Chapter 8 :
Almost there.
For the next hour Jane and Maura stayed in the tub in silence until the water was almost cold.
Laying back against Jane, feeling her girlfriend's naked breasts tickling her back and feeling her strong arms around her Maura was in paradise. Even if she couldn't see Jane's gorgeous and athletic body she could feel it against her and that alone arouse her to a point she never thought was possible.
Laying behind Maura her arms and legs strongly wrapped around her keeping her from sliding Jane slowly started to get more comfortable. Wandering her fingers on Maura's thighs feeling it shiver under her touch Jane knew what the next step was and didn't know how to apprehend the situation. Taking a bath with Maura, letting their two naked bodies together was a huge step and she didn't know if she was ready for what Maura was probably expecting to happen next.
"Well, the water is getting cold. We better get out."Maura stated suddenly standing up water dripping down her gorgeous body.
"Yeah. I'll join you in a minute." Laying back in that tub roaming her eyes on her girlfriend's body Jane was amazed by how perfect she was, from her perfectly shaped breasts to her toned belly all the way to her firm ass Maura's body was a wonder to Jane's eyes and had this ability to take her breath away every time she laid her eyes on her.
Nodding as she grabbed a large towel and wrapped it around her Maura was excited imaging the rest of the night hoping Jane would trust her a bit more. As eager as she was to turn this romantic bath into a passionate love making session she knew that Jane had made another gigantic step towards her and wasn't willing to push her further.
Immediately jumping out of the tub as Maura closed the door behind her grabbing her robe in the process Jane knew exactly what Maura was hoping for and expecting of her tonight. For the past two weeks Maura has been nothing but patient and understanding allowing her to take her time, to express herself both verbally and physically and Jane trusted her not to push her limits tonight. Opening the door separating the bathroom from Maura's bedroom Jane felt safe knowing that Maura would never ask her to do anything she didn't want to do or wasn't ready for. As eager as she was to show Maura that her patience wasn't in vain and that she was making progress Jane knew that she needed to do this right, on her own terms not to please Maura or out of fear of loosing her.
"For a minute I thought you had escaped through the window."Maura joked licking her lips in anticipation.
"Yeah, I considered that option…"Jane said shyly walking towards Maura tightening the belt of her robe making sure her breasts weren't visible.
"Don't be shy come here."Pulling Jane closer towards her Maura felt that she needed some encouragement and if she wanted this night to be as memorable as their last one she might have to gently take the lead.
"What should we do now?"Jane mumbled pressing her forehead against Maura's her arms around her neck.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to Jane, really." Pulling Jane in bed with her Maura was really disturbed by Jane's sudden lack of confidence.
Only a few minutes ago Jane seemed to confident and eager to take things further but she now appeared to be completely lost, in desperate need of instruction.
"I know but I really, really want to please you tonight and considering how much fun we had the last time we realized one of your fantasies I think we should continue to explore your deepest desires." Jane replied her voice slightly more confident as she positioned herself on her side careful not to expose any intimate part of her anatomy.
"You're sweet and as much as I appreciate your desire to satisfy me but what I would love is for you to be able to voice your own desires so we can work on your pleasure instead on focusing solely on mine."Sliding closer to Jane tickling her leg with her left foot Maura was trying to push Jane to admit her own fantasy eager to finally be able to satisfy her and see her climax for the first time.
"Don't worry about it , I'm receive plenty of pleasure when we make love."Rolling on top of her attacking her neck Jane had a feeling that Maura's patience had reached its limits and that she was now determined to finally reciprocate. As much as she wished she was ready to let Maura make love to her Jane was terrified at the simple thought and pressing the entire weight of her body on Maura and she was making it really clear that she had no intention of submitting.
"Wait Jane, this is not what I want."Maura objected pushing Jane as hard as she could as she tried to escape her embrace.
"Gee Maura! I'm trying to pleasure you, to put your need first. I know a lot of women who would love that in their relationship."
"I'm not like any other woman Jane. I love you and I'm grateful of the selfless, kind, restless lover that you are but it comes a point in every relationship where both parties need to be on equal foot. Sex is like any other aspect of a relationship it deserves to be treated with respect and equality." Looking at her girlfriend being defensive Maura suddenly started to question Jane's desire to get better and to allow them to be on equal foot. For the first time since she had confided in her Maura started to think that Jane was actually comfortable in her dominant position and had no intention of handing the power to her. That was it : for Jane having sex was about power, not about exploring each other bodies and exchange gentles touch leading to the most exquisite pleasure. It was about having complete control over Maura's body and her own and the simple idea of handing a bit of that control and jump into the unknown was probably scaring her to death.
