"Alright, spill it," I said. My arms were crossed and eyes narrowed into the best glare I could make, though judging by Berwald's reaction it wasn't very good.

Cute.

Focus on interrogating him, Tino, don't blush like a dumb girl!

I was able to convince Berwald to come inside, if only for a minute, to see the 'awesome Viking book' I found. Yeah, that was a small fib. And he knew it, too. But I lead him to the back where the books on that subject usually resided anyway. It was a nice secluded place where he could feel safe about opening up and revealing just what the heck was going on. It took a minute of prodding but I finally made some progress. Berwald was about to snap, I could feel it.

The man looked at me for a moment, I tried not to show any sign of weakness, and he let out a long breath of air. His hand went up to rub the back of his neck and he looked to the side. "S'n'th'n, ah'm jus' go'n th'ough s'me ha'd t'mes." Interrogation would go smoother if I could understand everything he was saying. At least his mind gave me some better detail. I'm losing everything.

"What is happening?" I asked. He looked back and I had to repeat it so he could see my lips move. This was going to take forever, if only I had a piece of paper or something. Oh, and a jack hammer to break his pride.

"L'ndlo'd s'opped pay'n. B'nk's fo'clos'n. Ah rent, ah'm be'n ev'cted." I was cheated by some dirt bag who took my rent and didn't pay the mortgage. Then he up and disappeared, and I just got a letter from the bank that I need to move out by the end of the month and that all of this has been happening for two years without me knowing!

If only this was the first time I've heard of this kind of thing. Honestly, I've heard the same story from quite a few people lately. Times are tough and it is hard to know who you can trust these days. Berwald sure was holing a lot in. I could tell he wanted to get it out and rant to someone, anyone, maybe blow off some steam. But he didn't. He kept it all inside…like he had a choice, anyway. I'm the only one who understands him and he can't even know it.

"Oh my…that's terrible!" I said. I let my sympathy wash over my face. "Do you know what you are going to do?"

"Nah. Fa'her lives'n Swed'n, doesn't w'nt m'. No job." He seemed surprised that I was so concerned. Honestly, so was I. "Have ah…fr'nd." An image of the Mathias guy flashed through his head. Not the best feelings about him followed suit. "W'll let m' stay on'is couc' fer 'while. W'll on'y do it wors' case."

"You don't like this 'friend' of yours, do you?" Berwald shook his head. "Wow, I'm sorry. I'm assuming the job hunt isn't going so well either, huh?" Another shake of his head.

They say everyone has equal opportunity to be employed. That's bullshit. As soon as they know I'm deaf, my resume gets tossed out the window as if they think I can't do anything. I'm perfectly capable of anything, but nobody will give me a chance! It has been like this way before I became deaf. People take one look at my face and assume things about me.

"The world can be…cruel," I said softly. My back leaned against the books behind me and I tried to think of something to say. But what? 'Keep your head up?' 'Don't stop trying?' Nobody likes stupid clichéd encouragement like that.

At the moment he was reflecting on a lot of things that made me wince. As a child, everyone stayed away from the really big scary kid. Sometimes they even made fun of him. As he grew it only got worse. Just as he was starting to make a good life for himself and be somewhat content, the accident happened and he lost more than his hearing. There was a face that was followed with thoughts of regret and anger. She was pretty, she was…somehow evil. I wanted to know more about that but his mind went on. He was alone for rehabilitation, so alone that he gravitated towards anyone that wasn't scared away by his scary face or put off by his deafness. They ended up using him most of the time. Sometimes Berwald wouldn't even care. …No, he cared. He just told himself that he didn't.

"T'no?" I looked up when I realized I had zoned out while watching his short confusing glimpses of a summed-up life. There was a feeling on my cheek under my eye. It was Berwald's thumb wiping away something I didn't know was there: a tear. His face remarkably remained the same kind of stoic but I could see the worry in his eyes.

Alright, before you go around calling me a baby about how one sob story can make me cry, you HAVE to realize that when I read people's minds I'm not only listening to their thoughts but feeling them as well. His pain and frustration became mine and when you force all of that onto someone who isn't hardened to deal with it all at once, it is a little too much to handle. Berwald didn't know that, though. I looked like a damned fool.

"O-oh! Sorry, I mean…I have allergies to dust and we are in a library and this happens from time to time, it just means my eyes are dry or…or…" He wasn't understanding anything I was saying. My lips were moving too fast for him to read and he silenced me by putting his finger to them.

"M'sorry, ah didn't mean tah…" This is why I should have left. Tino really is sensitive, isn't he?

"No, no, no! I'm the one who is sorry, I shouldn't be prying so much anyway."

"Ah made ya c'y."

