Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anyone or anything from Bleach. It's as simple as that. Everything else, however, is mine. :D

Chapter 7: My Reason, part 3

I have been chasing the Hollow for some time now down the dark and silent streets of Karakura. My cold rage has sharpened my senses and I can track the Hollow as though I was following his position on map. However, the clarity of my mind has begun to fade as panicked, worried thoughts about my mother surface in my consciousness. What if her incisions open up? What if her internal bleeding starts again? What if I can't save her?

Too many what ifs. I try my best to force these thoughts, and the guilt that goes with them, into the back of my mind. Instead I concentrate on forcing my legs to run faster. The small corner of my mind that has remained aloof from the rest of my mind's turmoil can't help but marvel at the athleticism of my spiritual self, no longer restricted by the confines of a flesh body. I can't help but feel powerful as the wind whips past me and the ground falls away beneath my feet.

I refocus as I realize my quarry has stopped. I am on the edge of the river now. It's dark, what little light there is reflecting off the water. I can just make out a bridge looming ahead in the darkness.

I advance forward more cautiously now. I can feel that the Hollow has stopped somewhere ahead of me, but I'm afraid he'll take off again if I charge. Apparently this isn't his plan, however. I can just make out his dark form in the shadow of the bridge as I pace forward.

"I'm glad to see that you could track me so well. It seems your soul is powerful and will be all the more delicious!" the Hollow calls to me. His voice, which sounds very much like a pig grunting, sends shivers up my spine.

"Where is my mother?" I shout back trying to see deeper into the shadows under the bridge. My fear for her threatens to strangle me.

The Hollow laughs again, the horrible squealing of it making me wince. "She is safe. For now. But if I don't get any cooperation from you I'll eat her first and then devour you!" He laughs again, his eyes gleaming with malicious amusement as he slowly advances out of the shadows and into the open.

I feel my rage boil over and I allow it to carry me into action. "You bastard!" I yell, drawing my sword. "I would warn you about touching my mother again, but I'm going to kill you anyways so I guess it doesn't matter!"

"Oh? I guess you're going to be difficult then."

"You've got that right."

"Fine with me," the Hollow said with undisguised pleasure. "I always enjoy playing with my food."

I brace myself as he charges, roaring. I jump as he pounces and bring my sword down, intent on cutting his head in two as I did to the Hollow last night. To my surprise he dodges and leaps away.

"Not bad little Soul Reaper, but it's not good enough," he says laughing. Then he brings one arm up, folding his hand into a fist. Suddenly, and to my great surprise, his fist flies forward as his arm extends.

I barely dodge his fist in time, and I can feel my hair move from the force of its passage. I watch out the corner of my as it extends far farther than I would have thought possible, its shape twisting and lengthening in a sickening way. I gasp as his other fist suddenly closes around me and I realize my mistake.

"I've got you now little Soul Reaper!" he laughs. Angry, I lift my sword, and remembering that its blade is reversed, draw the sharp side towards me along the underside of his arm as hard as I can, leaving a deep gash. The Hollow screeches and drops me, but before I can stand again he brings his other fist back and hits me, sending me flying into the river.

I sink quickly to the bottom, sudden panic at my dilemma freeing my limbs from the shock of the Hollow's attack. Automatically my arms and legs begin to move, pushing me towards the surface. I resurface and fight my way to the bank, trying desperately not to lose my sword as I swim. But, the current isn't very strong and I clamber out of the water, coughing and spluttering, just underneath the bridge. I stand, a bit unsteadily, and sweep my wet hair out of my eyes.

"That wasn't very nice little Soul Reaper," the Hollow calls as I struggle to catch my breath. "Now I'm going to stop being nice…" he growls.

I find it difficult to collect myself. I can swim, but being thrown into a river without warning is frightening to say the least. My confidence has also taken a hit. The Hollow is a lot stronger than I expected and I can't help but worry that I won't be able to beat him. No. I can't think like that. I have to defeat him because I have to save my mother!

But still my doubts and my guilt nag me.

The Hollow has begun to advance again, but much more slowly, laughing all the while. I bring my sword up into a guard position and brace myself for his next attack until I realize what he is holding.

"Mom!"

"That's right little Soul Reaper." He stops now, not ten feet from me. He is holding my mother in one fist and she looks so weak…fear, guilt, and rage battle for dominance inside me. I'm frozen to the spot. All I can do now is wait. One wrong move means my mother is dead.

