My Big Fat Ubekian Wedding

(Part 2: The Intermission)

Inside the alter-chamber, Hoagie's gaze stayed ever vigilant as he watched the room. Everything was mostly calm. It seemed all the guests had finally settled in and the only thing missing was the groom himself. The chubby boy glanced in Wally's direction, and suppressed a chuckle at how Mr. Boss had to keep nudging the boy to keep him awake. That was one way to skip through the boring parts of a wedding, at least.

Suddenly, Hoagie blinked as he looked up to Mr. Boss and Wally again. "Hey, why is Mr. Boss still up there? Shouldn't the father be giving the bride away?"

Numbuh 4-Below looked surprised. "Of course not. The family's acting financial adviser oversees all aspects of the wedding. This way, the bridal party can't skimp on the dowry. It is one of our most scared traditions…well, ever since the Gichi'Kur wedding scandal back in 1929, anyway."

"What happened?"

"My class isn't that far into our studies. Something about eloping, a sixteen million dollar dowry, and a 'stock market', whatever that is."

Anymore insight into that interesting page of Ubekian history was interrupted when the doors of the alter-chamber slowly creaked opened. A hush befell the entire room as the groom party finally arrived. At the front of the entourage was a lanky sort of adult escorting a young boy whom Hoagie guessed was around their age group. It had to be the groom.

The young Ubekian boy was lavished in the finest royal wedding attire money could buy. He walked with a keen air of grace, and superiority. Despite a girth that rivaled a certain pilot's, the child managed to carry himself in a proper, and daresay, respectful sort of manner. He was the defining image of decorum, charm, and dignity.

The keyword in that last sentence was, was, for the moment he started picking his nose halfway down the aisle, that image of elegance was lost forever.

"Apparently he skipped a few classes of Royal Mannerism 101," Hoagie said, grimly disgusted as the boy continued digging for gold even when they stood at the front of the alter. "I'm gonna tell Numbuh 1 the groom's here. Keep me updated if anything changes."

Numbuh 4-Below nodded as she watched the events unfold. Everything started go exactly as expected. The Professor truly did fit the requirements of a High Priest. The way he regaled of the ancient and scared wedding prayer was as moving as it was beautiful. It was so touching, tears welled up in her eyes. Who knew an insane, ice-cream obsessed maniac had such respect for their most honored religious practices.

However, Numbuh 4-Below was jarred back to the reality of the situation when Mr. Boss let out a suspicious series of coughs. The grumpy businessman gave a few vague hand signals, which caused the Professor to pause, wink, and carry on with what he was saying. After a few seconds, 4-Below's face reddened with fury once she realized what was going on.

"That big, stupid, hu-boon-do!" she all but snapped. "He's completely ignoring tradition and rushing to the vows!"

"He's what!" Hoagie gasped, turning his gaze to the alter. He couldn't understand a word Professor Triple Extra Large was saying, but upon seeing Mr. Boss' growing smile, he knew it meant bad news for them. "He can't, the guys aren't in position yet! Why isn't anyone saying anything?"

"It is a business deal in the clothing of a wedding, I doubt anyone here truly cares. Gal'kinis! All of them!"

Years of experience serving in Sector V had molded Hoagie to the point where he wasn't surprised when everything began to go wrong. "There's gotta be something we can do. We're supposed to be stalling, for Pete's sake!"

Numbuh 4-Below tapped her chin in thought, running through every possibility in her mind. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers before pushing Hoagie down towards the floor.

"Quick, take cover. I'm about to try something so inconceivably stupid that it has to work," she intoned. Hoagie wasn't sure he was totally confident with that line of thinking, but what choice did he have? Without further argument, the boy ducked under the bench while Numbuh 4-Below stood up and cupped her hands over her mouth.

"Akin'vou dovah!" she called out, interrupting the Professor and gathering the attention of the crowd. "Yuik luak oku flim gar nak! Yo tor shul muil ouri yol so-vin. Gar'grk, ka'nul Kol-Kol. Seni ve snu-snu!"

She was met with a stunned silence, which made her anxious. It seemed no one was buying into her ploy. But before she could sit back down in embarrassment, an older attendant on the other side of the room stood up as well.

"Adkin vol suk," he spoke in a raspy voice as he pointed to 4-Below and nodded. "Seni ve snu-snu!"

Apparently, his confirmation of her suggestion was all Numbuh 4-Below needed to rally the crowd to her side.

"Uk! Seni ve snu-snu!"

"Snu-Snu! Snu-Snu!"

Mr. Boss looked rather ruffled as he looked around him, covering his ears as the crowd began chanting. "What the heck is a snu-snu?"

"I saw that show too! Uh, I mean," the Professor gulped as he tugged his collar. Mr. Boss wasn't going to like this. "They basically want me to, um, do the wedding in a more…traditional manner. It will make the bonding more holy. Yes, holy is the right word to use. In fact, if I do the wedding that way, it will probably make this union the holiest of holy weddings in the history of holiness! It's that holy."

"How long will this take?"

