Note: This chapter is for everyone thats ever broken up with someone before, or been in love with someone, or been confused about someone. LOL, so preety much, this one is for everyone. Once again, sorry it took so long, next chapter will not take as long. This one isn't very fun, there's a lot of solid writing in it, so don't hate it straight away, it's trying to tell a story without stretching it out over so many days it gets annoying. So really love to know what you think, as usual.
And thank you so much to everyone who's still reading despite my late updates, thanks for the support and kind words, hope you enjoy:)
Disclaimer: I do not own StarGate Atlantis or the novel "Bridget Jones's Diary" by Helen Fielding.
Warning: Use of swearing, adult themes, bad stunts which shouldn't be copyed at home, bad behavior, agression, anger, violence and just over all a whole lot of stuff you shouldn't copy as adopting this life style could indeed affect your health.
Elizabeth Weir's Diary!
August: The Unthinkable!
Tuesday, 1st August
52 kg (been too miserable to eat), sooooo much moonshine (it's all that keeps me going), 1000 calories (mainly chocolate), hours spent sleeping: 12, no. of normal conversations have had with people: 0.
5 a.m. Could almost say that sleep has been my best friend, but I'm not sure how chocolate and moonshine would feel about that. They're all equal firsts' at the moment. Have decided it best if I just stay away from everyone for the time being. Have been snapping at people for no reason, holding back tears another, getting all insecure and making people feel uncomfortable. This is not like me at all! I hate Simon for doing this to me!! I wish the wraith would just ... I don't know ... Even my threats are becoming empty!!!
Worst part is there has been nothing to distract me. Work has been preety much non-existant lately. Carson has ordered I take it easy after everything that's happened with Simon and my almost rape, almost hacked apart with an axe experience, but truth be told I would welcome the distraction. Problem is the Athosians have been facing a delima on the mainland, people have been falling ill and passing away, not just the elderly, but the very young now too. It's a very serious problem, so serious that everyone is there trying to do all that they can to solve the issue.
Naturally Simon is still there with his beautiful, dirty magazing worthy mistress. He didn't even try to find me and try to explain after what happened, not even one pathetic excuse.
8 p.m. I am so lonely. I am so alone. Why would Simon do this to me? Am I really that bad? Did I drive him away?
Wednesday, 2nd August
52 kg (standing strong), 28 coffees (replacing smoking and alcohol, am a new women), 1500 calories (very good).
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. I decided that it's not worth being miserable over anymore. I am a gorgeous, powerful women. I mean, what do I have to be insecure about, I am in charge of the most historically significant city in the entire infinant galaxy. I mean, how much better can ya get?
I am swearing off the male population for a while, no more with men. From now on am going to treat every male friend like a female friend so I don't get too close or get any ideas. Next time Rodney want's to have a few drinks with me we shall braid each others hair in between glasses. Next time Zelenka wants to go over some new scientific discovery we will paint each others nails and crack open a bottle of champagne. I will stop bitching about every little thing, no more picking on Mindy, from now on, I will try and get along with her. I will spend more time in the gym with Teyla and less time eating food. Feeling much better already.
9 p.m. Blooby bastards still not back from the mainland, who cares, so long as I have this chocolate and moonshine, I'll be right. And what was I thinking, friends with Mindy, oh pu-lease ... okay, so I'll start all those things tomorrow.
Friday, 4th August
51 kg (all this missery is doing wonders for my figure), 56 coffees (maybe I should start with the moonshine and smokes again, save me dying of a caffine overdose), 2000 calories (all that chocolate I'm not supposed to be eating).
9 a.m. Darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it, darn it. They all came back from the mainland this morning, completly unanounced. Teyla looked exhausted, Ronan actually looked less scary, Johns hair was a thousand times messier then usual and Rodney looked thinner. And then there was Simon, stepping out of the Puddle Jumper after everyone else, looking at me and smiling ... PRICK! And darn it, he still looked great, I hate that!!! Why is it that after every break up, the women always look like shit and the men look a million bucks.
