A/N-Hey Guys! I am sorry it has taken me so dreadfully long to update! I have been so busy with testing, school, and other things. I had some pretty cool things happen to me though! I got to meet Ed Sheeran, twice! It was amazing and he was super nice! This chapter hasn't been beta-ed so please bare with me! I just really wanted to get this chapter out because a few people have been telling me how much they want a new one! It's shorter than the others, but i will update soon, so do not worry! Thanks and i hope you enjoy this chapter!
Hermione had woken up slowly not wanting to face the day. She and Ron were still not talking and it had been a week. He really had tried to talk to her, but every time she would just find a way to ignore him. She wanted to be with him desperately, but she felt she couldn't.
Ron had every right to be upset with her that night in the common room. She had been lying to him and she felt if she couldn't be honest with him she shouldn't even bother being with him. He just couldn't find out what happened. He couldn't.
Ginny had tried a few times to approach her on the issue, each time she just told Ginny there was nothing to talk about and because of this Ginny really wasn't talking to her. The only person she was talking to was Harry.
He didn't really like the fact that Hermione and Ron weren't talking but he didn't really speak about it. He knew Hermione wouldn't want to discuss it and if he tried she would just run away like she did with Ginny and Ron.
Hermione appreciated the fact that Harry respected her enough not to bring it up, so she had been spending a majority of her time with Harry, but Harry was busy with Dumbledore, so a lot of the times Hermione spent her time alone.
she didn't really have a problem with this. She liked being alone and she had manage to keep her panic attacks in order by just doing the breathing exercises Bill had taught her.
Hermione had also been venting a lot of her frustration on herself. As much as Hermione knew she shouldn't she had continued to cut. She managed to hide it by only doing it on her upper thighs and stomach. She could do some healing charms on them, but she still wasn't that good at it so they still weren't fully healed once she did them.
She couldn't help it. Whenever she felt helpless or just upset she felt the need to cut. It was like a release or a way to punish herself. Punish herself for being so stupid. Anyway, Hermione didn't really see much harm in doing it, she wasn't hurting anyone else, if anything she was helping all the people trying to help her because her cutting had kept her together for the past week.
She knew Ron would be upset if he knew, but Ron wasn't around. Ginny wasn't around and Bill wasn't around and Harry was too busy to notice, not that she wanted him to notice.
She felt so much hate for herself she couldn't even stand to look at her own reflection. She still wasn't eating properly. She had no appetite for anything. She only ate when she had to really because otherwise she just didn't feel hungry.
Hermione slowly got up from her bed and winced when she agitated the cuts on her stomach. She lifter her shirt to look at them and watched as one started to bleed again. The ones on her stomach were fresh from the night before. She looked as they went straight across her stomach under her belly button in perfect straight rows until it hit her underwear line.
She grabbed a tissue from her night stand and put pressure on the cuts on her stomach as she laid back down with her shirt pulled up.
Today was Saturday. Today was the game between Slytherine and Gryffindor.
The question was; was she to go to the game?
Hermione hadn't gone to any of the games because she couldn't face Ron. Also, it was far too hectic and caused her to have slight panic attacks.
She really wanted to go though because from what she heard she knew Ron was having a hard time dealing with the pressure, but she knew she couldn't go alone or more like she couldn't handle going alone.
Her only real option was to ask Neville if he would go. On her spare time she had been helping him study in the library as a way to kill time and now felt like the perfect opportunity to use the friendship they had built.
She lifted the tissue off her stomach that had a spatter of blood on it and saw that the cuts had stop bleeding. So, she got up gingerly and got ready to leave. Since she knew they would be outside she wore many layers of maroon and gold and headed down stairs.
As she walked into the common room she saw Harry and Ginny sitting and talking at one of the tables in the corner. She bit her lip trying to decide whether she should turn around or go on and approach them. Before she could really make up her mind though Harry had seen her and smiled and called out her name.
She walked over and stood there awkwardly. She knew Ginny was still upset with her so she tried avoiding looking at her. Before things got to awkward she thought to ask where Neville might be.
"Do you know where Neville is?" Hermione asked trying to sound normal. Harry looked at her funny questioning why she would be looking for Neville.
"I saw him leave this morning. He spending the day looking for some plant that only blooms on the day of the 50th moon cycle. Why are you looking for him?"
"Oh. Uh, I wanted to go to the game and I didn't want to go alone, but it's okay, I'll just go finish up some reading or something."
Harry looked at her sympathetically and then he looked at Ginny. While Hermione was about to walk off she heard Ginny sigh and say, "Hermione wait."
