Chapter Ten:
The Uninspiringly Named Christmas Chapter
"a person is an animal that wants someone who is at least as stupid as itself around"
-Kyon
I was dead tired, resting my head on Misato's car window as we sped home.
"You still awake, Kyon-kun?" Misato asked quietly.
I yawned, and drowsily replied,"Yeah"
"How are you feeling?"
I sat up and stretched, yawning again, "Fine for the most part, just very tired"
Misato kept her eyes on the road, for once this time,
"I'm very grateful for your actions today, you destroyed the angel when we thought all hope was lost, and on top of that, you saved a fellow pilot"
"All in a days work, Misato" I said leaning back with my eyes closed.
"You were still very brave, Kyon, so brave, that I talked to the staff and we decided to make you team leader"
"Team leader?"
"Yeah! So whenever you're deployed with other pilots, you'll call the shots. You're still under my command, but you now have the authority to make small term decisions for the group. Hold on," She was digging around in her pockets, Keep your eyes on the road!
"Here, it's not official or anything, since Eva pilots don't techically hold any rank, but Makoto and Aoba had it made, they thought it looked cool" She handed me a small medal,
I looked at it in the dim light from the passing street lamps, It was a skull, just like the first angel I fought, on top of a red core with a golden halo above, connected by a pair of angel wings with two red dots marking where the pins in the back go. It was damned cool looking.
"Thank you, Misato" I said quietly, putting the pin in my shirt pocket. I'm definetley showing this off to Haruhi, she'd get a kick out of this for sure.
"No problem, Kyon-kun, you're a hero! ...which reminds me, since it's that time of the year..." She dug around in her other pocket, and handed me something larger.
"It's a cell phone, I figured you'd need one if you wanted to go somewhere and we needed to get ahold of you"
Yes! Wait... what did she mean by that time of the year?
"Merry christmas, Kyon-kun! It techically started today, but you still have to go to school. Sorry about that"
Going to school on Christmas... well that blows- Christmas? But it's freaking Ninety degrees out!
"Christmas Isn't what it used to be," Misato said somberly, "I remember it used to snow until two thousand... Do you know what snow is, Kyon-kun?"
What is she talking about? I'd better just play along...
"Well Yeah," I said, facing the window, "What exactly happened?" I asked.
"Don't you pay attention in school? Second impact happened, meteor hit the north pole ring a bell?" She furrowed her brows, as an understanding look formed across her face, "...Oh... I see what you're asking,"
What exactly do you see?
"You mean what really happened, don't you?"
"...Yeah" I couldn't help but wonder where this was going, and if I really wanted to hear it.
"I suppose you deserve to know, as you've probably guessed, the whole meteor and north pole story is completely fabricated,"
I think things are about to get heavy... Maybe I shouldn't have asked?
"I'll just give you the gist of what happened, it's pretty top secret stuff," We were driving slower through city that was still in the process of powering up again as she told her story,
"In the year two thousand..." She choked up for a second, and then continued, "We found the first Angel, code named; Adam, frozen in the north pole. Something happened, causing it to awaken. I'm not going to give you a bunch of techno babble you probably won't understand, but basically, it caused second impact, which was an enormous blast, completely melting the North Pole and kicking global warming up... several notches and wiping out most of mankind"
An alien frozen in the north pole? Remids me of that movie that was on the other night...
"So why are the other Angels here? Are they trying to finish what Adam started?" I asked curiously,
"I don't know for sure, but I imagine that's part of it"
Part of it? What more could they possibly want?
"...What's the other part? And why do they keep coming here, to Tokyo three of all places?"
Misato let out a deep breath, "I really shouldn't be telling you any of this, but we have something they want, maybe you'll find out someday, but in the meantime, you can't tell anybody about this stuff, Okay?"
I nodded, "I understand" I said simply. Keeping secrets is something I've been doing for a while anyway, what harm is a few more?