John seemed to notice who I was looking at, he gave me a very pissed off look then said, 'when would you like us to de-brief?'
Don't know what that look was for, or the tone, but I wasn't very keen on being in a room with Simon just yet, I needed to prepare myself, meditate, watch Opera or something. 'We'll de-brief in 1 hour,' I said. They did look tired and the sooner it was over with the sooner they could get some rest ... See, I can be nice when I want to be.
Without so much as a look in my direction, John simply stormed off, what was his problem?? Now I find myself pacing in my office, waiting for the breifing to start.
11 a.m. Atlantis: Briefing Room. Thank god for lap tops. Never knew that Caldwell could turn a potentially interesting briefing into something so long and boring if it wasn't for Solitaire I probably would have lost my mind by now. Oh, a message ...
Message Weir
Why arn't you running the de-briefing?
Sheppard
How dare he think that I have nothing better to do then feed his curiosity. Okay, I didn't I would rather answer the message then listen to Caldwell. But what do I tell my head of security? That Carson thought me too emotionally unstable at the moment to handle briefings? Well that wasn't a hundred percent true. It was just a little time off. Naturally Caldwell jumped at the chance to be in charge for however long it took. But what to say, had word of my break up already gotten out? Did everyone now know that their leader, the person they were all expected to follow orders from was not even good enough to keep her boy friend from sleeping around. I was just getting ready to type back some other reason when ...
Message Weir
We need to talk.
Simon
I had to resist the temptation to pick up my lap top and throw it at Simon's head. Did he really think that I had anything to say to him? I cancelled the message and closed my lap top rather dramatically. Probably a little too dramatic as every head turned to look at me. Caldwells drone faltered slightly, but he continued as though there had been no disruption. John looked a little stunned. Simon, to my horror was just starring at me with that sleezy smile as though nothing was wrong and those beautiful puppy dog eyes ... NO! I would not fall for that.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. DICK HEAD!!!! I hate him so much, hate hate hate. Kill, kill, kill. After another 15 min of Caldwell blabbing on and me not having my lap top to distract me I got antsy and took over the briefing. Was very pleased to notice how everyone immediatly perked up and said 'yes ma'am' when I gave my final instructions for them all to rest up. Caldwell was furious, John and Ronan seemed VERY pleased. Felt very happy am new woman.
Just as I was making my escape I was stopped by Simon. 'Can I please talk to you.' My first instinct was to run away, but something held me there, wait, I know what it was ... what's it called again? Ah, yes ... STUPIDITY!
'Liz, please, this will only take a second.' Unable to move I had to listen. 'I feel so bad. You have no idea. I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid. You're fantastic, I really miss you.' I couldn't really understand what he was saying, all I could hear come out of his mouth was, 'I'm a tool, I'm a tool, I'm a tool, tool, tool.'
Then I said it. I don't know why, it was so stupid, it was exactally what he wanted to hear, 'I miss you to.' It was quiet but it was there. WHY???????? I am SUCH AN IDIOT!
Then he continued. 'The thing is Lizzy, me and Jesabelle ...' Jesebelle???? Was he serious? What is it with the men in Atlantis and girls with bad names!!!! Did they run out of Sallys or Kims or even Catherine. 'It's just ... its' really special Liz.'
I felt my jaw drop open. How could it be special, she was a random fling on the side. How could she be special!! HOW COULD SHE BE SPECIAL??? I felt myself losing it, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to drink moonshine and get the hell away from this mad man. But he grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes. 'I'm sorry Lizzy, but we're getting married.'
It was then that something just snapped inside of me. Maybe it was everything built up into this one big ball of anger. Next thing I knew I had raised my arm and then I had punched him, just under his eye. He let out a yelp immediatly and I took this distraction to get as far away from him as I could manage. And I didn't stop running till I had made it safely to my quarters.
