A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and comments. Please keep them coming. I have finally given in and now you will read what really happened. Enjoy and don't kill me. Happy ending I promise!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter Nine: Protecting
Early January 2013 (Present Time)
At the knock at his office door Hotch looked up from his paperwork and nodded to Dave. "Come on in."
"I was just about to head out but I wanted to check up on you." Dave took a seat across from the desk and folded his hands in his lap.
"Check up on me?" Hotch questioned even though he knew what his friend was talking about. The past week had been rough on the whole team, another case involving children. He also knew the team was worried something was going on with him. Sure he had been distant over the past month or so but it wasn't anything too abnormal. He wasn't one for sharing his feelings or bringing personal problems into work but he was struggling over the past month with Emily.
After telling Emily about his reasons for leaving she froze him completely out. And for the life of him he wasn't sure how to fix it. But he knew he needed to.
"What's been going on? And why didn't you tell me before that you and Beth broke up?" Dave asked. He was quite stunned when Hotch told the team on the plane almost two months ago. Dave wanted to ask about it sooner but with the Holiday breaks and then the cases right after he didn't have time. Another book tour took most of his personal time.
"I knew it wasn't going anywhere so I needed to break it off." He answered without any emotion.
Dave studied him for a moment and then frowned. "Why would you date someone if you're still in love with Emily?"
Hotch's mouth opened and closed quickly. He didn't think anyone would figure that out but apparently his friend and mentor did. "Truth?" he asked sitting back for a long conversation he knew was just around the corner.
"Yes please." Dave said also getting comfortable. These conversations were normal for the two men especially if one was having a hard time.
"I started dating Beth to make Emily hate me." He said simply.
"What? Why would you do a stupid thing like that?" The older man wanted to slap the back of the other's head. Young people these days. He sighed.
"I know it was stupid but if she didn't hate me then I wouldn't have been able to stay away. Dave, I can't, no I won't let Emily end up like Haley." He took a breath "an Unsub threatened her while we were dating and it got to me. Everyone I care about gets hurt and I will not let the only woman that I can't live without get hurt. I know you will say it's not true but it is. Now I think I can live without being able to touch her or hold her but I can't live without her breathing on this earth. And if her being alive and… her being happy means I have to stay away then I will." Hotch wiped at his eyes tearing up. "Dating Beth was just to make sure Emily was safe, in a way."
Dave didn't know what to say. Yes his friend was stupid but part of him understood that. Hotch was terrorized by Foyet. His wife was murdered by this man. And lastly Hotch killed him with his bare hands. That is something you never forget or forgive yourself for. It stays with you and you change which was happening to Hotch. Dave knew Hotch blamed himself for Haley's death and Jack being put in that situation but he didn't know it was still in the back of his mind. Hotch had gone to a specailist to talk to about everything so Dave assumed he was good now.
Then after Hotch and Emily were together Hotch seem different, dare he say happier than he has ever seen him. Emily brought so much out of him and the team noticed. After they split no one asked questions so Dave had no clue this is what really tore them apart.
"Aaron, I understand you wanting to protect her but I think if you don't stop blaming yourself for Foyet's actions you will never be happy. And Emily is the only person who brings that out in you. You don't need to protect her. She is a very tough lady. She can handle her own, she did with Doyle."
"And she almost died." Hotch interrupted. "And she did that for us. So I broke her heart and mine for her. I can't lose her in this world Dave. I know I was a bastard and I probably said things to her that will never be forgotten but she is safer without me."
"But can you really truly and honestly live without being near her? Ask yourself that Aaron because from what I see you can't." Dave watched Hotch's face fall. He was right. Dave didn't know what he would do if the situation was reversed but he did know Hotch needed Emily.
"I don't know." he whispered. "She is everything to me… and to Jack. He adores her more than words can say. He still cries for her sometimes." He remembered the night that Emily left Jack to his father he hated him.
May 2012 (Flashback)
Hotch stood in the door way of his son's room as Emily was telling him goodbye. His heart was ripped in two and he knew his son's would be too.
"Jack?" he said walking in.
"Go away! I hate you!" Jack cried crawling up the bed and stuffing his face into his pillow. "You made Emily leave!"
Emily turned to Hotch with tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry" she whispered and walked out.
Hotch nodded and went to his son's side. "Buddy I know you're upset but it's going to be okay."
Jack looked up and him and screamed "Go away! I hate you!" the boy's eyes were red and puffy and his face was splotchy.
"Jack you don't mean that. I know your upset but we don't say mean things." He said calmly running his hand down Jack's back.
