This Calls For "Diplomacy"

"Hmm, those jalapeno pepper thermals are keeping the engine from freezing over. I owe Numbuh 89.94 five bucks," Hoagie muttered to himself as he kept himself occupied with the RV's heat emissions. After being partially responsible for the mess they were in now, he opted to make himself useful the best way he knew how: insure the getaway vehicle was in top condition. He would normally point out how there was no way he would end up sending anyone into a coma from the driver's seat, but the chubby child wisely kept his mouth on that end. It wasn't like he needed to jinx the mission anymore.

As his thoughts drifted towards the current situation, the pilot swerved his seat so he faced the back of the RV. Peaking his head around the corner, his eyes darted around until they landed on Kuki. "Hey Numbuh 3, how's the princess holding up?"

"Ugh, she's doing fine."

Hoagie was taken back by the usually chipper girl's clipped tone. "Then what's wrong?"

"She's cheating, that's what's wrong!" Kuki huffed from Yal'see's bedside. The dark haired girl had sat by the comatose princess to monitor her condition. However, Kuki had somehow managed to slip an entire hand of cards into Yal'see's frozen fingers while she held her own hand close to her chest. Kuki glanced down to her cards once again, then growled as she tossed one of them into the steadily growing pile of cards at Yal'see's waist. "No fair! No one's ever beaten me at Go Fish!"

Hoagie looked amused as he stood from his seat. "Um, I was kinda talking about her condition, Numbuh 3. What are you doing anyway?"

"Oh, her condition's stable. I think she should be up in about an hour. But that's a looong time to wait, and I thought she would get bored! So, we're playing Go Fish to pass the time," Kuki smiled as she revealed her charming little idea. But that smile was replaced with a frown as she eyed the pile of cards Yal'see had managed to haggle off of her. "But it's, like, impossible to beat her! She has a really good poker face…"

"Uh, yeah. Well, good luck with that," Hoagie said awkwardly. Silence settled in, and between the comatose body and Kuki playing cards with aforementioned comatose body, he decided it was time for a changed in scenery. Things were getting a little too creepy for his tastes. "I'm gonna go check on Numbuh 5 and 4-Below and see if the others have gotten back yet."

"Okie-Dokie! Now, Princess, do you have any threes?" Kuki inquired after waving off Hoagie. The cute girl smirked, gripping her cards closer to her chest. She had the royal child this time, she was sure of it!

However, she was only met with silence. Frowning, Kuki made a noise of frustration as she chucked a card into the pile. "Man, you are good."

A cold blast of chilly air greeted Hoagie as he stepped out from the warmth of the RV. It was just another reminder they were far away from the comforting branches of their cosy suburban treehouse. This would be the last time he jumped on an opportunity to escape boredom without researching the weather.

As he zipped his coat up a bit tighter, he looked out to see Abby and Numbuh 4-Below situated behind a rather tall mound of snow. He looked on a bit further to see the glorious Tipaun estate in the distance, the compound looking as imposing and expensive as it did when they first arrived. Shaking off the thought, he walked towards the girls.

"What's up, guys?" Hoagie greeted as he neared the two. Never being able to resist a comedic opportunity, he stifled a chuckle as he said, "Just chilling?" He laughed at his little pun, but was then caught off guard as a snowball collided with his face. "Hey!"

Abby simply pointed towards 4-Below, who looked all too satisfied as she hunkered back down to look through her binoculars.

Hoagie eyed the foreign operative before grumbling, "So besides all the wintery fun you gals must be having, seen anything interesting going on in the compound?"

"Numbuh 4-Below hasn't seen anything," Abby answered. "Numbuh 5 hasn't got any updates from Numbuh 1 either."

"Well, he did say to maintain radio silence just in case."

"Yeah. How's the Princess?"

"She's fine. Numbuh 3's playing Go Fish with her."

Abby blinked. "She's up already?"

"Nah, not yet," Hoagie replied in negative.

"Then how-never mind," Abby sighed as she dropped the subject. Best she didn't know what Kuki was up to this time.

Hoagie noticed Abby's frigid state, and he highly doubted Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan's climate was at fault. "What's eatin' ya?"

