There is, shamefully, a bit of drama in this one. But what is a good love story without your fair share of self loathing and the occasional anxiety attack?

I don't think I've ever been more stuffed in my entire life. Berwald kept taking things off the conveyer belt and insisting that we share them. I admit, it was a great way to try as many things as possible, but there was something else about it. I always got the first bite of his and he was the one popping it into my mouth every time. Berwald liked to feed me. What am I, a pet?

Ah, but the food was good so I didn't mind.

I paid the bill for everything (even though Berwald was practically breaking down inside because I refused to let him help because I KNEW he didn't have enough to even pay half anyway) and we were right on time to catch our bus home. I waved goodbye to the museum as we left and settled down in my seat next to my stoic company. There was only one other person on board and she was listening to music so all I heard from her head was an echo. The bus driver was absently thinking about what he was going to eat for dinner when he got off his shift and was easy to ignore. Especially when I focused purely on Berwald, who made a great pillow.

R-relax, Tino is just tired. He's only resting his head on your shoulder because he's tired. Don't get any ideas, just let him be. Maybe he will fall asleep…that would be adorable. Especially when waking him up. He might yawn, rub his eyes, and smile drowsily at me before we get off the bus and I would take his hand and…I shouldn't be thinking like this. Tino wouldn't appreciate it, I have been a little too close all day and I wonder if he's noticed. Half of me wants him to. I don't know how much longer I can go on before I slip up…

Oh, he stirred. Tino rubbed his cheek on me. He's too cute like this…his lips are parted just a little. I'm always watching them move, I wonder how they are in a kiss? I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but he's just so… No, even if he does fall asleep I will not lean over and do anything shameful like that. If I am ever going to kiss Tino it will be when he is wide awake and willing or not at all.

Following his rapidly growing thought bubble was a flicker of Berwald's imagination. It was a picture conjured up of us together, him holding my hands and I standing on my toes, he was leaned forward and we were-

D-don't blush. Come one, Tino, control yourself! Berwald's imagination was just getting the best of him, he will stop himself like he always does and it will be okay…

I was wrong. Berwald didn't stop himself, in fact he allowed his mind to go over the possibilities he was wishing were true. He thought it was okay to let his mind wander, just this once, and maybe sink into a little fantasy while the bus went down the darkening streets at dusk. Which means that I got to see the whole thing.

The kiss he pictured was one of those cheesy movie ones. His smiling vision of me leaned into Berwald's lips, signaling that he wanted more, and Berwald happily gave in. In his mind he could make normal facial expressions and there was a warm smile plastered to his face as well as eyes soft as blue fleece before being closed in the sweet bliss of the too-perfect moment. He wrapped his arms around the smaller frame in front of him and pulled it flush to his chest. Fantasy Tino held on gently around his neck eagerly helping to make the kiss grow deeper. Finally they parted for air. Fantasy Tino made a soundless gasp when Berwald's mouth went to his neck and his image of me was twisting the fabric of his coat in his hands and mouthing a name, laughing a little from the tickling feeling of soft lips kissing from ear to collarbone…

Thank goodness he was so absorbed in his own little world that he didn't see me turning bright red. Honestly, a little self control would be nice! But I guess I couldn't expect anything else from him, after all, he was in love with me. It wouldn't be surprising if this wasn't the first time he imagined a scene like that. But there was something about it…something I couldn't really put a finger on…it was a feeling. I'm not sure if it was mine or his. Normally I would attempt to stop fantasies like this due to how embarrassing they were but this time I stayed put. Let him, I thought to myself. There is no harm done by letting him think of me in such a way.

There was a light pressure on the top of my head and I realized Berwald was carefully resting his on mine. He thought I was asleep. No, I was just extremely tired and didn't feel like opening my eyes or supporting my own weight. My pills were definitely working now and I could hardly feel a thing. Everything was a foggy mess, thoughts of mine and others blended together seamlessly with a string of faint music from somewhere far away. All I was really aware of was how nice it was to be here like this…it was warm… Berwald's fantasy gradually ended when wishful thinking turned into a kind of composed melancholy.

I can only dream, Berwald thought quietly and let out a small sigh. I may never get to tell him how I feel but I hope this peace lasts forever. I guess I should be thankful that he trusts me this much already. I don't have to ask for any more, Tino doesn't have to tell me anything he doesn't want to. I just want him to be happy. To be his friend is enough…

Berwald was lying to himself.

