Note: Am so excited about this chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I had to add bits and peices and take some away. But I promise you'll like. Because I liked. This was sooooo much fun. Everyone's been wonderful readers and thank you for reviews. I'm not doing review by review thingy again because I got to go soon and I want to get this too you all as soon as possible. So I really hope you enjoy. Especially all you shippers because there's a bit of everything in this chapter. One in particular lol, but you'll see.

Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.

Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.

Elizabeth Weir's Diary!

June: Miserable Earth!

Thursday, 1st June

52 kg (perfect weight), 0 moonshine (who needs it), 0 cigarettes (okay, 5. But am so happy I don't care), 806 calories.

3 p.m. Tomorrow's the day. We're going back to earth. I am so excited. Find my mind wandering to all sorts of lovely scenarios. Will be great to go out to dinner, go to the movies, go to the beach and just spend time with Simon in the privacy of our own home. I'm so very happy! All is going great. This time next week Simon and I will be enjoying a lovely out door barbeque in our own home. We can be all over each other, do what ever we want. No one will be around to bug us.

Late Night. Atlantis: My Quaters. Am going to miss Atlantis. Oh well, wont be for very long. I'm sure it will still be here when we get back.

Ack! What if it's not? What then?

Musn't worry. Will remain calm. Nothing will happen. Am so excited.

Friday, 2nd June

51 kg (travelling dosn't usually agree with me), 0 moonshine, 12 cigarettes (little bit of stress), 1790 calories, no. of holiday destinations looked at: 32 (very good).

Late Afternoon. Earth: Simon/My Place. Simon has just gone to bed. Am fairly fed up actually. Had terrible day. Had to travel all morning to get to earth. Needed cigarette badly when I realised that John and Mindy were going to go off together. Traveling dosn't agree with me, neither do they, so all in all was absolutly crap trip. Simon spent most of the time looking out the window not even bothering to look at me.

Then things only got worse. When we got to earth we were given permission to go where ever we wanted to go. Back to our homes or our families. When Simon and I got home he complained about being really tired. So he closed all the blinds and switched on the TV. I made us something to eat later in the day, but I needn't have bothered. He didn't seem in the mood to eat.

I can't understand him. Before Atlantis we couldn't stand being away from each other, then on Atlantis, although we were fairly distant sometimes, it was because everything was new and dangerous, but we were still very close. Now I just feel like some old married couple who have just about had enough of each other.

10 p.m. Am looking at brochures for holidays. Whilst we're here we may as well do something fun and maybe that's just what Simon and I need. A nice break away from all the stress. He better be up for this or else.

Sunday, 4th June

51 kg, 0 moonshine (no moonshine on earth), 16 cigarettes (but am going to quit again), 940 calories, no. of hours slept: 15 (I really just can't believe it).

Not so early morning. Earth: Simon/My Room. Woke up this morning eager to talk to Simon about holiday plans, but rolled over only to find he wasn't there. I didn't think much of it, probably just went to the toilet or for a walk or something. I have work to do anyway, what am I worried about. Even though it is technically supposed to be a holiday, may as well do some as Simon seems to be off somewhere.

10:45 a.m. If Rodney gives me one more damn idea for some stupid experiment I will scream ... there better not be anymore in here. Ohhhh, brochure on Egypt. Now I'd really love to go back there ...

11 a.m. Ah! Really must concentrate on work. Egypt is too far anyway, will never make it ... back to Rodney.

11:20 a.m. Hmmmmm, there's something in my eye making it a bit itchy. Maybe an eye lash. Not really sure ...

11:45 a.m. Why hasn't Simon come back yet? I supose I could get up and look for him, but I do have work to do after all. Best get it done now so I can enjoy my holiday and have less to do when I get back.

11:50 a.m. OKay ... eye REALLY is itchy. Better do something about it before I scratch it out or something. I could rinse it underwater maybe, that might help it a bit.

12 p.m. I look terrible. Need some make-up on I think ... really. Didn't get enough beauty sleep. Obviously 15 hours wasn't enough.

12:15 p.m. Is really, REALLY starting to get a bit chilly. Perhaps should change into something a little warmer. Will be great not to wear those Atlantis clothes again, such a nice change. What to wear? Hmmm, cargo pants and red top looks good.