"I do mean it. You said mean things to Emily. And now she is leaving me just like mommy. It's your fault!" Jack cried out swatting his father's hand away. "Leave me alone."
Hotch wiped the tears from his cheeks and just sat watching his son cry himself to sleep. As the boy lolled off he ran his hand through the sandy blond hair and whispered. "I'm so sorry son. But she had to leave. I can't let her get hurt."
Early January 2013 (Present Time)
"See Jack needs her too. I don't know what to tell you Aaron but you need to fix it. But before you do that forgive yourself. You don't know what will happen in the future. She could get killed in the field but she could as easily get killed walking across the street. Don't let that stop you from living. Don't let that stop you from loving."
Hotch opened his desk drawer and took out a photograph of Emily and Jack. They had both passed out on the couch after a day at the park. It was his favorite. Running his finger over her sleeping face he smiled. "I'll work on it." He promised. "But I'm sure she will listen. I said what I needed to to get her to leave and it wasn't nice."
"What did you say?"
"Let's just say she found the engagement ring I got for her and I told her it was Haley's." Hotch looked down.
"Aaron" Dave whined. "Just fix it."
-CM-CM-
Emily saw the little boys face frown as he played with his food. Boredom was setting in as he sat back in his chair and slouched with his arms crossed over his chest. "Jack honey, are we being boring?" she asked. She knew what his answer would be.
Jack sighed with a nod. He was excited to be with Emily but when they got to the restaurant with Aunt Pen and Aunt JJ he just got bored and tired of talking about nothing but the baby.
"I'm sorry Jack. Baby talk is kind of boring huh?" JJ asked reaching over and ruffling his hair.
"Yes it is. The baby isn't even here." he frowned further. He didn't like talking about the baby.
"I know. Sorry Jack. What would you like to talk about?" Emily said smiling at him.
"Can I ask you a question?" his face morphing into a small smile as his eyes darted towards Garcia.
"Of course sweetie, you can ask me anything."
"Will you still love me when the baby is here?" he asked putting on his saddest face possible.
Garcia and JJ awed at him which he glared back at them until they turned away. Emily smiled down at him. "Jack I will always love you. You are my favorite little Jack."
"Okay. What's the baby's name going to be?" Jack asked smugly looking up at her then his eyes went back to Garcia.
"What? No you didn't!" Emily looked from Jack to Garcia. "Did you seriously just play me?" she asked Jack.
"No I didn't." he smiled sweetly.
"Penelope Garcia, why did you corrupt my sweet little Jack?" Emily glared at the woman.
JJ laughed and Garcia looked at Jack for help. "Aunt Pen you told me to do it. I can't get in trouble for this. I'm just sweet little Jack." The seriousness in his voice made Emily crack a small grin.
"Jackster I can't believe you are selling me out!" the blonde sneered.
"Come on Pen; look at that cute little face." JJ pointed at his big brown eyes then leaned over to Garcia. "Haven't you learned yet it's the cute one's you can't trust." She joked.
"Well I have learned my lesson now. No more Jack, no more." She huffed eyeing the boy.
"Aunt Pen, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I can't help it if I'm cute. I was born this way." He smirked as the table of women busted out laughing.
"Oh my goodness, Jack. Where do you learn this from?" Emily asked trying to calm her laughing.
"Uncle Derek said I'm a ladies' man. What does that mean?"
"It means we are never letting Uncle Derek babysit again." JJ said grabbing the bill from the waiter and grabbing at her coat. "Let's go guys. Come on ladies' man."
Emily helped Jack into his coat and took his hand. "You ready to go home buddy?"
Jack shook his head "no can't I go with you?"
"Well I don't have much to do tonight so how about we have a sleepover?" Emily smiled.
"Can I call daddy and tell him?" Jack nodded eagerly.
"Of course"
-CM-CM-
Emily pushed the last box from her bedroom into the hallway. Over Christmas she received a ton of baby things and she finally had time to clean out the spare room to get all the baby things into it.
"Hey Princess" Morgan called out as he entered her apartment.
"Hey, thanks for helping me with this. My parents went overboard so now all the baby's things are scattered around the apartment until I can get the spare room packed up and moved to the office." She said showing him the room in question.
Morgan smiled and looked at the room he was enlisted to move. "All this is going to fit in the office?"
"I hope but if not some of it can go in my room." She pointed down the hall.
"Okay let's get started. Do you have boxes for the small stuff?"
"Yes I do." She ran down the hall to get them. "Here we go." She said starting to load up some loose things.