"…that depends…"

"Ugh!" Mr. Boss grumbled. He did not want to be stuck in this frozen wasteland longer than he had to be, but he also didn't want to risk insulting the families by denying the right to a 'snu-snu' wedding. "Just do it as quick as you can, I got a meeting in Bombay at five!"

The Professor smiled, stretching his arms. "Seni ve SNU-SNU!"

Hoagie slowly got back into his seat as the crowd cheered, obviously excited for something. He looked over to Numbuh 4-Below, curious. "What the heck did you just do?"

"I used an ancient Ubekian stratagem called Guon na Seni ve Snu Snu, a phrase in a long forgotten dialect that roughly translates as 'trials of the holy wedding'," she explained. "If anyone attending the wedding believes the couple is not worthy of marriage, they can suggest they go through some of our older religious wedding traditions to be judged by the gods."

"So, what does mean for us?"

"It means I've just bought us some time for your teammates to get ready. The crowd has agreed with my suggestion, now they have to preform the wedding traditions of old."

"Perfect! We're still in this!" Hoagie quickly pulled out his communicator, and contacted his friends. "Hey Numbuh 5, Numbuh 4-Below just bought us some more time. What's your status?"

"Numbuh 3's torturing two bridesmaids we think we can replace."

"She's torturing them?"

"Well, not exactly. They were about to rat us out, so Numbuh 3 panicked and started singin' the rainbow monkey theme song for some reason. It's like it's the sound of ultimate suffering for them, or something; they look ready to give us anything we want."

"Okay…keep up the good work, I guess," Hoagie slowly mumbled when the sounds of terrified screams and Kuki's lovely voice became apparent in the background. He then turned to Numbuh 4-Below. "So what kind of trials do they have to do?"

"It's all pretty standard," she shrugged. "First, the bride and groom must prove they can stand against the blows life will throw at their bond. This is demonstrated by the groom kicking the bride in the shin to see how long she can stand up."

BAP!

"OW!"

BAP!

"OWWW!"

Hoagie glanced to his watch as as the groom proceeded to hammer Wally's poor leg. The blond was no push-over, being the team's hand-to-hand specialist after all. After ten minutes, the boy somehow managed to keep standing, despite his leg being more bruised than a banana in a boxing match. The record was set at twelve minutes and seventeen seconds when an impatient Mr. Boss tripped Wally up when no one was looking. "Now what?"

"Now, the bride returns the favor to see how long the groom can stand."

Hoagie heard the sound of cracking knuckles, and didn't even need to look up to see Wally's grin.

BAP!

CRASH!

The two operatives looked on amused to see adult helping the groom out of the smoldering pile that used to be Professor Triple Extra Large's podium. "That didn't take long."

Numbuh 4-Below rolled her eyes. "Next, the bride and groom must show their commitment before the current incarnation of Wel'neda, the goddess of love whom takes many mortal forms."

The doors of the alter-chamber were thrown open once again as an extravagantly dressed woman was carted into the room on a heavy looking throne. The Ubekian guards struggled under its weight, but continued on to the alter. As they passed, the crowd bowed their heads in a show of immense respect. Numbuh 4-Below bowed her head as well, and forced Hoagie's down when he failed to get with the program.

At the foot of the alter, the guards set the throne down. The woman took a regal stance, her silky robes shimmering in the light. All were transfixed on her as she moved fluidly down the aisle. Even Mr. Boss and Wally, who had no idea what was going on, were in complete of the awe of the woman's beauty.

Hoagie took a peak, and let out a wolfish whistle at the sight of the woman. "That's Wel'neda?"

Numbuh 4-Below groaned. "No…"

The woman knelt before Wally and the groom, placing something down on the floor. The woman backed away from the creature, and bowed in a fashion similar to everyone else in the room. Now with her robes out of the way, Hoagie could get a clear view of the goddess everyone was praising.

What he saw was a doe eyed skunk with a bow on its head.

"That is Wel'neda."

Hoagie gagged a bit at the smell that suddenly hit him square in the face. He covered his nose, and ducked down to avoid the stench at all costs. "Geez Louise! She smells worse than Bradley after he took on the Cheese Shogun's Seven Smelly Samurai Swordsmen!"

"Do not disrespect Wel'neda!" Numbuh 4-Below growled, prying Hoagie's hands away from his nose. Such an act was one of great insult. "You must bask in her radiance! Bask, darn you!"

"I'm all for religious freedom, but you people are crazy!" Hoagie cried as he slapped her hands away. Numbuh 4-Below muttered something he couldn't understand, and simply went back to praying. The boy rolled his eyes as he attempted to get into contact with the girls again. "Numbuh 5, they're almost done praying to the stunk god, or whatever. Are you guys ready?"

"Not yet, baby. We got the dresses, but we jus' ran into some Ubekian royal knights who 'til recently said 'nid'. They're not letting us through. And what the heck does 'nid' mean anyway?"

"I think it means 'no' or something. And what do you mean 'until recently'?"

"Now they're sayin' stuff like 'Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptangya Ziiinng', but that's more than likely because Numbuh 3 keeps kicking them near the waist."

"Exactly where near the waist?"

"Where do you think?"

"A lot of places, actually," Hoagie chuckled. "How much longer will you be?"

