(A/N: I can't believe I've actually got this far, I mean I said I was putting every effort into finishing this, but wow.

So remember how I said Shinji Ikari isn't in this? ...Well I lied, well I didn't actually lie so much as I changed my mind. He's definitely involved in things, but probably not in any way you might think.

lol Rei and Ryoko crack me up.

Did you still think this one was dead? I know I'm slow, sorry guys.)

Chapter Six:

You are (not) alone

This is getting ridiculous

-Kyon

I lay on an uncomfortable bunk, staring at the bottom of the top bunk. The more i thought about what Haruhi had said, the more sense it made, in her own weird way. They really should be more grateful to me, I defeated the angel, which is technically our top priority, but what do I get in return? Thrown in the slammer. It was dark in there, with only some very dim red lights that didn't illuminate so much as created a creepy atmosphere, there weren't any bars or a window either, oh no that might give me something to look at. I was in a room, completely closed off except for one locked sliding door.

Part of me wants to strangle Haruhi, and another part of me forgives her, Haruhi is Haruhi after all. I really should have seen this coming a mile away, to be honest.

"I hope Mikuru is okay..." I said to no one in particular.

"The cute one, right?" said a mysterious voice, "Let me check... yep, she'll be fine. She's just really sensitive"

"Yeah, that sounds like- wait a minute! Who are you? I know for a fact that I was alone when they threw me in here!"

"...You are alone, technically."

There was a rustling in the bunk above and the head of a young boy with blue eyes popped out to look at me.

"My name is Shinji Ikari, nice to meet you" he said politely

"Are we related?" I asked.

"We're not so much related as we are the same person"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do you ever wonder why you're here?"

I was asking myself that long before the universes merged.

"Yeah, what do you know?"

"Well... that's kind of my fault" he said with a hint of shame in his voice

"You son of a bitch!"

I grabbed Shinji by the head and yanked him down, causing him to land on the floor,

"Ow... well that wasn't very nice"

I put my foot on his throat and said,

"Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused me?"

A very dark look came over Shinji's face,

"You don't know what pain is... you should be thankful that I've changed things around as much as I did. But if you're going to hurt me, go ahead. There's no amount of pain you can bring me that I haven't already known"

I sighed and took my foot off of him,

"Why? Why did you do all this, and better yet, how?"

Shinji sat up on the floor and quietly fiddled with his thumbs,

"I can't really explain, but I can tell you a few things, if you would like to hear"

I sat down and crossed my arms,

"Alright, I'm listening"

"I've been through everything you've gone through, and will go through with slight variations. This universe is stuck in an endless recursion of time, and I need you to end it"

I started to pity him, I remember when I was stuck in an endless recursion of time... well kind of.

"Before you go on, did you try doing your homework?"

Shinji chuckled as if he had just heard an amusing joke,

"I wish it were that simple! If I could remember the loops in my physical form I might have tried that"

"So... are you a god?"

"Not exactly, I can effect things in this world though, much like Suzumiya, she's been depowered somewhat by the way"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Well she can only make small effects in the world around us, do you remember today when she said ' I wish i was a pilot'?

Please don't use finger quotes.

"Yeah?"

"Well funny thing about that, shamshel wasn't supposed to show up for a few more days..."

"Shamshel?" What, these things actually have names?

"Yep, my father is scared out of his mind!" He laughed maniacally, thrashing around on the floor, I believe the correct term is 'ROFL'

He slowly recovered and wiped a tear from his eye,

"Oh god, that made my day. I know he'd never show it, but he about pissed himself when they got the angel alert"

"Are these things scheduled?"

An 'uh-oh look came over Shinji's face, "I've told you too much as it is, just forget I said that"

"Well it sounds like something I need to know!"

"Trust me, the less you know right now, the better"

"Well is there anything you came to tell me at all, or are you just going to be cryptic?"

"Cryptic, mostly. There are things I'll reveal to you on a later date"

Wonderful...

"Just keep Suzumiya alive, that's very important" he got up and began to walk away, "I hope you learn to appreciate her, despite her misgivings, she's a very good person, which is a rarity around here"

I know Haruhi is a good person! What is that supposed to mean?

"I gotta go, nice chatting with you"

That's it, you won't even tell me why I'm here?

He dissolved out of existence with his back turned to me.

Confusion seems to be a popular feeling for me these days...