Even Later. Atlantis: My Quarters. I wonder if Rodney's forgotten who I am lately, I could really use a drink with a girl friend right now. Maybe we could exchange bastard boyfriend stories with each other ... okay, I need more REAL female friends, there's only so far I can go pretending that all my male friends are girls.
Sunday, 6th August
Too depressed to weigh myself, too depressed to eat, too depressed to sleep, too depressed to drink coffee, no. of stick fights broke down and cried during: 1 (why, oh why!).
8 a.m. Atlantis: My Office. Now that have lied to Carson telling him I'm fine, I am back into work. So much paper work decided to get early start, have been here since 5 a.m. Everything just seems so much easier when you are distracted by work. I don't know why I'm so upset, I should be happy. Simon is now walking around with a black eye, and even though he tells everyone that he got it whilst trying to save a life (can you believe people believe this bull), I think some people are beginning to figure it out. I got him back good, but it's not making me feel any better about myself. How can he be getting married, he's only just met the little hussy!!!!
8:15 a.m. How long had he been sleeping with her for??? Was it since before we went away on holidays to earth. Was that why he was so miserable. Or was it after, because we had such a boring time and he relised I wasn't as fun as some mainland farmers daughter??? I need to know!!
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Quarters. Am so embarrased, but I don't care anymore. So I was on my way to ask Simon how long he had been with skanky Athosian, when I came to my senses. As work was no longer doing it for me, I decided to distract myself with a little stick sparring. Hoping that Teyla would be there (my only female friend whom I could successfully bitch to), but no, Ronan was there instead, training on his own. Was going to slowly back out of the gym but he turned around and saw me.
'Dr. Weir,' he said, smiling as though all his christmas' had come at once. 'Wanna go a round?'
I must have looked like I really needed it, because he picked up two sticks and handed me one before I could say no. With a determined look on my face I bowed to Ronan (what was I thinking, he had muscles the size of soccor balls!), we started moving around each other. He had this look on his face as though he knew I wouldn't be any good. Teasing me, mocking me ... how dare he.
I'm still not sure how I did it, it's all such a messy, angry blur. One minute Ronan had me beaten, he had hit me twice with the stick on my leg, which was throbbing uncontrollably, he was going to win, he had me off balance. Then, something just snapped inside and I struck my stick out, it connected with the side of his face. He stumbled back as I regained my balance, not waiting another minute, I spun the stick around, stricking him on the back of the ankles, he completly lost balance and fell heavily to the floor of the gym.
I stood there panting over him whilst he looked up at me in complete shock. Then he laughed, it wasn't a mocking laugh, more of an approving laugh. But I lost it, I threw my stick down, said something childish like 'I don't like this stupid game anyway,' and ran off to my quarters, tears pouring down my face.
I think it's official, I have completly lost the plot. Now I'm lying here, all alone, in tears, feeling stupid. What's Ronan going to think of me? He probably thinks I'm a nut case! OMG! There's a knock on my door. Maybe if I ignore it they'll go away.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. Okay, so he didn't think I was a nut case. The knock on my door was Ronan. I tried my hardest to make it look like I had been working, rather then bawling my eyes out, but he's not as stupid as he looks.
'You okay?' he said. I was stunned, I had no idea the big guy could be so compassionate. I nodded, holding back tears, now would not be a good time to start crying. He studdied me for a moment as though waiting for me to get over it, I felt rather uncomfortable him just watching me like that. I sniffed, wipped my eyes on my sleeve then looked up at him thinking about whether it would be a good idea to tell him to say something or piss off.
'You done?' he said, raising an eyebrow. I nodded again. 'Good, I know what you need.' And with that he grabbed my arm forcefully and dragged me off to the designated recreational area where the TV and DVD player were set up.
He sat me down and put a DVD in the player. Without a word to each other we just sat there and watched his choice of movie, "Borat". He must have got it when we were last on earth. I had heard him bugging John and Rodney to watch it with him, but they said they had better things to do. Now, as I had no choice in the matter, I found myself watching the ridiculous movie that insulted my intellectual mind, with none other then Ronan. It was probably the most fun I had had in weeks.