"I'm not…I'm not ready for that yet. I thought you understood and that you wouldn't force me to do anything I wasn't ready for."Bouncing out of bed Jane felt betrayed. For the past two weeks she had giving herself to Maura completely both physically and emotionally, revealing things to her that were so dark and deep that they scared her to death because she trusted her not to judge her and because she was confident that she would understand and not pressure.
"What are you so scared of Jane?Are you scared that handing the control over to me might make you weak?Are you scared of me hurting you or doing things to you that you don't want me to do and not having the strength to say no?" Standing up as well tightening the towel around her Maura knew that a confrontation was necessary, that if Jane didn't acknowledge her fears things would never improve.
"Of course not. I know you would never hurt me."Walking in circle in Maura's bedroom staying as far as she could from her Jane had to fight harder the she ever did not to explode at her face and confess what her true fear was knowing that it would hurt her.
"Then what is it Jane?I mean over the past two weeks we made tremendous progress. Not only you allowed me to massage you but finally trusted me enough to tell me about not feeling comfortable in your own body but from what just happened in that bathroom I have a feeling that is not the case anymore, so please I'm begging you tell me what's making you hold back. Please."
"You're right talking about it has been liberating and thanks to your patience I fell slightly more comfortable in my body and that's why I was able to make love to you the way we did last week end and why I invited you in that bath tub but I just…"Bursting in tears as she violently collapsed on the wooden floor of Maura's bedroom Jane was about the edge but she couldn't tell Maura the truth and take the risk of hurting her feelings.
"Jane…I promise everything is going to be alright, just let it out baby. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Sitting next to Jane pulling her head against her chest forcing her to listen to her hearts beats Maura was torn between pushing Jane a little further to allow her to free herself from her fears and letting her rest scared that pushing her too hard might send her back to square one.
"I'm…I'm square that despite the progress I have made you won't be able to satisfy me. I denied myself pleasure for so long what if I'm frigid Maura?"
"Oh Jane…you're not frigid, you told me you get aroused when we make love, that wouldn't be possible if you were frigid darling."Smiling at Jane's confession Maura was relieved that her fear was something she had control over.
"Seeing you excited and enjoying yourself turns me on but I have no idea how I'm going to react to your touch Maura. That's why I can not do this until I'm 100% ready. I'm sorry."Jane replied rising her head wiping the tears of her face with the back of her sleeve.
"I understand and you are right, taking that step before you're 100 % ready might cause you to shut down completely if I don't manage to satisfy you. But you need to trust me Jane. Once you allow me to make love to you I'm confident that you will indeed see stars."
"Oh Maura, I'm sorry. I never meant to question your abilities. My fear has nothing to do with you. I'm just questioning my body's ability to feel pleasure after I spent years denying it to myself."
"Let's find out."Standing up picking her girlfriend up Maura knew exactly how she was going to help Jane see that her body wasn't "locked" and was praying that she would trust her enough to agree to this experiment.
"No, Maura…I…"Swallowing hard Jane knew she couldn't fight Maura anymore, she didn't have the physical or mental strength to rest her anymore.
"I won't touch you I promise but I want you to trust me so I can show you that your body isn't locked but rather in sleeping mode. Do you trust me?"Maura asked looking up in Jane's big brown eyes with such love and sincerity that she knew there was no way Jane would reject her.
"Okay."Sighing as she sat on the bed behind her Jane never felt so vulnerable in her entire life. She knew this was necessary, that if she never took that leap of faith she would spend her entire life frustrated and that by refusing Maura's help she might end up loosing her for her.
"I'm going to turn off the lights now. I want you to slid under the covers and relax. I will be joining you in a second."Walking towards the door Maura paused for a second to give time to Jane to settle down comfortably.
Climbing on the left side of Maura's bed slightly shaking Jane had no idea what Maura had in mind but knew that she needed to trust her, hoping that Maura knew what she was about to do. Pulling the covers up to her neck her arms unfolded on both sides of her body Jane closed her eyes trying to relax and empty her head of negative thoughts which wasn't an easy task.
"Alright sweetheart, how are you feeling?Do you want me to blow the candles as well?"Climbing in bed right next to Jane staying at reasonable distance Maura was amazed by how trusting and willing Jane once again was.
"No, I like the way they smell and it creates a nice atmosphere."Jane replied turning her head towards her girlfriend.
"I sometimes forget what a incorrigible romantic you are."Maura smiled gently stroking the palm of Jane's right hand with her thumb.
"You have that effect on me. So what's the plan?"
"First you need to know that I'm so so deeply in love with you and that no matter what happens I will not stop loving you alright?"Sliding closer to Jane blowing a tender kiss on her cheek Maura as eager as she was to put her idea into practice knew that Jane needed her to take things very slowly and with tact and respect.
"I know. Have I told you how sexy you are with that towel around you?"Jane smiled through grinned teeth forcing herself to keep a confident face.