Hermione turned back around and looked and Ginny surprised.
Ginny took another deep breath and said, "Can I talk to you?"
"S-Sure." Hermione stuttered in response.
Ginny looked back at harry and then walked towards Hermione.
"Let's go up to your room, it's more private."
Hermione nodded her head and they headed up to Hermione's room.
Once in Ginny closed the door and turned around to look at Hermione.
They stood there in awkward silence for a few minutes until Ginny spoke up.
"Look, whatever it is that's bothering you, you don't have to tell me, but I think you should tell Ron. Hermione he cares about you so much and you are just pushing him away." Ginny said this in one big breathe hoping to just get it all out there. Ginny knew Hermione wouldn't agree, but she still felt the need to say something to her.
Hermione sighed. She wished she could be with him, she wished she could tell him everything, but she just couldn't.
"Ginny, I want too. I want to work everything out with him so bad, but I just can't. I can't be honest with him and that's not being fair to him no matter how much I want him around."
"Why can't you be honest with him? Why Hermione? He wouldn't tell people this big secret you're keeping to yourself. Hermione why can't you just do what you want and be with him?"
Hermione thought for a second. At that very moment she wished she could tell Ginny everything. She wished she could just suck it up and tell her the whole story. Somedays she wished she could tell Ginny more than Ron. Ginny was her only girlfriend. The only girl she told everything to…or used too.
"Some days Ginny I wish I could tell you everything. Sometimes more than I want to tell Ron, but I just can't."
Ginny was looking at Hermione with tears of frustration in her eyes and Hermione just stood there looking right back at her. It was quite as they stared each other down, until Hermione started to walk towards the door. As Hermione walked out the door she heard Ginny say, "What happened to you, Hermione?"
Hermione paused for a moment not sure of that answer herself. What had happened to her? As she stood there she heard Ginny close the door and knowing she didn't have time to think about little things like how she used to be, she did some breathing excercises to get herself together and walked out of her room.
She didn't know what to do now that she was out of her room though, She still had no one to go to the match with and she didn't really want to go to the library, she was even starting to think she spent too much time in there.
Hermione walked straight out of the common room and just started walking nowhere imparticular through the nearly empty corridors. Everyone else was down in the Great Hall getting ready for the big match, so Hermione thought maybe she could find someone to go with down there.
She took the stairs that led to the Front entrance and as she was walking by to get to the Great Hall she saw Luna. Her and Luna weren't really close, but they were friends, nonetheless.
"Luna!" Hermione called.
She watched as Luna turned around, her long white blonde hair flowing behind her. Luna caught sight of Hermione and came to a slow stop, smiling sweetly she waited for Hermione to catch up.
"Hi, Luna, are you going to the match?" Hermione said as she caught up Luna.
Looking at Hermione with her pale unfocused eyes she responded, "Oh yes, I was just getting ready to go now."
"Do you mind if I tag along?" Hermione said trying to be casual.
"Of course not." Luna responded airily.
After responding Luna just stared back at Hermione smiling. Hermione smiled back and said, "Well, should we go then?"
Luna's eyes focused and she said in a surprised a tone as Luna's voice could manage, "Oh, yes." And began walking towards the doors.
They walked in compatible silence for awhile and got some great seats near Gryffindor's side. Hermione secretly hoped Ron would see her knowing she came here to support him.
After getting settled, Luna pulled out a Quibbler and Hermione got lost in her thoughts. She was thinking about how she hoped Ron wouldn't be too nervous about the game when Luna spoke up still looking at her magazine.
"Are you here for Ron, then?"
"Why would you say that?" Hermione asked.
"Well, it's obvious you care for him, isn't it?" Luna looked up from her Quibbler with her wide eyes. Hermione felt almost nervous under her stare, almost as if she knew Luna could see through her better than a Prophet.
"Why is it obvious?" Hermione inquired.
"I can tell when you look at him, like you have nargles flying about your head." Luna said looking back down at her Quibbler.
Hermione knitted her eyebrows together in confusion and looked back towards the pitch. People were finally starting to pile in when right before the match started Luna said, "And why else would you risk a panic attack just to watch the match?"
Hermione's eyes widened and her head shot over to look at Luna, she still looked as if she was reading the paper in her hands.
"how do you know about that?" Hermione asked panic laced in her voice. No one knew about her attacks except for her close few friends, how would Luna know?
Luna looked up from her Quibbler serenely and calmly responded, "I'm pretty observant, you know." And smiled looking out towards the match, "Oh, look the match is about to start."