"Something just don't feel right, Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 4 shoulda been back by now," Abby replied, taking another cautious glance towards the compound. "This mission is just about to get a whole lot more crazier. Count on it."

"C'mon, don't be like that," Hoagie tried to reassure her. After a few moments of awkward silence, his expression become worrisome. "Seriously, don't be like that. One more screw-up on this mission, and Numbuh 86 is gonna have a field day roundin' us up for decommissioning."

"Why so worried, Numbuh 2? You've only just put Honorable Princess Yal'see into a Brain Freeze Coma," was the sarcastic reply. The only thing that caught Hoagie off guard was the fact the response came from Numbuh 4-Below. "I can't imagine why Numbuh 86 would decommission you for something like that."

Hoagie's jaw might as well have dropped to the ground right then and there. Numbuh 4-Below just spoke to him. In perfect English. He slowly looked towards Abby, becoming even more confused when his friend just began laughing up a storm. "B-But…you mean she can speak–"

"English? Of course I can," Numbuh 4-Below sighed. Did he have to talk about her like she was not even five inches away from him? "I'd be a very inefficient second-in-command if I could not properly communicate with the other sectors of the world."

The poor boy didn't know exactly what to feel about that revelation. He snapped his gaze to Abby, who was working to contain her bouts of giggles. "And you knew?"

"She came clean with Numbuh 5 after Numbuh 1 and the others went in the compound," Abby chuckled into her hand.

Hoagie still didn't understand what in the world was so funny. "But I don't get it…if you can speak fluent English, then why did we need to bring Infinity? The only reason he's here is to translate!"

At that, Numbuh 4-Below smirked. "Because he doesn't know we can speak English."

Hoagie tapped his chin in thought, beginning to get a good idea of what she meant. "So, all those times we thought he mistranslated…" he trailed off, fighting the rising grin he felt coming on. "You sly dogs."

"He's such an arrogant know-it-all," 4-Below giggled. "It's so worth it to see him get so flustered and caught off-guard. Why, we once got him to call the Supreme Leader a chubby blonde ditzy-doo."

"A ditzy-doo? Oh man, that's–wait a minute," Hoagie paused, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "So if you've been able to speak and understand English this entire time…why did you slap me all those times?"

Numbuh 4-Below's expresssion became dry as she blankly stared at the boy. Just when she was about to enlighten him, two echoing screams in the background became more and more potent as they got closer. All three children looked up to see two flailing bodies crashing down towards them. They all jumped out of the way, watching in stunned silence as Nigel and Numbuh Infinity pile-dived into the snowy mound.

"Well, dat ain't a good sign," Abby grimaced as she watched to two boys struggle around in the snow. Shaking her head, she and Hoagie moved to assist their fallen leader pick himself up.

"What's with all the hubbub out here?" Kuki pried as her head poked out of the RV. Upon seeing Abby and Hoagie pulling Nigel out from the snow, her face brightened as she skipped over to her friends. "Oh, you're back! Did you guys have fun in there?"

Nigel coughed up a chunk of snow and shivered as he got his bearings. "Fun–HACK–is not the word I would've used to describe it."

Kuki blinked, looking around for a certain someone. "Where's Numbuh 4?"

"Yeah, boss. Where is the sport anyway?"

Nigel looked ashamed as he held his head low. "Things…didn't go as planned."

"Mmmph!" came the muffled reply of Infinity, still buried in the snow. Being the closest to him, Numbuh 4-Below grabbed one of his ankles, and jerked the boy up by his leg. Infinity felt a slight sense of vertigo as he was abruptly righted, but that did nothing to soften the hard expression painted over his features. "Biggest understatement of the century. Wait, no; biggest understatement of all time!"

"Mind telling us what happened?" Hoagie stepped in, not liking how the mood in the air seemed to get colder than the weather itself. "Why were you guys thrown out of the estate, and why isn't Numbuh 4 with you? What's going on?"

"Your teammate is getting married," Infinity bluntly said, "that's what is going on."

"…Sorry, the weather must be gettin' to Numbuh 5," Abby slowly said. "Did you just say Numbuh 4–our Numbuh 4–is getting married?"

