Disclaimer: Poetry quotations are taken from Rilke's First Duino Elegy, translated by Stephen Mitchell. I can't take credit for it. I wish I could…
A/N Fluff and angst in this chapter, because it's needed sometimes… Hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all the support so far :D
'Rose,' he said quietly. 'Tell me what happened.'
Rose shifted to lean against the Doctor's side, resting her head carefully against his shoulder as he reached to take a disinfectant wipe from the First Aid kit that was laid out on the bed in front of them. She took a few calming breaths as the sting of antiseptic washed over her palm, the Doctor's fingers gripping her hand gently. 'I'm sorry I wandered off,' she said, her voice quavering as she hoped he wouldn't be angry with her.
'It's all right Rose,' he told her. 'That doesn't matter.' His voice was a tone lower and laced with worry when he spoke again. 'Please tell me what happened to you.'
She nodded, feeling tears well up behind her eyelids once more. This wasn't her, she knew. She didn't cry easily, but things had affected her today and now she wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and not get up for a long time. 'I went to have a look at that building,' she said. 'Y'know, the one we arrived next to?'
'Yes,' he said as he carefully wrapped a soft bandage around Rose's hand. He glanced at her, catching her gaze and prompting her to continue.
'I went in,' she told him. 'Into the derelict baker's shop. There was this door at the back that wouldn't open easily, but when it did…' She trailed off and shivered, pressing herself more firmly into the Doctor's side as he cleaned up the scratches on her other hand. 'It opened into this other room. It was enormous. There was no way it could have been a part of this dimension because the room was too big to fit into the space available to the shop.'
The Doctor frowned, feeling the first shot of adrenaline pulse through his system as a mystery was explained to him. 'Go on,' he said, placing Rose's hand back in her lap before lifting her head from his shoulder so he could clean the cut on her cheek. He whispered an apology when she hissed as the skin pulled and split slightly, fresh drops of blood breaking free and splashing down her face like tears.
'The room was a huge circle, with marble floors and stars in the ceiling. It was lined with doors.'
She fell silent and there was a heavy pause as the Doctor processed the information, trying to make sense of her words and wishing that there was no life-or-death curfew so that they could go and investigate the strange situation straight away. He looked at the blood on her face as something clicked into place. 'You went through one of the doors,' he said, a statement not a question.
Rose nodded as the Doctor gently wiped the blood away from her face but didn't reply.
'Where did it lead to?' he asked softly.
She looked away, unwilling to meet his gaze. 'You're gonna think I'm a right loony,' she muttered under her breath.
The Doctor smiled affectionately. 'I promise you Rose,' he told her. 'No matter what it is, I won't think you're a loony okay?' He smiled wider. 'Nothing could be madder about this situation!'
'The door led to a whole other world,' she said.
He was quiet for a long moment, his hand falling back to his side as the final drops of blood were cleaned away from Rose's face. 'Ah.' A constipated expression took up residence on his face.
Rose frowned. 'Doctor?'
He shook himself and schooled his features to look less pained. 'Tell me more,' he pressed her, his hand grasping hers once more as he turned to face her full on.
'I didn't know where it was,' she said. 'I opened the door and I stepped through and then I was standing outside this museum on an alien planet. There were loads of people there- I think they were tourists- in this square outside.'
'Do you know what species?' he asked as more adrenaline flooded his system.
'Human,' she answered. 'But I think they must have, um… danced with other species as well because some of them looked different.'
He could see her faltering, not really comprehending what had happened and not entirely sure what to say about the experience. He wished he hadn't left her to go to the Alliance meeting; he should have been with her. 'How long were you there?' he asked.
She thought about it. 'Probably about fifteen minutes.'
'What happened in that time?'
Her face closed up and the Doctor found that he couldn't read her expression anymore. She looked over his shoulder to the wall, her eyes darting everywhere but him. Her hand tensed in his and he felt a tremor run through her. 'Rose,' he said. He lifted his other hand and gently touched her cheek to call her back to him. 'What happened?' he asked again, more carefully this time as he firmly established that it definitely wasn't anything good.
'I didn't know how to get back,' she said. 'I was searching along the side of the building for something to help me but I couldn't find anything.' Her voice dropped to a whisper. 'I thought I was gonna be stuck there forever.'
The Doctor's arms were around her in an instant, holding her firmly to his chest as he leaned back on the bed to rest against the headboard, guiding Rose's head to settle on his chest. He kissed her hair. 'It's all right now,' he said lamely.
