Note: Back again for another chapter cause the first one was so short and barely gave you anything to go on. So here is chapter one. The beginning of the new year. AHHHHH, what will the crazy Atlantis people get up to this time? Muhahahah! Oh yeah and I do appologise to Simon, I mean, he's not that bad, but for the sake of a good story, he's a sleave, an absolute sleve. And I must warn you, I don't usually swear, but there is some language used in this story.
Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.
Warning: Low level swearing used.
Elizabeth Weir's Diary!
January: A Very Bad Start!
Sunday, 1st January
56 kg (but after large Athosian Christmas dinner, why'd we have to tell them it was important to us?), 6 glasses of moonshine (oh come on, it was new year), 5 cigarettes, 3345 calories.
Food consumed today:
18 cups of coffee
3 cups of blue jelly
1 turkey sandwich (damn you John. Mind you they are tasty)
1 helping of some Athosian delicacy (best not to know what's in it)
3 apples (just to make self really full before party so as to avoid Athosian food)
Noon. Atlantis: My Quatres. The last thing on earth I feel like doing right now is going to our New Years Day celebration party. John wanted to make it a big celebration because the Athosians had never had one before. Problem was, I'm still trying to recover from the New Years Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day and night before New Years Eve parties that John had also set up. Why do I always let that man have his way. It's not my fault, I swear it's not. He trapped me, I can still remember the conversation.
'Elizabeth, I have a serious question.'
'Yes Colonel?'
'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Christmas?'
'Yeah, Christmas. I know resources are limited, but I could get you ... let me see. A bottle of moonshine?'
'No thanks, already got plen - I mean, I don't drink.'
'Oh, I see. Erm, how about another Jar, you know, like the one I gave you for your birthday.'
'Thanks but no thanks. I like that Jar, don't want to take all it's attention away with another Jar.'
'Are you sure? Hercluror has like six of the things.'
I paused. 'Who the hell is Hercluror?'
'You know Hercluror. Big Athosian guy, great stick fighter, he knows all the good moves. He does this one thing that's really cool, he lifts the stick above his head, twirls it around, then brings it down and BAM!'
'John ... John. I don't want another Jar.'
'Sure you do. I mean, you can never have too many.'
I sighed impatiently. 'What do YOU want for christmas?'
'M-me? Oh, I have everything I want. Oh, and before I forget. You are still cool about the whole party chain we talked about right?'
'What party chain?'
'You know, the Christmas, Boxing Day, Day before New Years Eve, New Years Eve and New Years Day parties. The party chain.'
'John, I don't remember ever agreeing to th-'
'It's going to be so great. You know, Teyla and the other Athosians are really excited about the whole thing. We're going to have it here in the gate room and the halls and stuff, plenty of room and -'
'John, I don't remember agreeing to th-'
'And there going to make like this traditional Athosian banquet. I hear they make a preety good turkey sandwich, only I don't know where they get the turkey from as -'
'John, no party's. There's work to be done.'
'You can do your work after. Come on, it'll be great. All our old Athosian buddies will be there. You can show of your new jar.'
Now I have two jars which I do absolutly nothing with, a massive hangover and one more to look forward to. You know, I'm starting to wonder whether I'll ever recover from all this moonshine. Pure alcohol, many days in a row, can't be any good for you. Why do I let that man have his way all the time.
2:45 p.m. Disaster, absolute disaster. My only comfort is that it's all over. No more stupid party chain. And this year, I'll be smarter and wiser and tell John to FUCK OFF! Stupid man.
I tried locking myself away in my office, I could sort of drown out the noise of many partying people. Then the Athosians arrived and it got louder and louder. I couldn't ignore them all and I DID make a New Years Resolution to have more fun and to spend time with Simon and he was at the party after all. Betrayer. So I headed off way to late, everyone was already signing versus of 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' and 'It's A Small World After All'.
Rodney spotted me first. He came over smelling strongly of moonshine and couldn't stop thanking me for allowing the party to go ahead. I wanted to punch him, really did.
'How come yous are being here so late?' he slurred.
'Errr, I got lost.'
'Ohhhh, SHE GOT LOST EVERYBODY!' he screamed to the whole of Atlantis, I quickly disappeared into a dark near-by corner.
Next thing people are shoving drinks into my hand, yelling 'Happy New Year' and patting me on the back. Someone patted me on the butt too. When I find out who they were, they'll be banned of all gate travel. Oh, screw that, they'll be locked up in the same cage as the Wraith.