Infinity tossed Nigel an expectant look, and the bald boy sighed as his hands fiddled together. "It was all a ruse. This mission, our intell, all of it was a lie. Prince Yul'sha wasn't kidnapping his sister, he was protecting her from an arranged marriage."

"Um, mind filling us in 'bout the parts we weren't there for? Which is to say, all of it?"

"Mr. Boss is secretly working with a rival family to seize control of the Tipaun ice cream trading empire. Yal'see was to be wed to the heir of Kola'ta family as part of an arranged marriage to make peace between the families. But it's all a trick. Once the marriage contracts have been signed, the Kola'tas will seize control right from under the Tipaun's noses."

"Prince Yul'sha was aware of this, and sent his sister away for her own safety," Infinity butted in, glaring in Nigel's general direction. "But since a certain bald sector leader–I'm not saying any names, mind you–allowed himself to be fed false information, we ended up undoing all that and delivering Yal'see right into Mr. Boss' hands!"

Hoagie snapped his fingers. "That's why she went bonkers during the escape; she thought we were working for Mr. Boss! Man, talk about your situational irony."

"But Yal'see's here!" Kuki quickly pointed out. "She can't be married while she's with us right? Right?"

"No need to worry, Numbuh 4's doing a fine job of filling in for her," Infinity grumbled to himself.

Nigel hesitantly explained, "Numbuh 4's disguise worked. Far too well. Mr. Boss is forcing him to continue the ruse until the vows are spoken. By then, it won't matter."

"And he just went along with this?"

"It was either that, or face capital punishment for impersonating a royal Ubekian figure."

"And…do we want to know what that is?" Hoagie curiously asked. At Nigel's slow, solemn shake of his head, Hoagie gulped. "Oh crud."

"Numbuh 4 can't get married, he can't handle that kind of commitment!" Kuki panicked, her arms fluttering around anxiously. This was bad. Super, megaly bad. "What are we gonna do?"

No one had an answer to that. The whole group seemed to be ushered into a state of silent distress. Abby was doing her best to try and calm down Kuki, alleviating the girl's growing fears and concerns while trying to keep her own in check. Hoagie felt as if his feet were glued to the ground. Despite all his material and wisecracks he saved for rainy days, he concluded nothing he could say would brighten anyone's mood. Nigel feel into a rutted pace, stumbling back and forth on his feet, demanding his brain come up with a plan to fix all this. He was tactically blind, and the fact drove him mad. Numbuh 4-Below opted to say silent, figuring nothing she could say would make the situation better.

Numbuh Infinity seemed to be calmest of the bunch, oddly enough. One would assume that with his position and reputation, he would be freaking out, more so than anyone. That was not the case, however. Behind his visors, the boy was calculating all possible variables and options they had left. The few that were left, anyway. After what seemed like an eternity of dead quiet, the diplomatic broke the trance as he unveiled his last ditch salvation plan.

"I'll tell you exactly what we're going to do," he gravely intoned, catching everyone's ears. "We're going to minimize our losses."

Abby frowned. "Numbuh 5 don't like the sound of dat."

Nigel was wary of Infinity's tone as well, but nevertheless, he held up his hand to silence the girl as he let Infinity have the floor. "What do you suggest?"

"Mr. Boss' desperation to continue on with this wedding gives us a unique opportunity to salvage Kids Next Door relations here in this country. If he wants Numbuh 4 to dress up as the princess, I say we let him."

"Then what?"

"Simple. Once the wedding is underway, we let it slip that the current bride at the alter is an imposter."

Kuki's eyes widened. "We tell them Numbuh 4's pretending? Are you nuts?"

"No, just willing to do what's necessary," Infinity went on. "If they were to find out Numbuh 4 isn't really Yal'see, the wedding will be canceled, thereby stopping the Kola'ta's attempts to take control through marriage."

Abby's felt her fists clenching. "But if we tell them Wally's a fake, they'll lock him up. Or worse! And then they're gonna get ticked at us 'cause one of our operatives was pretending to be the princess!"

Infinity nodded at her points. "Which is why we'll give false evidence that Numbuh 4 was working for Mr. Boss, and deny any official KND involvement."

