Link was a changed elf. He was obsessed with ties! He had a pink, a green one, a Christmas one, and even a chu chu one made of 100% chu chu jelly. It all began when Link was walking through Kakariko village and saw a sign-trade your old worn hat for a brand new tie- Malo Mart. So Link went walkin to Malo Mart and shuddered when he saw all the identical pictures of the little twerp. When he walked in he said-
"Rainbows?" Malo replied with-
"Crayons."
"Yay!" Link yelled and jumped up and down with joy. He then took off his green hat and gave it to Malo. Malo then went into the back of the shop and brought out a box of ties. Link took the box from him and admired all of them. There was a yellow one with green stars on it, a hot pink one with orange chu chus on it, and a blue one with silver stripes.
Link carefully selected the blue one and put it on.
"Yay!" He giggled ecstatically. "I have a tie! Suddenly a random fairy popped up and started yelling in his ear.
"You got a tie! Set it to your neck to look better. Maybe you'll get a girl. Just maybe." Link blushed.
Malo ushered him out of his gaudy store and laughed his head off.
LITTERALY!
Meanwhile . . .
Zelda was screaming at Tingle because he ate her pie . . . her apple pie. Tingle had denied all proof of eating the pie because he said the postman had eaten it.
Zelda had brought the postman to court. The postman in turn had curled up into a fetal position and refused to talk when questioned. Zelda decided that the postman was guilty and hung him for eating her pie. She also hung Navi for being his accomplice and Tingle just to be sure.
Link went to the castle to see Zelda shortly after the hanging of all the annoying people we couldn't care less about. Zelda took one look at him without his hat, curled up in a ball, and started bawling like the little wee baby she is. Some wise girl she is. Link ran up to her and patted her back.
"Awwwwwwww Zeldie, what's wrong?" he questioned caringly.
"Navi died today and so did the postman and Tingle and it`s all my fault" she moaned.
"Who cares?" was Link`s reply. Only resulting in making her cries louder.
"And then you went and lost your hat."
"WHAT!" Link screamed forgetting he had traded it for his tie. He ran away to find his hat without even saying goodbye to Zelda. Once he was gone Ganondorf randomly showed up and killed himself which made Zelda smile like a drunk three year old. Zelda got up, stopped crying, and ran to her room. She grabbed her favourite book- How to deal with your crazy boyfriend- and started reading in her beanbag chair.
Meanwhile Link was running in circles around Hyrule field with his new best friend. A cucco named Freddie. Freddie was brown with hot pink spots courtesy of Sierra's Sundries and loved to draw pictures of garbage trucks. Freddie then pecked Link in the eye and the world blew up.