I lay in bed that morning, it was three o'clock, and I had to get up for school in a few hours. Why couldn't I sleep? I felt like there was something important that I just wasn't getting. I looked at the nerve clips in my hand, I had my own and Rei's. They didn't look any different, but they had been fried beyond repair during the angel battle. Why did Rei give me her's, and why did I bother keeping mine? I remember she said something really strange earlier,
Rei sat on the edge of the ambulance's rear and pulled the white nerve clips out of her hair, handing them to me,
"They have been fried, but they have not outlived their usefullness, take them, I believe you will find an adequate use for them"
"What do you mean?" I asked her, holding the clips in confusion.
"I believe you are intelligent enough to find a purpose for them" She said, as the paramedics helped her up into the ambulance, taking her away to the hospital.
Find a purpose for them? I guess some girls might consider them stylish... wait, stylish... Christmas...
"I've got it!" I said, sitting up in my bed.
Rei wanted me to give our fried nerve clips to Haruhi and Mikuru as a peace offering! Does Rei know that Haruhi is dangerous when she's pissed off?
"That's really strange of Rei, I never thought of her as an indian giver type. I tell you, I've gone through this for ages and I still can't figure that girl out"
I turned to see Shinji standing over my bed, eying the nerve clips in my hand curiously.
"Have you ever heard of knocking? You could give someone a heart attack popping out of nowhere like that!" I yelled angrily.
Shinji merely shrugged, "Eh, you'll be fine"
I sighed and put the clips on the little table next to my bed, "So what's up? Do you have something important to tell me?"
Shinji sat on the floor and looked at me,
"Kind of, you remember what Misato told you earlier?"
"Yeah, why? Did she lie to me?" I asked.
"No, not at all, I just figured I'd fill in a few blanks for you"
"Alright, go ahead"
He looked to his left, as if focusing on something far away,
"Well, that thing NERV has, that Misato mentioned,"
"Yeah?"
"It's an angel"
An Angel? Why on earth would they keep an Angel in NERV? What is this, one of those 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' things?
"But why?"
"You're not ready to know everything yet, but I will tell you this, that angel is called Lillith, the second angel and progenitor of mankind. That's what the Angels are after, but they think it's Adam. If an Angel comes into contact with either of them, mankind will be wiped out completely this time."
"So... NERV is basically guarding our ancestral mom?" I asked
"More or less... but all is not what it seems" Shinji said, getting up and turning away, "By the way, keep Miss Suzumiya far away from Lillith if you can help it"
Well, I doubt that will be a problem, I don't think NERV will even allow her around the front gate at this point.
"Hey, before you go, I want to ask something"
He turned around to look at me again, "Alright, shoot"
"Is Rei somehow aware of Haruhi's powers?"
Shinji rubbed his chin in thought,
"I had wondered about that too, not much would surprise me at this point"
"So you don't know? I thought you made all the changes around here?"
Shinji sighed. "It's kind of hard to explain... I got it! Imagine a snowball on top of a hill"
I nodded, "Alright"
"Now one thing I can do is make small changes to people's personalities and in some cases, abilites and histories, just like I can push the snowball off whatever side of the hill I please, however, like the snowball, I can't accurately predict where these changes will end up or how much of an impact they'll make. Does that make any sense to you?"
It made a lot more sense than any of Koizumi's abstract concepts or Nagato's technobabble!
"Yeah, I understand"
Shinji smiled, "Alright then, I have to go now, goodnight Kyon, You've been doing great so far"
"Thanks" I said before he disapeared.
I slumped back in my bed, thinking about everything I had learned.
So Nagato is in the Eva, Rei might be semi omniscient, and it's summer all year around every year. Not to mention we're holding an Angel prisoner in NERV HQ... On top of that, part of me might be in love with Haruhi, if that wierd trip yesterday meant anything. What a world...
With those last thoughts, I was out like a light, finally able to rest.
"So, I imagine you probably saw some leaked footage of the fight this morning" I said to Haruhi during lunch. She was in a foul mood, glaring at her bento. It was raining again outside, so we ate in the classroom, Rei wasn't present, and Ryoko had some kind of class rep job to do, so it was just Haruhi, Mikuru and myself, with a handful of other students spread out across the room.
"Nope" She said darkly, picking at her lunch.