Hermione was still a bit panicked that Luna would know this about her, but tried to focus on the game. Ron actually wasn't doing too bad she noticed. He seemed to have more confidence, like he knew he was going to do good.
So far she noticed that Ron hadn't seen her, but she sat watching him hoping maybe he would look over at her.
Before the Snitch was caught though Ron made an incredible save making Dean, Seamus, and other Gryffindor's sitting above her start chanting the altered version of "Weasley is Our King".
Ron looked over and punched his fist in the air looking over at the boys when his eyes finally landed on Hermione.
He stopped dead in the air for a second in shock surprised to see Hermione sitting in the stands. As he looked down at her she jumped up and down waving for him to see her and clapped her hands. She had obviously seen his save and wanted him to know she saw it. She gave him thumbs up and Ron smiled feeling even better knowing Hermione was there.
The game ended with Gryffindor in the lead and Ron making a winning save. After the game all the Gryffindor's crowded into the common room to celebrate.
Hermione knew she shouldn't go talk to Ron because she was trying to avoid her feelings for him, but she so much wanted to go up to him and tell him he did great at the game.
Her and Luna parted ways and Hermione walked into the common room which was bustling with activity. People covered in maroon and gold were chatting and telling stories about the game, while others munched on food brought down from the kitchens. She could spy people sipping on cold glasses of Butterbeer and others sneeking in some Firewiskey.
Hermione would usually not condone such behavior but she really wanted to talk to Ron, but he was busy telling a retell of the game, so she spotted Harry and went to talk to him.
"Hi, Harry." Hermione said coming up next to him. Harry looked over at her and he smiled nodding his head in recognition.
"So, you went to the game did you?" Harry inquired.
Hermione smiled, "Yes, I did. I saw Luna and we went together.
Harry nodded his head and looked at Hermione meaningfully in the eyes and said quietly so only she could hear, "I'm proud of you Hermione."
She smiled happy to know that he knew how hard it was for her to go to the game without him or Ron there for her, but she knew he really shouldn't be proud of her. She was still suffering so much and they had no idea.
In mid thought Hermione and Harry looked over to see Ron jump off the table he was telling his story from and start moving his way through the crowd. He had a butterbeer in his hand and had been sneeking sips off Seamus's Firewiskey so he was feeling pretty happy about things. He thought he might even have a chance in talking to Hermione. She has smiled at him.
He missed her so much. It was driving him stalk raving mad not to have her around or take care of. Now, instead of worrying and taking care of her, he just worried. He was moving through the crowd when his eyes met Hermione's.
She beamed at him and he smiled back happy to see her face light up like that just for him. He started moving towards her when out of nowhere Lavender had attached herself to him. He was shocked at first when he felt her lips meet his and just stood there in shock until he finally pushed her off.
Hermione watched as Ron moved towards her through the crowd and was stopped by Lavender. As if a nightmare was going on right infront of her she saw her attach her lips to his and kiss him deeply. Hermione's smile had instantly vanished. What was he doing? How could he do this to her?
She waited for him to push her away or to stop the kiss, but he didn't. He just stood there. She felt like she was going to throw up. She couldn't watch this anymore.
She felt hot tears come to her eyes and before she could embarrass herself even more she ran out of the common room. She could faintly hear Ron calling her name, but it didn't matter. HE didn't care, he lied to her.
Ron was rushing towards the Portrait hole calling Hermione's name when someone violently grabbed his arm. Ron was pulled back and faced with an angry Harry.
"What the hell was that?" Harry asked pushing Ron back.
"I don't know. I need to go after Hermione." Ron pleaded. He was finally starting to feel more of the effects of the firwhiskey and he was beginning to realize he might have drunk too much.
"No, ron. Why would you do that? Kiss lavender. Ron, what the hell?" Harry repeated, seeming to be very perturbed.
"I didn't want to kiss her! Why do you think I pulled away!" Ron shouted as Lavender came up next to him.
"Ron where are you going?" she asked innocently.
"Lavender, piss off. You cause enough trouble tonight. Go attack someone else." Ron said coldly.
At first she looked to be very offended by what Ron said, but then she turned around with her head high looking like she was fuming.
Ron really didn't pay any mind as he continued his discussion with Harry.
"Harry, look, Lavender has been bothering me all week, but I never thought she would pull that. Believe me I do not want Lavender."
Harry seemed to be prizing Ron up when he finally said, "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. You better hurry though, Hermione's probably in a right state."
Ron nodded his head and went out the portrait hole, hoping against all odds he would find Hermione and she would forgive him, but Ron definitely was not expecting what he was soon to find.