"So what are your plans for the nursery?" Morgan asked moving some things around.
"Not sure yet but I needed to get this done. My Mother bribed Garcia into figuring out what I liked so they bought the crib and a dresser. They also got other things which was really nice but I have no where to put it all."
"So you're getting along better?"
"Yeah, my Mother calls almost every week and she always calls if I have a doctor's appointment. It's nice though. They're really trying."
"That's great Em." He opened a drawer and took out some photos that were in it. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure" she said with her back to him tossing a few things into the hallway for the trash.
"What happened with you and Hotch?" he asked calmly handing her the pictures he found. "The past few months you both have been… I don't know, out of it."
Emily looked at the pictures of her and Hotch. She tried her best to avoid him lately and she knew the team would start noticing. "We just didn't want the same things."
"I don't believe that. And I don't think you do either." He could always tell when she was holding back. "Talk to me Em."
She sighed softly. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it but for all of her wishing that's all she thought about. "I just wish guys would understand women don't need protection. We can take care of ourselves."
"Oh, did he go overboard?"
"You can put it that way. He left me to keep me safe. He's scared that I will end up like Haley." She sat down on the bed. It pissed her off that he would even think that. Not pissed at him but at Foyet for making this fear live in Hotch.
"Well you kind of did that too. You left the team and went after to Doyle to protect us." Watching her face turn he was quick to explain. "What I mean is when you left us it was hard but we forgave you. You were doing the best you could even if we didn't agree. Maybe that is the only thing he thought he could do."
"I do get it and yes I feel bad that's the only thing he could think to do but Derek you didn't hear what he said to me. It was…"
"Tell me Princess." He urged.
Emily took a deep breath to steady her nerves and nodded.
May 2012 (Flashback)
Emily walked into the kitchen to see Aaron staring off into space. She smiled softly and walked up behind him wrapping her arms around his back. He tensed under her and she pulled back with a frown. "What's wrong?"
"I think we need to break up." He said calmly. Emily's head whipped up and she grabbed his head turning him to look at her.
"What? What are you talking about?" she spat out. Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear anything over it.
"I think we need to breakup. We want different things and I think we have played out all we have." The words he was saying didn't match the pain she saw in his dark eyes.
Emily shook her head almost violently. "No. We are not breaking up. What the hell is going on Aaron?" she barely got out as her stomach started to roll and her eyes filled with tears but she held them back.
"I-I don't want this anymore. I think you need to move out." He stuttered.
"I don't believe you." She took off to their bedroom and dug through his sock drawer. She knew it was in there. Finding it weeks ago she figured he was waiting for the perfect time but they had been crazy busy with work and Jack. Grabbing the small box she went back to the kitchen where he still stood. "If that's how you feel then why do you have this?" she tossed the box to him.
"Where did you find this?" he said in a harsh tone. His eyes flamed at her but she took it.
"I found it weeks ago. Why buy it if you were just going to leave me?" she challenged.
He stared at her for a moment. "It's not yours. It's Haley's and it will never be yours." he pocketed the ring and grabbed Emily's arm. "I'm never going to marry you."
Emily pushed him away and wiped her tear stained cheeks. "I hate you!" she cried as her heart shattered into a million pieces right there in the kitchen.
"Good. I don't want to be with you. Leave." He stared at her.
Emily looked up in anger at Hotch. She wanted to scream and stomp but she didn't. The little boy in the next room could hear every word and she was not going to let him hear what she really wanted to say to his father. Taking a breath she whispered harshly "I want to talk to Jack then I'll leave." Without waiting for an answer she stormed around the corner and knocked on Jack's door.
Early January 2013 (Present Time)
Morgan watched Emily break down after telling him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. "I'm so sorry Emily."
"Me too. God Derek, I do love him but how do I forgive that. And if what he said was true why leave me like that? I just don't understand." Emily calmed down and grabbed a box to fill it.
"Emily, why don't you ask him? I mean if his reasons are true ask him why he did that."
Emily bit her lip and sighed. "I don't know if I can. I don't understand why he would say those things to me and why date Beth? If he wanted to protect me why date someone else putting them in the same danger?"
"To make you hate him. Emily he knows you better than anyone so he must have been prepared to put on a good show to make sure you believed him."
"I don't know. Can we just finish this and go grab some food. Baby's hungry!" she didn't want to think about it anymore.
"Yeah we can." Derek smiled and started packing again.
A/N: Please remember the second flashback was Emily's point in it not Hotch's. Next chapter will have what he was thinking through it.