A/N
As usual – many, many thanks to Fr333bird for doing all the beta work for me (check out all her amazing TwiKinkFest entries!) and to Im_not_a_lizard (rhythm junkie) for pre-reading and encouragement – because without it I wouldn't dare to post anything.
Thank you so much for all the reviews, you really make me smile! There is NOTHING better than your reviews.
Pic for this chapter: tiny(dot)pl/hjhbx
4. The Cold
Over the next few days Jasper observes in awe and with growing disgust as his place is more and more "possessed" by Edward. Clothes that smell of Edward are lying around, along with empty food containers, plastic forks and squeezed coffee cups. Bits of cigarettes lie on the floor next to piles of ash. It's as if more and more of his space is being captured, won over, and Jasper feels like he's suffocating. He finds himself going out of the place more and more just to wander around in the neighborhood or sit by the harbor. Each time when he comes back he's assaulted with new evidence of Edward being very alive and fucking messy.
"Would you mind picking up a bit after yourself?" Jasper scolds Edward, thinking that he sounds like a parent. He glances at the boy who's curled up under some clothes again. "You all right?" Jasper asks, against his better judgment – he doesn't really care if Edward's okay or not.
"Yeah," Edward replies. "Cold."
Jasper thinks that he'd like to feel cold. Fuck, he'd like to have a runny nose. Or a sore throat. Oh no, he catches himself – his throat is always burning. Which reminds him that it's probably time. Again. He slumps down, hiding his face on his knees, covering his head with his arms.
"I don't want to." He doesn't realize he says it out loud.
"What?" Edward asks.
"Nothing," Jasper mutters, threading his fingers in his hair. He stands up. "I have to go." He rushes out of the door deciding where he should go this time.
"***"
He finds a gay club in the center of the city and sits there, with an opened bottle of beer, trying to find someone. Anyone. But he can't spot a person yearning for death. He thinks of Edward back at his place and wonders if Edward's still cold. Maybe he could find a space heater or something for him, he muses.
He watches a confrontation between two guys at the back of the bar absent-mindedly. The bulky one is pushing a young skinny man – almost a boy – against the wall. Jasper takes a closer look and decides he doesn't like the attitude of the bigger guy. The decision is immediate.
Jasper jumps off his stool and approaches the men.
"Hi there," he says in a low voice. "I couldn't help notice that there was a slight disagreement here. Perhaps I could be of help?" he drawls a bit.
"Fuck off," the bulky man says.
"Well, I can do that, but…" Jasper pauses for a moment leaning down to the man. "I bet, we could find a better, more… enjoyable meaning for the word 'fuck.' That is, if you're interested?"
The guy turns around to scrutinize Jasper and his mouth widens in ugly smile. "Blondie. You have it coming."
"Counting on it," Jasper replies with a smirk and starts walking towards the bathroom, sure that the guy will follow.
The guy doesn't stall, he's in the toilet the moment Jasper closes the door. He grabs Jasper's hips from behind and says in his ear, his breath smelling of alcohol and fries, "Wanna fuck?"
"Yes," Jasper answers, pushing the man into the cubicle.
"You are one impatient whore," the guy chuckles making Jasper wince.
He's got a tight grey t-shirt on with huge wet spots underneath his armpits and Jaspers isn't sure if he can really do it. But he can't go back to Edward hungry if he wants to keep the boy alive. The guy shoves Jasper inside and kicks the door closed behind him while grabbing Jasper's jeans and tugging on them. Jasper lets him do this but when the man tries to push Jasper to the wall, he quickly spins around and grabs the man's throat tightly.
"I don't get fucked," he says, looking the man straight into the eyes, feeding on his lust, excitement, anger, fear and his urge to hurt people. For a moment Jasper considers whether he's just like this jerk while he holds the guy's head firmly in his hands. Then he bangs it hard on the wall, and another time on the edge of the toilet. The scent of blood fills the place and Jasper loses it, pressing the man hard to the floor while he sinks his teeth into the flesh, letting the blood overflow in his mouth, almost choking on it, gulping and groaning. He closes his eyes and allows the hot rush to spread through his whole body, making him feel alive and invincible, making him want to howl to the moon like a wolf, jump over the rivers, destroy everything that comes into his way.
The man stops struggling quickly while Jasper continues to drain him until he hears the man's heart stopping. Jasper pushes the body roughly on the floor, wanting to shred it into pieces. He doesn't even know where this anger mixed with kind of elation is coming from. Maybe it's him losing his mind, but Jasper hopes it's the aftermath of the guy's feelings. He pats the pockets of the man's jeans, takes the money he finds there and with all he has in him, he resists the urge to crush this body. He'd like to crack the bones, bite the flesh, scratch it with his nails till it's one bloody mess on the floor.
Oh my God, Jasper thinks, trying to snap out of it. He stands up, breathing in and out, which isn't helping at all because the man's scent - the mixture of the smell of cooling blood, adrenaline laced sweat and other bodily fluids – is filling his lungs, making his head swirl. It takes some time and a lot of effort before Jasper composes himself enough to slowly leave the cubicle, closing the door carefully behind him.
The bathroom is empty, ugly fluorescent light enhancing the crimson in Jasper's eyes when he takes a glance into the mirror. He washes his hands and face but it's not enough. He feels strange, contaminated. For a second time he wonders if he's lost his mind this time. He hastily walks out of the club, takes off and speeds up to run as fast as he can towards the ocean. He hopes the waves will calm him down as usual, extinguish the fire in him, lull him into a feeling of non-existence and stop the rush of thoughts in his head.