"The knights just went down for good. Should only take us a few seconds to get into place. Hey Numbuh 3! Does this dress make me look fat… "

Hoagie turned the communicator to mute as Abby's voice trailed off. He then noticed Numbuh 4-Below seemed to be finished praying. "So, you all enlightened now?"

The girl only huffed and pointedly turned away from him. "The prayer to Wel'neda was a success. The next trial is the dance of the ancients to appease our ancestor's spirits."

Hoagie leaned back into his seat, content to just sit back and watch until Nigel checked in. "A wedding and show, eh? Should've brought some popcorn."

"Forget what I said before, I am NOT keeping the dress," Kuki muttered as she and Abby hurried to find the rest of the bridesmaid. The cute girl's hair was done up in a bun, and she grimly poked at the frilly dressed she was forced to wear. "These colors clash!"

"Call the fashion police after we've saved Numbuh 4," Abby sighed as she rushed Kuki into the room. She quickly closed the door, and trotted over to the amassing group of bridesmaids. "Just wear your veil, and don't get chummy with anybody. Once Numbuh 1 gives the signal, we grab the sport and get the heck outta here."

Kuki nodded as she pulled down her veil, her face becoming obscured from view. She stuck close to Abby as they neared the group of bridesmaid, she was a bit put off by how frantic they all seemed to be moving around.

She knew weddings were fun, fantastic, and super duper exciting, but all the girls just seemed a bit too jittery. Even by her standards. "What's all the fuss about? Oh no! I look horrible, don't I? I told you fuchsia wasn't my color!"

"I don't think that's what they're worried about," Abby said as she looked around. What was going on. Before she could even think about, she and Kuki suddenly found themselves being herded along. "Ah!"

"Khea go'po," the voice of the woman in charge spoke. Abby and Kuki clammed, wary of blowing their cover. They played along with whatever the adult was doing, and found themselves being placed into a long, single file line. Once she was satisfied with the placement, the woman smiled and clapped her hands. "Ghuk ini kulini!"

"What's going on?" Kuki asked, confused.

"Numbuh 5 stopped tryin' to make sense of everything ages ago," Abby muttered as she rolled her eyes. She then paused, narrowing her eyes as she heard music starting to play. "The heck is dat noise…"

Kuki looked nervous when all the bridesmaid began lifting their arms. She hesitantly mirrored them, looking to her friend for guidance. Before she could mouth her concern, the bridesmaids began moving along. It almost looked as if they were dancing. This train of thought was confirmed when a large curtain began to rise.

As the curtain rose, Abby and Kuki were greeted to the sight of the crowd in the alter-chamber. Near the back of the room, a small symphony had gathered, and began playing a foreign redefinition of disco music made famous by Van McCoy.

As the music began, the woman in charge of the girls quickly proclaimed, "Alo shalla noa'can ici vo'nin ka'la!"

Within minutes, every single bridesmaid was performing The Hustle.

Kuki glanced over towards Abby as they all began stepping back and forth in rotation. "Uh, Numbuh 5?"

Abby felt like she wanted to just die of embarrassment. "Just play along, girl. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can forget it happened."

In the crowd, Hoagie's eyes widened as he noted the dancing bridesmaid coming out. "Uh, an explanation would be nice?"

"The woman said, 'They will now perform our peoples' native dance'. It is the dance of the ancients, performed by the bridesmaids of the bridal party," Numbuh 4-Below nodded. "The name is rather long to pronounce –even by my country's standards– but the people of the world have come to call it the 'Ubeki-beki-beki-stan-stan Hustle." The girl sat a tad straighter, eyes sparkling at the spectacle. "Oh! Watch carefully, this part of the dance implores the gods to grant a favor."

Hoagie raised an eyebrow towards the girl, twiddling his finger at his temple. She stubbornly turned away from him and watched the performance. The nerve of him mocking their scared traditions. It was started to make her wonder why she was even helping them. Their dance was a graceful dance. Her people weren't crazy.

Way above the wonderfully odd ceremonies taking place in the alter-chamber, a young Nigel Uno was steadily making his way up towards the rooftop of the building. The boy faced the periling heights and bone chilling temperatures head on. Their rescue plan hinged on him getting into position. He would not fail.

His hand gripped a dangling pole, and he heaved as he pulled himself onto it. Once he had a sable foothold, he shimmied across the narrow pole, making doubly sure not to look down. KND Mission Protocol insured a fourteen percent increase in scaling efficiency when one did not look down. Once Nigel reached the wall, he ducked just enough out of eyesight as he prepared to storm the roof.

"Alright," he breathed to himself as he reached for his blaster, "if I know Mr. Boss, he'll have put security up here to cover all his fronts. Clever planning, but he's made one major error: underestimating me." Nigel smirked. He took a deep breath before lunging over the edge. Once he hit the snowy deck, he swung up his blaster to take deadly-aim. "SURPRISE! Wait a minute, where are the guards?"

The child straightened his posture as he walked across the barren rooftop. This was beyond confusing. There wasn't a single ice cream man in sight. That made absolutely no sense at all. He never miscalculated (tonight's former follies notwithstanding) Mr. Boss' strategies. With all that had went on before, there was no way the man would be confident and dim enough to leave the roof completely vulnerable.