000

The gravel driveway crunched under our feet as we made our way through shadowy trees. There wasn't much light now that it was dark out and it was hard to see the path at first but after awhile my eyes adjusted. Not that I was paying attention to where we were going anyway. I was so light-headed that it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other. Berwald noticed my difficulty and put an arm around me so I could use him as a crutch. He was a little worried.

"It's fine, I always get like this when I take that stuff." Berwald communicated through a modest squeeze. I smiled and looked up at the stars peeking out through the braches above. It was overcast earlier but now the sky was clear. "Woooow, it is beautiful tonight isn't it? I just want to lie down and look at the stars…"

"Too c'ld."

"Aw, but with a little hot cocoa it would be perfect."

"Ya're tired, aren't ya?"

"Oh yeah…" I guess I was a little loopy at the moment. Berwald noticed.

He's funny when he is intoxicated.

"Heheh," I giggled a bit. "Man, you should see me drunk…it takes two bottles of vodka just to get me hammered but when I do it's a party."

That somehow worries me. Does Tino drink a lot?

"I was just born with a high tolerance."

There was a little change in Berwald's mood. He was starting to get a little confused about something. I figured it was what I said. "That doesn't mean I drink or party a lot, you know how it is with me. I don't do well with lots of people and loud noises, like today."

…This is strange.

"Hey, plenty of people can't handle stuff like that! I wish I could. It would be nothing but clubs for me every Friday night."

Is he…is he talking to himself or something?

"Wow, that's rude. If you didn't want to talk to me you could have said so… Aw, but you do want to. You can't fool me."

We abruptly came to a halt. I was perplexed as to why we stopped until Berwald opened his mouth. "T'no, who're ya talk'n tah?"

"You of course. Are you trying to be silly or something? I'm not getting the joke."

"But…ya're carr'n on ah con'ersation…an' ah haven't be'n talk'n…" I blinked at him. What is he talking about? We were just talking about parties and…

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks strapped to an elephant and I felt my heart nearly stop. I goofed up. I was responding to Berwald's thoughts this entire time! No wonder he was speaking in complete sentences and sounding perfectly clear, he wasn't speaking at all! I was so out of it I didn't even notice.

"…I-I…well…" Berwald was studying my face for an answer I was slow to give. I was freezing up and wondering what the hell I was going to do to get out of this mess. What could I say? I could tell him I'm crazy. But then he might get scared of me and I don't want that… What could I do to distract him?

I turned myself around and grabbed him by the back of the neck. Thinking back on it I wonder what the hell gave me this horrible idea but at the time it was genius to a drugged-up mind like mine. I pulled him down, and…

Everything ceased. It was quiet…sweet silence…Berwald's puzzled head was put to rest. It wasn't more than a second before I pulled away feeling victorious. In one simple action, Berwald's questions all but vanished. He was lobster red and staring at me with the widest eyes I have ever seen on his face and his mind was completely taken off what just happened. My secret is safe another-

Wait, what the hell did I just do? Wasn't I supposed to tell him about that before I did anything like this? Wasn't I planning on telling him now anyway? Oh fuck, I just messed everything up!

D…did Tino just…he kissed me…is this real? H-he actually…but…

"Ber, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-!"

His lips were back on mine in a flash. It was like a switch had been pulled, one I was not anticipating to be so immediate and potent. It was all I could do to hold on as Berwald bent me over backwards and gave me the longest smooch of my life. He was pouring everything he'd been holding back into this one kiss. I could feel nothing but pure ecstasy from him as he held on, his eyes closed and a hand lacing through my hair.

My plan to get him to stop thinking backfired and now I was the one drawing a blank. But I wasn't fighting back, no. Quite the opposite. Carefully at first, I responded. You have no idea how good it felt…

000

I wish I could have woken up happy.

Instead I was a complete mess. I dragged myself out of bed and hit the coffee pretty hard. Oh, how my head ached…and my chest, that was worse of all. There wasn't anything I knew of that could help that kind of pain, though. Except maybe turning back time and stopping myself from ever meeting Berwald in the first place.

Last night was a mix of a dream and a nightmare. It was amazing, but now my heart beats in a pool of dread. As I cradled my warm coffee cup curled up on the couch I went over my situation. Yesterday I went out with Berwald, had a great time, and decided that I had to make him mine. That's great and all, but…he still doesn't know…right now he thinks he has everything he ever wanted. Just wait until the ugly truth rolls around to show him what he really had was a pile of deceiving shit.