The party only got worse from there. As the drunks began to drop into their depression stage, the talk turned to their families; wives and children. That's when I started to get real depressed, so I went and hunted down Simon, just to remind myself that I did have a potential husband and I wasn't a complete loner.
Big mistake. I found him alright, but I wish I hadn't. I don't know, maybe the alcohol was clouding my mind, but he had make-up on his shirt colar and I hadn't seen him at all before that. So angry ... OKay, so maybe it was nothing. I mean he was extremely affectionate after I glared at him, why the hell do we have to be confined to different quatres. I'm the boss, I should be able to change that stupid rule.
I spent the rest of the night moving from group to drunken group. The Athosians went absolutly wild by midnight. And then I saw John, bloody John Sheppard, standing in one of the dark corners making out with some skinny little nurse who was probably half his age. Hated him, wanted to kill him. Still do, die John, die!
3 p.m. DIE SKANKY LITTLE NURSE! DIE JOHN!
Tuesday, 3rd January
57 kg (what happened? WHY? WHY?), 1 glass of moonshine (pats back, so proud), 0 cigarettes (GREAT!), 2879 calories.
6 a.m. Finally everything is going to go back to the way it should be. No more parties, no more drinking, no more anything. It's all over, time to go back to work. I can stare at Simon all day long whilst he works on his computer and says smart things ... so happy. Who was he with New Years Day - AHHHHHH! Must not become obsessed over this ... will check todays scedual instead.
1. Listen to Rodney's new invention.
Shit! I need a drink.
10 p.m. Stupid Rodney kept me there the whole day. Why must he make me listen to his ramblings. Does it make him happy to see me in such pain. I can still hear his voice in my head.
But on the up side, got to stare at Simon all day. Why didn't he stare at me?
Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Am I not worth looking at? I think I'll wear my little black skirt tomorrow.
Friday, 6th January
56 kg (slowly coming back down), 2 glasses of moonshine, 3 cigarettes, 200 calories (site of John put me off my food).
3 p.m. Atlantis: My Office. Simon had to go off-world today. He and a team of scientists had to check a seemingly abandoned planet for any life signs and make sure the atmosphere is breathable. At least he said good bye, I'm happy about that. When am I going to get to go off-world again? I'm the diplomat. I'm the smart one. They just don't want to be showed up by a girl.
6 p.m. Atlantis: Gym. So angry. Just caught John talking to that nurse from the party the other night. Why is he still talking with her. He was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing. Dosn't mean he has to have regular chats with her in my hall way. Bastard. Thought it was a good time for my first stick fighting lesson with Teyla. I just pictured Teyla as John and swung real hard. Still ended up on my arse though. I'm no good at this, think I'll go to bed.
Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. I miss Simon.
Monday, 9th January
54 kg (am on top of the world), 0 glasses of moonshine (cause I'm on top of the world), 0 cigarettes, 1986 calories (Simon made me eat).
7 a.m. Woke up later then usual today. Since we made conection with earth, Sunday had been made a day off. But naturally I had work to do. Simon must have missed me (he came back Saturday night) because he made a big effort to have breakfast with me. And not in the mess hall, we stowed food away and retreated to his quatres. So nice. I love him, so happy he's here with me. Wish I could stay and skip Colonel Caldwell's meeting.
11 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room. So sleepy. Have never been so bored. I hope Caldwell dosn't expect me to contribute anything, I don't even know what he's talking about. Will just stare at lap top screen. Dex seems captivated with his, I wander if he's playing Solitare. Now that's an idea.
11:30 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (still). John just sent me a message. Wonder if I can look at it without Caldwell noticing. What am I seven? Who the hell cares if he see's what I'm doing, he's a boring old man and I'm also in charge around here. I bet the president likes me better anyway.
Message Weir
You appear to be falling asleep. As I think is made
perfectly clear in your contract of employment,
important people, such as yourself, are supposed
to be fully aware of the city's situation. Meaning you
should not be sleeping during this meeting.
Sheppard
He is so right, but I don't see him paying attention either. I probably would have thought this message was funny had I not been so angry with him and his little nurse friend.
Message Sheppard
Colonel, am appaled at message. Whilst I can be
described as a little on the sleepy side it is merely
from exhaustion due to work. Something which I am
not sure you fully understand or appreciate.
Weir
Get him right where it hurts. He wont be happy with that one. Weird how much more alive the meeting seemed to be now. I even chansed a glace at Caldwell, just to make sure he was still droning on. He had graphs out now, idiot.