Before Nigel could criticize Mr. Boss' methods any further, he stopped once he caught sight of a crumpled note halfway buried by the snow. Mildly curious, he plucked the parchment up from the ground, and quickly skimmed it over for clues.

:NOTICE TO ICE CREAM MEN SCHEDULED FOR ROOFTOP SHIFT:

To any and all ice cream men rescheduled for rooftop guard duty, this notice was left to notify you of an unofficial reassignment. As you all might know, Mr. Boss has triplicated all efforts to buff up security ever since he confirmed KND presence in the compound. He recently ordered a few of us from the fifth and third platoons to guard the rooftops because he thinks they'll most likely try to sneak in from here. But after serious consideration, we have firmly deduced that instead of the cold, lonely, and completely isolated rooftop, the KND operatives will, in fact, try to sneak in through the warm, cozy, and very populated all-you-can-eat wedding buffet in the main lobby.

Now, we know that's a bit of a stretch in logic, but these kids would actually try and sneak in that way because it would be so obvious, that no one would expect them to. I, personally, have dealt with these brats before, and can attest to their cunning and infiltration skills. Seriously. I have it on good authority that they once got by the Toiletnator by wearing nothing but a "I'm not a KND operative" t-shirt. These are some crafty little buggers.

In short, please report to the buffet on-the-double. Actually, make that on-the-triple. The way Johnson was knocking back those fancy finger hors d'oeuvres earlier, they'll be gone before the brats can say "I do".

PS: If Dave happens to be reading this, then you can ignore the reassignment order and stay on the roof. Why? Because you are a jerk, and really bad at your job. With that in mind, let me just take the time to say what a HORRIBLE sprinkle gunnery chief you are is. How did you even get that rank in the first place? You got some embarrassing photos stashed around somewhere or what? News flash: everyone here hates you. Everyone hates your stupid little jokes, how you think you're so awesome when you're not, and ESPECIALLY how you started ragging on Jenny about how she got some extra flab around the hips. Really? She just had a kid, you insensitive jerk-wad. Besides, if anyone needs to lose some weight, it's you. You do know we only shoot the ice cream, not eat it, right?

And don't think we don't know about that creepy rainbow monkey fanfiction you keep on your computer. Yeah. We know ALL about that.

"Odd, the rest of the note seems smudged out," Nigel observed as he studied the note. The bottom half of the message was smeared with what seemed to be tear stains. Getting no further use out of the notice, the Brit simply tossed it aside. He asked why there were no guards, and he got his answer. Not wanting to start a bad habit of staring a gift-horse in the mouth, the boy continued on with his mission.

"All I have to do now is find the entrance to the ventilation system," Nigel mused out loud. It was the perfect plan. Find the entryway to the ventilation system on the roof, then crawl through the ducts until he was directly above the alter-chamber. Once there, he could drop the smoke-bomb, then get out with no one being none the wiser. It was such a genius plan. If there was one thing he could count on, it was the good old ventilation system trick–

"Ow!" he suddenly hissed when he stubbed his toe on something. He peered down, ready to glare at whatever brought him pain. However, he blinked as he studied the object in closer detail. In fact, the thing he almost tripped over looked just like…"Is that the vent entrance?"

Indeed it was, only to the operative's chagrin, the entry was smaller than he anticipated. Much, much smaller. He would never be able to squeeze through that tiny hole!

"One step forward…" he grumbled, whipping out his communicator. "Numbuh 2, we have a problem."

"This is Numbuh 4-Below," the girl's voice chimed in, "Numbuh 2 is currently occupied."

"With what?"

"After the bridesmaids performed the dance of the ancients, the High Priest performed the final wedding trial by tossing the wedding bouquet into the crowd. It landed on your friend, and he is currently whining about it."

"Because that WASN'T a bouquet!" Hoagie raged I the background. "That was a dead turkey stuffed with salmon and dandelions!"

"I told you, we do things differently. Throwing expensive flowers is just silly."

"As much as I would love to learn more about wedding traditions, I'm stuck up here and could use a bit of guidance."

"What is wrong?"

"The ventilation shaft. The entry's too small, I'll never be able to fit inside."

"Of course you wouldn't. We design our ventilation ducts to be so small that a infant couldn't even get in. If we created huge ones, we might as well put up a sign that says 'Hey! Big obvious secret entrance right here!'. Why? Is that a problem?"

"We're, eh, just more accustomed to them being a bit more spacious where we're from," Nigel coughed. Fidgeting in his boots, he looked back to the small vent duct again. "This complicates things."

"Oh no, the wedding trials have finished. We cannot delay them any longer!"

"Boss? This is Numbuh 5. Me and Numbuh 3 got a clear shot at the sport. Whatever you're gonna do, you better do it now."

"Forget this," Nigel grunted as he dug around for the smoke-bomb. He crouched down towards the vent duct and carelessly tore it off its hinges. Once it was open, he dropped the gadget, and it clanked as it rolled down the ducts. He didn't stop there, however, as he simply kept shoving down every spare bomb he had on him.