"No way!" Hoagie snapped. His frustration, long buried, boiled its way to the forefront of the boy's mind as he marched right up to Infinity and jabbed his finger in his face. "You've lost it if you think I'm gonna sit in the corner like a good boy while you sell out my best pal to save your own butt!"

"It's the KND's butt I'm saving!" Infinity growled as he pushed Hoagie's hand away. "This whole mission has been nothing but a foreign policy nightmare! Thanks to you idiots, we're at serious risk of tarnishing Ubekian relations completely, and losing access to one of the largest ice cream trading industries in the entire world! It's in everyone's best interests if we cut our loses before we dig our grave even deeper."

"So you just wanna leave Numbuh 4 to fend for himself?"

"I know it's a hard, but yes," Infinity said, firm in his conviction.

Abby snorted. "Gee, Numbuh 5 was startin' ta forget why she hated politicians so much. Thanks for the refresher."

"Think of me what you must, but it changes nothing. If we don't do this, then instead of just losing the Tipaun empire, we'll be handing it over to Mr. Boss. We can't win, but we'll make sure he loses as well. This wedding must be stopped."

"But Wally will be a goner!" Kuki stressed again, hysterical at the thought of abandoning their friend like that. "W-We just have to stop the wedding, right? We can just go in and get him then! We have the real Princess, so when we get back Wally, that doodie-head Mr. Boss won't have anyone to marry!"

"She's right!" Hoagie readily agreed. "No bride, means no deal. So we'd just need to go in there and grab him!"

"Out of the question," Infinity bristled. "There's far too many unknowns involved with that plan. With what's happened so far, I can't, in good conscience, let you move forward with such a reckless rescue mission."

"With all due respect, sir," Abby sweetly replied, "you can take your good conscience and shove it where the sun don't shine."

"Enough!" Nigel finally called for a cease to all debates. "We're not going to accomplish anything with you all just standing around and arguing!" His eyes shut as he massaged his temples, trying to think of what they should do. "Say we try to rescue Numbuh 4, what are the chances of us managing to salvage Ubekian relations afterwords?"

"About as likely as Numbuh 4 getting a passing grade," Infinity scoffed. "And the day he gets an A is the day an armada of flying mutant space pigs attacks the Moonbase."

"So you're making fun of him now? Suggesting we leave him to rot wasn't enough?"

"I SAID SHUT IT!" Nigel roared, intimidating everyone into silence. "I'm still in command here. If anyone is making any sort of call, it's me!"

"Then I urge you to make the right one," Infinity responded. "This is bigger than all of us, Numbuh 1. It's in the best interests of the Kids Next Door to make sure we don't lose foothold in this region."

Nigel turned on his heel, escaping the combined stares of his team and Infinity both. His brows knitted together as he thought of every possible outcome. The loss of the Tipaun ice cream ring would be a devastating loss, one of which the Kids Next Door may never recover from. But while they could recover, regaining another friend like Wally was next to impossible.

Maybe he could learn to live on ice cream rations for a while.

"You're right about one thing, Infinity. This wedding must be stopped," Nigel droned, his hands firmly clasped behind his back. But before the diplomat could praise his decision, Nigel turned to his team, a certain fire in his eyes. "So suit up, team. We're going in to extract Numbuh 4."

"Alright!"

"Dat's what Numbuh 5's talkin' about!"

"Yay! We're gonna save Numbuh 4!"

Numbuh Infinity seemed shocked, a rare expression from him. "Y-You're…you're actually going along with this plan? Our relations with this country will be ruined!"

"Which is why I promise you we'll do our best to minimize that. Despite what you may think, my team works the best under high-risk situations. With any luck, we can slip in and out before they'll even know it's us."

"Counting on luck is what has gotten us into this mess!"

Nigel comfortably patted the boy's shoulder. "If we start sacrificing our own operatives, we'll be no better than Mr. Boss."

Infinity seemed torn, ready to cave in to Nigel's word. Sector V was suggested for the mission after all. For a moment, he looked ready to relent. But just as quick as it came, he quashed it down. Too much was at state to just give Sector V free reign.