"Ayanami saved my life this morning" I blurted out, that seemed to get Haruhi's attention. I refered to her as Ayanami in front of Haruhi, in case that 'Rei' would piss her off.
She looked up and blinked, her dark mood letting up slightly.
"She did? What happened?"
"The Angel shot this huge beam at me, and she blocked it, she got pretty hurt too, that's why she's not here today"
Haruhi 'humphed!', looking away from me and glaring back into her bento,
"Serves her right for what she did yesterday..."
Mikuru looked up in surprise,
"Eh? What happened yesterday?" She asked innocently.
"Nothing!" Haruhi and I shouted in unison, scaring her so bad that she nearly fell out of her seat.
"Sorry..." I muttered to her. I hate to see Mikuru freak out like that.
"Listen Haruhi, I've got something to say, and you probably won't like it-" she interupted me, almost snarling,
"What? What do you have to tell me? Hmm? I swear if you tell me you're dating Ayanami, I will kill-"
I interupted her, I didn't want to hear where that was going,
"It's not like that at all, Haruhi, Ayanami and I aren't interested in one another like that!"
The storm outside was picking up, I had better get this done fast or who knows what will happen...
"And you were way out of line yesterday!-"
"-How was I out of line? That slut practically threw herself at you!"
"Eh?" Mikuru threw in
"You threw her at me! You shouldn't have even been touching her when she was naked!"
"W-what?" Mikuru squeaked, going pale,
"Why do you think she was naked in the first place? Answer me that, Kyon!"
My brow was twitching again, I had forgotten how much of an idiot Haruhi was.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some clouds swirling together in a funnel. Shit, I really need to get this wrapped up.
"Gee I don't know, maybe because she just got out of the shower and had no idea we were there?"
Haruhi didn't seem to have a counter for that, because she didn't say anything at all.
Handling Haruhi is about the same as it ever was, I'm thankful for that much, just a little arrow of logic in her achille's heel and everything starts to fall in place. The clouds were already starting to dissapate, and the sun seemed to cautiously poke out of the clouds, as if to say 'is it safe to come out now?'.
"...I guess I didn't think about it like that..."
More like you didn't think, period.
"Here," I said, digging the nerve clips out of my pocket and handing them to her and Mikuru.
"What are these?" Haruhi asked curiously
"They were mine and Ayanami's nerve clips, but they got fried during the battle. I think Ayanami wanted me to give them to you as a peace offering"
Haruhi was holding my old pair in her hands, looking at them with awe. The sun ws shining much brighter now as the it's gentle orange kiss flooded the classroom.
"These are really neat, Kyon-kun!" Mikuru said as she put Ayanami's clips in her hair.
Oh my god, she looked so cute with those clips!
"Merry Christmas, girls" I said happily as Haruhi put my clips in her hair as well, they looked really good on her, but I don't think blue is her color, maybe orange or red would suit her more.
"I didn't even get you anything... I feel awful now!" Haruhi pouted cutely.
"I didn't either, I'm sorry Kyon-kun"
"Don't worry about it," I said with a geniune smile, "So Haruhi?"
"Hmm?"
"Why don't we let Ayanami sit with us at lunch from now on? I think she needs some friends"
Haruhi smiled warmly for the first time in... I don't know, ever ?
"Of course!" She said happily, and with that we continued to eat our lunch until Ryoko showed up.
"Sorry I'm late! Class rep duties..." She trailed off when she saw Haruhi and Mikuru, "Where did you get those?" She asked, with a hint of fear in her voice.
"Mine and Ayanami's got fried, so we figured we'd give them to Haruhi and Mikuru instead of just throwing them away, looks good on them, don't they?" I said with a warm smile
"Kyon-kun, they can't have those! That's top secret technology! I'm sorry girls, I'm going to have confiscate them right now!" She said, holding her hand out expectantly.
Haruhi groaned, while Mikuru pouted sadly, starting to pull the clips out of their hair.
"~Objection!~" I declared smugly, causing the girls to stop pulling the clips out, and feeling like pheonix wright.
"Eh?" Mikuru uttered curiously.
"And just who are you to have an ~Objection!~ to your class rep?" Ryoko asked with authority in her voice.