"Now listen closely little Soul Reaper," the Hollow says his voice filled with wicked joy. "I'm about to make you a very generous proposition. If you drop your sword now and let me eat you without a fight I'll leave your mother alone. However, if you decide to continue this battle I will devour your mother right now and then devour you." The Hollow throws back his head and laughs, confident of his victory.

The storm of emotion in my mind intensifies, clouding it, and making it nearly impossible for me to think straight. What comes to the surface of my mind through a pounding headache and paralyzing indecision is hate. Hatred of the Hollow and his games. Hatred of my helplessness as he holds my mother hostage. Hatred of myself for putting my mother in danger like this. I do not respond, only glaring at the Hollow with my fists clenched around my sword so tightly that my fingers start to ache.

"I really don't see why you're being so unreasonable. After all it's your fault that you and your mother are in this position. It's your soul that I'm really after. I have no interest in your mother. In fact if you had abandoned her on the sidewalk the first time I attacked she would never of gotten hurt." The Hollow laughs.

My body and my mind both freeze as the truth of these words slowly sinks in. My guilt, which has been building since I first saw the Hollow materialize in this world, becomes crushing as a single thought comes to my mind. This is my fault. I feel dizzy. Slowly my arms drop until they are hanging at my side. I drop my sword, in a daze, and then fall to my knees as guilt and shame overwhelm me.

Hopeless and defeated I look up at the death that looms above me. I know that my sacrifice will not be enough. I'm not foolish enough to believe that the Hollow will keep his word and will leave my mother alone after he kills me. And yet I can't find the will to fight anymore. I feel as utterly defeated as if the Hollow had pounded me to a pulp. Guilt burns in my stomach, as tears begin silent their descent down my cheek.

Geez. I'm such a fool. And such a coward. In this moment, I hate my weakness and myself more than anything.

"Mom…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

The Hollow chuckles with pleasure and then casually tosses my mother to the side. I don't see her land as the Hollow lunges, with a triumphant roar. I don't even bother to brace myself as I wait for the end to come.

…

"How close are we?' Ichigo asked, somewhat breathlessly. They had been running for some time now, pursuing the Hollow that had recently rematerialized.

"We're very close," Rukia replied, looking at her soul pager. She paused before she continued. "Taylor's there too."

"I know. That's why we have to hurry." Ichigo couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that he'd had since the Hollow had reappeared. He was sure that Taylor was in way over her head and that if they didn't get there in time, things were about to get very, very bad. Ichigo's feelings toward Taylor had softened some, as he understood how she had felt when she had appeared on his doorstep. He still resented her, however, and in some ways he resented himself even more. In any case he wasn't going to fail to protect her again. He had made a promise to her last night and Ichigo never broke his promises. Even when they were to people that he didn't like very much.

Ichigo suddenly slowed to a stop, realizing where they were. The river. It was so eerily familiar that Ichigo felt dizzy for a moment. Ichigo's memories of his mother's death came rushing back. His hands closed into to fists as his rage built. No! Not again! Never again! He began to run again, in earnest and caught up to Rukia quickly.

"There! Ichigo!" Rukia shouted, bringing Ichigo out of his thoughts. Up ahead, underneath a bridge, he could see the Hollow standing above Taylor. The Hollow was holding something, which Ichigo realized with a flash of horror was Taylor's mother. As he and Rukia drew closer Taylor dropped her sword and fell to her knees.

"That idiot! What the hell is she doing?" Ichigo exclaimed as the Hollow threw Taylor's mother aside and lunged. They were close enough now to hear what was probably intended to be Taylor's last words.

"Mom…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"Go Ichigo! I'll take care of Taylor's mother!" Rukia dashed forward and caught Taylor's mother as she fell and began to heal her wounds.

Ichigo hadn't heard her however, as he was already leaping forward to save Taylor (again) with a fierce yell.

…

For a moment I am too dazed to realize what is happening. I blink once. Twice. And then I really see Ichigo there before me, holding the Hollow off with his enormous sword. I have the strongest feeling of déjà vu as I recognize that Ichigo has saved me in just the way that he saved me last night.

"Why the hell are you just sitting there?" he yells back at me. "Get out of the way!"

Too surprised to do anything I just sit there staring at his back.

Ichigo pushes the Hollow away and then turns on me. "Damn it!" He is angry. Certainly angrier than I've ever seen him. That crazed shadow in the back of his eyes that I noticed this morning has returned. He grabs my by the front of my tunic and pulls me to my feet, "If you're going to be useless just leave!"

Slowly my eyes slide away from Ichigo's face to the Hollow behind him. It has recovered from Ichigo's counterattack and now goes on the offensive, stretching both its fists at us the way it did earlier.