"No, I just…" I shook my head. There really wasn't much I could say. So I told him the truth which was conveniently what he wanted to hear. "Berwald, you don't deserve any of that to happen to you. None of this is your fault so don't think for a second that you are pathetic, because you aren't." Berwald nodded slowly. He wasn't completely sure what to make of my words.

He hardly knows anything, but it is like he understands somehow… This is why it is so hard to stop myself from coming here. I know I don't have much of a chance with him, but he's just so…amazing. He didn't run away the first time I spoke to him. He knows what I'm saying most of the time and it's like he can read me when nobody else can. How can someone like Tino exist?

He cleared his throat. "Th'nk ya, T'no. Me'ns ah lot." More than you know.

"No problem, I meant it. I hope you have much better luck soon. Don't lose hope in anything, okay?" I gave him a pat on the shoulder and a smile and he nodded back. "You have your buddy Tino to talk to if you need it. But next time, we'll stick to pen and paper."

For the second time his strong façade broke for a quick second to give me a smile. Well…what qualifies for a smile for Berwald, anyway. It was my only warning before he stepped forward into my comfort zone and gave me a cautiously loose hug around the shoulders. I could hear his thoughts clear as a bell. That is what happens when someone gets this close to me; it is like our minds are one. There was a rekindling of a flame deep in his consciousness that I felt as if it were in mine. It was a surge of emotion made mostly of hope, but also of desire. That affection he held for me was stronger than ever and it made me tense up a bit to feel it so clearly and strong.

Boy did I just screw myself over.

I lifted my arms and returned his hug carefully. I guess I'm in it for the long-haul, aren't I? I'm still not willing to let him sweep me off my feet, but I do want to be his friend. I hope he can forgive me for pretending like I'm not interested like how he is for me because I'm not fooling anyone, not even myself. I do care for this man. I like him. I like how considerate he is even though all he wants to do at this moment is press me into the shelves and crash his lips against mine and-

"O-okay, okay," I signaled that I wanted to be let go and he did so without question. His little fantasy that I picked up on abruptly ended when he told himself to get a grip and I likewise told myself not to make an embarrassing face. I think I was, though. "Um, you said you have stuff to do so I'll let you get to it. I have to get home, too." My feet turned me around and I started walking out of the little empty nook we were in. He followed and we both made our way out of the library.

I'll do what Tino says and I won't give up, even if things seem hopeless. For him. I won't give up on Tino either. He is too amazing for me not to fight for. He's already given me the chance to be his friend so who knows what else he will do. I'll find a way. I'll get back on my feet somehow. I haven't had motivation like this in a long time and it is all thanks to him. Even if we aren't together and never will be, at least…at least I have a friend…

000

A pattern developed shortly after that. Twice a week, sometimes thrice, Berwald would come to the library. I started to get used to his presence…mostly. There were still moments I would be shaken by his affectionate musings but I knew that would happen when I signed up to be his friend. I couldn't stop him from thinking, after all. Besides, most of the thoughts and images were…endearing.

Though he had so much to be down about he hardly ever showed it to me even in his mind. Some days he would come to the library his head muddled with worries but when he saw me they would vanish. I was his magic eraser. It made me relieved to know that my decision not to push him away was a good one even if it meant it would take longer for Berwald to move on from liking me, however long that took. Who knows where he would be right now if I hadn't of chased him down in the parking lot and give him a pep talk. It was strange being someone's motivation.

It doesn't feel like I did much, but Berwald really took my words to heart. It was funny how much he trusted me, but then again, I'm a very trustable person. The man ended up moving in with Mathias at the end of the month, which it was clear he was driving Berwald insane already, but at least he was gone half the time to spend nights at his boyfriend's place. Yes, Lukas was the annoying one's boyfriend. I found that out recently through one of Berwald's random reflections.

He was deliberately hiding the fact from me thinking that I could use it to somehow discover his sexual orientation. Berwald was so paranoid that I would judge him for something like that, which was stupid. Hell, even he admitted to himself that his thinking was flawed. I've been okay with pretty much everything about him so far so there was no reason to fear…but it was still there to keep him quiet. I desperately wanted to let him know it was okay but I couldn't think of a way to tell him without hinting at myself. Letting him know that I do consider men would only make his hope for me rise and his advances would probably get worse.

They were tiny things, just little invitations and hints that would be taken as something typical of friends to anyone else not reading his mind. I had to turn him down every time, though, knowing his intentions were not just to hang out but to attempt to get closer. He quickly changed his strategy.

"T'no," I heard behind me. I had to act like I was surprised which wasn't that hard considering what he had with him that day. A paper Starbucks cup in each hand, a small brown bag tucked between the fingers of his right, and the strong smell of coffee wafting through the air. He held them an odd way so Elizaveta wouldn't see that he smuggled food into the library and his eyes flickered towards the secluded back where shelves blocked her view. I took the hint immediately and smiled as I got up.