Now here I am, in bed, actually smiling. Wondering how anyone could actually look good in a man-kini, but smiling nonetheless.
Monday, 7th August
10 p.m. Atlantis: My Office. Very successful day, very happy. Seems after movie night with Ronan everything has been going smoothly. Teyla approuched me early this morning when I decided to have breakfast, I told her everything, all about Simon, the arsehole. She just sat there listening as I bitched and bitched and bitched. Very good audience, I didn't tear up once. She shared some of her relationship drama's with me, who would have guessed that she could have just as many troubles, an alien, relating to me completly.
10:15 p.m. Suddenly don't feel so bad about Simon, if Teyla could have someone cheat on her, then it could happen to anyone, even if they are drop dead gorgeous. I mean look at her, Simon slept with a sexy Athosian porn-star, Teyla IS one of those sexy Athosian porn-stars.
10:50 p.m. Am never going to get a man. Not here, not on Atlantis, not when single, sexy, Athosian porn-star Teyla is around. They will all go for her, I'm doomed to be alone.
11 p.m. Bates ... he liked me, we shared a moment, brief and disturbing, but we had a moment nonetheless, maybe he still has a thing for me. Maybe he will be my fall back boy. Hmm, screw work ... I'm going to see if Bates is interested.
11:10 p.m. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????? Am totally out of control. Am staying put, not going to think anymore silly thoughts. Bates, shesh, what was I thinking!!!!!!
Sunday, 13th August
50 kg (am deteriorating), 10 coffees (very good), 7 cigarettes (peer-preasure), calories ... not enough, no. of positive thoughts: 0, no. of negative thoughts: 0 (it's a win, win situation).
Early Morning. Atlantis: My Office. Yup still here, still working hard. That seems to be all I'm doing. Have been thinking about invisible John lately. Invisible because I haven't seen much of him lately, with nothing much going on in the Wraith department and gate travel at a minimum to save power there's a bit of down time and I haven't seen head nor tale of him in a while. I see him here and there, laughing with Mindy, but I try and walk the other way. Suddenly find myself really missing him. Missing the good old days when we used to talk on the balcony together when he used to visit me in my office. Not very professional but I'm beginning to get bored. Can't leave my office because Simon is around.
Teyla thinks I need to get away, but how can I get away when there's no where to go.
5 p.m. Just when I was thinking of throwing myself into the ocean (just for a little change of pase, something interesting to do), the StarGate activated and we recieved a recording from some old friends.
A young man was on our screen asking for John. Seems they were the same kids that Rodney was going to steal a ZPM from in our earlier expeditions. They explained that they were out of chocolate and how John and his team were all long over due for a visit. John was practically bursting with excitement at the idea of going for a visit. Mindy was by his side looking on longingly, 'how cute Johnny, I never knew you were so good with kids.' YUCK!!!!
With the promise that they can go tomorrow, I felt a little better that something interesting had happened.
5:45 p.m. Am so stupid. This is just what I need to get away for a little while. I'm going with them tomorrow!
Monday, 14th August
Afternoonish. Off-World: My treehouse. Yes, that's right. I, Elizabeth Weir, am in a tree house. I don't know if this new spontanious me is, well, if its me really. So far I have been going off-world a lot more than usual, without even thinking about it. When I announced I was going with John and his team, they all looked at each other with awkward sort of smiles.
'Is there a problem?' I asked them all.
'No, not at all,' John said, looking slightly uncomfortable.
'It's just everytime you come with us, something bad happens,' Rodney blurted out, obviously concerned for his own safety.
'Tough,' I shouted, once again, amazed at my maturity. With that I stepped through the gate before anyone else.
Must say, I made the right choice, the kids were in love with us the moment we got here. John gave them a gift of chocolate and they went crazy, they showed us where we would be sleeping and let us do as we please. Like a holiday really, a holiday in neverland.
