Hello, fangirls, fanboys, and readers of all ages! (Though I do hope no one too young is reading this; wouldn't want to poison the minds of young children. ...You know, most of the time...) Welcome to the second chapter of The Hetalia Project! Is it wrong that I'm having so much fun torturing these guys?

...Don't answer that.

DISCLAIMER: I actually owned Hetalia for a few weeks in April of 2005. It was a legal mix-up that was quickly resolved.

LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!

"GOOD MORNING WORLD!"

There are a lot of bad ways to wake up. Having an annoying teenage girl burst into your room screaming into a bullhorn at eight in the morning had to be at least in the top ten, England decided from his new spot on the floor. And it was hardwood too. Wonderful.

Night stood grinning in the hallway as the nations all emerged from their rooms, rubbing sleep from their eyes and glaring at their 'hostess.'

"Get it?" She asked, way too brightly for the annoyed nations. "Because it's morning? And you all represent the world? Get it?"

Even Canada was glaring at her.

"Oh, you're no fun," she pouted. "Anywhoodles, I need you all to get ready and come down for a house meeting before breakfast, okay?"

"House meeting?" France asked, eyebrow raised. Night nodded.

"Yeah, just to go over some rules, warnings, all that good stuff."

Prussia grimaced at the word 'rules'. Night just grinned. "Just come to the living room when you're done!"

.

Night was waiting for them as they all filed into the living room. She motioned for them to sit down as she did a head count.

"Three, four, five…" She looked puzzled for a second, glancing at all the faces. "Where's Italy?"

Everyone looked around, then Germany sighed. "He's probably still asleep. He never gets up for training either."

Night just shrugged, turning to Romano. "Hey, could you go get your brother?"

"Why me? Make the Potato Bastard do it!" he protested. Night got a look on her face that reminded Romano just a bit too much of Russia and held up the Magic Book. He jumped up, suddenly eager to be in a different room than the authoress. "Fine."

"Oh, wait!" He stopped, arms crossed, as Night reached over to grab something from behind the couch. She walked over, handing him a… bucket of water?

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He asked irritably.

"Dump it on his head," Night responded as if it were obvious. "That's how I wake up my brother when he won't get out of bed."

Romano raised an eyebrow. "You want me to pour water on my brother's head?" He couldn't stop a smirk from creeping onto his face when she nodded. "Alright."

The others watched him leave. "Oh, Feli~!"

"Something tells me he's having way too much fun with this." England commented from his spot on the couch.

They sat there, waiting. After a few minutes they heard a shriek from upstairs, followed by laughter and a cry of "Ve, that was cold, Lovino!"

A few minutes later, the two Italies joined them, with Italy sporting soaked hair and a less-happy-than-usual expression, and Romano looking gleeful and swinging the now-empty bucket around. Once they were all seated, Night jumped up, clapping her hands.

"Alright, first things first, I should let you know where everything is." She started motioning in different directions as she spoke. "The kitchen's over there, and through that door is the dining room. There are a bunch of other rooms down the hall that aren't important now, but I'll tell you about them later if they happen to become a plot device. The second floor has the bedrooms, some offices, and some other possibly-but-probably-not-important rooms, and the third floor has the game room."

A few eyebrows were raised at the mention of plot devices, but otherwise the cast remained silent. Night continued.

"You all can hang out wherever you want in between chapters, unless it is contradicted in the rules. And speaking of rules, here are the ones you've got to know," Night started counting them out on her fingers.

"Rule number one: No destroying anything. Rule number two: Any and all fights must take place in the backyard, 'cause I'm getting really tired of scrubbing blood out of the carpet."

More eyebrows went up.

"Rule number three: England, Prussia, America, and Russia are not to set foot in the kitchen under any circumstances. Everyone else has free reign as long as you clean up after yourself or get Germany to do it for you. Rule number four: There will be no unwanted physical contact in this household. I think we all know who I'm talking about." Everyone turned to the Bad Touch Trio; Prussia grinned, France blew a kiss, and Spain was edging away in an attempt not to be labeled a pervert.

"Rule number five: Nobody touches my Weapons Closet. Rule number six: No asking me the location of said Weapons Closet; I'm not going to tell you. Rule number seven: No escaping. Rule number eight: I'm the only one who's allowed to break the fourth wall. Any others who attempt to do it will be punished. Rule number nine: No alcohol. I understand that this is going to be hard on some of you, but I'm underage and if the cops catch me with it in the house again, I'm dead."

Russia, Prussia, and France looked particularly upset, but Night ignored them. "Rule number ten: Any and all rule-breakers will be sent to the dungeon, and will remain there until the end of the story, or until I get bored. Rule number eleven: No trying to steal the Magic Book; it won't work for anyone besides me anyway.

Rule number twelve," Suddenly her face turned deadly serious, and she spoke in a low, dangerous voice. "If anyone sets so much as one toe in my imagination without my permission, by the time I'm finished with them they will be begging to become one with Russia, if only to become strong enough to handle the tortures I would put them through. Am I understood?"

The nations were all extremely pale except for Russia, who looked positively delighted at the thought of people becoming one with him. They all nodded nervously.

"Wonderful!" Night grinned sweetly. "Oh, and by the way, I figured I should warn you; I have fifteen OCs at the moment. They spend most of their time in my imagination, but they come out here sometimes too. So if you see any random teenagers walking around, don't worry. Even if they're armed; that's normal."

