Note:Almost the end, this chapter is not the best but it was hard to balance raging emotions with the fact that they fall into a natural understanding like they had before, thus don't need to talk that much even after finding each other. And the fact that the shock leaves them quite speechless until they can digest what's happening. It's like retaining things before they unleash, and they will in next chapter, believe me ^^
carottal: Thank you for your reviews! I can't reply personally because you don't have an account, but I wanted to point out that I'm French, that's why the French in here is correct ;) (just so you know I have no merit XD)
I'll reply to others with an account in private as soon as possible, just want to finish writing Lionheart first then I'll have time before I go back to TSFMS :)
It was almost too much to take at once, learning that Matt was alive, then finding him and... damn! A wheelchair!
MATT!
Mello was shocked by Matt's state, and at the same time, he couldn't care less, because Matt was alive. Just alive, and he could have had no arms, no legs or whatever anymore, he was there, in front of him.
The redhead was crying as well, and the glass door opened with a simple brush of his thumb over a numeric pad.
Mello...
The blond was frozen at his place. He stared at Matt, the feelings rushing in him giving him the answer to the fact that Lidner had believed they were lovers. And he probably wanted it that way after all...
"Mello..." Matt whispered, "Mello just don't stand there, I'd jump to hug you if I could but as you can see, I kind of find it difficult to do right now..."
Matt was trying to joke, himself just didn't care about anything else than the blond standing in front of him. The pain, the despair, all was forgotten, just by Mello's sole presence. Even the fact that his mind, as well as Mello's, was processing the lies he'd been fed with for years, right now it hardly mattered.
Mello laughed through his tears and closed the distance between him and Matt. Awkwardly, he encircled the redhead's shoulders, trying to hold him as close as the position allowed him to. Matt reached for his middle, snaking his arms and tightening them around Mello's waist as much as he could.
Both felt high. The dark hours of their past without each other was gone, blown away, and even if none of them dared to cross the line they so wanted to cross, both hoped that the other would.
A beep resounded from inside the room Matt had come from.
"Come in." he simply said to Mello, letting go of him to turn around with his wheelchair, preceding him inside.
Matt quickly rolled to an alignment of computers. One of the screens was showing Gevanni on video conference.
Another screen was showing the entrance where Mello had arrived from. Matt had seen him from the moment the blond was standing in front of the bulletproof glass. He hadn't been able to breathe at first, it raised so many questions, so much anger, but he had quickly made it outside to meet Mello, for once thanking his wheelchair, because he wouldn't have been able to walk anyway, if he still could have used his legs. Damn, he was about to faint...
"What's up Gevanni?" Matt asked casually to the man that was obviously waiting. The redhead put a blank mask on. Mello knew that one too well. When Matt couldn't handle his emotions, he would just go blank during the time he would need to sort his mind out.
"You perfectly know what's up. Near wants to see you and Mello. Could Mello be kind enough to send the elevator back with Halle's body so we can take care of that and get the internal access back?"
This was totally Matt. Mello was even surprised that Near had allowed that there would only be one access inside to Matt's part of the building. Somehow, it reminded him of when they used to build pillows and blankets fortresses in their dorm at the orphanage when they were around ten, and how Matt would secure any access like a paranoid.
Now it was obvious that Matt was in charge of all computing and technological aspects of Near's activities, but the redhead seemed to live here like a recluse. If Near wanted to hide him, it wasn't surprising, but it implied that he had always known that Mello would come here, which was very unlikely. Mello deducted that it was all Matt's will to be here, separated from the rest of the crew. Or that Near didn't want him around, independently from Mello's hypothetical presence.
Matt glanced at Mello when the man on the screen mentioned Lidner's death, but all that the blond could see was some kind of satisfaction, if not relief.
"I don't think so Gevanni. I want to talk to Near."
"Are you sure?" the black haired man wondered why Matt wanted to talk to Near so suddenly, knowing that Matt had not spoken with him directly for months. Gevanni or Halle always made the link between the two.
"He won't talk to me, like usual..." Matt whispered for himself. Mello raised an eyebrow. Fact was, several minutes had passed and Near still hadn't connected with Matt or taken Gevanni's place.
"You mean he doesn't talk to you? Why are you here Matt? Why did you stay here?" Mello was beginning to feel impatient. He wanted answers. Why none of them knew that the other was alive, why Near had obviously done his best to prevent them from finding each other, why Halle resented the two so much? Everything was way beyond jealousy or simple interest in Matt's skills.
Softly, he squeezed Matt's shoulder, imperceptibly coming closer than he already was. Matt wanted to touch this hand on him, but he refrained. Where was the line?
