Well, it's Friday and that means it's time for another chapter. This time, we realize exactly why it is a very, very bad idea to mess with a Dementor's girlfriend. Ever.

Thank you to those of you who have read, and more thanks to those of you who have taken the time to review. To the ever faithful KRP, Esdras carries around green mint teabags with him in his backpack (remember before the World Quidditch Cup?). Everything you mentioned about Umbridge will be covered in the chapter. As for the popcorn, I figure there are lots of carts on Diagon selling little things, so why not a food cart? And who doesn't like popcorn? As for shopping in Dementor form, remember that he is famous now as a Triwizard participant, so I can't imagine him getting all bad publicity.

All the rest of y'all ought to review. It'll make you feel better and it'll be nice to know what you're thinking. I admit, I'm curious as to what everyone out there thinks about my little thought experiment about a noble Dementor and his friends. Let me know, reviews of all sorts are always welcome.

The usual notes apply. Text in italics is in Azkabaaner, and I don't own HP.

Chapter 5 – Defenseless Against the Dark Arts

It had taken all of Esdras' control to neither stare nor glare at the squat, toad-like woman currently sitting at the High Table. The Dementor knew that in this situation he would have to remain calm. There wasn't a person in the wizarding world who didn't know about the Dementor animagus attending Hogwarts, so Esdras was relying on the fact that his animagus form had never been described in great detail. Currently, sitting at the Ravenclaw table with his Dementor eyes closed, he looked every part the mortal student. Umbridge had been scanning the crowd constantly since the upper level students had entered, and her eyes had passed him over five times. The deception was holding, but would quickly break in class once she read the class roster.

Cho Chang idly tapped her plate as the first of the first years came forward to sit under the Sorting Hat. "That's very unusual. Normally the hat goes on about the traits of the four different houses. I wonder what it's on about this year."

Esdras sighed softly and looked around, Katie had caught his eye from the Gryffindor table and she blew him a kiss. He winked at her and returned his attention to Cho. "Times are changing, I'm sure the Sorting Hat realizes this. It's been here for centuries, I'm sure this isn't the first time that it has made its demands known."

The Ravenclaws stayed quiet at their table, only applauding at the addition of a new first year, until Dumbledore rose and stood before the pedestal. "Once again, I would like to welcome you all to another year at Hogwarts. Students new and old are reminded that the Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason, and none should enter that wish to live. As far as staffing concerns, Professor Hagrid has been unavoidably delayed for the start of the year and will be temporarily replaced by Professor Grubbly-Plank in Care of Magical Creatures. Also, please welcome Professor Dolores Umbridge as our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I would also like to introduce Admir…"

"Hem hem…"

All action in the Great Hall stopped. Every set of eyes in the room turned incredulously towards the only person brazen enough to interrupt the most powerful wizard in the world. Dolores Umbridge smiled with false sweetness to the Headmaster. Dumbledore remained impassive. "Do you have something you would like to add, professor?"

Umbridge rose and spoke, and Esdras listened on with steadily growing horror. His Quidditch teammates could see it in his eyes. Roger Davies leaned across the table and whispered as silently as possible to the animagus. "Talk to me, Esdras."

The Dementor waved him away for a second, continuing to listen to the new order being outlined by the new professor. When she had finally finished and Dumbledore had started the feast, Esdras turned to face his friends. "This is bad, really bad. Umbridge has been single-handedly responsible for some of the most prohibitive and restrictive legislations regarding magical creatures. And what about everything that she said just now? What she's planning violates the basic freedoms that you mortals have had for centuries and we Dementors have had for millennia. She's after power."

Katie picked this moment to pop up in between Roger and Ben Britten. She spoke quietly to Esdras. "Is that the same Umbridge you were telling me about from the trial? And am I the only one who has a bad feeling about having her here?"

Esdras smirked ironically. "She's the same one, and you don't have to be the Oracle to have a bad feeling about this."

Katie frowned and turned to look up to the High Table. Umbridge was happily chatting to a weary Snape, who looked like he'd rather be having dinner with Harry instead. The mortal sighed softly. "Something wicked this way comes."

Esdras was between Herbology and Defense when Fred and George managed to intercept him at high speed. The twin redheads wore looks of righteous indignation and undiluted anger. "Esdras, did you hear what happened to Katie?"

