A/N: Why aren't the italics working? Seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK? (nuclear explosion) hoooowwwahhh! Or does it just look like that on the computer i was using? Kinda pisses me off, but anyway here's some thoughts about the story so far: I have shamed my family! After reading through what I had so far, I had noticed there were a ton of grammar mistakes and missing words! MISSING WORDS! WHAT. THE. FUCK? (nuke) hooooowwwaahhhh! One of them that I can't believe I missed was:
"I was fiddling around with my new laptop while the teacher was blabbing on about second impact."
It should have been:
I was fiddling around with my new laptop while the teacher was blabbing on about (something called) second impact."
I don't know how I missed that, and it appears that once something is posted, it can't be edited. Or at least I can't figure out how, but anyway, please excuse that.
I apologize for my terrible grammar and my issues with Your/you're sense/since. I seriously don't know how I missed all that. It used to irk the hell out of me when I'd see a fanfic posted with the same mistakes, but I understand this phenomena now. Time travelling Illuminati vampires! They had gone back in time to make sure I posted this with errors in it! I'm on to you o_0
Nah, I made a few honest mistakes, and am taking great efforts in preareading what i write, even prereading my prereading, kind of like spinners on my spinners on my spinners... you get the idea.
With this chapter: So as you may have guessed, Kyon finds Haruhi. (Stimpy) Joy~! ^_^
what will the future hold for them? Will it be good or bad? Will she make stuff happen? Time will tell, time will tell.
unrelated notes: So i just saw Elfen Lied and was seriously impressed! I thought Evangelion and Higurashi were as fucked up and awesome as it gets, but this shit takes the cake! It's dark, funny, deep, and occasionally sexy. LOL. It even has a gun crazy dude who sounds strangely similar to Duke Nuke'em. What more can you ask for?
I was not impressed however, with Lucky Star. I sat through a whole episode and they talked about how they like to eat their favorite foods for three fourths of the fucking episode! I personally found no entertainment value from this anime whatsoever, but for some reason it's like megas popular. Which is fine, different strokes for different folks.
Did you think this one was dead? Hahaha! As long as we believe, Haruhism lives on!
So one of you reviewers pointed out that this would look better left oriented, so I'm left orienting it from now on, don't get disoriented, okay? Lol thanks for pointing that out, Selias, and thank you guys so much for your reviews and favorites, it means a lot XD
Chapter Six:
It's An Adventure Right- WRONG!
"I am always the sober one, and i acknowledge myself as the levelheaded tsukkomi commenter towards everything under the sun. Hey, I can butt in a comment even in this incomprehensible world, like this: Nandeyan?/what the heck?"
-Kyon
My... biggest fan?
She asked me to join her for lunch after the fight, and there I was, sitting across from her at a picnic table.
"I'm sorry about Suzuhara, he's an idiot" Haruhi said, taking a bite of her bento.
I don't like the idea of a girl fighting my battles for me, but I'm glad she showed up when she did, or else I'd be in the nurses office by now. Besides, this is no ordinary girl, this is Haruhi I'm talking about!
"Uh... yeah, so what's his deal anyway?" I asked taking a big gulp of some tea Haruhi bought for me from a vending machine.
She made a disgusted face,
"His little sister got injured during the fight when you were knocked into a building, he's been bitching about it ever since."
I felt a solid rock of guilt drop into my stomach, I hurt somebody and didn't even know it...
"Ikari? You alright?" she looked concerned, "If you're feeling guilty, don't worry about it! It was her own fault she got hurt, little brat should have been in a shelter..."
How can she say something so cold? I'd bet an entire paycheck that she'd do the exact same thing!
She was glaring at me with her arms crossed,
"Ikari, look at me! Those robots are pretty big, right?"
"Well... yeah?"
where was she going with this?
"And you can't keep track of every little detail around you, can you?"
I sighed, "No..."
"Exactly! Even though I'm sure those robots have some super cool technology, there's no way you could have known she was there! So stop feeling guilty over someone else's stupid mistakes!"
As awful as it makes me feel, when she puts it like that she's exactly right. There's no way I could have known that little girl was there. I still felt bad about her getting hurt, but it was easier to know it wasn't my fault.
