A/N
As usual I want to thank my gorgeous beta - Fr333bird for doing this for me and thinking "what a given sentence can mean" and Im_not_a_lizard (rhythm junkie) for her constant support for me and "love for the haunted boys".
Thank you all for the reviews. Each time I get one I drop all my work and grin to my phone :)
A little bit more of A/N at the bottom ;)
Pic for this chapter: tiny(dot)pl/hjmnt
6. The Light
Fuck, Jasper thinks. He knew that letting Edward see him kill the girl was a bad idea. But Edward appeared so calm about it, so… understanding even, like he was really okay with it. Well, he's clearly not okay with it now! Jasper turns his angry thoughts like windmill stones in his head while Edward is still thrashing and turning in his sleep, mumbling "I killed her - it was my fault" over and over.
By the time the morning comes Jasper realizes that he's made an astonishingly impressive installation with tiny bits of paper folded and placed in neat rows on the floor opposite the mattress. It looks like a huge mandala combined with a battlefield strategy plan. Jasper cocks his head, assessing the placement of the 'general' piece of the paper and moves 'him' a bit to the right. There. Now it's perfect. He sees Edward opening his eyes and wipes the whole construction with one move of his hand.
Edward is lying on his back, eyes opened, but he doesn't move. Jasper probes him just a little, but Edward's emotional pattern is shifting and once again Jasper doesn't understand the boy. It's frustrating because people are usually easy for him to read. But Jasper must admit his encounters with humans are usually brief and superficial – he hasn't spent so much time with anyone elsebefore. On top of that Edward has been a puzzle for him from the very beginning and Jasper starts to wonder if Edward isn't a bit insane.
The sun is shining brightly through the windows, making the dust swirl in the spots of light. Jasper stands up, stretches out like a cat in the warmth and looks outside. It must be cold because frost covers the metal parts of window frame and the patches of grass outside, making it shine in the sharp winter light. Jasper extends his arm and compares the glitter of his skin with the frost, chuckling internally at the similarity. Yep, I'm frozen, he thinks. But then the sun sets, shadows growing longer and lights in the windows across the street turning on one by one. Jasper takes a glance across the room to see Edward still in the same position – the only thing that's changed is that the boy's eyes are closed now. He knows Edward isn't sleeping – he's already attuned to his patterns of breathing.
"Hey," Jasper says gently. "You okay?"
When Edward doesn't respond Jasper tries to find a solution, but he's not sure what people do in normal life situations. Maybe some simple activity would be beneficial? He looks around the room for inspiration. Yes. Laundry! This is his only regular human activity so Jasper feels safe with this. He gathers clothes, throwing them in the backpack.
"Edward, come on, get up, we need to do laundry!"
"What?" The boy's voice is hoarse and surprised.
"Well, you do wear my clothes, right? It's only fair you keep them clean. I can't do all the laundry myself," Jasper risks playing the guilt card and it works because Edward sighs and slowly gets up, turns off the heater, goes to what passes for the bathroom and finally puts on a jacket to stand by the door, looking at Jasper expectantly. Meanwhile Jasper has gathered enough clothes to wash and found some money so they're ready to go.
They walk to Jasper's usual place - the one he found Edward behind. It feels like a million years has passed since that day, but Jasper knows it can't have been much more than a month or so.
Edward looks in horror when Jasper shoves all the clothes into the washing machine together. He pushes Jasper out of the way and takes all the items out again to sort out the colors.
"Really?" Jasper chuckles. "You don't care where you sleep, or what you eat, but you worry about your clothes coloring?" He puts the clothes back in, then walks to the vending machine to buy the powder.
They sit on the bench opposite the machines and watch the washing swirling around.
"So," Jasper begins. "What would you like to do later?"
"I don't know." Edward shrugs.
"What do people do when they've finished the laundry?"
Edward looks at Jasper for a long time and then he's laughing, mumbling something about "oblivious vampires".
Jasper smiles too and tugs on Edward's sleeve.
"So?"
"What? It's not like people have some laundry ritual, you know? It depends. They go fold the clothes and put them away. I don't know. They go for a coffee."
"Let's go for a coffee then!" Jasper exclaims.
"You don't drink coffee."
"Will they throw me out?" Jasper is worried now. But Edward just rolls his eyes, hopping off the bench to move the clothes to the dryer.
"***"
Jasper tenses when they enter Starbucks. He usually avoids crowded spaces – other than the clubs when he's hunting – he feels exposed and beset as he slips onto the padded seat while Edward's buying something. Edward comes back with a sandwich and two coffees, placing one of them in front of Jasper.
"It's just to keep up the pretence."
"Okay," Jasper agrees, taking a glance into his cup. "What does it taste like?"
"You've never had coffee?"