Oh, another message.
Message Weir
I want you so bad.
Unknown
What? After that I found myself hiding behind my lap top whilst scanning the room secretly looking for freaky message stalker person. The room was full of people, so many lap tops. Best not to know I think.
12 p.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room (shoot me now). SOOOO bored. I want this to end. Why wont it end? John hasn't written back. Am beginning to think that message may have been a little harsh and that I have put him in a state of deep depression now. Oh well, serves him right. Still searching for freaky message sender. Rodney seems to be faced in my direction, could it be ... nope, fast asleep hmmm. Oh, message.
Message Weir
If looking around the room like that is an attept to demonstrate
that you are in fact awake then you have failed miserably.
You are obviously bored out of your brains.
Sheppard
Just about to send something incredibly witty and mean back when Caldwell turned around to look at me.
'Is there anything you wanted to add Dr. Weir?'
I just starred at him with my mouth gapping open and my finger hovering over the key pad of my laptop. My brain was blank. John sniggered from the other side of the table.
Message Weir
You are so screwed!
Sheppard
Late Night. Atlantis: Simon's quatres. Just got word that Simon has to go back to evil planet again tomorrow. He seemed very affectionate. Think I might stay the night here.
Friday, 13th January
52 kg (too much work to eat), 0 glasses of moonshine (too much work to drink), 12 cigarettes (kills hunger), 23 cups of coffee, 289 calories.
Late Night. Atlantis: One of the Labs. Visiting Rodney yet again to see if he's made any progress on strange substance that Simon found from planet. Am so proud of Simon, he discovered it, he's so brave and smart. Wonder what this thing does.
Even Later Still. Atlantis: One of the labs. Should really get some sleep, but Rodney keeps bothering me with now found information. At least he keeps pouring me coffee. Smart man. Ewww, strange substance just turned green when touched. Weird, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
Tuesday, 17th January
50 kg (work), 2 glasses of moonshine (stress, would have had more but no time), 15 cigarettes (stressed, hungry), 30 cups of coffee (wow), 134 calories.
Early morning. Atlantis: My Office. I could kiss Rodney. He's a genius. After all the other scientists drove me insane with their random chatter about how they could never figure out what the substance was, Rodney figured it out. Turns out it's a very powerful and potentially harmful drug. Lucky they didn't try the taste test on it. Rodney's a genius. Now I can go get something to eat and visit poor, neglected Simon. So happy, think i'll give him a hug. Okay, just a friendly pat on the shoulder will do. Good Rodney.
Late Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. I could kill Rodney. I want to strangle him and lock him up in that Wraith cage where he can't escape or bother me ever again. How could he loose it? He was supposed to keep it safe and secure, those were my exact orders. Moron, I am so angry. Now I have to leave my half eaten turkey sandwich and join him on this rediculous search. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Where's John, he's gotta find this thing.
Late night. Atlantis: My Office. I'm going to cry, I just want to sit here and cry. I'm tired, hungry, thirsty and down right pissed off. Drug hasn't turned up. Potentially harmful and strong, damaging drug on the loose in a very large and populated city. When I found out who took it, I'll kill them.
Saturday, 21st January
11 a.m. Am going to kill Bates. Stupid man thinks that the drug wasn't taken from the Labs at all. Which means someone left it lying around, which means I'm going to have to kill someone else. Stupid people. Stupid Atlantis ... need coffee, no, need moonshine. Dam it, I'm all out. NOOOOOOO!
Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. Am siting on bed, hyperventilating. I like it here better. Had a little episode. What can I say, I was provoked. Kavenaugh kept yelling explanations at me, I yelled back, finally he pissed me off so much I punched him. Felt good at the time, so good. Now I just feel like crap. Why did I hit him? Why wont someone confess to taking the drug and be done with it.
Must sleep ... but can't. Must stay awake, in case culpret comes back ... ahhhhhh!
Monday, 23rd January
50 kg (forced to eat food), 0 moonshine (still fresh out, I hate the world), 23 cigarettes (need to survive), 70 cups of coffee (feels like it anyways), 700 calories, Positive thoughts 0, negative thoughts 8934.
Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. Simon came in to get me this morning. He didn't say much to me, just dragged me out of bed and took me to the mess room to get food. Couldn't swallow, am suspicious of everyone. Want to kill them all. Must get more moonshine from the Athosians, Halling was visiting last week, maybe I can get him to visit again and bring moonshine. Need drink. Why is it that noone else seems as exhausted as me, is noone else as concerned about this whole situation as I am.