He looked up at Mello. In his eyes, he saw the same anger, the same frustration that inhabited them when they were still at Wammy's, when Mello came back from the SPK headquarters the day he had retrieved his picture, and understood that Near was using him as a tool... always the same emotions that he hated to see, because he could feel them too. Because when Mello was in that state, Matt felt like the little boy he knew, the joyful one, the funny one that would always cheer Matt up or play pranks with him, died a little more each time.
Seething, Matt started to speak. Near might not want to talk to him, but he could hear him.
"Near I know you're there, so listen very carefully. Let me go without trying anything funny toward me or Mello, or I'll blow your place up."
Suddenly, Near appeared at Gevanni's place.
"Matt, I'm perfectly aware that your sense of insecurity had you wire the whole place with explosives, but I had them removed, so this is an inadmissible threat and..." The tone was condescending, and Matt could feel the grip on his shoulder tighten. Himself wanted to slap the brat to death at that moment.
Near always acted like he was above everything, everyone, but truth was, and Matt knew it, he had had time to realise that being in Near's close circle, that without the assistance he dearly paid for, Near was nothing. A brain, yes, but one that was pretentious enough to underestimate and use others.
"You removed the decoys for sure." Matt chuckled.
There was a blank. Mello exchanged a smirk with the redhead. Touché.
Near had executed the most cruel of plans after Takada's abduction. Gevanni had driven Matt to Mello's incineration. Matt had spread his ashes, he had attended church to find answers because maybe God would help him, because Mello believed in God so strongly, he had cried in front of the candles he had lit numerous times, hoping that Mello was somewhere up there, hearing him say that he loved him, he had fallen sick because of sadness, he had tried to kill himself seven times... The only time Near did talk to him was after the seventh time, when he gave Matt a letter from Mello. It was never from Mello, just from the best handwriting imitator Near could find. The letter said that Mello wanted Matt to live in his memory, if something happened to the blond. He wanted him to go on, to try to be helpful to justice.
That's why he was here today. Just because he had tried to respect Mello's supposed will.
He didn't need Near to explain that the letter was fake, this he knew now. But he wanted to know why all the lies...
"Matt, I'm sorry. Mello I'm sorry too." Near's voice was barely audible.
"You better be... but why? Damn, Near, why?" Mello exploded. Near had always been in the way, always! He'd been unhappy most of his life because of Near, and no matter how much he thought of it, no explanation could come to his mind for what Near had done. It was just beyond understanding. It was inhuman.
"Because I didn't want to be the unhappiest person in the world."
The three stayed silent. Neither Matt nor Mello had words to answer that. It implied so much cruelty, so much despair from Near, they just couldn't process it now.
Near cut the connexion. Soon, Gevanni appeared again: "Near will let you go, just let us know when you're ready."
"I'm ready." Matt turned on his wheels and reached the door that led to the glass entry.
Mello's eyes questioned him silently. "Starting all new." Matt replied with a smile.
When they reached the elevator, Matt barely looked at the body lying on the ground, pooling in blood.
"I'll have the decency not to spit on her dead body but really, I'd enjoy it." he said bitterly, "Do you think that someone can be utterly bad? I mean, so bad that they can play with people's pain, and even induce it on purpose?"
"I don't know Matt... I'd like to believe that there's good in each of us, because that's what I've been taught during catechism, but I don't know..."
Mello pushed Halle's body with a foot, less inclined than Matt to respect the Dead.
They stayed silent during all the time it took for the elevator to reach the exit. It was shocking, and yet, both felt pity for Near, Halle... even if resentment was stronger, they both knew that being together again was enough to lighten their heart.
They reached the closest main road, slowly. None of them wanted to admit it, but they didn't feel comfortable calling a taxi in front of the building. When it was out of sight, Mello asked for one on his smartphone. It wasn't long until they arrived at the blond's apartment.
There was no elevator in that crappy building Mello lived in. He felt extremely awkward to carry Matt bride style from the hall of the complex to his couch. He then retrieved Matt's wheelchair, and proceeded to order food and drinks.
Soon, they fell in what used to be their comfort zone, the talk was easy, eye contact didn't look weird, they were teenagers again. They covered their life after Takada's abduction, they remembered the old times at the orphanage, they laughed at the pranks they used to do, but soon, it led to thinking about Near, since he was the one suffering from those pranks most of the time.
"Do you feel sad for him?" Matt asked after a lull in the conversation, "I mean, he was so alone that he lied to us, even if the lie was terrible, do you feel sorry for him?"
"No, it's asking for too much right now... I'm not saying I don't pity him, but it's more the disdainful pity that I feel. He wanted to be L, he got it. He shouldn't have taken the spot if he wasn't ready to live the life that goes with it. I've understood that after Kira was caught, I would never have been the new L, I had finally come to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it, I wanted to live, really. But then you were dead... Maybe someday I can try to understand, but right now I need to catch back with what he has taken from me, a part of my life, and you, most of all."
Matt blushed lightly.