A few minutes later, I was laying on the bunk again, thinking about what he said,

Keep Haruhi alive? I almost squished her earlier, I need to be much more careful. But how would I feel if something like that happened? I already told her I didn't know what I'd do if she got hurt... It really hurt to think about that, I can't really explain it, but if she were to die, It would feel like a very bright candle in the universe was snuffed out. I know I bitch an awful lot about her, but I do care about her. ...And I just care about her okay? Don't start thinking I'm head over heels for her or anything, because I'm not!

The sliding door opened to reveal Misato,

"Come on Kyon-kun, let's go home"

I walked in, took my shoes off as usual, and sat down at the table.

"Kyon-kun... I'm sorry about what happened, but why did you let Haruhi overpower you?" was the first thing out of Misato's mouth as she got a few microwave meals out of the freezer.

I sighed, where to begin? Without telling her everything, of course.

"She's a strong girl, Misato, and it seemed like the best option anyway"

She gave me an angry look, "As you're commanding officer, I disagree"

"I know that Misato, it just seemed like the best option at the time, I'm sorry"

"Maybe you shouldn't hang around that Suzumiya girl anymore... she's obviously deranged"

I stood up, and began to leave. I'm the only one who can badmouth Haruhi like that,

"Haruhi is Haruhi" I said simply as i left,

"You talk like you've known her for a while, do you have a crush on her?" Misato teased.

Bipolar much?

"It's not like that!" I said as I continued to my room,

"So you're not going to eat? I won't tease... too much"

I stopped dead in my tracks as my stomach growled,

Stay and endure Misato's teasing, or go to bed hungry?

Damn you stomach!

After a mediocre microwave dinner and a side of merciless teasing over something that is NOT true, i went to bed, exhausted.

I was in my old universe again, I must have unkowingly fixed everything! I walked through the halls of north high and headed towards the brigade clubroom, which may I add, I missed so, so much. Something didn't feel right however...

I opened the door only to have a ton of rose petals fly across my face.

What?

I saw Koizumi, Taniguchi and kunikida standing at attention, when they noticed me, Koizumi spoke.

"Ah, welcome to the north high host club!" he said flamboyantly as sparkles... uh, sparkled around him.

"Host club?"

Koizumi walked towards me with a very weird look in his eyes.

"Yes! A host club, isn't it marvelous? So good sir, it seems you have some unconventional tastes, but not to worry! We at the North high host club do not discriminate!"

"I'm confused... have I somehow walked into another plane of existence?" I asked, wearing a WTF face. I did not like the look Koizumi was giving me.

He spun around, accented with a gust of rose petals... i think I'm going to be sick.

"Perhaps you have died and... gone to heaven?" he asked with a flick of the wrist and a raised brow.

Seriously stop that!

"So what kind of host do you prefer?" he pointed to Kunikida and Tanaguchi, "...Whatever they are, or me?" he asked, accenting "me" with more sparkles.

Again, WHAT?

His face hovered inches away from mine and...

I woke up screaming in a cold sweat.

You can just go to hell, Freud!

For a moment, I thought I may have heard Shinji laughing in the distance, but I disregarded it and looked over to my clock, it was just minutes before the alarm would go off. Well, I'm not going back to sleep and risking anymore weird dreams...

I walked through the school gates to be met with the frightened form of Mikuru on my arm,

"Mikuru? I was worried about you, are you feeling better?"

She blushed and stuttered out, oh god... so cute!

"Th-thank you, I'm okay, but H-Haruhi and Miss Ikari are f-fighting! Please stop them!"

Mikuru grabbed my hand and guided me through the school yard.

Cute girl... holding hand... anymore of this and I'll risk a moe overload!

"You could have got my Kyon-kun killed, you crazy bitch!"

"Oh your Kyon-kun? He's obviously more into me, you blue haired freak!"

"You take that back!"

"Never!"

"Psychopath!"

"Blue bush!"

"I knew it!" Somebody in the crowd cried, I think he might have won a bet or something.

I have no comment on this...

I saw Haruhi and Ryoko rolling around on the ground, pounding the crap out of each other and pulling each other's hair. Is it wrong to be slightly aroused by this?

"Fight, fight, fight!" the crowd around them chanted.

I sighed, it has and always will be up to me to placate Haruhi. What does she even want with me? I'm not even remotely interesting!

I got in between them and... that sounds wrong, let me rephrase that.

I ran over to the two fighting girls and positioned myself as barricade between them, placing my forearms across both of them to keep them apart. This turned out to be a mistake as I felt myself slowly being crushed while they pressed harder to get at each other.