"Thank you. How about you close your eyes and try to relax?"Maura instructed.
"Alright."Jane nodded closing her eyes allowing her body to completely relax.
"Now I want you to slightly open your robe and to wander your finger tips on your beautiful breasts. Don't worry I can't see anything alright?"Maura instructed biting her bottom lip expecting Jane to jump out off bed.
"Okay." Jane muttered slightly opening the robe, sliding her left hand inside before reaching for her right breast.
"Good girl. Now what I want you to do is to follow my voice and let it guide your fingers on your body. Imagine that it's my hand gently caressing your nipples as I start kissing your gorgeous lips."Maura whispered using her most sensual voice to seduce and arouse Jane.
"Okay."Following Maura's instructions Jane slowly started to caress her right nipple feeling it erect almost immediately. A bit embarrassed at first Jane slowly felt more comfortable as she felt Maura drawing circles in the palm of her right hand with her thumb.
"Good. Now I want you to imagine me dragging my tongue from your lips to neck slowly ticking your jaw line. Image I then start to kiss your neck drawing small circle on your skin. How does it feel?"Trying to arouse Jane Maura found herself extremely turn on already and knew that laying there describing what she would do to Jane without touching her would be frustrating but she was happy to see that Jane was apparently enjoying herself.
"It feels good but it tickles a bit."
"Yes, I can feel you shiver under my touch. Your skin is so soft and you taste so good. Now imagine that I gently start to ghost kisses on your collar bone slowly moving towards your breasts."Her voice more suave as she noticed Jane's chest rising higher and higher at every breath she took Maura felt that Jane was really getting into her little experiment.
Listening to Maura's voice picturing her kissing her chest Jane started to feel her heart great much faster and her breathing becoming heavier. Maura's most always had a arousing effect on her, hearing her moan has always been what gave her the most satisfaction but hearing her describe what she wanted to do to her had a completely different effect on her and it felt good.
"Now picture me gently kissing your left breast, drawing small circle around the nipple, is it hard yet?"Maura whispered licking her lips knowing Jane was stimulating her nipple.
"Yes…your tongue is so warm, it feels good."Relaxing a bit more Jane felt more comfortable and willing to participate, to show Maura she wasn't alone in this experiment.
"Good now I want you to slowly drag your fingers towards your belly imagine it's the tips of my tongue traveling all way down to your belly button."
Following Maura's instructions blindly Jane dragged her fingers towards her belly opening her robe completely to achieve her goal.
Her hand under the covers still caressing Jane's right hand Maura suddenly felt the robe covering both their hands and knew that Jane had opened it. Trying to remain in control of her emotional and physical impulses Maura continued to describe to Jane what she wanted to do to her. She whispered in her hear as sensually as she possibly could how she would outline every rib of her toned belly with her lips before moving slowly towards her entrance. Reaching that point Maura felt Jane hesitant and decided to encourage her a bit by showing her how wet she was by placing her right hand between her legs.
"God, you're so wet." Jane moaned feeling the warmth between Maura's legs.
"See the effect you have on me without even touching me Jane. The only thought of you wandering your hands on your belly under those covers makes me so wet." Maura muttered gently biting Jane's ear lobe .
"I…God Maura…"Unable to articulate a proper sentence Jane could feel the warmth streaming down her folds as well and couldn't believe how Maura could manage to make her so wet just by muttering into her ear like that.
Determined to make the most of this experiment Jane started to stroke Maura's clit feeling her slightly fidgeting at first.
"I…Now I..Oh God..I want you to slightly part your legs wide enough to allow your hand between them." Maura mumbled feeling Jane's fingers tickling her most sensitive spot.
When Maura decided to offer this experiment she wanted to focus on Jane's pleasure only and act as a guide and an observer but it seems that Jane had decided otherwise and considering how wet she already was welcome her initiative as a blessing.
Pausing for a moment Jane took a deep breath and opened her legs while dragging her hands towards her folds. Placing her hand right between her legs Jane could feeling the warmth dripping off her folds.
"Now I want you to gently stroke your clitoris with one finger."Knowing this was the moment of truth Maura encouraged her by showing her own arousal to her by gently rubbing herself on Jane's hand that was now almost trapped between her legs.
"I don't know if I can do that Maur'."Removing her hand immediately Jane suddenly felt she had reached her limit.
"Shh it's alright , we don't have to continue if you don't want to Jane, but would you mind telling me what is troubling you?"
"I… don't know if I can come knowing you're watching me. I'm sorry..."Cupping her face with both hand Jane felt like a freaking lunatic. A few minutes ago she was scared of not being able to feel pleasure and now she was embarrassed to climax in front of her girlfriend.