"Wow, you didn't have to get me anything, Ber," I said as he handed me my drink. We sat on two stools in the nonfiction section away from the librarian's eyes. And yes, we had nicknames for each other. Friends can have nick names. "What's the occasion?" I asked because of the small feeling of victory welling up inside him. Did he finally get a job or something?

"None. Ah w'nted tah," he said. Success! If I can't get him out for coffee, I'll bring the coffee to him.

Fucking hell, it was a plot all along! He's crafty, I'll give him that. Looks like I wasn't able to avoid this one. Technically he hasn't gotten me out yet.

"Ah, well then…thanks again. What is in the bag?" I pointed. He opened it and let me see inside. My mouth began watering immediately. "Gingerbread! Woah, and it's still warm!"

"Hm. Chris'm's's come'n."

"It sure is. Thanks." Was I thanking him too much? It kinda felt like it. Maybe I was just nervous. I had to try my best to play this off as casual as possible. "So how goes life in your new temporary residence?" He didn't recognize one or two words so I switched to our much easier paper and pencil method. I tended to carry them around with me just in case these days. As usual, he thought the words while he wrote.

Annoying. Mathias is an idiot.

'Ah…well at least you have Lukas, right?'

Sometimes. He comes over a lot but if he isn't there and I want help, I have to go to the other side of the complex.

'Doesn't Mathias go to Lukas's place?'

Weekends and some weekdays he spends the night over there. Berwald abruptly stopped and mulled over the conversation. Does that sound too much like a couple? Perhaps I've said too much.

'You have that, then! I take it you have no response from any of your job searches yet.'

Nope. Got a call back. Interview on Monday.

'That's great! Is it a good one?'

Ikea. Not best, but okay.

'It's something.'

Yes. How have you been? Any new clients?

'Yes, actually. A man in Estonia named Eduard hired me for his website design. He sells computer software and is a real tech nerd. We are friends and we talk online a lot.'

Is it okay to make friends with your clients?

'Of course! I'm my own boss, I make my own rules. It hasn't failed me yet and making friends usually opens doors. Eduard sent an acquaintance of his to me. He's a guy in Italy who's thinking about having a website for his restaurant. I might just get another client soon. Yay money!'

I'm glad he does okay; at least one of us does. My unemployment sure doesn't help my chances with him. Ignore it, Tino…Focus on what he is writing. I'm surprised you don't have a part time job here at the library. You are here so much.

'Actually I did at the one by the pawn shop on main street. But I got fired because I was…distracted.'

Distracted?

I shrugged. 'I would read the books instead of sort them.'

A sound made me look up from the bite of gingerbread cookie I was having after handing the paper off. It was…a laugh. I've heard the man laugh in his head before but never in real life! You would think a guy like him with such a low rumbling voice would have a deep throaty laugh, but his was surprisingly light and airy. Even more amazing was how his face broke from its stern gaze and he was actually smiling, like, more than just a little twitch! It didn't last very long, though. He noticed I was staring at him as if I'd just seen a unicorn.

Is he okay? Did I scare him?

I grabbed the paper back and quickly scribbled something down. 'Wow, you laughed! I've never heard that before.' I smiled to reassure him. He was still a little wary about my reaction.

Is it okay?

'Of course it is! You should do it more often.'

Berwald remained motionless for a second. …He likes my laugh. I like it when he laughs, too. It is a sign that we are meant to be. That made me have to bite my lip and stifle a chuckle of my own. His thoughts weren't serious, thank goodness; it was more of a joke with himself than anything.

"What do you two think you two are doing?" I whirled around to see Elizaveta with her hands on her hips at the end of the bookshelves. Shit, we'd been caught red handed! "Tino, you know there is no eating or drinking inside the library."

"O-oh, yes! Of course, I'm sorry," I got up quickly nearly spilling my drink and Berwald followed suit. He was able to catch from Elizaveta's steamed look and my guilty one that we were in trouble. "It won't happen again."

"I should hope not. From someone like Berwald I could expect it but from you? Tsk." He looks like a rule breaker. Come to think of it, I should probably check the stuff he turns in for damage or something.

"Hold on, Eli," I said. There was something about the way she was thinking about Berwald that I didn't like. "What do you mean you'd expect that from Berwald?"

She gave him a quick glance and he looked at her in return. Berwald didn't quite know what we were talking about, just that it was something about him. He was behind me and unable to see my lips while I talked but he could see the librarian's. Elizaveta didn't feel any danger in speaking her mind in front of the deaf man. She didn't know he can understand. "Well…look at him. If I didn't know better I'd say he's on FBI's most wanted list or something."

"He hasn't done anything to make you think that, has he? He always returns his books on time and is quiet in the library. Berwald never makes trouble or does anything bad. Er, save for today…but that's my fault too."