The mention of his mortal girlfriend was enough to stop the Dementor in his tracks. He turned to face them, fear in his glowing green eyes. "No, what happened? Is she alright? Where is she?"

Fred put his hands on Esdras' shoulders and held him in place. "Relax, relax, Katie is fine. But she got two days of detention from Umbridge for speaking out in class."

George laughed softly. "You should have seen her, you'd have been proud. Umbridge made some statement about Dementors being sneaky, dangerous creatures and Katie stood up and just kept going on and on about the honor and nobility of Dementors. Umbridge couldn't get a word in edgewise."

The Dementor groaned and leaned against the nearby wall. "Well, she'll be in good company. I ran into Harry not five minutes ago who told me that he had a week's worth of detention with Umbridge. Those two don't know the enemy they're up against." He sighed and looked at his watch. "Speaking of which, I need to go up against her right now."

The twins nodded gravely and spoke in concert. "Good luck."

Esdras nodded and glided down the hall. He took to his feet before entering the classroom and took his traditional seat next to Roger. He spoke quietly and carefully to his teammate, turning slightly to take in Cho as well. "Whatever happens today, I don't want you two to stand up for me. Azkaban skin is tough, and anything she says will mean nothing to me. Promise me you two will stay quiet."

First Roger, then Cho, nodded slowly. They turned to the front of the room in time to see the massive form of Professor Umbridge take her seat behind her desk. "Wands away and quills out, please. Today we will be starting a Ministry approved curriculum. We will be dealing with theory, so there will be no reason for you to have your wands out, and points will be taken if you do." She smiled with false sweetness, letting out a girlish giggle. "Now if you all will please turn to chapter seven, we can begin with an in-depth study of Dementors. Please begin reading."

Esdras flipped to the indicated chapter and started reading. He sighed softly. Before him was the same Ministry distributed lies that he had fought for centuries. It was easy to understand why Katie would have made such a scene in class. However, as both royalty and a military officer, Esdras did not have that luxury. So he read.

He was surprised when the reading period was interrupted. "Hem hem. Mister Demnin, could you please tell the class what the driving motivation of a Dementor is?"

The Dementor smiled. "Self actualization."

Umbridge smiled wickedly. "Incorrect, five points from Ravenclaw. Dementors are only motivated by hunger as they are nothing but thoughtless, senseless killing machines."

Esdras was able to feel the tension building in those around him and quickly and calmly defused the situation. He smiled brightly at the hateful woman. "Of course, professor, my apologies; it says so right here in the book."

The professor nodded in unhidden glee at her victory. The class continued reading in silence until Esdras noticed a slip of parchment at the side of the book. Unfolding it, he read the note from Roger. "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you standing up for yourself?"

The Dementor sighed and pretended to write some notes down, instead replying to Roger. "And end up like Katie and Harry? It is not the right time. Patience will be the key to winning this battle, and it is a battle. Now destroy this message before it falls into the wrong hands."

He passed the note back to Roger and watched as he read it. The mortal raised an eyebrow at the last line, but dutifully tore up the note and pocketed it. The best insurrections started small, and had untraceable origins.

It was nearly eight o'clock when Ginny came tearing into the Ravenclaw common room. Esdras had given the suit of armor guarding the door instructions to let her in immediately upon her arrival. As it was, the slender redhead was out of breath when she finally reached the Dementor. "Katie…back from detention." She took a few more breaths to gather herself. "She ran right to her dorm room and no one's been able to get her out since."

Esdras nodded and gathered the girl up bridal style. He kicked off the ground and floated quickly down the hallway towards the Gryffindor common room. At the portrait hole, Ginny gave the password and Esdras flashed his Azkaban Guard badge and they were both admitted. The Dementor looked calmly from the staircase to the redhead. "Tell her that I'm here and I can either come up or she can come down."

Ginny nodded and disappeared up the winding staircase. It was almost a minute before she returned. "She doesn't want to come down and doesn't want to see you, either, she said. Are you able to come up the stairs? You are a guy, after all."

The Dementor smirked and casually floated up the stairwell. "It's only a problem if you actually touch the stairs, dear." He continued to glide up the stairs until he came to the sixth year dorm. He knocked softly. "Katie, darling, are you okay?"

A watery voice answered from within the room. "I'm fine. I'm completely fine. And I won't tell lies ever again."