Little while later. Actually starting to feel quite old. I don't think there is anyone here over 24. Worst part is, they're all married. Most women who are old enough to have kids are pregnat. Is there any hope for me? Will I be 86 and still not married, still with no children?? What will I do with myself, I don't want to knit!!!!
Later still. Decided I needed to take a walk. Rodney was busy yelling at two very cute looking kids, a boy and a girl. Anyone that knows Rodney can tell that he missed them, they must have been the ones he was telling me about after there mission all of those years ago. Teyla, it seems, is getting very clucky, and I have never seen so many kids interested in anyone as these ones were with Ronan. They were all amazed at how he was cracking boards and could lift them up one-handed.
Found John by the camp fire they had set up for us, he looked very peaceful, he definatly liked it here. He turned around and caught site of me, he smiled as though confused, waved and said 'hey.' It was then that I realised I was standing there, completly still, staring at him when he turned around. Shit, how embarrasing. I looked away and pretended as though I was admiring a tree-house.
'Oh, hey ... didn't see you there.' Oh god I'm an idiot! He moved over and patted the patch of grass next to him indicating for me to join him. I guess it was now or never, we'd have to have a civil conversation sooner or later.
I think we probably sat there for a few moments before either of us spoke. Actually it was me that spoke, unable to stand the silence any longer.
'So ... have you seen Borat yet? It's actually quite funny. Politically incorrect but still funny ...' Oh I should have kicked myself in the head. We hadn't spoken properly to one another in weeks and this was how I broke the ice.
He laughed and shook his head, still not saying anything. It was odd, he wasn't angry, well he was hiding it well if he was. All of a sudden it seemed weird, I had thrown a jar at him, yelled at him, made it quite clear I was jealous of his girl friend, been so stuborn he had had to carry me to the infirmary, I had burst into tears in front of him and now he was acting as though none of it had happened. I have been so stupid, I have been such a bitch, why wasn't he angry, he should hate me ... darn it!! WHY DOESN'T HE SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
'I heard about you and Simon.' My whole body seemed to go numb. Darn Teyla and her big mouth. Now it was my turn to be silent, this was not the conversation I wanted to have. 'He's a jerk Elizabeth, just so you know that. You can do a whole lot better then him.'
Suddenly felt very calm, very at ease, very happy. I looked up at John gratefully, he smiled at me then looked away. 'You gave him one heck of a black eye though.'
I laughed, despite myself I laughed, it was so true. 'John ...' I said, he actually turned to look at me again.
'Yeah?'
'Thank you, for everything ... and I am sorry.' I didn't need to explain, he understood. He nodded and it felt comfortable again. As though nothing had happened. It was then that I realised how close we were. We were both looking at each other, he was inches away, but the gap was closing fast, I could feel him breathing, it was wrong ... this was bad ... but I just couldn't pull away, his eyes were drawing me in. I could hear my heart beating at a hundred miles per hour ... he was so close, I could feel his shoulder bump mine and -
'JOHN!' The eye contact was broken immediatly as two small children jumped excitedly at John. The spell was broken immediatly as I realised in horror how close me and my head of security, John Sheppard had just come to ruining our professional working relationship. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay there any longer, I had almost crossed a line. I took his distraction to my advantage and quickly made my escape. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, watching me leave, but he didn't say anything. He knew as well as I did that that was too close for comfort.
Wednesday, 16th August.
50 kg (still, break-ups are no good for a womens figure), 2 glasses of moonshine (only to help get the brain working), 8 cigarettes (only to fumigate the brain to get it working), 78 cups of coffee (brain food), 875 calories (too confused to eat), no. of times have over analyzed moment with John: 1999 (very bad!!).
8 a.m. You know, work has never failed me before. When I was confused about little pimple faced Timothy hooking up with another girl in 5th grade after he promised that he would one day marry me, I completed all my assignments that day, just to get my mind off him. Since then, every time I was upset about something, men, or other, I would absorb myself in work until I forgot all about my problems. This time however, work has failed me.