12:30 p.m. Lunch time. Finally a break from all of that work.

1:30 p.m. OKay, so I'm actually going to get work done tonight. Dosn't look like Simon and I will be doing anything fun as he still ISN'T HERE! What a jerk! I bet John and Mindy are off doing something really fun together, meanwhile I'm just sitting aroung the house. Could go out and do something but feel so seperated from the world now. Plus I haven't spoken to any of my friends in over a year. They'd hate me. Might just lie down on the bed for a moment, then will get straight back to work.

10:30 p.m. FUCK! Oh, screw it! Like I'm going to get any work done anyway. It can just wait till I get back home ... err - I mean, Atlantis. I am so pathetic. AH! What's that? Oh ... Simon's back. And he's sleeping. At least he hasn't left me.

Tuesday, 6th June

53kg, 0 moonshine (really miss that stuff), 0 cigarettes (none left), 786 calories (ice cream, no food left but that).

Noon. Earth: Simon/My Lounge Room. Another wasted day. Once again we sat around in the house with the curtains closed and watching Star Trek on TV. I wanted to do something, really did. Didn't even care if it was raining outside, but Simon just once again showed no interest. There's no food, no cigarettes, no alcohol. I've forgotten how to shop, I'm so used to having everything just there for me. Am so lost. If Simon would go with me I might feel better. But he shows absolutly no sign of budging. Still don't know where he went the other day. He said just for a long walk, taking in what he missed. Why couldn't I have gone to?

8 p.m. Am in great state of depression. Everyone is having a good time but me. Rodney would probably be spending his time with some great new girl, John and Mindy were probably married by now having just spent the best few days of their lives together and Teyla and Dex would be having the time of their life no matter what they were doing because everything would be new to them. Everything would be exciting. Suddenly find myself very jealous of aliens.

8:30 p.m. Oh, who am I kidding, at least I know Rodney wont be with anyone either. How could I have even thought he was with a girl! HAHAHA!

9 p.m. He better not be with a girl.

Friday, 9th June

54 kg (weight gain due to doing NOTHING!), 4 shots of vodka, 12 cigarettes, 1001 calories, hours spent playing with strange object: 12 (shocking).

9 a.m. Is becoming bad routine. Raining again when I woke up, walked into dark lounge room to find Simon watching more Star Trek ... why did they have to make so many of those? Didn't bother winging. Didn't bother trying to get in front of the TV or open the curtains, just got my breakfast and am now going back into my room. Good thing I did the shopping the other day ... really need a cigarette.

Noon. Earth: Simon/My Room. Simon's still watching TV, but I don't care. Was just going through my things when something rolled across the floor. Weird little thingy magig. Sort of a circular ball, sounds almost like metal. Has some weird camoflage colours on it and a pattern that almost looks like cobwebs. Quite interesting really, I wonder where it came from.

1 p.m. Hmmmm, must have a button of some kind, maybe opens up to reveal some sort of cool secret.

1:15 p.m. No buttons. Am now trying to locate instructions or manuel of some kind ... idiotic as is tiny ball which obviously has no instructions.

1:20 p.m. Maybe it has no function.

1:30 p.m. Na, that's boring. It must do something.

2 p.m. Have hit it, trodden on it, tripped on it, kicked it, thrown it against the wall, poured water on it and screamed at it ... nothing has worked. Obviously it is nothing and my pointless attempts at making something out of nothing are just proof of how bored I am.

2:30 p.m. Despite obvious signs that ball is nothing have spent last half hour having a great time sticking it in the microwave, freezing it, boiling it, hugging it, hidding it, laughing at it, poking at it and even starring at it hoping that it will just give up and reveal its secrets to me.

2:45 p.m. Has trurned out quiet a fun day really.

Late Night. Earth: Simon/My Room. Told Simon about ball, he simply didn't care. He took one look at it, said 'it's just a ball Lizzy,' and then tossed it in the corner. Then he jumped into bed and fell asleep. Hmph! I hate Earth.

Monday, 12th June

56 kg (OMG! AM FAT BLOB), 6 shots of vodka, 56 cigarettes (don't care), 3755 calories (food makes life interesting).

Early Morning. Earth: Simon/My Room. The past few days, Simon and I have done a grand total of 2 things together. First one being that we slept together ... no doubt out of bordom then anything else. Second one being that we ordered take out and ate it together in front of the TV ... no doubt he was hungry after all that non stop Star Trek watching.