Esdras drew his wand and unlocked the door before opening it and stepping softly into the room. The scene that met him broke his heart. Katie was curled into a tight ball on her bed, her hand clutched to her chest. Tear stains streaked down her cheeks and the light make up she wore had run horribly. He silently glided over and sat on the edge of her bed. "What happened, my love?"

Katie clutched her hand tighter to her chest. "Nothing. Nothing happened. I just had to write lines, that's all."

The Dementor stared at her for a moment before holding out his hand. "Let me see your hand, darling." At her pitiful whimper, he was more insistent. "Katie…"

Finally, the mortal relented, and Esdras saw the full scope of the damage done. While not permanently damaged, the skin on her hand was red and raw. The words carved into her soft skin were in her own Azkabaaner handwriting. "I will not tell lies."

Katie sniffled softly. "She had this quill, and it wrote things in blood…my blood. She made me write in Azkabaaner. She told me that Dementors were evil and only caused pain, and that this would help me realize it."

Esdras gasped softly and pulled her into his embrace. She hugged him tight, and the Dementor glared, his voice taking on the dark whisper of his native accent. "She cannot do this to you. This is cruel and unusual punishment. It's banned under Azkaban law."

Katie's voice was muffled against his chest. "I'm mortal, Esdras. I'm not subject to Azkaban law."

The Dementor opened his mouth to reply, but paused. After a few seconds, he began to laugh softly. He lay back with Katie tucked protectively in his arms and kissed her on the forehead. "In that case, my love, we'll just have to make you an Azkaban citizen."

Over the years, the sight of Dementors in the Great Hall of Hogwarts had become quite common. This time, however, things were different. Usually, it was only one or two Dementors delivering paperwork or status reports to their Lord Admiral. This time, however, it was the entire Thirteenth Infantry, seventy Dementors strong, all dressed in Assault cloaks with wands drawn, and all intent on defending Katie. The look on Dumbledore's face as he sat at the High Table told everyone that it would be far from an ordinary lunch.

Esdras hovered in his native form in front of the Division, Glaive of Silence drawn and a scroll of parchment in his hand. Katie stood directly below him. Together the entire assembly glided forward over the tables and came to rest directly in front of Dolores Umbridge. To her credit, she did not appear outwardly nervous. "Can I help you, Mister Demnin?"

The Dementor remained impassive. "That's Lord Admiral Demnin. And yes, you will help me. Dolores Umbridge, as Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, you represent the Ministry of Magic in all decisions you make. Section 74 of the Treaty of Edinburgh prohibits the use of cruel or unusual punishment against Azkaban citizens. You have violated this section of the treaty, explain your actions."

Umbridge raised an eyebrow and looked condescendingly towards Katie, who glared silently at her. "I assume this has to do with Miss Bell. What occurs during detention is none of your concern. And no violation of your precious treaty has occurred, as Miss Bell is obviously not a citizen of Azkaban."

Esdras tossed the scroll to the professor and glided closer. "Under Section 1 of the Treaty of Edinburgh, a citizen of Azkaban can be defined as one who holds the soul of a Dementor in their heart. Last school year, under the direction of the Oracle of Azkaban, a bonding of souls was performed between Katie Bell and me. The scroll you now hold is proof of my statement. Katie is a citizen of Azkaban; you will reconfigure your detention to conform to the law."

The professor laughed. "I will do no such thing."

The Dementor nodded slowly and drew back his hood to reveal his pale grey skin and empty eye sockets. Before him, the toad let out a startled scream. The admiral remained unfazed. "In that case, I declare the Treaty of Edinburgh to be in abeyance. I do hereby reclaim my position as King of Azkaban and order all mortals off the island. Every last auror will be expelled and every last prisoner in the fortress will be released, and it will be your fault. Comply with my request. You have ten seconds."

Umbridge paled. "You can't be serious."

"Five seconds."

Looking quickly from the hovering Dementors to the impassive Dumbledore, the professor moved her lips silently before finally stuttering her reply. "O…of course. Today's detention will be polishing silver…"

Esdras cut her off. "Silence. The Treaty of Edinburgh remains in effect. I relinquish my reign, but I offer my warning. Test my patience again by violating it and you will unleash a force so terrible, your kind will be brought to the brink of extinction." He retook human form and dropped to the ground before he placed an arm around Katie, guiding her back towards the Gryffindor table. "This is your only warning."