"If I can't get a clear shot, I simply flood the entire system. The moment you guys see smoke pouring in, grab Numbuh 4 and run like Father's on your heels!" he ordered as he stood. With a final nod, he held up the detonator. His thumb hovered over the switch before he mashed down. "NOW!"

Silence.

"Um, boss? Where's the smoke?"

"Wha…wh-why isn't it…" Nigel trailed off as he stared confoundedly at the remote. He don't what possessed him to do so, but he ended up flipping it on its backside to check for any malfunctions. It was around this time that he started to notice felt a lot lighter than what it should be. Slowly, he opened up the battery pack, only to drop it in the snow as he saw it was –

"Empty?" Yes sir. The remote was currently devoid of any battery power what-so-ever. "Th-this is BRAND NEW! It shouldn't be empty!" Something caught his eye in the midst of his raging, and he peered closer to get a good look at some kind of label patched on the inside. "'Warning: Batteries not included.' Not included? Who does THAT? This is inconceivable! Who approved the decision not to include batteries in vital 2x4 technological devices? The idiot who created the Blow-up-the-engines button?"

Fun fact:

Two weeks earlier, during which Nigel was on sick leave due to the flu bug going around, Numbuh 362 called an emergency meeting with the sector leaders and numerous 2x4 scientists and experts. There was something of a budget problem, due to Numbuh 10 soaking up all their money for a promotional KND recruiting video that resulted in a massive copyright-infringement lawsuit and a failure to pay several key actors; one of which happened to be Father.

Needless to say, cuts needed to be made, and the 2x4 department was projected to take a big hit. One of the decisions made to save dough was to stop packing batteries in certain devices. Operatives would have to pony up the allowance to go out and buy them themselves.

The new process was approved with a 198-197 vote, with the deciding vote belonging to an apathetic operative who would be decommissioned before the new process went into effect anyway.

The brilliant operative who suggested that particular idea was, in fact, the idiot who made the Blow-up-the-engines button.

Why he or she is still in the 2x4 Department is a question that continues to allude great minds to this very day.

In his rage, Nigel threw down the useless detonator and stomped upon it with all his hate. "Why. Can't. Anything. Go. AS. PLANNED!"

"Numbuh 1?"

"Give me ONE second," Nigel seethed, looking all around for the answers to his problems. He didn't know why he didn't anticipate this. Suddenly, his eyes gazed lower. The boy curiously peered over the edge over to roof to catch sight of the parking lot down below. It was at that moment, a crazy notion entered his head. Normally, he wouldn't even consider such an impulse decision.

However, this was far from a normal situation. So impulse was golden at the moment.

"Forget all notion of subtly," he deadpanned as he clicked his heels together. As his jet-boots flickered to life, he sent one last message to his team. "Be on the ready, team. We're going with plan B."

"Plan B?" Abby whispered harshly into her hidden headset. Noticing the odd stares from the other bridesmaids, she breathed deeply to calm herself down. "Boss, this whole crazy idea was plan B."

"Then consider this plan B and a half. Give me a few minutes."

"Boss? Boss?" Abby whispered into the headset, becoming more irritated as more radio static answered her. "Nigel, you crazy fool, you better not have lost it."

"Oh no," Kuki gasped as she continued to watch the Professor speak, "I think they're almost done!"

Hoagie nervously twiddled around from his seat. This was getting bad. If he didn't do something now, then is best pal was going to end up on a honeymoon with some booger picking dead-beat husband. Finally fed up with just sitting around, he lowered to the floor, and motioned Numbuh 4-Below to follow. "C'mon, let's go."

Hesitantly, the girl mirrored his movements. The two slowly began crawling under the benches themselves. The quickly and carefully avoided the feet of the guests as they inched closer to the front of the alter-chamber. "What are we doing?"

Hoagie could only shake his head. "You tell me, and we'll both know, sister."

"Tuki go numi," Professor Triple Extra Large soothingly prayed, his mutated, grizzly paws waving around with every word. "Ukeni, opi gol."

Mr. Boss grinned to himself, sending Wally a devilish sideways glance. "Get ready to pucker-up, kid."

Wally made a retching sound in reply. "I hate weddings."

Unknown to those upfront, Hoagie and Numbuh 4-Below were very close to the alter.

"Almost there," Hoagie chanted to himself. Every inch counted as he raced against the invisible clock. "Just got to get a little bit–uh oh."

The reason for the boy suddenly freezing mid-crawl was staring at him cutely in the face. It appeared that the cheery little skunk-goddess thing from before had gotten curious and wandered off on her own. Highly curious of the chubby boy crawling on his hands and knees, she slowly trotted closely to inspect him further.

That was a very bad idea, for every step she took, Hoagie's poor nose got itchier and itchier. His sensitive sinuses were a terrible curse indeed.

"Uh, nice Wel-nedey-god thing," he gulped as she got closer. "Don't come any–Ah, ah, AHHH Ch–" he stopped himself in the nick of time by pinching his nasal passage shut. Once the sensation had passed, he sighed with relief. That was way too–

"AH-CHOO!"

He slowly looked over in horror at Numbuh 4-Below, who was sheepishly rubbing her nose. "Opps."