2 p.m. Once again find myself back in room. I wonder where Simon kicked that weird metal ball too.

2:30 p.m. Found ball ... maybe I shouldn't lower myself to playing with it again.

2:45 p.m. Am really bored. Maybe will just try a few more things on metal ball.

3 p.m. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I picked up the littly thingy to have a look at it and there are some really unusual flashing lights on it. Hard to see because they blend in with camoflaged outter shell so well, but it looks like its flashing in weird little symbols. Maybe I can try and decipher the symbols.

Late Night. Earth: Simon/My Room. Brain hurts, symbols deciphered NONE! Must admit has been very interesting day though.

Tuesday, 13th June

56 kg (sigh), 0 vodka, 12 cigarettes, 18 cups of coffee, 478 calories (SGC food ... yuck).

Late Night. Earth: SGC Mountain. Was woken up VERY early by little metalic ball. Had started beeping, very bizzare. When I looked at it, everything seemed to be normal. I didn't understand. Simon didn't care, I was bored, so I decided to go back to SGC to see if anyone could tell me what it was.

OKay, so that was just an excuse, I missed the place, heck I miss Atlantis. Was a good excuse to go back there.

Was very pleased to see Rodney there, with Zelenka, the two of them completly companion-less. Made me feel a little better. They welcomed my little metalic ball with open arms and were just as excited as I was to see it.

Still haven't figured anything out yet. I wonder what it could be. This is getting exciting. Might just stay here the night, no need going back to Simon.

Sunday, 18th June

54 kg (stress, running, fear etc), 0 vodka (SGC really needs a pub), 0 cigarettes (smoked all 38 packets over past couple of days), 70 cups of coffee (very bad), 89 calories (can't eat), members of expedition team have killed: 2.

2 p.m. And Elizabeth Weir has done it again. Managing to land not one, but two members of her team in the infirmary. Am so stupid. What was I thinking?

So everything was going just fine and dandy. Zelenka, Rodney and I had been trying to figure that little ball thingy out. Having a great time mind you. Didn't even feel bad that I was staying there and not with Simon. We we're laughing happily, mucking around ... oh, and of course working, VERY hard ahem.

Then it happened.

'Errrrr, Elizabeth.'

'What is it Rodney?'

'We may have a problem ...'

'What is it Rodney?'

'Well I have sort of deciphered -'

'We,' Zelenka interveined with a hopeful look in my direction (what was that about?).

'Yes ... okay, WE have deciphered the symbols shown on the ball you brought to show us and well ...'

'WHAT IS IT RODNEY?'

'It's in Wraith and it seems to be some sort of a count down.'

That was when I felt my heart stop. I just stared at Rodney.

'What sort of countdown?'

'Well our guess is ... for a bomb. It's a Wraith bomb!' Zelenka said this very calmly, he actually made me feel calm. Untill I realised what the hell he just said it me.

'WHAT? RODNEY GET RID OF IT' I couldn't believe that they had even kept it for this long obviously knowing what it was. I thought for sure that they'd have enough sense to get rid of the damned thing straight away.

'No, I can't. I mean, it's disarmed at the moment. It seems to have stopped literally seconds before it exploded. My guess is you probably pressed something accidently that caused it to pause the count down. It's a miracle it didn't go off before.'

It was right then and there that I realised I could have been dead. If I hadn't of somehow shut the small machine down, Simon and I would both be dead. Technically it wasn't even the Wraith's fault. I mean, sure, it was their device, but Simon was the one that triggered it. Does he WANT me dead? Have to have a little sit down with him about this one. Maybe it's not the Wraith I should be concerned with at the moment.

But although I didn't manage to get blown up BEFORE, dosn't mean I didn't manage it AFTER. For it was right about then that I picked up the object once again and examined it closly. Rodney didn't argue so I just assumed it was okay. That was when it beeped at me again.

Next thing I know Rodney called out my name and he threw me to the side. Then Zelenka was on top of me, I almost turned around and said 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?' but there was an earth shattering KABOOM and I realised he was the only thing that stopped me from getting sent to the infirmary in a messy heap.