He's kind of right but I still don't trust him. I bet he uses his deafness to get away with things. "Woman's intuition, sweety. Sometimes we can just tell when someone is going to be trouble. Now go eat outside if you have to and come back when you are done. I'm only giving you a warning this time but I expect better from you, Tino." The brunette gave me a stern wag of her finger as I and my friend passed her and made our way to the exit. I was feeling a little peeved about her assumptions on Berwald. You would think being a librarian would teach her not to judge a book by its cover. In her mind she was right and was waiting for one little slip up to prove it. She was already starting to think he was a bad influence on me just because we decided to break one silly rule.

The air outside was fresh but a tad cold. I had my jacket on and I zipped it up to my neck to keep out the chill. Berwald did the same, though his coat was a military-esque light blue wool button-up with a matching black scarf. It looked pretty good on him and the color matched his eyes. Ah, Tino, stop thinking corny thoughts like that!

…But it was true.

"Oh well. You win some, you lose some." I laughed it off hoping it would take his mind off what happened back there. It didn't, though.

Was he defending me?

"This is great coffee, by the way. I 'm a big coffee drinker. Want some gingerbread?" I handed him the small paper bag and he took a quick look inside before putting his hand in and fishing a cookie out. They were shaped like stars and little men.

"Th'nks."

We found a bench by the doors and sat down to get back to our conversation, though we didn't have anything to write on now so keeping it up was kind of hard to do. Outside the library was a road and I got little blips of thought randomly as the cars went by, but other than that it was okay.

"Eli doesn't l'ke m'," he said simply after swallowing a bite of his cookie. There was only a small hint of unhappiness with the statement but a big feeling of understanding. He'd been living with this kind of thing all his life so he was used to it.

"I wouldn't say that, she just doesn't know you. I'm sure if she knew you better she wouldn't be like that."

"Hard tah get p'ple tah g've m' ah ch'nce. Ah d'nno why ya did." Though he was a little distant from me at first, Tino didn't shy away like everyone else does. I wonder why that is. He isn't blind, so how did he get past my face? And it's like he forgets that I am deaf. He treats me like a normal person, unlike many others.

"Because…" I trailed off when I realized I had absolutely no idea what to say. Usually I was good at making up excuses but this time my mind was, strangely, in a blank. Instead of answering him I faked a shiver and crossed my arms. "Brrr, it's kind of cold out here isn't it? Can't wait to get back inside and-"

If I had any warning I wouldn't have squeaked like I did. Berwald scooted over closer and took his long scarf to wrap around me. It was warm and smelled like wood shavings and cinnamon, oddly enough. The motion was so sudden that I nearly fell off the bench before he could finish wrapping it around my shoulders. What? I'm used to hearing a warning of some kind before this kind of thing happened! After being used to not having to pay attention to my environment my whole life, it made me a little jumpy when things were unexpected. Berwald didn't spare a single thought before he acted on impulse. It was a kind gesture, but…

It made my cheeks feel warmer than they should have. And Berwald was staring at my face waiting for me to continue what I forgot I was saying so he definitely noticed it. Am I too close? He considered moving away a little but something stopped him. His eyes grew more curious behind reflective lenses and he didn't budge. In fact, I think he leaned in a millimeter or so more. Ah, but he's so cute like this…he's turning pink. What will happen if I stay like this?

What will happen? I'll give you a big punch in the eye, that's what will happen! "U-uh, thank you, Berwald," I mumbled into the loose cloth over my mouth. At the time I didn't remember that he had to read my lips and he couldn't see them through the scarf so he stayed put waiting for some kind of response. The seconds ticked by like decades while we sat on the bench, shoulder to shoulder, him staring intently at my face and me looking anywhere but his. My mind was racing. The little gesture of giving me his scarf wasn't what was making me almost sick to my stomach. It was how he did it.

There are hardly any times when people don't think about something before doing it. Only incredibly habitual things like how to chew your food don't require recognition to be done. It is engraved in your body; therefore your brain doesn't have to worry. People don't even notice it, but I do. Berwald giving me his scarf was a motion that was, quite literally, a part of him.

And that is how I know the sign of love. Most people see it as someone who thinks of them always, but I know better. Real love is when someone doesn't have to think about you. You are already so engraved into their life that it is completely habitual to care for the other without having to spare a single fleeting thought. There are no decisions to be made, no conflict, no plan B. Just do.

Berwald…

Loves…

Me…

And the sad part is: He doesn't even know it.

The Nordics are the largest consumers of coffee in the world with Finland in second and Sweden in fourth. Just a little fun fact for ya to break up the tension.

Alright, things are FINALLY starting to pick up! Thank you so much for all the love I've been getting for this story. :)