Late Night. Atlantis: My quatres. Am obsessing way too much. Simon sat me down and told me to calm down. I love him, I love having him here. Sighted John, he looks like a wreck, least I know someone else is working. Makes me feel bad about the comment I gave him through lap top messages regarding the fact he didn't work. He's only trying to help, so was Kavenaugh and I punched him. Now am ridden with guilt on top of everything else.
Friday, 27th January
52 kg, 1 bottle of moonshine, 10 cigarettes (had moonshine, didn't need so many), 12 cups of coffee, 1356 calories, Positive thoughts 8 (all were forced upon me), negative thoughts 0 (I was forced to say that).
11 a.m. Atlantis: My Office: Promised Simon would have happy thoughts. So am being relaxed and calm ... there was at least one good thing about the morning. Halling came to visit, bringing my secret bottles of moonshine I begged him to. Such a good fellow, I should really get the recipe for this drink. But then I'd have to make it, don't have time. Taste, so good.
Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Labs. Scientists have given up on finding drug. Probably better that way. Took deep breath and let them continue with more important things. Must talk to John though, sighted him again, he looks worse then me. Maybe I was too hard on him, I should tell him I'm cancelling the search. I need more moonshine.
Sunday, 29th January
Early Moring. Atlantis: My quatres. I feel GREAT! Never felt better. Man that moonshine really made me feel great. Really tops. I had these cute, fuzzy purple animals wake me up this morning. Did I even sleep? I can't remember, hehehehehe, oh well. Maybe I should have some breakfast. Hahahaha, I fell over ... wait, I know I can find my feet. Where's that moonshine ran off to?
11 a.m. Atlantis: Mess Room. I am sooooooo hungry. This is so weird. Hey, I think my foods moving, what are they putting in this stuff now-a-days. Here comes Simon. I think it'll be funnier if I hide from him. There's John, looking veryyyyyyyy nice. I'll go see if he's gonna go hide to.
12 p.m. Atlantis: Carsons Office. John's hiding me in Carson's office. Good spot. He's so smart and clever and cool and hot and hey, there's Rodney, where's he off to. Might follow him, man he's looking mighty fine in those tight leather pants. Funny looking leather. Woah! Carson just grabbed me, man he's strong. How do I get away ... really need some more moonshine. Hey, he let go ... now to find Rodney.
2 p.m. Atlantis: Rodney's quatres. So this is where Rodney hangs ey? Nice place, think I'll stay. Hey, there's Rodney. He looks so innocently confused. Hmmm, think I'll give him that kiss I thought I would before. Hey, the floors moving, this is so cool.
4 p.m. Lost. Found the moonshine, don't know where I am. This place is getting bigger and bigger. Wow, this room is cool, it's red. I like red. Woah, floors not entirely stable in here. Might just lean against this wall right here ... Aargh! The wall moved on me, hehehehehehe I found the floor though ... nice and cool, it's spinning though ... I'm going to fall to the roof. AHHHHHHHHH!
Monday, 30th January
50 kg, 0 moonshine (is poison), 0 cigarettes (too many people watching), 1245 calories (forced into me).
Early Morning. Atlantis: Infirmary. Head hurts, lungs hurt, throat hurts, legs hurt, arms hurt ... confused, sleepy, hungry, tired, aching ... what happened to me?
Late Afternoon. Atlantis: Infirmary. Carson is miracle worker. I am feeling a little bit better. So embarrased, so confused. I keep remembering things, flashes, what was wrong with me. Drunk people don't go that crazy. Oh my gosh! I KISSED RODNEY! What is Simon going to say?
Late Night. Atlantis: Simons quatres. Carson finally let me leave. John seemed very quiet, I don't know why. At least we found out where the strange drug was. Rodney (stupid, stupid man!) left it lying around, when Halling was visiting he took it back to the main land and it got mixed up with the ingredients for moonshine. And then I got that moonshine and started acting loopy. Have one bottle left, should tip it down the sink, somethings telling me I should, but Rodney thinks he can still test the drug in the bottle.
Simon's taking such good care of me. I like this. He seems very quiet as well though. Men, I tell you, I will never understand them.
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AN: OMG! That was so much fun to write, you have no idea. Lol, now I have to read over to make sure spellings okay. I really really, REALLY wanna know what you think so far, so please review and tell me. That was long, that was good. I need to write more. So addictive.