From the looks on the cast's faces, they and Night had a very different interpretation of the word 'normal.'

"Anything else we should know?" Spain asked a bit warily. Night thought for a moment.

"Oh, right. This is my house, so I'll take responsibility for cleaning and laundry. But that doesn't mean you can be a slob; your rooms are your problem."

"I can help you with cleaning if you want," Hungary offered. "I've had a lot of practice, and it won't take as long with two of us."

Night grinned, relieved. "That would be aweso-"

"Hey!"

Everyone jumped as Prussia yelled. "'Awesome' is my word; I own it! I'm the only one who's allowed to say-"

"Shut the fuck up." Romano punched Prussia in the stomach, and he doubled over in pain.

"So. Not. Awesome."

"By the way," England piped up, addressing Night, "is there a 'suggestions' or 'complaints' box around here, or do we go to you with concerns?"

Night looked up, a bit confused. "You can just ask me. Why, is something wrong?"

"I'm just not thrilled with the sleeping arrangements. Would you mind if I moved to a different room?" England asked politely.

Night looked even more confused. "What's wrong with them?"

England furrowed his brow. "You have me sharing a room with him!" He pointed at America.

"Hey, I'm not that bad!"

"Oh, I wanna switch too," Romano walked over. "The tomato bastard wouldn't shut up all night. I couldn't sleep!"

Night shook her head. "Sorry, I'm not switching you, 'cause then I'd have to move someone else, and that would ruin the pairings!"

It was everyone else's turn to look confused. "What do you mean, 'pairings,' aru?" China asked.

Night turned to him casually. "Oh, I assigned rooms based on who I think make good couples."

Germany almost dropped the book he'd been reading. "Excuse me?"

Night shrugged. "I have all the couples I ship sharing rooms."

"…But, why?" Spain asked. Night just shrugged again.

"I'm a fangirl."

France looked thoughtful. "I suppose that explains why I'm sharing a room with Canada."

America's jaw immediately dropped in horror, and he turned on Night. "YOU PAIR MY BROTHER WITH THE FRENCH PERVERT?"

Night was unperturbed. "They're cute together. Oh, by the way," she turned to Romano, "your brother's rooming with Germany."

"WHAT?" Romano jumped up, seething with anger, and had to be forcibly removed from the room by Spain.

Japan spoke up from his spot on the couch. "Excuse me, but I do not have a roommate. Why is that?"

"Oh, well, you get paired up with Greece a lot, but he's not here. Plus, sometimes I like seeing you with China. So I just put you by yourself. And since I'm not sure whether I like China with you or Russia, they're by themselves too." Night replied nonchalantly. Japan looked slightly unnerved, but he was used to hearing about different couple combinations for the nations; it came with being friends with Hungary.

"Hey, the awesome me doesn't have a roommate either!" Prussia yelled. "But that's how it should be, because no one here is awesome enough to go out with me!"

Night shook her head. "Actually, the reason you don't have a roommate is because you're a part of one of the few straight pairings I like, but I didn't think Hungary would want to share a room with you."

"Wait, you ship me with him? But, what about the yaoi?" Hungary demanded.

"Don't worry, I only ship you with him when I feel like there are too many yaoi pairings in one story to be realistic. And when Austria's not around to be his boyfriend." Hungary looked slightly mollified.

"Wait, you can't just try to force relationships on us!" Germany protested. "It's not right!"

Night glared. "I'm not! I mean, not only would that not be fair to you, it wouldn't be fair to any readers that don't like yaoi or who don't support the same pairings I do. So I'm not forcing you to do and/or confess anything onscreen, nor do I wish for you to exhibit any relationships you might be in on camera. …However, anything you do behind closed doors is perfectly acceptable."

She grinned suggestively, and there was an awkward exchange of glances as everyone tried not to think about who would be the ones behind the closed doors.

"This is merely for my satisfaction as a fangirl, and since I'm the authoress you guys have to deal with it. So there." She stuck out her tongue, and the cast was left wondering just how old she was again, and whether or not she'd stopped maturing at the age of four.

"Fine," England relented a few minutes later. "Just don't try anything funny!"

Night nodded enthusiastically. "You got it, sir!" She saluted, and the cast all performed a simultaneous facepalm. Quite a momentous feat, considering it was completely unrehearsed. Unfortunately, no one caught it on tape and they were unable to prove it to the editors of the world record book, in which they would have beaten the previous record: eleven people and a dog facepalming at the same time, set in 1986.

Alas, the only proof of the new record is this story, and who would believe what's written in a parody story by a fifteen-year-old girl who is too lazy to even look up the correct statistics in the book of world records? But, I digress.

It wasn't until Hungary was certain that none of her fellow nations were in earshot that she crept up to Night.

"You put cameras in their rooms, just in case, right?" She whispered quietly.

"But of course," came the reply. The two fangirls grinned mischievously, and the rest of the cast felt a sudden chill, an inexplicable sense of danger, and an irresistible urge to flee the country.

Aaaaand... SCENE! So ends chapter two. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I'll be posting chapter three sometime next week.

And if you have any suggestions or ideas for future chapters, don't hesitate to let me know! I can't guarantee that I'll use all of them, but if it's an idea I can work with I'll be more than happy to put it in!