I can't keep doing this. Just sitting here. In slow motion, it seems, my eyes slide back to Ichigo who has noticed that my attention was directed behind him. Swearing, he turns, also in slow motion, to block the Hollow's attack.

My mind works in slow motion as I watch the Holow's fists get closer and closer. Am I really going to keep doing this? Letting Ichigo rescue me? Ignoring this power because I'm afaraid of it? Letting my mom get hurt because my weaknesses?

My resolve solidifies in an instant. Time has resumed its normal speed as I reach down and grab my sword. I leap forward to help take the force of the Hollow's attack. The Hollow's fists collide with my sword and Ichigo's, pushing us back several feet. Ichigo slashes downwards, cutting the Hollow's fist and forcing it out of the way. I shift sideways, cutting the Hollow's arm as I move around it. Ichigo and I both jump forward, racing to cut the Hollow's head in half.

Ichigo is in front of me, and just feet from the creature's body when the Hollow opens its mouth and roars, it's lower jaw extending to an extreme angle. Suddenly the Hollow's tusks shoot forward, the way it's arms did. Ichigo curses as he brings his sword up to block, his forward momentum stalled in the process. I leap over Ichigo, who has the Hollow's full attention, and raise my sword for the kill.

"This is for my mother!" I scream, as I bring my sword down, slicing the Hollow's head in two. The Hollow lets out one last pitiful squeal as it disintegrates. Quiet returns, and the only sound that can be heard is the rushing of the river by the now still riverbank. I turn to look back at Ichigo but he is looking away, to where my mother and Rukia are.

…

"Is…is she gonna be ok?" I look anxiously at Rukia as I wait for her answer. The light of her healing spell still hovers above my mother's chest.

Without looking up Rukia replies, "She should be fine once I'm finished."

"Oh mom…" I fight back tears as I look at my mother's face. She still looks deathly pale. "This is all my fault…" I murmur, indulging in my guilt. The self-hatred I felt before claws its way back up my throat.

"You're right. This is your fault." Rukia and I both look up, shocked at Ichigo's statement. He stands above us his arms crossed. He shoots me an irritated look before continuing. "The fact is that this happened because of the power you posses. And things like this will keep happening until you do something about it. But, that doesn't mean it's your fault. And it sure isn't a reason to give up and throw your life away."

Ichigo turns away now to look down the riverbank. He seems lost in thought for a moment before he continues. "I'm not saying that you have to be a Soul Reaper. I sure didn't when I became one. But then I realized that I've got the power to protect people. Not just the people close to me, but countless others. It's a Soul Reaper's job to protect the souls of the living and the dead, but that's not why I fight."

I can only stare at his back as I try to process what he's saying. He half-turns and meets my eyes and I find that I can't look away, so strong is his conviction.

"I fight because I've got this power and I'll be damned if I don't use it. That way I'll protect as many people as I can. If there's an enemy I can't defeat I'll get strong enough to defeat it. I won't give up either. I can't. I don't ever want to see someone lose a loved one again." He turns away again and begins to walk off. "Let's go Rukia."

"Right." She stands and dusts herself off. "Your mom should be fine now, but I called for an ambulance to take her back to the hospital just in case. It should be here in a few minutes."

I watch silently as they disappear into the darkness. "Thank you!" I shout at their retreating backs, but I don't get a response. I look down at my mom again.

He fights to protect as many people as he can…

A breeze picks up, but for once I don't really notice the color of my hair as it blows into my face. I can hear the scream of sirens in the distance.

...The next day, Karakura 1st High School…

Ichigo couldn't help but find school boring after the events of the past couple of nights. Rukia was pretty much exhausted after using so much of her energy to heal Taylor's mother. She even fell asleep during fourth period. Taylor never showed.

Ichigo honestly wasn't sure how to feel about Taylor now. She had made him nearly as angry as he'd ever been last night. She was such a fool for giving up like she had. Like letting the Hollow eat her would solve anything. Her self-loathing at her weakness was what disgusted him the most, however. Ichigo couldn't understand why she didn't fight that weakness and make herself stronger, so she could protect her mother. At the same time though, Ichigo knew exactly how she must have felt. He knew that if he could have, he would have given up his life to save his mother that day on the riverbank six years ago.

Ichigo's mixed feelings irritated him just a much as Taylor's behavior did. Why couldn't he make up his mind about her? He disliked her and at the same time he understood her enough to feel compassion for her troubles? It was enough to make his head spin.