"Both of you are friends dammit! Cut it out!"

"She called me blue bush!"

"She called me a psycho!"

I think both those statements might be true, not that I'm thinking about what's under Ryoko's skirt or anything!

The pressure on Ryoko's side was released as-

"There is nothing wrong with blue pubic hair" Ayanami stated as she held Ryoko from behind

"Miss Ayanami! Don't talk about those kind of things!"

"I do not understand"

...yeah, so anyway I only had Haruhi to deal with now, which is probably for the best.

I grabbed onto both her shoulders and said,

"Why are you two fighting?"

she tried to get out of my grip to beat up Ryoko some more,

"I don't know, why don't you ask captain blue bush over there!"

"Ryoko Ikari is a pilot, not a captain, Suzumiya" Ayanami corrected

"Ayanami will you shutup?" Ryoko screamed, "She could have got you killed, Kyon-kun! All i did was tell her so!"

"And then she bitch slapped me!" Haruhi screamed back, trying to tear through me.

I looked Haruhi in the eye, "Haruhi, listen, I'm glad we killed the angel, but DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

Tears welled in Haruhi's eyes as she pushed me away and ran off.

I guess this Haruhi is different after all

Haruhi was nowhere to be found at lunch either, but surprisingly, Ayanami joined us.

"Miss Ayanami? Is there something you want to tell us?" I asked

"Suzumiya has taken my spot" she said simply.

I guess I'd better go talk to her.

I thought i heard Ayanami mutter "There's nothing wrong with blue pubic hair..."

And I could have sworn i heard Shinji laughing again. Has the absurdity finally gotten to my head?

I found Haruhi sitting under a tree, sulking and i sat down to join her.

"Listen, Haruhi, I'm sorry I yelled at you"

She didn't say anything.

"Haruhi?"

"...I guess I kind of deserved it"

Haruhi admitting she was wrong? Has the world come to an end?

I'm not sure why I did it, but I wrapped an arm around her,

"Look on the bright side, the angel was defeated, and you got to see the inside of NERV. So it's not all bad"

"K-kyon!" she must have been shocked that I'd actually hug her, to be honest I was too. I think the Haruhi of my world would have bitten through my arm by now.

"I got Mikuru hurt, I didn't want that, and you know I wouldn't want you hurt either, right?"

I do seem to remember being punched in the face and maybe exploding a few times in my old world, but I knew she'd never want me seriously hurt... despite exploding.

"I forgive you, so will you make up with Ryoko?"

"S-sure... could you please take your arm off me now?" She asked, blushing.

Now I'm sure most of you think I'm clueless to this sort of thing, but this is pretty obvious don't you think? I don't like her! Shut up! Haruhi is Haruhi!

They made up at our usual picnic table and we put all this ugliness behind us, at least I had thought.

Later that day, I came home to Misato cooking furiously at the stove.

"Tadaima" i said, taking my shoes off at the door and taking a whiff of the horrible substance that dared to call itself food.

"Misato, what the hell? Are you cooking a three day old dead rat?" i asked before putting my schoolbag on the table and walking over to the stove to get a closer look at this monstrosity.

"Oh heheh, I guess I never was good at cooking!" she said cheerfully.

"Why are you making something on the stove anyway? Don't you usually just throw something in the microwave?" I asked, taking the pans off the stove and throwing the food out, I had no idea what it was supposed to be, but there was no way in hell that I was going to eat it.

"Ritsuko's coming over tonight to see how well I'm taking care of you, so I thought I'd make dinner"

Well you failed spectacularly...

"Umm... is there any chance you know how to cook?" she asked, watching me scrape little crunchy black things off the pan that I assumed were incinerated grains of rice. At least I hope they were...

I sighed deeply, "No not really... can we just order out?"

"Sure! That's sounds like a great idea!"

Later that night, Doctor Akagi ate soba noodles and sushi with us. Her personality flip really surprised me, she was warm and friendly. Why is it that I seem to attract the attention of bi-polar women?

"Well I'm impressed! Kyon-kun, how do you manage to keep your sanity living with a complete slob?"

Misato was giving the doctor a death glare from across the table.

"Eh, I've been through worse"

And that's the sad truth, living with Misato wasn't nearly as bad as having to pick up after Haruhi's psychological/metaphysical/whatever the hell it is messes.

"I'll have you know we take turns cleaning up! I'm very responsible when it comes to kids!"