"AHHH!" a woman above them screamed, having looked down for the cause of the noise. "ICI-NOJ LIK!"

There was a sudden wave of panic surging throughout the chamber as the two kids were exposed. Before any adult could make a grab for them, they hurried out into the open aisle. They remained out of reach of venturous hands, but strayed into direct sight of every person attending the wedding. Back the the alter, there were varying expressions. Abby and Kuki conveyed one of annoyance, Wally showed a look of confusion, Professor Triple Extra Large displayed no emotion, as he was still praying, somehow unaware of everything going on. And Mr. Boss…

…well, there wasn't a word that quite accurately summarized his current state of furry and embarrassment.

"Why you sneaky little Kids Next Door brats!" he grounded out, his presence suddenly becoming more looming and intimidating. "I shoulda known you'd find a way to weasel in here and ruin my special day!"

Wally, whom looked positively ecstatic that his friends had come to rescue him, suddenly frowned up to the adult villain. "YOUR special day?"

"Uh, w-why yes, Princess Yal'see!" Mr. Boss suddenly covered. He began digging around in his pockets for something to shut Wally up before he ran his mouth some more and ruined everything. "You can have all the candy you want!"

"I don't want any–UMMF!" Wally's response became muffled as the adult stuffed a handful of peppermints in his mouth. "MMMFFF! UMMMMF!"

Mr. Boss whipped his face before turning his ire back and the children. "Now, for you two!"

"Oh! Um, would ya look at that, Numbuh 4-Below? You were right!" Hoagie suddenly tried to explain amidst the threatening gazes being sent his way. "This isn't the bathroom! Duh!" Anxious to get out from under the spotlight, the girl quickly nodded along with Hoagie's fib as they started backing towards the exit. "Well, we can clearly see you're busy with this wedding and all, sooo how 'bout we just hit the can and–"

"GUARDS!"

"Uh oh," Hoagie muttered as the Ubekian soldiers in the room began closing in. Thinking fast, he quickly reached for the first thing he could get his mitts on. "S-Stand back! O-Or else I do something drastic!"

The crowd morphed to a combined expression of panic once they registered what Hoagie held in his hands. "Ul'ko Wel'neda!"

"That's right! I've got Wel'neda?" he blinked, realizing he had somehow picked up the skunk. Shaking his head, he decided to use it to his advantage. "I mean, yeah! I have your god! So you better put those pointy looking sticks down, see?"

The guards lowered their weapons without argument and even began giving Hoagie some space. He grinned. This was working even better than he could have predicted.

"Now no sudden movements," he ordered, holding up the skunk threatening, "or the goddess of love here ain't gonna be feelin' so lovely after I'm done with her!"

"I know we're kind of backed into a corner right now," Numbuh 4-Below piped in,"but could you please tone down with the threats? She's only the physical manifestation of our religion, after all."

"Did you say, 'Wel'neda'?" Kuki suddenly spoke out, drawing all attention from the room. Abby could only watch in stunned silence as the girl blew their cover. "Numbuh 2, ask her if she's related to Bradley!"

"W-What the?" Mr. Boss spluttered, almost losing hold of his cigar. "They're comin' out of the wood-works!"

"Enough!" Hoagie yelled as he and 4-Below quickly moved to the girls' sides. Now with all of them together, he continued to hold his ground with the skunk. "I mean it! It may look bad, but we have a valid reason for being here. We're only here to steal the bride and stop this wedding that would bring peace between two families!"

Abby groaned. "Not helping."

"You know what I mean," he sighed. "So you all better listen up, or I'll commit some serious acts of blasphemy!"

Wel'neda, who had decided she had been manhandled enough this evening, glared back at the boy holding her, and lifted her tail.

HISSSSS!

"Eww!" Hoagie yelped, dropping the skunk as her nasty stench clouded his senses. "Grooooooooss!"

"Quick! Move in now, you idiots!"

Abby tensed as the guards surrounded them, even more angry than before. "Nice job losing our only bargaining chip."

Hoagie simply ignored her to deal with his current plight. "I think some of it got in my mouth…"

"So much for that," Mr. Boss smiled as the Ubekian royal guard kept their spears trained on the children. "You kiddies think you could get the drop on me? Ha! I've been at this a lot longer than you. This wedding is happening, whether you like it or not. If you wanted front rows seats, you shoulda told me. Could've gotten you some nice chains to go with your outfits. Heh heh heh."

Kuki sniffled as she glanced towards Wally. "We tried, Numbuh 4…"

Wally clenched his fists as he witnessed his friends' dilemma. "No way. If you guys are going down, then I'm goin' with ya."

Mr. Boss frowned. "I think you need more candy."

"No I–UMMF!"

The boy was quickly silenced with another round of peppermint. Before he could object any further, Mr. Boss gripped his shoulder, and kept him contained so the Professor could finally finish the vows. "Get this over with so I can get the Tipuans to sign the contract."