"I get what you're saying, Suzumiya-"
she cut me off "Haruhi."
"Huh?"
"Just call me Haruhi, if I can call you Kyon, that is" she was nervously stirring her lunch with her chopsticks.
She looked so cute being awkward like that, and it made me smile warmly for the first time in a long time,
"I'd like that, Haruhi"
She returned my smile and was about to say something else until something behind me caught her eye.
"Oh, Mikuru! Come sit with us!"
Mikuru?
I turned around and sure enough was the ever so lovely Miss Asahina, shyly bowing her head and gripping her lunchbox tightly.
"A-are you sure? I can go somewhere else if you like..."
She's so adorable!
"Mikuru get your ass over here now!"
Miss Asahina quickly sat down next to Haruhi and wouldn't make eye contact with me.
"You have to forgive her, she's shy"
Well she doesn't seem to have changed at all, I guess that's a relief.
"Kyon, I'd like you to meet my best friend Mikuru Asahina!" she wrapped Miss Asahina in a tight hug, elliciting a small squeal from the frightened girl, "We're like sisters! Miku-chan, this is Kyon! He's the pilot who fought that monster the other day!" Haruhi let go of Miss Asahina,
"P-pilot?" She looked at me nervously with barely concealed wonder, "Th-thank you, Mr. Kyon..."
Just... so... cute!
I chuckled nervously, wearing a goofy smile,
"All in a day's work, Miss Asahina"
"P-please call me M-Mikuru! And if there's anything I can do for you, please don't h-hesitate to ask!"
"That's the spirit, Miku-chan!" Haruhi cheered
Something still didn't add up...
"Hey Haruhi?"
"Huh?"
"How did you know I was a pilot?"
She looked off to the side nervously,
"I may have... hacked into my dad's NERV account" she said quietly.
"H-Haruhi! You shouldn't do that! You can get your dad into a lot of trouble!" Mikuru shrieked
"So I take it your parents work for NERV?" I asked
"Oh... just my dad" She said, quietly looking down with a frown.
"Just your dad huh?" I turned to Mikuru, "What about your parents, do they work for NERV as well?"
Mikuru looked like she was about to burst into tears, "They... They... th-"
"Oh? Kyon-kun, you made some friends already!" Ryoko interrupted and joined us.
"Class rep? Are you related to Kyon?" Haruhi asked excitedly, suddenly snapping out of that dark mood.
Ryoko took the lunch out of her box and began eating,
"U-huh! We're cousins!"
And that's how our little social group got started, every day after that, the four of us would join for lunch and talk. Mikuru would just sit quietly and giggle at the embarrassing stories Ryoko would tell about our childhood that I didn't recollect at all, and Haruhi would ask Ryoko and I questions about the Eva. I didn't know much, but I told her as much as I could, without making Ryoko upset because of me releasing classified information. And me? I mostly sat quietly and enjoyed my 'new' friends' presence, even Ryoko, who's presence is very enjoyable when she's not trying to kill you. Looking back, those were the happiest days I had in this bizzaro world, before everything started to go to hell.
A few days later, I sat with Haruhi and the others for lunch like I had every day since I started Bizzaro school.
Haruhi let out a deep sigh as she stared off into space, resting her head on her hand.
"What's wrong, Haruhi?" I asked, following her gaze. There was nothing but blue sky and a little speck off in the distance, probably an airplane.
"I wish I could be an Eva pilot too! Why can't I join in on the fun?"
My eyes went wide as soon as she said that, and I slammed my hands on the table,
"Don't ever say that!" I scolded her, "It's not fun at all and it hurts like hell!"
"So what? What's a little pain compared to controlling a giant robot with your mind?"
"I was hospitalized!"
"P-please don't fight!" Mikuru screamed, trying to defuse the situation.
"Why are you such a buzzkill, Kyon?" she asked, glaring at me.
Why was I being a buzzkill? I guess it's because...
I looked away from Haruhi, "I don't know what I'd do if you ever got hurt..."
"W-what?" She was blushing "...Do you really mean that?"
"...Well, yeah" I said awkwardly.