'I was so stupid going there, Doctor,' she said. 'I should have waited for you to come back so we could go together. It's all my own fault.'
'Don't say that,' he admonished although he wasn't entirely sure what was supposed to be her fault. 'What happened then?'
She sighed, reluctantly continuing on with the story. 'These men came up behind me,' she told him quietly. 'Two of them, big blokes. It was all dark down the side of the museum; no one could see what was going on.' Her voice cracked.
'Rose,' he whispered, his eyes slipping shut and his arms tightening around her to remind himself that she was here now, and she was safe.
'They cornered me,' she went on. 'Asked me what I was doing, said that I was going to go with them. They wouldn't leave.' Her breath hitched in her throat. 'They were so close. They had me up against the wall and I couldn't get away from them.'
'They hurt you,' he stated, tracing the edge of the wound on her cheek carefully.
She nodded. 'But I'm all right, yeah? I'm fine, Doctor, don't worry. I leant away from them, and I grabbed onto this little mound of something that was on the wall. I started wishing that I'd listened to you and stayed in the café, that the men were gone and everything was okay again. I wished I was back with you… And then I was back in the room full of doors, in the back of the baker's shop. And then I ran back here.'
She fell silent, wrapping her arms tightly around his body as she lay half-sprawled on top of him. He held her head to his chest so she couldn't look up and see the tears shining in his eyes. He hated the thought that she had been in so much trouble and he would never have been able to find her and help her. If she hadn't found the way back to Eustance in time… He shuddered at the thought.
'Doctor,' she said, her voice firmer and more confident now that the story was over with. 'I think…'
He kissed her head. 'What?' he whispered.
'I think it's the way back. To Earth, I mean. I think that one of those doors must lead back to Earth.'
He thought about that. 'I hope so,' he replied. 'That would make sense.'
'Yeah?' she questioned softly, turning her head to face his chest.
The Doctor shivered as he felt her lips press down and burn through his shirt like a soldering iron. He wondered if touch had ever felt so intense, and then he wondered if it was exclusively to do with the intensity of the situation or if it had anything to do with the way he felt about Rose. That was another topic that would have to be stored away and analyse at a later date when he wasn't busy in the middle of planning a revolution. 'I hope so,' he said again and nuzzled his nose against her hair in a way he knew would make her shiver. He took a perverse pride as she reacted to his touch, glad that he wasn't the only one affected by the slightest intimacy between them. 'We'll explore it in the morning,' he told her. 'And then…' He trailed off, a smile playing over his face.
'What?' she asked when he didn't continue. She lifted her head and looked at him, her face only inches from his. 'And then what, Doctor?'
'Milady,' he said grandly, doing his best to ignore the way her leg slipped between his as she settled on top of him. His hands moved in small circles as they splayed over her back. 'How would you like to lead a revolution?'
Damien is powerless to stop the intense pounding of his heart as his chest tightens painfully. He watches Airlia as she stands before him, blonde curls lit by the light of the stars in the night sky, framed by the window of his living room. A tear on her face catches in the light and he is spellbound by it, watching it drip unchecked down her cheek until it splashes off towards the floor. He never wants to tear his gaze away from her but he knows that, all too soon, he will have to do just that.
She is wearing the silver necklace he gave her after they had been together for a year, the single diamond in the simple silver setting reflected in her beautiful eyes. She plays with the chain, running her fingers over it as she fixes him with an intimate stare. He cannot bear to say goodbye to her.
They have decided to separate for all the time remaining until the day when they will flee and escape from the nightmare of their lives here, knowing that they have to be all the more careful about their actions now. They have to keep their relationship a secret as it is, at times making it feel more like an affair; illegal rather than wanted. Airlia is closely monitored by her father, even now she has cut him out of her life completely, and she is taking a risk by being with Damien in the first place. And Damien is all too aware of this. He is so terrified that they will be caught before they can leave and Maximillian Camdon will take his Airlia away from him. He thinks he would rather die than have that happen.
He closes the last gap between them, prising her hands away from the choker at her throat to hold them tightly in his own as though he never wants to let go. And he doesn't. He kisses her face, her hair, her lips, feeling more tears on her face as the time of their parting grows ever closer. She trembles at his touch in the same way she did the first time they made love, and he is reminded of the slight parallel of the situation. First times, he thinks. They're all over the place. First meeting, first intimacies, first (and hopefully only) lengthy parting. It will be two months until he sees her again, and he isn't quite sure how to say goodbye.