If this were an anime, there would be a short, slow motion scene where I pull out my new medal, with it being in the center of the screen at the end,
"Oh, just your team leader" I said with a grin.
"Whoa!" Haruhi shouted excitedly, looking at the medal eagerly.
"Wanna touch it?" I said in good humor.
"You're a jackass, but you're damn right I do!" Haruhi said amusedly.
I handed it to her and turned to Ryoko,
"What do you mean, team leader?" She asked curiously.
"Misato promoted me, you'll probably get a memo or something today"
Ryoko was not amused, she flopped down in her seat unceremoniously, "You better not be lying Kyon-kun"
Haruhi was still looking at the medal like it was the lost gold of the aztecs... or mayans, or something like that, until something crossed her mind, I could almost see the gears rotating in her head as she placed the medal down and clapped her hands twice,
"Nerd, meat head! Front and center!" She barked like a drill seargent, crossing her arms.
Suzuhara and Aida rushed over understandably mortified,
"Y-yes mam?" Aida stuttered out.
Haruhi didn't make eye contact and closed her eyes with an angry frown,
"I know you two morons have footage of that fight, so you better bring me a copy first thing Monday or heads will roll!" She ordered, taking a sip of her canned tea.
I smiled brighter, good old Haruhi, ordering people around just like I remember. For some reason it really warmed my heart to see her act like that, probably because I wasn't the focus of her wrath this time.
"Of course! First thing Monday morning!" Aida and Suzuharu said in unison,
Haruhi opened her eyes, sat her tea down and glared a hole through them,
"Good, now get out of here, you disgust me!"
They both ran back to their seats.
I'm surprised Mikuru didn't say something like 'that wasn't very nice, Haruhi', she just sat there and sighed quietly. She obvously knew better than to question Haruhi, Ryoko however, apparently didn't.
"That wasn't right at all, Suzumiya! You shouldn't order people around like that!"
She had long since gave up on trying to get Haruhi out of her habit of watching leaked footage, so she moved on to Haruhi's manners.
"They deserve a lot worse than being ordered around, class rep, didn't you hear what meat head did to Kyon?"
I feel bad for being amused, but it just cracks me up the way she refers to them only as 'nerd' and 'meat head'
"That's still not right! Haven't you ever heard of forgive and forget?"
I think Haruhi already filled her quota for 'forgive and forget' today.
"Who the hell do you think you are to tell me how to act?"
Yeah, only I can do that.
"I'm your class representitive, that's who!"
The spark of wrathful fury ignited in her eyes as she tried to burn a hole in Ryoko's head, causing me to check the weather outside cautiously. Dammit Ryoko! I just fixed her, don't screw up all my hard work!
Haruhi looked like she was about to pounce like a hungry tiger as the two girls had a mexican standoff, causing Mikuru to sit nervously in the middle, looking back and forth, then to me.
I sighed deeply for the millionth time since the universes merged,
"Just let it go Ryoko" I really hope she listens to me too,
"But she-"
"Let it go, it's Christmas"
Ryoko bowed her head, "...Okay"
Having that bomb defused as well, we finished our lunches and found something to occupy ourselves while we waited for class to start. Haruhi was playing with our lunch boxes out of sheer boredom,
"Build a bento fortress... keep all the haters out!" Haruhi said to herself as she tried to figure out how to make a fort out of only four boxes... It's not going work, Haruhi. Believe me, I tried.
"So Kyon-kun..." Ryoko started at me,
"Huh?" I said, looking up from my homew\ork.
"I just wanted to say... that, I uh... I'm really glad you're okay!" She forced out nervously.
"Don't sweat it, cuz, It's all part of the job" I said, returning to my trig homework.
"Don't be so non-chalant about this!" I was really worried! I wish my Eva was fixed already... I hate watching you suffer from the side-lines..."
"Don't worry Ryoko, Your Eva will abe fixed in no time, and we'll kick ass together like nobody's bussiness"
"Don't swear" She chided me.
"I wish I was a pilot..." Haruhi muttered to herself.
What did I tell you about saying that!