No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, I can not, for the life of me, stop thinking about what happened on my trip off-world. It was sad to leave all the kids behind, especially knowing what I was coming back to, but that was all part of our job, make friends then part ways with them ... for now. What was sadder, was how John and I were now choosing to act around each other. It was much like that time when the Alien entities took over our bodies and Caldwell reminded us of our extremely passionate, alien influenced kiss. We couldn't look at each other straight, we had had to sit in the infirmary in awkward silence for hours before we both decided to just pretend it never happened and to move on.
But this time, there were no aliens, there were no excuses. It was him and me, and one awkward close call hovering over our heads.
DARN IT! I'm analyzing it again!!
8:45 a.m. What does it mean though??? Does he like me or was it just a, 'hey we're friends again, lets hook up,' thing? Is there such thing? Did he suffer temporary brain damage and not realise what he was doing?? Was it just curiosity? Did he just want to brag to his friends that he had hooked up with Atlantis' leader???
9 a.m. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm going crazy over this!!
Thursday, 17th August.
Late Night. Atlantis: My Quarters. Nowhere is safe, NOWHERE! Am going to hide out in my quarters until everyone just disappears.
First off there was Simon, I ran into him in the corridors, I mean literally ran into him. I was so engulfed in a book I was studying I hadn't looked where I was going. I was so caught off guard I stumbled and almost fell, but he grabbed me and pulled me close to him.
'Saved your life,' he had said with a stupid grin on his stupid face! It was then I realised that I was in the arms of the man that had single handedly ruined my life. I regained my composure and quickly pushed myself away from his perfectly chiseled chest (ack! I can't lie, I always did like his chest). He folded his arms across his chest as though waiting for me to say thanks or something.
'Look Liz, we don't have to do this,' he had started, just as I was getting ready to walk away from him. 'It doesn't have to be like this, we can still be friends.'
I looked up at him in utter shock, I took a deap breath, I pointed ... I was getting ready to explode, to say it all, to scream to yell, to throw things at him and call him rude names ... but I realised it was pointless. I was now completly beyond words. I realised, right then and there that I did miss him, he had broken my heart, I had loved him. But all that was gone now, I had admited it ... I realised I could now move on. I had lowered my hand, shut my mouth and walked past him with my nose in the air.
Would have been a day to remember, a historical moment. I was finally over Simon. We had good times, great times, but now it was done ... finnished, it was time to get over it and move on.
So there I was, my proudest moment. I was so caught up in myself I didn't quite realise where I was walking or where I was headed. Next thing John passed me, his perfectly ruffled hair, his black, perfectly fitted t-shirt with those sharp eyes and ... BAM!! -
- I ran head first into one of the open science lab doors. I couldn't believe it, there I was in all my glory, distracted by something I shouldn't of been distracted by, and I ran smack bam into a door.
'Elizabeth ... what did you do that for?' a very puzzled looking Rodney said as he watched me screw up my face and rub my forehead. I gave him a shove for opening the door on me ... felt better to blame someone, then I quickly looked back, but John was nowhere to be seen.
11:50 p.m. What is wrong with me???
Sunday, 20th August.
51 kg (Carson is making me eat, evil man), 5 glasses of moonshine (helps with the knowledge am going to be alone forever), 0 cigarettes (must attract men), no. of potential husbands found: 0.
Early Morning. Atlantis: My Balcony. Am starting to look at every male on Atlantis in terms of whether they are dateable or not. So far have found no one that is even remotely suitable for me. There all too pig-headed, all too up their bums for me, too sure of themselves. Why can't I just find a perfect man; tall, dark, handsome, good teeth, good hair, good body, good dress sense, good manners, funny, charming, perfect in bed, one that cooks and cleans. Not too unreasonable.
I don't know why I felt so suprised when I saw John and Mindy cuddling on the lounge in the recreational area the other day. They were watching some stupid lovey-dovey movie, looking like an old married couple. It was cruel to see, they were so happy ... why can't I have that???