They have only minutes left before they have to leave so he can walk her home before the curfew starts, say farewell at her front gate before walking home alone. He curses the stars for being so brilliant. How can the night be so beautiful when something so terrible is happening in his life? He chokes on his breath as he contemplates the loneliness. 'I love you,' he tells her.
This is the day Damien realises that loving someone means sacrificing aspects of yourself. Everything will change in two months and seventeen hours.
'So this revolution,' Rose said some time later as she and the Doctor sat side by side on the bed, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her back. His breath ghosted over her as he rested his chin on her hair.
He hummed in response, something in his tone prompting her to carry on and voice all that was unspoken. His hand brushed her arm and he wondered if the slight jolt she gave was a positive reaction to his touch or a negative one to what had happened to her on an alien planet earlier today. He held her a bit tighter as he remembered what she had told him. And, oh yeah, wasn't she saying something about the revolution?
'The revolution,' she repeated. 'What exactly do we have to do?'
'You don't have to do anything,' he told her honestly. 'Not if you don't want to. It's entirely up to you.'
'Are you going to be helping?' she asked.
'Yes,' he said without hesitating.
She nodded against him. 'Then so am I.'
He smiled at that, loving that she would trust him to take her into such a dangerous situation so that they could hopefully make life better for the people of this planet. It worried him as well though; it terrified him that something might happen to her and it would all be his fault. Just like what happened earlier… 'Well,' he said in response to her earlier question. 'We're merely helping these people regain the freedom that they lost. It's their war, not ours; there's only so much that you and I can do. We'll lend a hand where we can, make up the numbers.'
He sounded casual, and this unsettled her somewhat. 'We won't… have to kill anyone will we?'
'I bloody hope not!' The Doctor laughed, his chest rumbling against Rose's side. She pressed herself closer to him, not sharing in his amusement. The thought of potentially having to kill someone terrified her more than being killed herself, and it was perhaps the one thing that would make her watch the revolution from the sidelines instead of being in the thick of it with the Doctor. His expression sobered as he felt the tension radiating from her body. 'Don't worry Rose,' he said, brushing against her hair with his nose. 'I'll make sure that doesn't happen. We're still trying not to be noticed by the authorities, remember? We'll stay low-key, away from the guards and as far from any violence as we can.'
'I'm not sure that you and low-key go together all that well,' she said, a teasing tone creeping back into her voice.
He grinned. 'Well, I know it will be hard, what with my devastatingly sexy good looks and all, but I promise I'll do my best. I want to get home too.'
'I know you do.' She turned into him and wrapped an arm around his torso, loving the closeness and hoping that it was one aspect of this little adventure that they could take back to the TARDIS with them. She was sure that her own bed would feel big and empty now after sharing with the Doctor. His presence soothed her more than she was comfortable to admit. 'Do you think we will be able to get home?' she asked him hesitantly, suddenly less sure of herself and still terrified that they would never be able to get back despite the discovery of the room of doors.
'Of course,' he answered immediately, meaning what he said. He would get them back, for her. He was more than happy to take her travelling across the universe as long as she wanted to go with him, but he would always make sure she was never permanently trapped with him. Just in case, he thought. His chest felt heavy at the thought that she might one day leave out of her own choice but he pushed that depressing notion to the back of his mind where he kept the rest of his pain. She was here with him now, and he was always happy when he was with her- life-threatening situation or not.
Rose pressed closer to him for comfort and warmth; the room was still chilly despite the heating and mass of bed covers that surrounded them. The Doctor wrapped his arms securely around her, glad to have her back after being separated earlier in the day. He savoured her touch as she played absently with the sleeve of his shirt and her warm breath covered his neck. He had gone so long without touch, without affection, and to have it all back amplified it more than ever. Of course, it was probably emphasised even more by the fact that this body was hyper-sensitive to touch and stimulation. He felt her drifting in and out of consciousness as he held her, sleep only just around the corner.
He pressed one more kiss to the top of her head- something he realised he was fast becoming addicted to- before resting his cheek on her hair and gently rocking her in his arms like he would a child. As much as he wanted her to stay awake and talk with him through the night, they had a revolution to lead tomorrow, and she really needed her sleep. He smiled as she totally relaxed against him, and he hoped that this was something else they would be able to keep doing once this whole nightmare was over.
