"It's alright, our conversation was rather intense both physically and emotionally and you just needed to recover. It actually gave me the opportunity to think about what you said."

"Oh…and?" Seeing the "doctorly" look on Maura's face Jane knew that she must have spent the past 2 hours carefully analyzing every single word she had said during this conversation. She knew that Maura was someone who needed to see things several times, to examine evidence under different angles to try to get different perspectives, convinced that if she came to the same conclusion every time then her assessment was indeed the right one. Actually Jane was almost certain that Maura tortured herself replaying some of their personal discussions in her head trying to make sure that she said or did the most appropriate thing. Unlike Jane Maura didn't trusted her guts and was so convinced that she lacked social skills that she was never fully confident when it came to her relationship with Jane.

"Well, after replaying our conversation in my head I would need to be sure I understood you, if it's not too much trouble, the last thing I want is to thrust the knife deeper in the wound ."

"I understand, don't worry about. Just tell me what you understood and I will give you precisions if you need me to."

"Alright thank you. Well if I understood properly you enjoy being a woman and you do not feel disgusted by your female attributes such as your breasts but you don't feel connected or in sync with your body which makes it hard for you to allow someone to connect with your body. " Maura said very slowly carefully measuring every word unwilling to offense Jane. As much as she didn't want Jane to have to explain herself again she needed to be sure that she understood her perfectly if she wanted to help her.

"Exactly. Imagine you have this pair of shoes : you love the color, the shape, the way people look at them knowing they wish they could afford the same pair so you wear them everyday but they hurt, you feel constricted inside, you can't move your feet so when you come home the first thing you do is take them off wishing you wouldn't have to wear them ever again. Unfortunately you wear them the next day because you know people judge you through them, they became who you are to them. You hope that it will get better with time or that you will meet someone who's going to teach you how to walk properly with them so they don't hurt anymore or someone who you would trust enough to massage your feet because you know that you're stuck with them anyway. That's how I feel, it's not the outside that troubles me, it's how my heart, soul and heart fit inside my body that I have to work on you know. "Jane explained trying to find a metaphor that Maura could relay to.

"Trust me, I understand the concept of keeping up appearances because you don't want to disappoint people around you who have a certain image of you and also because you don't want to have to justify yourself but when you're home at night you lay in bed hoping you could crawl out of that skin that's merely a vessel hosting that soul that wishes only one thing : to be able to find another vessel that would allow it evolve freely …"Nodding Maura could actually understood Jane's feelings because she had felt empty inside for so many years only driven by social codes and her desire not to disappoint her parents. The only difference was that her feelings were more emotional than physical, she actually accepted her body very well, it was just the image she felt compelled to reflect to people she wasn't comfortable with.

"Wow, we're quite a pair aren't we?"Jane smiled rubbing the top on Maura's hand with her thumb.

"Yes we are, but I must say that you helped me a lot since we met and now I feel more at ease with who I truly am and I'm not scared of being my eccentric, goofy self thanks. I truly hope that I will be able to help you the same way you helped me."

"I…the thing is I don't even know if I can be helped." Jane muttered biting her nails shaking her head from side to side.

"How about you start by telling me what you truly want and you let me worry on about the rest."

"Yes, I'm tired of being miserable and of making you unhappy. I want us to have a normal and healthy relationship where I feel comfortable letting you touch me and pleasure me. I mean you know I give myself to you completely, I trust you and I have no secrets for you. Actually I think that I have never confided in someone like I do with you, you know it's not my type to open up and I would like to be as opened with my body as I am with my feelings."

"Alright then we're going to work on this together, at your own pace. I'm sorry for pushing you like this I hope you can forgive and trust me again." Humbled by Jane's confession and her cry for help Maura knew how hard it must have been for her to face her fears and put her pride aside to ask for help and she was determined to allow Jane to lead the dance and do things on her own terms.

"I'm a trained cop Maura, I told you because I felt ready. I would have just walked away if I haven't felt it was time trust me. I just wished I have had more time to prepare to explain things to you the way I did earlier and just now but don't worry about it. I love you Maura and I want to get better for you, for us." Reaching out for help Jane knew that she needed to do this for herself but Maura was and has always been her biggest motivation and there was no doubt in her mind that if it weren't for her she would have probably continued being miserable for the rest of her life.

"Good, because I have no intention of watching you destructing yourself and our relationship like this anymore. I know you don't do it on purpose but I really love you too much to let you continue down that road."Maura replied leaning over kissing her tenderly.

The truth was that Maura always knew that there was something wrong with Jane, something so deep and dark that she had buried it inside for years. She remembered the first time they made love and Jane exploring every single square inch of her body, memorizing every curve, touching her, kissing her, devouring her for hours paying attention to every breath she took, very word she she muttered determined to pleasure her and to treat her with respect and delicateness. She remembered literally collapsing after climaxing for the fourth time and walking up the next morning eager to reciprocate. Unfortunately the morning Jane refused telling her that it was her moment, that she would have the rest of their life to pleasure her. But the following day, and the day after that despite Maura's efforts and desire Jane still refused her to allow Maura to even pleasure touch her. What had started as a selfless proof of love quickly turned into a very unpleasant and frustrated one way relationship but Maura accepted because she loved her and was hoping that with time and love, by regularly bringing up the subject Jane would let her guard down but she never did until today. For the first time since Maura started to realize how deeply Jane's soul was wounded but was finally able to see hope. She knew that as damaged as Jane was determined to get better even if she knew the road towards recovery would be painful for both of them Maura was confident that their love was strong enough to overcome everything.

So guys, what do you think?I know Jane explained herself once and that it was probably not necessary for her to explain it again but Maura needed things to be clear and the more you talk about it the clearer it becomes to you as well. The shoes metaphor might appear as strange but it's actually how I just explained things to one of my ex a few days ago after she read the first chapter...Thank you again for your support this story means a lot and I'm going to try to make it my best story so far...I know things are starting a bit slowly and I hope I'm not boring you guys too much :( I think next chapter will take things a step closer, for now Maura is still shy but next chapter she might start to ask Jane questions about her sexuality...