"No. I don't believe that," Infinity coldly stated as he shrugged off Nigel's hand. "I'm disappointed, Numbuh 1. I thought you of all people would be willing to make the hard choices."

Nigel frowned, not liking the diplomat's tone. "I don't abandon friends."

"That's all too clear to me now," the suit wearing boy mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't allow you to continue with this reckless plan."

"I'm still in charge here, Infinity. If you attempt to deter mission progress, I'm afraid we'll have to make sure you don't interfere."

"Oh, what are you going to do?" Infinity tempted fate, throwing his hands in the air. "Lock me in the back of the trunk?"

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Infinity screamed, beating relentlessly against the RV trunk door. "YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF SEVERAL RULES OF CONDUCT! LET ME OUT THIS INSTANT!"

Hoagie chuckled to himself as he dusted his hands off. He noticed Nigel's disapproving glare, and shrugged. "What? It was his idea."

Nigel sighed as he dragged his hand down the length of his face. "I am never going to hear the end of it from Numbuh 362."

"Heh heh, cheer up, boss," Abby encouraged as she playfully slapped his back. "Flash her one of those smiles, and she might let ya off easy."

"Or throw me out an airlock," Nigel groaned, remembering Rachel's threat the last time he went against regulations. The blonde Supreme Leader could get quite persuasive when angry. "Come on, we need to move quickly if we want to get Numbuh 4 out of there."

"I've always wanted to go to a Ubekian wedding!" Kuki giggled as she skipped along after the group. "Well, ever since six minutes ago, anyway! Is it invitation only?"

"Yes, but luckily, I was able to grab one off of those guards who were dragging us out," Nigel smirked as he produced a wedding invitation from his pocket. "Somehow, I knew it would come in handy."

"That was convenient," Abby said, raising an eyebrow. "What on Earth made you pickpocket a wedding invitation?"

"Does it really matter? Look, I have a plan. Come help me try to dig that robe we used before out of the snow. We're going to need to use it again."

"We're really breaking records for on-the-spot plans today, aren't we?" Hoagie felt the urge to comment on that particular bit of information. "What're our odds this time?"

"I feel it's best we just clap our hands and rely on blind optimism this time," Nigel grumbled as he pulled out the Ubekian robe he and Infinity made use of before. Still intact, good. At the thought of the diplomat, he sighed. "I wish Infinity would have come around. We could've really used him to pull this off."

"Perhaps I can help."

The children blinked, then turned towards Numbuh 4-Below. The Ubekian operative gauged the four before her, then cleared her throat as she spoke. "Your team has disgraced my country countless times since you have arrived here, and that's not even counting what you did to our Honorable Princess…"

Hoagie groaned. "Never gonna let us live that down, are ya?"

"BUT if it is one thing my people value, it is loyalty and trust. Numbuh 4 trusted your judgment by going along with your failed plan, and I am glad to see your loyalty to him makes you rush off to pull him from the fire." The girl rose her fist, making a hand-sign they couldn't quite recognize. "For whatever it is worth, you have my assistance in rescuing him."

Nigel was skeptic. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." The girl then smirked. "Besides, if it ticks off Numbuh Infinity, I'm game."

"Um, well, thanks then. And I am going to choose to just ignore how and why you can speak English all of a sudden." Nigel nodded, already factoring in 4-Below's offered help. "Yes, it's all coming together now. Alright, team. Emergency Operation: WEDDING CRASHER is go!"

"Ugh," Kuki childishly groaned as she took off after her friends. "I am NOT making up an acronym for that!"

"Hey, it got quiet. Where did you all go?" Numbuh Infinity's voice cried out from the trunk of the RV, apparently forgotten by the children gung-ho to save their friend. From inside, his attempts to escape became more frantic. "LET ME OUT! I SWEAR ONCE THIS IS OVER YOU'RE ALL GOING TO–" There was a sudden pause as he realized something. "WHY IS THERE A NAKED ADULT IN HERE?"

Not exactly the end, but something to lead into it. There's something I've just come up with and want to see if I can work it in.

Next time is the end. For reals. Four-shots are becoming a habit for me.

You were expecting something witty?~