Damien stands, shoulders slumped, watching Airlia step away from him. She walks backwards slowly towards her apartment building, tears on her face as she waves a final goodbye. She blows him a kiss at the door before disappearing inside, and he feels his heart break a little.
He stands and watches her building for a short time; as long as he dares before the beginning of the curfew. In the dark of the evening he sees the light in Airlia's apartment switch on, but he turns and walks away before she comes to look for him at the window. It would hurt him too much to be able to see her but not touch her.
He walks down the street, back the way he came. His hands are in his pockets as he looks up at the sky, but he doesn't see the stars shimmering millions of miles above him; he knows that they will remind him too much of Airlia. He walks on, haunted now by the lines of an old poet from Earth, and he is reminded all of a sudden of how human he is, how small.
Often a star
was waiting for you to notice it.
Everything is small now, he thinks. Even the stars, the universe. It all pales in comparison with the strength of his love. He keeps walking.
Damien trips over a curb as he nears his own apartment building, more of Rilke's whisperings floating through his head, memories of things he learnt in school so very long ago. It strikes him how romantic a notion education seems to him now he is growing old, and it is a pleasure he wants back.
…Weren't you always
distracted by expectation, as if every event
announced a beloved?
Airlia is a presence in his head, just like she has been since the day he met her, but now it hurts to think of her knowing he cannot see her for so long. He stumbles his way up to his apartment and shoves open the door.
There is so much to do before they leave, and so little time to do it. Perhaps it is good that he won't be able to dwell too long on his separation from Airlia. There's work, and his apartment and his family, his money and their safe flight from the hell of Eustance… So many tasks.
(Where can you find a place
to keep her, with all the huge strange thoughts inside you
going and coming and often staying all night.)
This is the day Damien learns that he'll never know everything. Everything will change in two months and thirteen hours.
The Doctor sat in the armchair across from the bed and watched Rose sleep. She was on her side facing him, the blankets and duvet pulled up snugly around her. He grinned at the state of her hair, flying out at odd angles and spread around her head like a platinum halo. She could have been innocence itself lying down for a rest, he thought.
He leaned back in the chair, resting his head on the cushioned back and sighing. The nights really were too long here. It had only been a couple of hours since Rose had fallen asleep, and yet there was still well over ten hours to go until the curfew was lifted. He thought he might go insane if he had to live here permanently. He watched Rose as she moaned lightly in her sleep, pulling the blankets more securely around her. He hated that he'd trapped her here indefinitely, although a weight had lifted from his chest when she'd told him of what could possibly be a way out. He refused to be too hopeful though; it would only crush him more if it ended up leaving them in a bigger mess than the one they started with.
Rose's clothes rested on his lap, and he unconsciously kneaded the fabric of her t-shirt with one hand. After she had fallen asleep, he had held her for a short time whilst holding an internal battle over whether he should undress her or not before putting her to bed properly. He had finally decided that he should; he knew he always hated to wake up wearing the clothes he'd had on the night before. And so, with as much passivity as he could manage he had reluctantly shifted her from his arms and carefully removed her clothes, wrapping her up in a blanket as he went so that the shift in temperature wouldn't awaken her. Then he had slipped her beneath the covers on the bed and sat stroking her hair for a while to make sure she was fully asleep. He had found a small lump on the back of her head, crusty with dried blood. It must have been another injury she gained whilst stuck on another alien planet earlier in the day. That thought had made him feel sick, and he knew that if he ever came across the men who had hurt her then he would under no circumstances be able to show them any kind of mercy. Thinking about what had happened to her- and what could have happened to her- made him stay with her on the bed a short while longer.
And now he rose from the chair once again, unable to stay away from her at the moment. He placed her clothes where he had been sitting a moment before, his own clothes joining them as he took off his shoes and his suit. How domestic, he thought as he looked at the jumble of their clothes on the chair, as though they had just been thrown there at the end of a long day. Which, he reflected, they had.
He walked across to the bed, going around to the far side so he could slip in behind Rose. His arm wrapped around her waist, and he held her back to his chest for a moment before gently rolling her over into his arms and settling her head against his shoulder, mindful of her scrapes and bruises. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed gently. She hummed against his chest, her hands unconsciously moving to rub up and down his sides, skimming his ribs. He shivered. He had been deprived of intimacy for so long before he met Rose that now this was almost overload. It was good though, he decided, his lips against her forehead and his hands on her back. The closeness was good, and the feel of her heart beating soundly against his comforted him, reminding him of her presence, her life.