Jasper dives deep down into the water, places himself at the bottom and waits. But he can't find peace as he tosses and turns on the sand. He swims a bit further and comes back and then swims again. The water is dark, no light is pouring inside, the depths of the ocean are menacing and uninviting, the waves moving in strange synchronization. Jasper rarely fears anything, but today he feels unwanted here, like the whole ocean has turned against him. He shudders, turning around and speeds up, fleeing away from whatever is chasing him.
"***"
"You're soaking wet." Edward points out the obvious to Jasper when he enters the apartment. Jasper just shrugs; he's calmed down a bit on the way, but he still feels odd and not in a mood to talk. He strips off his clothes, discarding them right there where he stands. He walks around naked, digging through the clothes before he puts some dry ones on. Edward watches him curiously and Jasper can feel a hint of arousal coming from the boy. After all the events of this evening – or yesterday's evening as Jasper realizes, astounded, noticing the daylight – he considers it kind of fun and smiles slightly, not turning back just yet.
"I've been underwater," he replies, surprised to find that he suddenly feels like talking now.
"What for?"
"Um, it's hard to explain," Jasper approaches Edward and sits in front of him on the floor, crossing his legs.
"Try," Edward smiles and Jasper stills for a moment, enjoying the view. This boy is really beautiful, Jasper thinks and grins too.
"Okay… So, you know I kill." Jasper stops for a while and continues when he sees Edward nodding. "I kill, but I'm not a psycho, or at least I'd like to think I'm not. I don't want people to die… or suffer for that matter. So, even though I try to make it 'good' for them when I murder someone, I'm not all sunshine and roses, if you know what I mean."
Edward nods again, clearly listening intently, his face serious, making Jasper feel… different. Like someone cares about him – this is new and Jasper doesn't quite know what to do with this feeling.
"And that's why I dive into the water. To calm down, that is." Jasper looks down at his hands and scratches the skin next to his nail, wishing he could bite at the skin like humans do. He deliberates some more, wanting to explain it to Edward, because somehow it feels important to him that Edward understands what he means.
"When I'm there, at first it's because I want to hide. And I like the pressure of water – when it's really, really deep I can feel it – just a bit, but still. I feel like my body has some weight even if I'm floating? I don't know how to explain it," he huffs, getting annoyed.
"No, go on, I want to know," Edward encourages him and Jasper takes a long breath and tries once more.
"It is mostly dark there, sounds are muffled or non-existent and it's like, I don't know, like being in your body, but outside it? Fuck, I don't know." Jasper takes an empty plastic container from the floor and absentmindedly shreds it into pieces, one by one.
"Yeah, like a deprivation chamber," Edward provides.
"What?"
"Isolation tank? I don't know what they call them really. It is something like a soundproof container – or a coffin if you like - filled with salty warm water. You lie there and are deprived of most of your senses – sight, hearing, smell, the feeling of your body weight."
"Yes, it's exactly that!" Jasper confirms, elated that Edward understands it. He smiles broadly at the boy. "Have you tried that?"
"Yes, once," Edward admits.
"And?"
"Well," Edward frowns, "I neither liked it nor didn't like it. It was just a part of an experiment anyway, doesn't matter. But I guess I get what you're saying. So, how long do you stay underwater?"
"I don't have to breathe so… as long as I'm… I don't know. It depends. Sometimes I come out and it's been days not hours." Jasper folds the pieces of plastic into little rolls and places one next to another in a straight row. "I'm not so good with keeping up with the time thing," he adds sheepishly and so quietly that he's not sure Edward has heard it.
Edward doesn't respond at first but then he smiles, saying, "No worries, me neither."
Jasper watches Edward rub his hands and breathe on them.
"You still cold?"
"Yeah."
"Can you come with me? I don't know what to get," Jasper asks, already turning to leave.
"Huh?"
"You know. A space heater or something?"
"You don't have electricity here," Edward observes.
"Does it matter?" Jasper asks, confused. He's never needed electricity before. He doesn't usually mind the darkness, to be honest it's never really dark in the city. He doesn't use a toaster or microwave or an electric kettle and he never felt the urge to own a TV.
"Well, it would be easier, but I guess we could try to find a gas operated one," Edward shrugs following Jasper outside.
"***"
"Fuck, I had no idea those things could be so expensive," Jasper says apologetically as they walk back from the shop with nothing, because Jasper didn't have over a thousand bucks to spend. He thinks he's never had that much money. "But I'll figure something out," he promises Edward.
"That's okay," Edward says. "I shouldn't expect you to buy something like that for me. I've never thanked you for leaving me the money for the food anyway."
"I don't need it," Jasper dismisses it.
They walk slowly towards the building and climb up the stairs. Edward crashes around the place for a while, doing some human stuff Jasper doesn't really want to know about. Then he resumes his usual spot at the corner of the mattress, covered with all the warm clothes he could find. He reminds Jasper of a homeless person and he decides he can't leave him like that. So when Edward falls asleep Jasper sneaks out of the room and goes back to the shop.
Next morning when Edward wakes up, the heater is standing next to the mattress.
"How?" Edward asks and then his eyes widen when the realization downs on him, "You stole it?"
Jasper just grins.
"You stole it." Edward chuckles.
"Yeah, I did. Have no idea how to turn it on though."
"I'll do it." Edward stands up and fumbles with the heater for a while. "Matches?"
"Here!" Jasper tosses them to Edward and soon enough a blue flame shoots up with a hiss and Edward's face lightens up with a big smile.
"Thank you!" Edward looks up at Jasper with his clear green eyes, and Jasper thinks that yes, he feels warmer too.
A/N
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