She wouldn't meet my gaze and glared off to the side, crossing her arms,
"I still want to be a pilot though..." she muttered
Ryoko's cell phone began to ring
Why don't I have a cell phone?
"...Yes, he's with me... Oh my goodness! ...I see" she snapped her cell closed.
She had a deadly look of seriousness on her face,
"Kyon-kun, there's an emergency, we gotta go now!"
I sighed in frustration, damn it all.
"What's going on? Is it another monster?" Haruhi asked excitedly
Ryoko quickly packed up her lunch, became frustrated with my slowness and packed mine up too,
"I can't tell you, just get to a shelter okay?"
"...fine" Haruhi grumbled, packing up her lunch as well.
"B-be safe, Kyon-kun..." Mikuru said softly.
She's so sweet!
Ryoko turned away from us and shouted,
"Miss Tsuruya!"
"Nyoro~?"
"I have to go, You're in charge until I get back, so make sure everyone gets to a shelter just like we practiced, okay?"
"Okies!"
You're putting Tsuruya in charge?
Why did they even bother to bring in Ayanami and Ryoko if my Eva is the only one functioning properly? It's kind of pointless for them to be here if I'm the only one who can pilot at the moment.
So there I was, sitting in the cockpit of the Eva, hiding behind a large building and waiting for Misato to give the go ahead to engage. I hadn't gotten a very good look at the angel yet, but from the passing glance I was afforded, I could tell it looked very different than that first one. Where the first one was humanoid, this one was more like some kind of crab, and shaped a bit like something I'd rather not say...
"Alright Kyon-kun, this is it, are you ready?" Misato asked,
I yawned, and hefted an enormous minigun, I'd say an Eva size minigun is overkill, but is there really any reason to point this stuff out anymore?
"Yep"
"Alright fire!"
I jumped out of cover and unleashed a massive barrage on the angel, it didn't seem to have much of an effect other than covering my target with a cloud of smoke. Ugh... I'm starting to see a pattern here...
Wait... I've seen enough TV shows to know this is the part where I should get the hell out of-
The angel's energy whips lashed out of the cloud and- wait energy whips? Oh come on! Are you serious?
I tried to use the minigun as a shield, but it was cut in half as I was flung backwards through a building.
"Kyon-kun! We're sending you the spare rifle, get it now!"
I got up quickly and dodged more energy whips. This angel was tearing up the city like the buildings were just paper!
I saw another building pop up like in the last fight and grabbed a pallet rifle, taking cover as the Angel chased me. Just what do I have to do to kill this thing?
I ran from building to building, firing as I hid behind them, only to have to jump out again as the angel destroyed it. This just seems so hopeless! I popped out of cover once more only to have one of those whips grab the Eva by the ankle and toss me far away.
"Power cut! Switching to internal batteries, He's got five minutes!"
Oh for the love of god!
"Not cool!" I screamed as I flew away and landed on a nearby mountain.
I could hear Misato say something,
"What? Two of Kyon's class-mates? Kyon, don't move!"
Easy for you to say when I'm the one having to watch this crab monster float towards me!
And what classmates? I looked down to see two girls cowering between the Eva's massive fingers.
Haruhi and Mikuru? I almost smashed them flat!
"Kyon-kun, you have to let them in!"
I grabbed another whip with the Eva's free hand as it lashed towards me.
Dammit this burns!
I could feel the entry plug move out and I heard Misato's voice,
"Hey you two, get in right now if you want to live!"
There was a splash as Haruhi and Mikuru jumped in.
"Oh no the c-camera!"
"Oh my gosh! This is so freakin cool!"
Don't scream in my ear!
"Am... am i b-breathing water?"
"Kyon-kun, I want you to retreat immediately!" Misato ordered.
"Got it!" i said, taking both whips in my hands and shoving the Angel far away.
I got up and was about to make a mad dash for a nearby launch tube, when the Eva suddenly lurched sideways. What the hell?
"Wow! I'm controlling this too!" Haruhi screamed excitedly.
We're all doomed...
"Kyon what are you doing? I said retreat!" Misato screamed over the video link.
"I'm trying!"
The Eva moved to the right, and then to the left, almost tripping.