"Olka no'we, okla no'ga," the Professor prayed as he opened his eyes. When he finally took notice of his surroundings, he smiled as he noticed the children of Sector V. "Oh, hello kids. I didn't know you were invited. Well, since I doubt you understand Ubekian, I'll translate for you. Basically, I was at the obligatory part where I ask 'If anyone has any reason these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your piece' yadda yadda. It's not officially part of Ubekian weddings, but I like to add my own little touch," he smiled proudly. "So anyone? We'll take any reason from anyone. Anyone! Oh, except you, kids. You're about to be arrested and promptly executed. But anyone else?"

Wally looked about ready to blow his cover and speak up, but it only took Mr. Boss threateningly waving another handful of candy in the air to shut him up.

"Really? No one? This is the perfect time for someone to swoop in and stop this whole thing," the Professor pressed. When no one spoke up, he seemed a tad bit disappointed. "You people are no fun. Well, since no one is gonna speak up, I guess I can now–"

The doors suddenly slammed open, a panicked looking Prince Yul'sha barging in. "CIMI-CICO!"

The Professor smiled. "Ah, I love cliches."

Mr. Boss growled. "Why did I hire you again?"

"Cimi-cico gol'umi!" Prince Yul'sha continued on, waving his hands in the air wildly. "GOL'UMI!"

Hoagie rolled his eyes before looking expectantly at Numbuh 4-Below. "Okay, I'll bite. What is saying?"

The girl seemed confused. "He says the rebels are attacking?"

"Rebels? What rebels?"

Suddenly, the pane windows of the alter-chamber exploded. They rained down shards of expensive glass as dozens of bodies swung in from the outside. As they landed in the room, the children noticed these men and woman of various age were dressed in crimson robes and face shrouds that only revealed their spirited eyes. They wielded swords, and spun spears through the air as they stood; their bodies pensive and ready to attack at any moment.

Kuki saw the unfamiliar men and women burst in and smiled. "Maybe these guys can tell us."

At the doors, Yul'sha found himself being pushed aside as another party of intruders waltzed into the chamber. At the front was a boy probably no older than the kids themselves. His eyes were ablaze with a passion never before seen, and he grinned wickedly as he pointed the tip of his sword towards Wally.

"Yal'see ka'nij," he spoke in a nasally voice. While he had everyone's undivided attention, Yul'sha quietly slipped away unnoticed. "Hu'nomora, nidi kukoa loju'vin!" He then aimed his weapon to the heavens, and let out a furious battle cry. "ALA NAS SU!"

"ALA NAS SU!" the intruders yelled in reply. Without warning, they suddenly began attacking the royal Ubekian guards and ice cream men present in the room. Within a few short minutes, complete chaos had erupted as everyone was either fighting, or running around like headless chickens at a slaughter.

At the alter, the children could only guess as to what was happening. "Who the heck are these guys?"

"They are the Unruly Rebels From The Separatist State," Numbuh 4-Below filled in as she ducked. "They seceded from our country in order to form their own."

"Why? It wasn't crazy enough here?"

"No, they believe we are worshiping the wrong form of Wel'neda, and that she actuallytook the form of a platypus this cycle, and that's just stupid."

Abby jumped out of the way of a rebel and royal guard getting into a heavy altercation. "That doesn't explain why they suddenly decided to crash the wedding!"

"The small boy leading them is Hob'en Hump-Nun, the rebel leader's son. He commands a legion of his father's loyal foot-soldiers," 4-Below frowned. "Given that he's the one leading this odd surprise attack, I cannot say I am shocked."

"Why's dat?"

"He's Princess Yal'see's ex-boyfriend. Her extremely jealous, and cannot-take-a-hint ex-boyfriend."

Kuki cooed. "So he's here to stop Yal'see's wedding? That would be so romantic if it wasn't completely annoying us right now."

Hoagie rubbed his chin as he connected the dots. "But wait, Numbuh 4 is dressed up as Yal'see. The real one is back in the RV. That means–"

"GUYS!" Shocked, the four of them turned to see Hob'en Hump-Nun carting Wally over his shoulder. The poor blond was fighting off the young rebel's attempts to woo him as he 'rescued' him. "This had bettah not be apart of the rescue plan!"

"Oh great," Hoagie sighed. "We gotta save him!"

"Oh no you don't!" Mr. Boss said as he stopped in front of the boy. He pushed the boy down, and snapped his fingers. Within seconds, the nearest ice cream men who weren't busy fighting off the rebel offense came to his aid. "This doesn't change a thing! You brats are not ruining this wedding."

"Are you nuts?" Abby sneered. "Can you not see that this place is under attack? The wedding is over!"

"Not until I say it is!" Mr. Boss growled as he pulled the wedding contract from his pocket. "I've already gotten the Kola'tas to sign this, and as long as I get the Professor here to make the two brats say 'I do', then the Tipuans are forced to sign this thing by Ubekian law; no matter WHAT the circumstances!"

Hoagie was astounded by the lengths the man was willing to go to to gain control of the Tipuan trading empire. "You are seven flavors of nutso, my friend. There's no way you can possibly pull this off, and you know it!"