Suddenly there was medical personal all around me, lifting me onto my feet and asking me over and over if I'm alright. That was when I saw Rodney being carried off on a stretcher and Zelenka limping off with his arms around two of the medics, obviously not being able to walk without them. It was about then that I turned around and looked right at the medic who had asked me how I was.

'Clearly I'm FUCKING TERRIFIC!' I shouted and they all just stared at me stunned.

Now I'm standing outside the SGC after having just killed two of my best scientists and feeling as guilty as hell because I'm alive and well and there both clearly not.

3 p.m. Hmph! It's starting to rain. Don't have the will power to go back inside. Perhaps if I stay out here long enough I'll drown in the raindrops ... I don't deserve to be Atlantis' leader.

3:15 p.m. DROWN ME NOW! I saw a car arrive outside the SGC. John got out. Have never been so happy to see a friendly face. Was going to run up and tell him everything that had happened, maybe he could convince me it wasn't all my fault. But then he put his hand back in the car and when it came back out again a familiar, unnecessarily chirpy women was latched onto it as though she was one of those Wraith bugs. Mindy just has to ruin everything ...

4 p.m. Am really cold and wet now. Could go inside, but no point. Am so angry.

4:30 p.m. Attempts at drowning myself in the rain failed miserably. I wonder if it actually can be done ... would ask one of my scientists, BUT THEY'RE DEAD! I'm sure I was nearly there but. Why couldn't he have just left me out in the rain?

'Errr ...Elizabeth.' I recognised his annoying voice even with all the rain pouring down around me. 'Maybe you should come inside. Carson wants to give you a once over.'

'Go away John.'

I heard splashing behind me and I thought for sure he walked away. Can't believe he left me alone. So I told him to, but I didn't mean it. He clearly didn't understand women. But then ...

'Elizabeth your gonna get sick. Can you come inside!' He was right next to me and he grabbed my arm forcefully as he said this. I grunted and shrugged him off. He let go of my arm ... darn. DEFINITELY dosn't get women, he was OBVIOUSLY supposed to cling on more.

'Hey!' I jumped when he said this, suddenly he was Mr. Authority with a very forceful tone. 'Everyone's worried about you. There was a big explosion, McKay and Zelenka were badly injured and you just disappeared. Beckett dosn't even know what condition your in. Now come inside now or I'll drag you in!'

Hmmmm. Forceful, very forceful. Not bad! But I was in a VERY bad mood.

'I'm fine. Now leave me alone. Don't you have anything better to do? I saw you bring Mindy here. Maybe she want's a tour. You can show her the elevators or some of the deserted corridors, I'm sure she'll like it there.' Okay, so right now I'm starting to think that comment wasn't very professional, but I was rain sick, had just been blown up, two of my men were down and I simply HATED Mindy.

'Fine!' That was all he said. And once again, I seriously thought he had left. Next thing I know the bastard grabs me from behind and sorta tosses me over his shoulder. I didn't mind that much, very Batman-ish of him really. Felt like he was rescuing me from some blazing fire rather then from some wimpy rain. I argued with him anyway, just to keep at it.

'JOHN! PUT ME DOWN!'

'You gonna come with me to the infirmary?'

'NO!'

'Then your not allowed to!'

'PUT ME DOWN!'

'No!'

'JOHN!'

'That's Colonel ... and not untill you say you will.'

'DOWN!'

'Elizabeth ...'

'Oh fine, I'll go!'

And he put me down. Suddenly felt very week and tired after days events and would have been a lot better if he had just carried me the whole darn way. But that would show weakness and I didn't want him to do it just because he pityed me. I'm not pathetic. So I stormed off towards the infirmary, John following me like a shadow.

Late Night. Earth: SGC Infirmary. Carson said I'm a little shell shocked and am 'bloody ridiculous' for standing in the rain. John didn't stay. He made sure I got there, gave me an odd, pained sort of look and then walked off again. Feel so typically the damsel in distress today.

Carson wont let me leave, but not so bad. Rodney and Zelenka challenged me to some very intellectual card game. I ended up just pretending I was so "shell shocked" that it was affecting the way I played and after that I started winning a lot. They may have been going easy on me, but I don't know, I have been practising.

Appologised to Rodney a thousand times over about it all. And thanked Zelenka for practically saving my life by making sure he got the blue jelly instead of the yellow. I knew it was his favourite when Rodney was blabbing on about it. Don't think it's much thanks, but he seemed to appreciate it.