"No, of course I've had coffee," Jasper frowns. The truth is he doesn't know. "I just want to know what this particular one tastes like."
"Well, it's black and unsweetened so it's just hot and bitter. That's it. How come you're so alone? You said there were others like you."
Jasper is surprised of this sudden change of topic but tries to be honest.
"Others like me are all cruel, dangerous and violent. I mean, I am too, but I don't want to see it. We have mates and covens but we don't form families – at least not that I know of. I've heard some rumors about one vampire family who didn't kill humans, but it must be a legend."
"How would they survive?"
Jasper purses his lips. "Animals? I'm not sure. I don't think it's possible."
"Have you tried it?"
"No," Jasper admits, feeling stupid and ashamed. He should have tried.
"***"
Jasper is relieved when they finally get back home. He decides he doesn't like coffee shops – they're definitely too crowded, too loud and the mix of smells and all the people's emotions around him makes him dizzy. He puts the backpack on the floor and takes a deep breath, enjoying the familiar scent of cool, dusty air. Edward walks toward the heater and tries to light it, but it doesn't seem to be working properly.
"Can you hold this for me, please?" Edward asks, handing the metal cover to Jasper while he crouches and tries to take a peek inside the machine. Jasper walks toward him and snatches the cover out of Edward's hands. Apparently he did it too hastily because the next thing he hears is Edward's "ouch" as he moves his hand into his mouth. The thick scent of blood cuts Jasper like a knife and he slowly steps toward the boy.
Jasper is so close that he's practically touching Edward's face with his lips. He's shaking with need as he gently removes Edward's fingers from the boy's mouth, darts out his tongue and licks the blood off them. The sweet taste hits him right away and Jasper has to use all his strength to restrain himself from biting and taking more of the delicious liquid. He almost moans around Edward's fingers while he pushes the hand out of his reach and brings Edward down to the ground, pinning him with his body, going for the last drops of blood on Edward's lips instead. He laps at them, kind of frenetically, and is lost in the warm scent of Edward's breath and the exquisite feeling of the soft flesh underneath his tongue. It's almost like a kiss.
Throughout this Edward stays totally still, like he's playing dead, but Jasper can feel the fear, the adrenaline pouring through the boy's veins and yes - the arousal too. Jasper can feel that not only with his gift – there's clear proof of it right under his own groin as he thrusts his hips a bit harder, grinding it into Edward's erection.
"Do me," Edward says against Jasper's lips.
"What?"
"Work me out like you do them. Like you did me outside that club. I want you. I've wanted you since you first talked to me in that club."
"I'm… I'm not sure if I can."
"Try."
And Jasper nods pulling up a bit to take in the sight of Edward lying like that underneath him. He doesn't even have to reach deep inside himself to find the desire - he just emits what he's feeling right now, and Edward's cock hardens even more beneath him. Jasper hesitates, but then glances down and reaches tentatively with his hand for Edward's jeans, working the buttons and tugging on the fabric lightly while Edward moves his hips to help him ease the trousers down.
Jasper never usually does this, but can't resist touching the soft skin of the boy's dick. He traces the undershaft with his finger, enjoying Edward's little gasp. He curls his fingers around the head and fights the urge to lean down to taste the little drops of pre-cum forming in the slit.
He realizes he's forgotten his task and tries to focus back on Edward's feelings, sending the desire towards him, but maybe it's not needed, maybe he could just try to actually do this, just like Edward asked him to? That's why he doesn't push Edward's hand away when the boy brings it between them and begins to unbutton Jasper's jeans.
"Fuck," he says when he feels Edward's warm fingers on his skin. He looks back at the boy's face and almost shivers because it's one of those sights he wants to imprint forever in his mind. Edward's eyelids are half-closed, lashes casting shadows underneath them, his lips are slightly parted, his cheeks are flushed and Jasper doesn't know what to do now. He wants to touch the boy, take him, give him anything, but is totally lost. He places his forehead to Edward's and apologizes, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this."
He feels Edward sliding his jeans down, freeing Jasper's erection, allowing it to spring out and touch Edward's cock. And then Edward wraps his amazingly warm fingers around them both, tugging hard. Jasper shivers and makes a sound that surprises him. His head is spinning, he hasn't been touched – at least not like this – in so many years he doesn't even want to count. He jerks and thrusts his hips against Edward, reminding himself in the last moment he has to be careful, and then forgetting everything again when he feels the skin of their cocks sliding against each other and the moisture of Edward's pre-cum.
Edward writhes a bit underneath him and grips them harder, which – with added Jasper's erratic thrusts – soon brings them both close to the edge. Jasper wishes it to last, please let it last, please let it last, he repeats in his mind, but they're both too worked up and soon Edward stills and hot drops of cum land between their bodies, spilling on their cocks, Edward's hand, Jasper's stomach.