"Dammit Haruhi, knock it off!" I screamed.
"P-please get us out of here Kyon-kun!" Mikuru wept.
"No way! You're a hero, and heroes never fall back!" Haruhi said in a matter-of-fact tone.
You haven't changed at all!
"Dammit Haruhi, there's barely enough power to escape as it is!"
"Does this thing have some kind of combat knife or anything?" she asked, completely ignoring me.
What kind of question is that?
The Eva reached up into those shoulder pylon things and grabbed a knife. This thing has a knife?
"Progressive knife deployed!" I heard Mister Aoba say,
"Kyon what the hell are you doing?" Misato asked me,
"I'm sorry, she's overpowering me!"
"That stupid girl..." Misato grumbled
"Come on Kyon, let's kill it!" Haruhi said.
Again, I can hear you just fine, stop yelling in my ear!
It was obvious that I was going to have to give in to Haruhi's will... for the millionth time. There's just no way I could have made it back to the launch tube in time, and the angel was right at the bottom of the mountain. If we killed it now, we wouldn't have to worry about it tearing us apart when the Eva ran out of power.
"One minute left!" Miss Ibuki shouted.
That was all the encouragement Haruhi needed to finally show her complete lack of sanity.
"Kiiiiiyyyyaaaaa!" she let loose an earsplitting war-cry as Mikuru... well, she just screamed.
Dammit I'm going to need a hearing aid after this!
The Eva jumped down the base of the mountain and started sliding towards the angel. Is this even possible? Never mind, Haruhi's involved...
both of us gasped as two more whips pierced the Eva through the abdomen and the chest simultaneously.
"It... It hurts K-Kyon-kun!" Mikuru was sobbing uncontrollably. She can feel it too? That is just unacceptable!
Haruhi grabbed onto the butterfly controls and slashed two parallel lines vertically across the angel's core.
"Kiiiiiyyyyyaaaa!" she let loose another war-cry as she turned the knife sideways and stabbed it into the center of the core, making a large capitol H. Farewell hearing... I knew thee well...
Suddenly it was over, the angel disintegrated into nothing at all.
"Heheheh... owned!" Haruhi chuckled.
A rescue team came immediately and carried the Eva off to the launch tube, which caused Mikuru to grab hold of my face and scream herself hoarse as the heavy G-forces took effect.
"This is fun!" Haruhi yelled during the descent.
It most certainly is not fun!
We were in the holding cages now, and I was holding onto Mikuru who was crying uncontrollably and clutching her gut. Haruhi however, was running around in a fangirlish frenzy taking in the sights.
I ignored her for the time being,
"Mikuru, are you alright?" I asked, seriously concerned.
"I-I don't know!" she was sobbing even harder.
"You two!" It was Misato, she was pissed, "Do you know what you two have done? I could have both of you shot for interfering with NERV operations!"
You wouldn't!
Doctor Akagi and a handful of section two agents filed into the room next.
"I'm so s-sorry miss! I really wanted to r-run away like you s-said! I really did!"
"What's your problem? The monster was defeated! You should be grateful!" Haruhi said in her defense. She did have a point though, as much as I hate to admit it.
Misato's bi-polar temper showed as she grasped Haruhi by the collar of her school uniform.
"Grateful? You endangered Kyon's life! Did you even think about what would happen if you didn't destroy it? Did you?"
If Haruhi was afraid, she didn't show it.
"Misato! I take full responsibility for this, please just let them go!" I said. You owe me, Haruhi.
"I'm afraid I can't do that Kyon, at the very least I have to put them in a cell" she said sadly.
"No, let them go" It was the commander! He was in that opening from when I first met him.
"C-commander?" Misato stuttered.
My 'uncle' raised his lips in a wicked smile. I could tell, even then, that I shouldn't be happy about this at all.
"They're just little girls, captain, they don't have the faintest grasp of the situation"
"Little girls? I dare you to come down here and say that to my face!" Haruhi said, baring a fist at him.
Dammit Haruhi, have you no shame?
"Make me" he said childishly, sticking out his tongue.
...That just didn't suit the commander at all.
"But they interfered with the operation! We could have been put in serious danger!"
"Are you arguing with a superior, Katsuragi?"