Wednesday, 21st June

53 kg, 56 coffees (needed due to listening to Rodney's late night babble), 5 cigarettes (snuck them in), 678 calories.

Early Morning. Earth: SGC. Funny how we were given time off, but in the end we all ended up working back at the SGC anyway. Well not technically working, more like enjoying some nice deserved time off. But with each other. Because heck, we are each others family now. And Rodney, he's like the annoying pet. You love him to peices, but sometimes he just gets so darn demanding. He keeps wanting things and needing things, he has to have all the attention and heaven forbid if you don't reward him when he does something good.

Should really call Simon.

4 p.m. Hunted down John to tell him thanks for the other day. Hadn't really done that yet. I knew he was still around, I had heard Rodney talking about him and Mindy a fair bit. Personally I was fed up and was seriously going to zat him if he mentioned them once more (that's right, I have learnt the powers of the Zat). But I found John, he was working in the mess hall getting some food - and, surprisingly, totally Mindyless.

'John ... hi!'

'Elizabeth ... feeling better?'

'Much ... thankyou.'

'No probs ...'

He smiled, but it was an awkward smile. Then he took a bite out of his apple and went to leave. But I wasn't done. I had been a complete and total bitch (ouch) and he deserved an appology.

'No John, I really mean that.' He paused and turned.

'I know you do!'

'I know, but I need to say it. Thankyou. I really appreciated it. And ... I'm (GOING TO KILL MINDY) ... really (GONNA STRANGLE THAT GIRL) ... really (GONNA KICK HER OFF ATLANTIS) ... sorry!'

He smiled again. But this time it was much better. A warm smile, a happy smile. A John Sheppard smile.

'No problems. I'm just glad your up and about.'

We walked for a bit and I was just starting to tell him about Rodneys new theory when there was a voice behind me.

'Elizabeth ... Oh my gosh. Your alive!' I spun around so fast, even John stopped to look.

It was Simon. He just ran up to me and hugged me. And he looked terrible. He was unshaven, his clothes were crumpled, he smelt of alcohol and he was just a mess. Suddenly scruffy ol' John looked like some Prince.

'I was so worried, I only just heard. What happened?'

I just sort of um-ed and ur-ed at him. I didn't know what to say. He had only JUST gotten the news about me. And I hadn't called him or anything. Suddenly felt terrible, he looked dreadful and it was all because of me.

'Simon, I'm sorry ... I-I ...'

But he brushed me aside.

'It dosn't matter about that. Come on.' And he grabbed my arm.

'Where are we going?'

'I don't know, somewhere. We've still got time left, I'm going to take you on that hoilday.'

I was over joyed ... at least I think I was. Okay, I wasn't, actually I was rather shocked still. I had sort of gotten over the whole holiday idea now I was back with everyone else, but suddenly Simon was all for it. I didn't really know what to say.

'Goodbye John,' I just managed to get in before being dragged away. And although it was faint could have sworn I heard him say '... g'bye Liz.'

Sunday, 25th June

56 kg (comfort food), 16 exotic alcoholic drinks, 78 cigarettes (all forced upon me), 2567 calories (all exotic foods), no of times have wished I was back listening to Rodney's stupid inventions: 3786 (VERY BAD), no. of times have kicked myself for wishing to be listening to Rodney's stupid inventions: 35 (VERY BAD ... should be happy am on holiday).

Late Afternoon. Earth: Some Exotic Island. It's no use. Am having miserable time. Simon was very over protective the first day we went on holiday. But now, things seem to be going back into there old pattern again. We go out, have dinner, maybe sit on the beach. But we argue, we have no fun and we barely even talk. I'm with Simon, this is what I wanted, I should be happy ... but I'm not.

I'm miserable, bored and upset. Something's missing ... I just don't know what.

AN: OMG! I loved writing that. Soooooo good. Specially those last few days. You will probably know why. Oh and I realise Weir's been calling Zelenka, Zelenka. I'm a little annoyed at that cause she calls everyone by their first name, but I didn't know his, so I'm sorry, but the love is their. Oh and how'd you like the little back on earth chapter? Nice break I hope. Cause that's all it was intended for. Just so you wouldn't get too bored with Atlantis.