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Office. Maybe I missunderstood John's intentions. Maybe he didn't mean to kiss me at all. Maybe he couldn't hear me properly so just moved in closer so as not be rude and say, 'what did ya say?' when I was in the middle of appologising. Maybe he was trying to get a better look at something just over my shoulder. Maybe he liked the perfume I was wearing. It just doesn't make any sense, if him and Mindy are still in love why did he come so close to ruining it.
Am thinking about it again ... bugger!
Late Night. Atlantis: My Office. Have just got word that problem on the mainland needs attention. Seems like our work is never done. More people are getting sick. Have decided to send a team there, a team that can stay on the mainland for a while, at least until the problem is solved. Now have to spend all night picking out suitable people for the job.
...OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I have just the person!!!
Tuesday, 22nd August.
8 a.m. And now begins my complete Simon-free life. I added him to the list of doctors and scientists that I was sending to the mainland. He knew exactally what I was doing, but he didn't object, give him more time with that play girl of his. Feeling very good about myself right now, made the right decision, now I can get on with my life without that good for nothing trouble maker.
Friday, 25th August.
52 kg (nothing to do with Carson, am so happy now, realised how hungry I have been), 0 moonshine, 0 cigarettes, 1780 calories.
Afternoon. Atlantis: My Balcony. Everything is going very smoothly at the moment. It's quiet, a little too quiet sometimes, but I'm enjoying it for a change. With no Simon around, I have been much better, have not smoked, have not drunk, life is sweet.
Monday, 28th August.
9 p.m. I couldn't have imagined it. There's no way. He wouldn't have acted so oddly if it was all just a figment of my imagination. I dunno what happened really, it was all rather odd.
Ronan finally got everyone together to watch Borat, who knows how many times he had watched it now. He seemed to like the way the main character was just as confused by the American culture as he was. I joined them all, I don't know why, I'd seen it before, it wasn't my favourite movie, but I just liked the way it made me smile. John had been there, of course, sitting there, everything seemed normal. I sat next to him, not my choice really, only seat left. He didn't really say anything to me, not a word, gave me one of his smiles then acted as though I wasn't there.
Then, during one of the funniest parts of the movie, he just got up, without a word and walked out. Very, very odd.
9:30 p.m. I don't know why I did it, guess I was just curious. I gave John a few moments before I followed him out, I wasn't sure if he left because of me, or whether something else was on his mind, so I just did it. I followed him all the way to private quarters. I thought he was just simply going to go to bed, maybe there was nothing to it, perhaps he was just tired.
But he didn't go to his room, he knocked on a different door. Immediatly it opened and Mindy greated him with a kind smile, in her silky, flimsy PJ's, (I really need to get some new ones). John didn't even smile back, he just kissed her passionatly and they moved into her room and out of sight.
9:45 p.m. Why did I follow him??? Why, why, why??? What was the point, I didn't have to see that. Why did I have to think everything was about me. Here I was thinking he left the movie because of me, when it was just because he wanted to see Mindy. I hate myself for thinking that, I hate myself for intruding, I'm supposed to be the leader of Atlantis, It's time I started acting like it.
10:50 p.m. Can't sleep, feel quilty for some very odd reason. Can't stop thinking about John. It's just been such a confusing month, I was so stupid to think that he meant anything from our little camp-fire encounter, I'm his superior, I'm in charge, it's wrong, it's not right.
11:55 p.m. Stupid Rodney ... stupid Ronan ... Stupid Zelenka, was just dropping off to sleep when heard them all come back from the movie. It's just unfortunate that because we get to see movies so rarely around here, once everyone watches one, they'll quote nothing else for months and months. Guess I'll just have to put up with Rodney's, 'very nice ... a high five,' for a while ...
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AN: Am hoping to have next chappy up within the next week or so, so stay tuned. And hopefully will be a little more fun, little more up beat, because this one was a little slow I know. Love to hear your thoughts as usual. Getting very close to the end, so anything you'd all like to see happen, let me know, see what I can do ; )