What? you usually just come up with an excuse and shove it off onto me! I'm starting to wonder if you just go to work early to avoid cleaning duty...

"Well I hate to admit it, but Misato does seem to be taking good care of you, Kyon-kun. I favor to ask you by the way" The blonde asked me. I wonder if that's her real hair color? Wait, I see shades of blue, green, brown and even red on a daily basis, so why is blonde so unusual? Speaking of red, in the next month I will have learned to hate that color with a passion.

"Sure what is it?" I asked, putting away my plate.

She withdrew three cards from her purse, "These are Ayanami and Ryoko's renewal ID's and your official one, would you mind dropping them off tomorrow?"

I took all three and said, "Sure, but why didn't you take of it?"

"I was going to but it slipped my mind, by the way, Ayanami has some tests tomorrow, so could you give it to her after school?"

"Yeah sure, where's she live?"

"The address is on the card"

Well I felt dumb.

I sat on the couch and flipped through the channels later that night after Doctor Akagi had left.

"But you ain't got no legs, lieutenant dan!"

"Yes forest, I know that!"

flip.

"So you wouldn't date her because she was a tickler? And you're not a stickler for a tickler?"

"Not a stickler for a tickler!"

"Stickler tickler stickler tickler stickler tickl-"

Yikes

"Lamont, you a dummy!"

flip

"Are you down with the clown, yo?"

I most certainly am not down with the clown.

Flip

"Now I'll show you what I already know" ...Hisssssss

this will do.

I wasn't really taking in the movie, it was called The Thing or something generic like that, some old American movie, What had my attention, oddly enough was Ayanami's card.

I laid on my back looking at it.

Rei Ayanami...

What is it about her that got my attention? Looks? I'll admit she's cute, but deep down I knew that wasn't it. The way she talks was strikingly similar to Nagato, but She most certainly wasn't Nagato, she was much taller for starters, and she didn't really seem to read unless she had to for school. And those red eyes, so strange! Which I find ironic, since strange is average for me. Is that irony? I'm not even sure what the correct definition of irony is.

"I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!"

For some reason i didn't feel to comfortable on the couch and decided to go to bed, I decided I'd ask Haruhi to show me how to get to Ayanami's since I was sure she was familiar with the city.

I'd later regret that decision.

A/N finally! It took me forever to figure this scene out! I now understand why people give up on this crossover! It's easy to come up with plot, but every little scene is difficult as fuck! Don't worry I'm still chugging along with this like the little engine that could! Hahaha! BTW if you'd be so kind, I have a few more stories on this site now for Haruhi, so would you review them? If you don't mind that is.

So what did you think of this chapter? Any thoughts? Corrections? How about a flame? Lol anything at all?

I'll continue working on this, so until next time guys,

xXThe Mirror Tells Me LIESXx

Here's an Omake for the time being:

Omake:

What would Shinji Ikari do?

this is a songfic parody of "what would Brian boitono do?" I think the southpark guys own that song, I don't know, whatever the case happens to be, I don't own, mmkay?

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! Run!

What would Shinji Ikari do if he was here right now?

He'd scream and cry until his face went blue! That's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

When shinji Ikari was in Evangelion, seeking Gendo's praise

he took his knife and swung it round' making the angels fillets!

When Zereul was in town smashing everything to spare

Shinji used his magical running shoes and left the people there!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

So what would Shinji Ikari do if he was here today?

I'm sure he'd run away from you!

That's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

When Shinji Ikari was up against angel number ten

he ran away like a little girl and screwed us all again!

When Shinji Ikari came to school he got beat up by Touji-San!

Cuz' Shinji Ikari does take shit from everybody!

No Shinji, those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

I never seen a man run from spicy chicken wings!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

AHHHAHHH!

I NEVER SEEN A MAN RUN FROM SPICY CHICKEN WINGS!

Shinji! Run!

Shinji! cry!

Shinji Ikari was born in some town where he had no luck

He came here to save us all from third impact and stuff!

Hydeeho hydeelay! Shinji Ikari's here!

So bring up Asuka's stretcher

cuz' now he's got no fear!

Say come over here my lovely

and I'm gonna pull down my pants

and I'm gonna jiz all over you!

Cuz' that's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

Cuz' that's what Shinji Ikari'd do!

A/N: I wrote that a looonggg time ago, If you haven't heard of the infamous hospital scene in eva then I guess that it won't make much sense to you. I thought it was funny anyway.