Jasper bites down on his lips, stifles a moan and comes too, already hating the next part when he'll have to back up and lose this warmth, the heat of Edward's body underneath him, the stickiness of his fluids, the intoxicating smell, the feel of Edward's fingers directly on his skin. Jasper's cum is wet and cold and dead, just like him, he thinks in distaste. But for now he's still tangled in the boy's limbs and still feels Edward's heart against his chest and Edward's ragged breath on his neck. And if he could weep he would do it right now. It's probably best that he can't because he'd make a complete pussy of himself.
Jasper waits three more breaths, then pulls back a bit and says quietly, "Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"You've got to stop cutting your skin around me if you care for your life, you know? It's taken all I have to stop myself from draining you this time."
"Okay," Edward agrees in soft voice. But then he chuckles lightly. "But it's not like I'm the one to blame, you know? You've got to stop hurting me!"
"Uhm," Jasper agrees, taking one last tentative lick at Edward's lips and stands up, leaving Edward lying down on his back on the floor with his pants down and drying cum all over him.
"***"
It's definitely not his time to feed yet - he's just had the girl - but Jasper feels shaken up and can't settle down as he walks the streets, trying to pick up the vibe. It's cold and not many people are out there so it takes Jasper some time before he feels it – the unmistakable despair and regret. He approaches a cab with a driver inside. The man sits with his back to Jasper and fumbles with some papers. He's clearly resigned, tired and unhappy. Jasper doesn't think twice when he reaches for the back door handle, opens the door so quickly the driver doesn't even notice and snaps his neck in one swift movement.
When Jasper's satisfied he moves to the front seat to check whether the man had some money. The driver's wallet lies on his lap, and when Jasper reaches for it a photo falls out along with a few sheets of paper with handwriting on them. Jasper slowly turns the photo to see a woman and a child on it. He looks closer at the letter - he doesn't understand the language, but the sight of it enough for him to understand what he's just done. The man was just missing his family –was probably alone in a foreign country. A family was certainly waiting for the money that he earned. Jasper gasps, dropping the letter and the photo and jumps out of the car.
He feels regret about almost every person he kills, but this? This is something different. So much worse. He feels like he's killed not one man but his whole family at the same time. He wants to walk away – he has to walk away - but his legs don't work. He sits on the pavement, placing his hands on the concrete.
He just can't do this anymore. He can't get up or move his hands, his body doesn't listen to his will anymore. He thinks that maybe he's used up all the energy he'd stored in him. Maybe it is like with food or sleep for people – they use up their resources and have to start over?. Maybe he was reckless, bathing in the sweetness and novelty and excitement of having Edward around, flying too high, losing his focus and not thinking about what would happen next and now he's got to pay for it?
Or maybe it's different? Maybe it's some kind of a punishment? Maybe there is some kind of a God who punishes Jasper each time he emerges from under the surface and carelessly forgets about the nature of his existence? Or maybe it's just what happens – randomly and without any cause - and it's just the way things are with him? No hidden motives underneath it all, no superior beings, no plan, no cycle – just him?
The reason for this is not really important though. Jasper just knows he can't take it anymore and prays, prays really fucking hard, for someone to make him invisible so he won't have to feel himself. But he can't stay here any longer, so he grits his teeth and stands up.
He's not sure how he's managed to come home, but when he's finally there, Edward's nowhere to be seen. Jasper doesn't have any energy left in him anymore, so he curls in a ball underneath some clothes, closes his eyes, stops breathing and moving and tries to shut down. He's done for today.
He doesn't know how much time has passed, but when Jasper slowly emerges from the pile of clothes, feeling calm and empty - like he's drained of any emotions he's ever felt - and sits by the wall, Edward is back, eating something out of a brown paper bag and moving around the room, apparently trying to tidy up – picking up the containers and pieces of paper. Nothing good is coming out of it though, as the place is still littered and dusty. Edward notices Jasper watching him and he acknowledges him with a nod of his head, but then he looks more closely at Jasper and without a word he walks toward him, and sits next to him extending his arm around Jasper's shoulder.
And Jasper finds himself leaning into the touch – resigned and defeated – while he places his head on Edward's chest and lets the boy wrap him in his warm arms. Jasper thinks that he shouldn't allow this, because he doesn't deserve it, or even need it. It's wrong on so many levels, but he's still feeling drained, so weak that even moving his hand to push away from Edward is too much of an effort. So he indulges himself and closes his eyes, relaxing and sighing when Edward strokes his hair and kisses the top of his head and then hugs him even tighter.
A/N
If you liked little humping scene thank Fr333bird for this! I wasn't planning it! It is all her doing :) You can do this for example by reading a little bit she wrote FOR ME! (yay!) here: tiny(dot)pl/hjmn9. It is so hot and fun!