After an ungodly stretch of time in school, I was walking back home on the hot sidewalk. You'd think after a heavy shower like that, things would have cooled down, but I think my shoes might have been melting.
"Humans are so... interesting!" A voice said behind me in a deep growl. I totally didn't scream like a girl and fall in the grass, just saying.
"God dammit Shinji! Warn me before you show up, you jerk!"
Shinji just smiled at me, floating above me and eating an apple...
"Are you referenceing something?" I asked, raising a brow.
"...Maybe" he said with a mischiovus smirk.
I got up and dusted myself off,
"So what do you want to tell me now?" I said, continuing my walk home.
Shinji floated after me and said, "Nothing really, I just wanted to say I'm impressed with the way you handle crazy women"
"It's a gift" I said, putting my hands in my pockets, with my schoolbag draped over my arm.
"That gift will come in handy next year" Shinji said with amusement practically dripping out of his voice.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked cautiously,
"You'll see! Sayonara!"
The little bastard disapeared again...
I walked into the apartment and took my shoes off, only to turn around and be slammed in the head with something cold, knocking me on my back.
"Kanpai!" Misato cheered.
"Ow!"
More like banzai... damn, right in the fore-head!
I saw a beer can roll across the floor out of the corner of my eye.
I grabbed it and sprang up on my feet,
"What the hell?" whoa, deja vu...
Misato giggled, sitting at the table,
"Whoops! I didn't mean to nail you on the head! You need to be more observant, Kyon-kun!"
Everyone and his brother tells me that...
"Why did you throw a can of beer at me anyway?" I asked, sitting across from her and placing my bag on the table.
"Well, since you beat the odds this morning, I called in sick so we could have a drinking contest to celebrate!" She cheered, hefting a case of beer from the floor and slamming it on the table.
Contributing gratuitous amounts of alcohol to a minor... I don't even care anymore, I've got worse things to worry about.
"...But you're already hammered, Misato" I said, pointing out the one flaw in her plan.
"Aww, I figured you wouldn't stand a chance if I started sober, so I gave myself a handicap! You a handicap? ... there's definitly handicaps involved!"
I already have my homework done, they didn't give us much since it was Christmas.
"Sure, what the hell. So what are the stakes?"
Misato tilted her head to the side, thinking,
"Well, we can't bet money, since you haven't been paid yet, so... how about a case of beer?"
I gave her a blank look,
"Isn't that kind of redundant? We're going to drink beer anyway, and you always have gratuitous amounts of alcohol in the house"
"Are you calling me a drunk?" She spat, swaying from side to side slightly.
I think you're beyond drunk, Misato.
"I've got it!"
"And just what did you get?" I asked,
"If I lose, I'll give you a kiss! Tongue and all!"
I'm on board so far...
"If you lose, you have to tell Suzumiya you like~ her!"
Well that is just not happening!
"No" I said crossing my arms and glaring.
"Chicken~? Bawk bawk bawk!"
"I'm not chicken!"
"Your face is so red! You must really like her!"
"Shut up!"
"...Chicken!"
I grabbed a can,
"That's it, you're goin' down, woman!"
"That's the spirit, Kyon-kun!" She said as we both cracked our beers open and chugged.
Drinking contests are a really bad idea...
"Alright! I'm in love with... love with... her damn...dammit!" I sputtered out in a drunken stupor a few hours later, We had slowed way down in an effort not to pass out on the table.
"I knew it!" She cheered, pointing her finger at me, well in my general direction, I couldn't tell, I was seeing double.
"I'm not drinking with you anymore..." I pouted with the side of my head flat on the table.
"You lose~! You gotta tell Haru-chan how you feel!"
"It was a close match..." I muttered into the fiberglass of the table.
"Only because of the handy... handy... hand thing..." Misato stuttered as her head slowly descended to the table.
"I don't have to tell her tomorow do I?" I asked in annoyance, only to be met with snoring.
I sighed and shakily brought myself up, standing, and sloppily walked around the table.
I poked Misato,
"...Five more minutes..." she slurred,
"Get up you... drunk" I said, picking her up by the waist and supporting her on my shoulder.