"I can try," Mr. Boss crackled, a wicked gleam in his eye. "Besides, the worst you've idiots have done is just delayed everything. Once this wears off and I have you brats tied up, I can just blame the whole thing on you. You've basically did it all for me! The only real work I'd have to do is make sure you stay put to take the fall and find the real princess, but I bet you kids have the real one stashed around close by; my boys here are all too willing to help out with the former problem I mentioned," he grinned, motioning to his hired help. "No matter what happens today, I'll still win."

The children geared up for a fight as the men drew closer. Things looked terribly grim. But then everything didn't seem so grim when the faint jingle of an ice cream truck was heard in the distance. Curious, Mr. Boss turned around, and noticed two lights gleaming in on the only window that hadn't been destroyed. As the two orbs of light grew bigger and bigger, it was only then did the adult recognized them as headlights.

Numbuh 4-Below narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Is that a–"

"ICE CREAM TRUCK!" Mr. Boss screamed as he and his men scrambled to get out of the way. Sector V was a tad quicker than the slow adults, and they reacted accordingly. For the poor squad of Ice Cream Men and Mr. Boss, they found themselves flying in all sorts of directions as a wild ice cream truck suddenly crashed through the wall. Mr. Boss went soaring through the air due to the impact, losing grip of his cherished marriage contract as he took a short flight.

Sector V gathered around the truck once the dust settled. Despite its speed and velocity, the truck only made it about halfway through the wall. Numbuh 4-Below almost felt like boasting about the strength of Ubekian architecture, but she supposed now wasn't the time. Before anyone could really make an official comment, a body stumbled out of the driver's seat.

Nigel felt the whole world spinning as he wobbled to and fro, lucky, before he could hit the ground, Abby and Kuki caught him by his arms. As the girls helped lift him back up, he coughed as he said, "That…was plan B and a half. Works every time."

"Hate to see what plan C is," Abby chuckled. She tossed a look towards the smoking wreckage of the ice cream trucked and whistled. "An ice cream truck? Really?"

"It worked with the Delightfuls. Besides, the keys were still in the ignition. It was practically begging to be stolen," he grumbled as he stood up himself. As he adjusted his sunglasses, he finally took note of the anarchy around him. "What in blazes is going on?"

"The guys in red are rebels who just decided to randomly attack, their leader is one of Yal'see's former flings, said fling is currently trying to elope with Numbuh 4, there's a skunk god running around here somewhere, and everyone else is pretty much trying to kill each other," Hoagie nonchalantly rattled off. "That's the abridged version, at least."

"…I go dark for five minutes and this happens?"

"Why are you all standing here? Go!"

They all turned to the voice, and all gasped in shock. "Numbuh Infinity? How did you get out of the trunk?"

The boy hopped across the rows of benches, narrowly avoiding rebels and guards alike. As he landed in front of the group, his arm snapped back to shoot down an incoming ice cream man as he conversed with Nigel. "I said open sesame. Now get a move on!"

"Wait," Abby clued in, "you did this?"

"Really? Are you all that daft?" Infinity gawked. "Rebels are attacking. Perfect cover! Perfect people to blame EVERYTHING on once the smoke clears! I've all but shoved the answers in your face! Now are you going to stand around and spout out some more exposition, or are you going to save your stupid teammate while you have the chance?"

The children shared a collective blink before the weight of the entire situation finally dawned on them. Nigel produced an awkward cough while the rest of his team shuffled around, embarrassed. "Uh, thank you, Numbuh Infinity. I think." The boy then shook his head, then moved to rally his team. "Come on, team. Let's go!"

The diplomat rolled his eyes as he turned back to the fray. Just like old times, just him, his fists, and a laser gun. But as he took aim, he noticed something floating down in front of him. Curious, he reached out for the parchment of paper, and quickly skimmed it over. His eyes bulged from behind his shades as he realized what he held.

"This...changes everything," he uttered in awe. His mind instantly plotting a new course, and he flipped open his communicator. "Yul'sha, it's Infinity."

"I am nearly to the RV. I will be able to get my sister out during the chaos."

"Not yet! The plan's changed."

"WHAT? You DARE renege on our deal?"

"Only when a better one has presented itself. With this piece of paper I've just acquired, we have all we need to expose Mr. Boss."

"What could you possibly have that-wait, you mean the-"

"Yes," Infinity finished for him, looking at the document once more. "I'm sure of it. We only get one shot at this."

"This had better work. But we're going to make some new arrangements once this is over."

"End transmission," Infinity ended the call, not entirely comfortable with Yul'sha's tone of voice. He then turned back to the retreating group of kids. He needed at least one of them for this ploy to worl.

Abby, Kuki, and Hoagie followed Nigel's lead without question as they all made a beeline for the courtyard. Numbuh 4-Below was about to trail after them, but was stopped when Infinity grabbed her shoulder.

"Not you," he said as he turned her around. "First of all, Numbuh 4-Below, I apologize if I insulted your people's language any during the course of this mission. I'm well aware I may have made one or two mistakes."

The girl shifted her eyes awkwardly. "Uh…uk."

Infinity simply nodded. "Glad we sorted that out. Now, I need you for something else to make sure we all don't end up imprisoned after this. Make your way back outside, and find Prince Yul'sha. Once you two meet up, head back to the RV. There's a very important pick-up you have to make…"