A/N: Not really sure where I'm going with this, but I'm enjoying the hell out of writing it, plus Haruhi needs more Evangelion crossovers, You've probably noticed in the last chapter that there were more military forces than there were in Evangelion, my explanation: being that the two universes have merged, there will be a lot of fusion between tactics and technology between the more realistic universe of Haruhi(and I use the term 'realistic' lightly) and the more sci-fi oriented universe of Evangelion. Plus, who doesn't think napalm strikes and stealth fighters are the shit? You're probably thinking they would never use napalm in a city environment, but given the circumstances, these guys are pretty desperate to kill Sachiel, don't you think? I may be inaccurate with a lot of military terms and equipment, since most of my military knowledge comes from call of duty modern warfare 2, command and conquer, the history channel, and a few articles here and there that I've read on the internet.

Chapter Two:

God's in her heaven, all's unbelievably fucked up with the world

I don't know what that exactly means, but i guess it'll be OK as long as it makes sense grammatically.

-Kyon

"An angel? What, are we at war with god or something?"

The lavender haired woman skidded to a halt on the highway, and started watching the 'angel' with a pair of binoculars. There were massive explosions as howitzers, tanks, and Mitsubishi SH-60K helicopters joined the fight. Is the whole UN here too?

"I really can't tell you much-"

"-Classified information, right?" It seemed pretty obvious, really.

"Heh, you're pretty sharp for you're age" she said, still watching the fight,

It's about timed I was praised!

"What are they doing?" she asked as the fighters started retreating.

I had a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach, call it intuition but-

"Oh crap they're gonna use an N2 mine!" she screamed, as she pushed me down in my seat and wrapped her arms around me.

Must fight... temptation...

"The hell is an N2-"

There was a blinding white flash and then everything went dark.

"You okay?"

Ugh my head...

The woman shook me as I started to come to,

"Yeah, i'm alright, how about you?"

I noticed something seemed off... we were upside down! I undid my seat belt and crawled out of the car.

"Busted my hip, but I'm alive" she said as she pulled me up.

"What the hell just happened?"

We must have landed in a nearby field, except everything around us looked burnt, and smelled sterile. I shakily tucked my face into my shirt and freaked out,

"Did we just hit it with a nuke? Oh my god! Are we gonna get radiation poisoning? what the hell?"

The woman chuckled and pulled my shirt back down,

"Oh, don't worry about that stuff, we hit with an N2 mine, it's like a nuke, but without all that nasty fallout!"

Well that's a relief, I've heard stories about people getting really sick from radiation. Hell, there's still kids being born with their eyes on the sides of their faces like a fish, thanks to those Nagasaki and Hiroshima events...

"I'm Misato Katsuragi by the way, and I already know you're Kyon Ikari"

So my names Ikari now? Alright then. ...And that stupid nickname is my real name now... Well that's just great. I've almost forgotten my real name as it is.

"I'd be very pleased to make you're acquaintance under any other circumstance, Miss Katsuragi"

"Oh, I bet you say that to all the pretty girls!" she gushed, "And just Misato is fine, here help me push this back up" she said, gripping the side of the car.

I followed suit and a few minutes later we were speeding down the highway once more, faster than a certain spiky, blue hedgehog after a truck full of free chili-dogs.

"Here, You'll need to read this, You're working for us now" Misato said as she handed me something.

NERV employee handbook.

Being conscripted against my will... how original.

"Just what is NERV?" I asked, as we pulled in a tunnel and onto a track. There was clack! As the car was immobilized.

"We're an unpublicized organization under the direct control of the UN"

"Secret government stuff, eh?"

Suddenly we were shooting down a tunnel at high speeds, I should be surprised, but at this point I'm just numb to all the weirdness.

"You could say that, I work here too you know, same as your uncle"

I feel as if I should have said something witty and sarcastic, but nothing came to mind.

There was a few moments of silence as Misato checked her makeup, she was a very pretty woman, she had large breasts but she didn't have that innocent moe charm like miss Asahina, and she was gorgeous, but didn't seem to have the determined fire of Haruhi's eyes like I was used to. She was her own person, that's for sure.

"Hey Misato, do you have any idea why my uncle wanted me here?"

"Perhaps it would be better to ask him yourself?"

Of course she's not going to just tell me, no that would just be too convenient...

I sighed loudly, and laid back into the seat.

"I guess I'll find out soon enough, then"

Misato was putting on a pair of earrings, she's kind of vain, isn't she?

"I take it you don't like your uncle very much?"

Don't like him? I've never met the guy! Of course she wouldn't know that now, would she?

"It's not that, it's just that I can't say I really know him, what could he possibly want from me, you know?"