"Where we goin'?"
"I'm taking you to... that thing you... sleep in"
I couldn't remember what a bed was called to save my life at the time
"Oh, that thing... that's a good idea"
"Yeah..." I agreed, slowly stumbling down the hall to her room.
I opened the door with my foot and dragged her in the room,
"Will you be joining me?" She slurred out, failing miserably at being seductive.
"There will be none of that, you... crazy lady"
I dragged her over to the bed and dropped her on the mattress, falling next to her in the process.
"Change your mind, handsome?"
"...Shut up Misato"
I passed out right on the spot.
I woke up in a daze to the sound of Misato yawning,
"Kyon-kun?" Misato asked, poking me in the shoulder,
I opened my eyes to see Misato with the worst case of bed head since American glam rock,
"Ughh... I feel awful"
"What the hell did we do last night?" she asked, blocking her eyes from the sunlight flooding in from the window.
I worked my brain hard to remember last night,
'You lose~! You gotta tell Haru-chan how you feel!'
"...I have no idea" I lied, "Oh god!" I scrambled off Misato's bed and stumble-ran to the bathroom.
As I'm sure you can guess, I hurled my guts up in the toilet.
"Aww, is this your first hangover?" Misato cooed, standing in the doorway, just behind me
You're not funny, and what was your first guess?
"Oh... don't puke anymore Kyon-kun, you're gonna start a chain... a chain pukathon..."
She ran to the sink and hurled her guts up as well,
This was followed by several more minutes of retching.
To those of you reading this; first off, I do not promote underage drinking, and secondly, if you do drink, for the love of god, know your limit! Don't make my mistake...
After the puke-a-palooza was over, Misato washed the sink and we brushed our teeth, and then we stumbled over to the beer can pyramid littered kitchen table and sat down, waiting for one of us to have either the energy or the stomach to get up and make breakfast.
On a sidenote; Most people don't know what rigour mortis feels like, for obvious reasons, but I have a very good idea.
Thank god it's Sunday.
A/N: I do not, in any way shape or form promote underaged drinking, but if you guys drink, please know your limit and be responsible, that is all. Oh! And never sleep on your back if you're drunk, people die that way, they throw up in their sleep and choke to death. So yeah, sleep on your side. Not that I'm promoting anything.
Omake: The adventures of Churuya-san Evangelion edition; Part Two, fool!
Part one: Shinji Ikari
Shinji Ikari sat on his bed in a fetal position, wishing he was never born.
Churuya walked in and tried to cheer him up,
"What's wrong Shinji-kun?"
"Everybody hates me because I pilot Eva, pity me"
Churuya jumped on his shoulder and hugged his head,
"I don't hate you, you're my friend!" she said affectionately
"Liar, everybody hates me, I even hate me"
Churuya jumped off his shoulder and did some kind of herioc pose,
"I bet some smoked cheese would cheer you up, Shinji-kun!"
"...Smoked cheese hates me too."
"Nyoron~" :(
Part Two: Shamshell
Unit one and the fourth angel stared one another down, until Churuya turned on the loudspeakers,
"Angel, Hey Angel!"
The crab-like Angel cocked it's skull face to the side as if to say 'yes?'
"Do you like smoked cheese?" She asked cheerfully.
Shamshell unleashed it's energy whips and flung unit one into air, launchin it into a nearby mountain.
Churuya was sprawled over in the insertion plug with... swirly dizzy things in her eyes,
"Nyoron~" :(
Part three: Kensuke Aida
Kensuke Aida was fiddeling around with his camera during lunch as he sat across from Churuya, who stood on the table.
"Aida-kun, hey Aida-kun!"
"yes?"
"Did you get super awesome footage of my fight yesterday?"
"Yes. Yes I did. I was totally stoked."
"Yay! Let's celebrate with smoked cheese!" Churuya cheered, pulling a block of smoked cheese out of her lunchbox and handing it to the resident Otaku.
"I can't eat that." He said.
"But why not?" Churuya asked curiously.
"I'm lactose-intolerant"
Churuya frowned, you'd think she'd be used to it by now.
"Nyoron~" :(