As close as the two women were Jane never allowed herself to climax in her presence and wasn't sure she could completely let go knowing Maura was watching her.
"Then I will close my eyes. I can even leave the room once you feel you're reaching climax."Maura replied understanding perfectly Jane's discomfort.
"No. I want you here with me, otherwise this experiment would have been for nothing. Come on, where were we?"Encourage by Maura's respect and desire to make her feel comfortable Jane was even more eager to prove to her that her efforts weren't in vain.
"Alright tiger. I…I was asking you to gently start caressing your clitoris imaging it's my tongue ticking it. God you taste to good Jane…"Feeling that Jane was indeed caressing herself under the cover Maura was impressed by Jane's incredible will and the trust she was putting in her.
For the next half hour or so Maura lied there next to her beloved girlfriend guiding her, encouraging her to explore her body.
Being naked next to Jane, hearing her moan and seeing the pleasure she was giving herself Maura was extremely frustrating and dying to touch her, to finish the job herself but knew that this wasn't the purpose of this experiment.
"Oh Maura…I think I'm close."Feeling her toes curling and a wave of intense pleasure running through her entire body Jane knew she was about to climax but couldn't get there yet, not without Maura's encouragement and support.
"You're so beautiful baby, come for me."Holding Jane's hand tight Maura could feel Jane was holding back, that there was something keeping her from reaching climax.
"I ..I just can't…"Pressing against her clitoris hoping to reach final release Jane couldn't , not that she didn't want to but she couldn't let go.
For some reason no matter how wet she was and how encouraging Maura was Jane found herself incapable of finishing what she had started.
"Is there anything you need me to do?" Maura could hear frustration in Jane's voice and was hoping she would ask her to finish the job herself but realistically knew it was very unlikely.
"No…I'm sorry I just can't."Removing her hand wiping it on her robe Jane felt like a complete failure.
She had tried her best, had let Maura guide her doing everything she asked her but she was still unable to loose control and to allow her body to release all the sexual tension and frustration accumulated over the years.
"Shhh, it's alright Jane. Discovering your body and learning how to pleasure it isn't something you can learn in a night. It's going to take time but you're not alone. I'm here for you."Curled in fetal position her head resting on Jane's naked chest, her arm across Jane's belly Maura was genuinely sorry for Jane and was hoping that this little obstacle wouldn't keep Jane from trying again.
"Well at least now we know that my body isn't locked and that I'm not frigid." Smiling as she Maura's warm body against her Jane was trying to see the good side of this unfortunate situation and agreed with Maura : Rome wasn't made in a day and after years of frustration it was unlikely for her to reach climax on the first attempt. Suddenly holding Maura against her Jane didn't feel like a failure anymore but to the contrary felt extremely proud of herself and somehow finally started to believe that with Maura's help she would very soon be able to enjoy a normal and healthy sex life.
"See I told you. You might be a little rusty and might need a little practice but you're not frigid Jane."Feeling Jane's naked body against her for the first time Maura was particularly proud of the progress accomplished tonight.
Laying completely naked and vulnerable feeling Maura's fingers roaming on her belly Jane was completely comfortable. For the first time since they started dated they were both naked in bed and strangely it didn't feel weird or embarrassing. Maybe it was the obscurity or Maura's immense respect and kindness by Jane started to feel really at ease. Stroking Maura's hair with her fingers Jane started to wonder why in hell wasn't she able to climax. Obviously the problem wasn't physical because Maura had managed to make her extremely wet, it wasn't the discomfort of being naked next to Maura or the fear that she might cross a line , so what was it?
After several minutes of torturing herself Jane finally realized why she wasn't able to climax. It wasn't because she was rusty or needed more practice to re discover her body but because deep down she couldn't imagine coming by anything else than Maura's hand or mouth and hopefully now that all her inhibitions seemed to be under control she was confident it was going to happen sooner rather than later.
On the other hand Maura even if she was a bit frustrated was also extremely happy and proud of the progress accomplished. Only a couple of weeks ago Jane refused to take of her clothes during sex and wouldn't let her touch her. Now after hours of talking and small gestures here they were, naked in bed their bodies tangled together. Wandering her fingers on Jane's skin Maura realized that it didn't matter if Jane wasn't able to climax. What was important was there progress they had made tonight taking them a step closer to their ultimate goal.
Alright guys. I know this chapter was a bit all over the place and that I described a multitude of different and contradicting feelings and I really hope you're able to follow me…:)
What did you think of that chapter? I can tell you I stayed awake until 4 am to write it.
I hope you're not disappointed that Jane didn't come, but realistically after years of frustration you couldn't help her to on the first try right?
Do you think that with all the progress made Jane will soon be able to let Maura make love to her?
I'm really proud of my writing on that story and that is not something I say often
What do you think?Should I continue or stop?