Misato didn't say anything as the darkness of the tunnel gradually faded away, and I found myself high above the ground, miles below me I could see a lush forest by a lake and a large pyramid.

"Whoa! What is this place?"

"It's called a Geo-front, the dome's nine-hundred meters high and six klicks wide"

I let out an impressed whistle before she continued,

"The city of Tokyo three is above, and the sunlight gets pumped down by a fiber optic system, neat huh?"

I'll say!

She pointed down at the pyramid,

"That right there is NERV HQ, the keystone for the resurrection of the world, and the stronghold of humanity!"

Wait, wait, wait, the keystone for the resurrection of the world? Angels, advanced technology and a post apocalyptic setting, just add water. ...I'm not sure where I was going with that train of thought.

Probably around twenty minutes later we were out of the car and heading through a complex system of bridges and tunnels, which all looked exactly the same, gee, I wonder why.

"Misato, we've been walking in circles" I said bluntly

"...How do you figure that?" she asked, reading through a map.

"We've crossed this exact same bridge three times"

"...Just shut up and follow me" she said darkly, looking over her shoulder and glaring at me.

Great... we're lost. This just keeps getting better doesn't it?

There was a Ding! As pair of sliding doors opened, revealing another older with blonde hair.

Wait, there was an elevator the whole time?

"You're late, captain Katsuragi, do you have any idea how pissed the commander is?"

Captain? Commander? Great I'm in the military...

Misato chuckled nervously,

"Oh... hey there Ritsuko..."

Miss 'Ritsuko' looked pretty mad, I hope we're not in trouble or anything.

"We don't have time for this at all! The angel just renewed it's assault!"

You're kidding? That thing took a huge blast at point blank range! This world is just absurd!

"I um... haven't gotten the layout of this place down yet..."

"Whatever, so this must be the third child? He's handsome"

What's this third child business? And why is everyone flirting with me?

I nervously scratched the back of my head,

"Oh, hey there, I'm Kyon"

"Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, supervisor of project E. Pleased to meet you"

Project E? Third child? These clues are just incomprehensible...

"Come along Kyon-kun, I have something to show you"

Oh joy, more clues!

Now we were in a motorboat speeding towards some undisclosed location, I had nothing better to do so I watched the waves, bored out of my mind. I noticed the water didn't look quite right, it was reddish orange, kind of like blood.

"Hey what is this stuff?"

I was ignored. Of course.

"So the N2 mine didn't work?"

"No, it only paralyzed it temporarily"

"Maybe if we hit it with enough N2 mines-"

"No, that is not an option, we've ran that plan through the MAGI and calculated that it would take more than enough force to make the whole Geo-front cave in"

I just sat quietly waiting for to get to our destination, it's probably best I don't ask so many questions anyway. After a few minutes of riding, the boat began to slow down, and stopped near a staircase leading to another automatic sliding door.

"Watch your step, Kyon. It's dark"

I can see that... or can't? I hate semantics.

Doctor Akagi turned on the lights and-

"Holy shit!" I cried, I was face to face with a huge... face. That sentence didn't come out the way I wanted it to. It looked like it had a humanoid body under the reddish waves and was about as big as that angel outside, if not bigger, with purple armor and a huge horn.

"What is this, a robot?" I asked.

"Synthetic humanoid" Doctor Akagi corrected, "This is our last card to play against the angels, code named Evangelion. This is Eva unit 01, the first test model"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that my uncle has something to do with this" I said crossing my arms and leaning on the railing.

"That's correct" a voice above me said. Looking up, I saw an older man standing in some kind of opening in the ceiling.

"Kyon, it's been a while"

What the hell am I supposed to say?

"Go with the flow" was the last thing Nagato told me…

Go with the flow... alright.

"Yep, how's it going?" I asked, putting my hands in my pockets.

"As apathetic as ever I see... Well anyway, listen carefully, you're going to pilot it and fight the angel" Are you serious? Good grief...

Before I could say anything, Misato jumped into action

"Wait a moment, commander! It took the others months to even synchronize with the Eva!" Wow, she's fiery when she wants to be.

"Captain, we are out of options"

"But-" She was cut off by Doctor Akagi

"Captain Katsuragi, our top priority-" it was my turn to cut them off, a guy can only take so much drama.

"Fine, I'll pilot it"

I was met with a simultaneous "Wait what?" from all three of the adults.

"Really, just like that?" The commander asked, blinking in surprise.

"It looks like I really don't have a choice, no point in resisting, right?"

"I... see..." the Commander said.

"Well then... er, suit up the Eva! Come with me Kyon, I'll give you a quick lecture on how the Eva works" Doctor Akagi said, motioning me to follow her.