Ichigo's contemplations had put him in a fouler mood than usual all day, and after (forcefully) declining Keigo's invitation to hang out after school, he headed home alone. However, he was stopped just outside the gate by a soft, "Hey Ichigo". Looking around he saw Taylor leaning against the schoolyard wall. The only evidence of last night's fight was a small bandage on her temple.

"I guess Rukia go to you too huh?"

"Yea"

"How's your mother?"

"She's made a miraculous recovery. The doctor said they can release her at the end of the week." Taylor was smirking, her eyes dancing with amusement. But, she made no move to leave.

Ichigo scowled at her. She had no reason to be so familiar with him. "What do you want?"

Taylor pushed herself away from the wall and steadily met his eye, her expression carefully bland. "I never got around to thanking you properly. So, thank you so much for saving my mother and for saving me… Twice." She emphasized her thanks by bowing deeply to him from the waist.

"It's no big deal," Ichigo hurriedly replied, embarrassed. What is she on about? I guess that blow to her head must have been worse than I thought… Taylor straightened, and there was an awkward pause as they regarded each other.

"I also wanted to tell you that you were right." Taylor began. Ichigo, completely lost, just blinked at her. "I was being selfish and only caring about myself. I was afraid, to be honest…" she continued, now looking away. Ichigo was utterly surprised that she was admitting this to him and totally unsure of what to say.

"But I do have this power whether I like it or not. It's about time I stopped being so damn afraid of it. I'm tired of feeling like a coward." She turned back towards him, her face full of new determination. "So I think I'll work hard and get stronger, and use this power to help protect people. No one deserves to feel the way I did last night. So, I'll help you with this Soul Reaper thing." Taylor then extended her hand to him, a small smile on her lips.

Through his surprise Ichigo could feel his aversion towards her slipping. She had, it seemed, finally decided to take control of her life. That was something Ichigo definitely could approve of. Maybe she's not so bad after all… If she can decide to make a change like this I guess I can decide to give her a second chance. He extended his hand slowly at first, but then took hers firmly, shaking it once.

"You've got yourself a deal," he replied returning her small smile with one of his own.

"Good" With that Taylor turned away. "I've got some other things to take care of. See you at school tomorrow."

"Yea," Ichigo called after her. She responded with a wave over her shoulder. Ichigo watched her go and was reassured to notice that she walked with confidence and held her head proudly. Taylor then turned a corner and disappeared. Ichigo stood there for a moment, still considering their exchange. He felt himself warming towards Taylor as he absorbed her words and the implications of them.

That…was the first time she's smiled at me… Ichigo's heart beat just slightly faster at the thought.

…The Urahara Shop…

I arrived at the Urahara shop to find the two kids Jinta and Urururu cleaning the yard again.

"Oh great!" Jinta exclaimed as I came through the gate. "It's you again."

"It's nice to see you too, brat-face," I retort, patting the boy's head condescendingly as I walk by. "Is Mr. Urahara in?"

"He's inside," the girl answers me quietly while keeping the struggling Jinta in a headlock.

"Thanks…" I head to the door of the shop feeling a bit unnerved at the sight. I slide the door open to see Urahara sitting on the low porch inside the shop. He's holding a calculator and surrounded by piles of papers.

"Miss Smithson! Come in, come in!" he cries jovially.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" I ask, sliding the door shut behind me.

"No, no, I'm just doing some inventory. What can I help you with today?" He is considering me seriously now, but I catch a touch of amusement in his eyes.

"I want you to train me to use my Soul Reaper powers," I reply far more boldly than I feel. I'm still afraid, but I'm tired of letting my fear rule me. Enough is enough.

"Are you sure you want to learn to use them?" he asks me gravely.

I reply with a stiff nod as it seems my mouth has forgotten how to form speech. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous, but I have no doubts about Urahara's capability to help me.

"Alright then." He stands abruptly. "Let's get started then." His manner is all business, but he smiles proudly as he meets my eye.

And for the first time- in a long time- I feel hopeful.

Author's Note:

So…this is my first chapter in a really long time. Again. Sorry about that. I did put it up closer to the last chapter than I did with Chapter 6 though! In any case I still plan on continuing this story. I even have an idea for a sequel if I manage to get that far. However, because of school, work, etc, I have no idea when the next post will be. Again I apologize.

Anyways, I would like to thank all the people who reviewed, etc. during my long absence. It's nice to know that people are still finding my story and appreciating it

The next chapter will be completely from my own imagination and after that I will start weaving this story into the actual Bleach plotline. I've already got a basic outline for most of the rest of this story, so it shouldn't take too long to get it out, as long as I keep writing. I'll try to get this next chapter out ASAP!

Thanks for reading!

imagination junkie