"...No sir"
"Very well, however put Kyon in a cell"
What? what the FUCK did I do?
"Sir? You can't be serious!"
"I am. Kyon is an experienced pilot, and shouldn't have succumbed to the will of two little girls so easily."
"B-but I didn't w-w-want to fight, s-sir!" Poor Mikuru...
"Alright... one little girl, even worse"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Haruhi asked angrily
"I'm not going to argue with children, have security take them home"
Haruhi was shouting obscenities as a group of men in black grabbed her by the arms and started dragging her off.
"Misato" I said quietly as they surrounded Mikuru,
"Yes?" she looked sad and angry at the same time.
"Will you please have someone take a look at Mikuru? I think she's hurt"
Mikuru was on her knees, sobbing quietly and still holding her stomach.
"I see what you mean" she said, turning to Doctor Akagi, "Ritsuko, would you take a look at her before she leaves?"
She's a medical doctor too?
Doctor Akagi sighed, "Alright" she walked over to Mikuru and extended her hand, smiling warmly, "It's okay sweetheart, let me have a look at you. It's probably just sympathy pains, so don't worry."
Mikuru quietly nodded and shakily brought herself up with the doctor's help.
As I watched them walk away, I was surrounded by the remaining section two agents.
I sighed, "Can I at least get a shower and change first?"
"Fair enough, You've got five minutes" said a faceless agent.
Have I ever mentioned how much I really, really hate this world?
A/N: well that got kind of dark, but that's Evangelion for you. Be ready for some darker moments as well.
Poor Mikuru :(
So were the reactions believable? Other than Gendo's random childish antics, I thought of that while I was writing and had to add it, made me lol. Anyway, I'd like to say thanks for the reviews and favorites so far, you guys are great! But constructive criticism is still appreciated if you have any. This is fun to write.
I guess i really don't have much to say about this.
Until next time guys,
xXThe Mirror Tells Me LIESXx
P.S.
When the hell are they going to make a season three of Haruhi? I'm freaking out man!
Lol, I was listening to Castlevania meets metal and I thought of this on the spot. I was also vaguelly remembering an episode of Rocko's modern life at the time as well.
Omake:
Kyonvania:
"Let's kick Dracula's ass! YEAH!" Haruhi screamed as the five of us charged across the bridge leading to Dracula's castle.
"I concur!" Koizumi agreed.
Sigh, how do I keep getting into these situations?
I don't even know how we managed to get to Transylvania, hell I didn't even know there was a Transylvania!
Haruhi kicked down the door with a maniacal grin, yes she kicked down the door, the door that was big enough to fit two pickup trucks comfortably, side by side. Don't question it, you'll retain sanity longer.
We charged through the castle, that I might add, was completely silent.
"This way" Nagato said, brandishing her torch and pointing to a cellar door.
"Good work Yuki-chan! One million points go to you!" Haruhi congratulated, administering useless arbitrary points again.
We charged down the the cellar stairs, hefting swords, stakes, and in Miss Asahina's case, a crucifix.
We finally made it to the bottom of the staircase and found a lone coffin in the center of the room.
Haruhi stared at it like it was the lost treasure of Atlantis, or something like that, then grinned a very evil grin.
"...This is it... After this, the SOS brigade will forever be known as the people who single-handedly stopped Dracula's reign of terror!"
If Dracula even was a real person, he'd be long dead by now! Have you been listening to a single word I've said since this trip, or say, ever?
Haruhi kicked the coffin open and brought her hammer and stake to bare, only to find a skeleton.
"What? ...No! No! No! No! No!" Haruhi screamed, and began to sink back into another melancholy state.
Koizumi inspected the bones carefully, and then did that thing with his finger that he does when he's thinking really hard. Have I ever mentioned that seeing him do that makes me want to deck him? It really does.
"Hmm... Aha! I've got it all figured out!"
"Really Koizumi-kun? ...What did you figure out?" Haruhi asked, tears welling in her eyes.
"It appears that vampires have been done to death!"
"...I could have told you that!" I yelled angrily.
"I'm sure you could have" Koizumi said in a smart-ass tone.
I decked him.
THE END