How will he react? Well, there were a number of ways. Only three people have found out about me (other than my mom and dad) and each reaction was slightly different, if not the same. The first was a childhood friend of mine who reacted in fear. He told me I was scary and that he never wanted to play with me again. The second was the counselor that broke the news to my parents after getting the truth out of me. She said she wanted to 'help' but only ended up screwing things over. Reading minds doesn't give you a window to predict someone's actions; it only proves that you never know what someone will do. She honestly wanted to help…at first. We had to move if my parents didn't want me taken away to be poked and prodded for the rest of my life. The third was the ex girlfriend that reacted with anger, as you know, and I don't even want to get started on that one.

People don't want to have a mind reader around. The mind is the only place a person can go for pure privacy. Your true inner self is guarded in towers of protection as it should be. Knowing that fortress has been breached and can be at any given time is a little too much for most to handle. To them I am like a Trojan virus. I slip in unseen, gain access to their most guarded secrets, and I could very well destroy them if I so wanted. It is hard to trust someone with things you might not even trust yourself with and is only made worse because I can't stop. If I had an ounce of control over this curse things would be a lot easier.

So there was no telling how Berwald would react. I liked to think that he wouldn't care and that he would love me no matter what, but…there was a real chance that wasn't true. All it takes is one disaster to put things into perspective and make you realize what you really want. This disaster has told me how much I want Berwald's affectionate touch and devotion, his strong shoulder to lean on and unwavering trust, and his simple desires and chaste care. I want to see him happy above all else. I want him to be understood by at least one person on this lonely Earth…

Who knows what this disaster might do for him. Berwald may realize I am not that innocent little Tino of his dreams and that everything was a lie. I have known how he feels about me since the day we met and he might not appreciate how I did nothing. I didn't even warn him. This whole time he believes everything is how he's seen it so far. Just wait until I shatter his world.

In the end, no matter what he chose, I wouldn't stop him from leaving if he believed that would make him happy. I want Berwald to be happy even if it means that I will be a wreck for a long time to come. Who am I to wish for happiness when I am like this? Life isn't quite that fair.

Despite my inner turmoil I kept up a cheery mask as we texted back and forth every so often. He kept asking to meet up but I had to give excuses. 'I'm too busy today, sorry.' 'I'm not feeling well. I'm just going to take it easy and stick around the house.' It wasn't because I didn't want to see him but because I wasn't ready to face the royal shit-storm I made for myself. I still didn't know how I was going to break the news but I knew it had to be the next time I saw him.

The thought crossed my mind that I should tell him through text. That way I wouldn't have to see him angrily walk away, we just wouldn't see each other anymore and that would be that. But it also felt kind of cowardly and shallow to do that so I refrained. If I have any chance of keeping him even as a friend after the disturbing truth is out it will have to be face-to-face.

Until then I stalled.

000

"Junk mail, junk mail, junk mail…" I flipped through the envelopes in my hand and scanned the tops without much care. It was hard to do with gloves on but I didn't feel like taking them off. The air had gotten very chilly lately and the ground was locked in frost every morning. A trip to my mail box at the end of my driveway meant bundling up for a five minute walk through the trees. Not that I minded too much, it was just a bit of a hassle and I'm a lazy ass.

The energy was a waste when I found nothing exciting waiting in the little red box for me today. As I was turning around to head back there was the sound of a car pulling off the road onto the gravel and coming to a slow stop. People often used this spot as a turn-around so I didn't pay much attention to it and just kept walking. However, I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a familiar voice.

There he is. It looks like Tino was checking the mail.

My feet turned me around so fast I nearly fell over. Behind me was a deep blue sedan and the window was rolling down to reveal a stoic face I had been longing yet dreading to see for days. He leaned out the window a little and propped himself casually on his arm.

Hello, Berwald greeted in sign. I was a little lost for words so I merely mimicked him. "C'me by tah see ya. Haven't be'n 'round la'ely."

"O-oh, yeah…sorry about that, I've been catching up on some work of mine that I was getting behind on," I lied through my teeth and hoped my smile wasn't too nervous-looking to give me away. I could feel the mood he was in, the worries swimming around in his head, and I realized something was up.

Is it really work? "Ah c'n drive ya tah ya're house whi'e ah'm h're. Car's wa'm."

Without any other choice I agreed. I tucked my mail in my arm and went around to the other side where I could climb in next to him. The car was indeed much warmer. "Thanks! It is kind of cold out here and it takes awhile to walk back and forth."

"Hm." We started to crawl forward again and both of us were silent. Berwald had to focus on his driving and couldn't look at my lips so it was only natural we didn't talk…but the silence was still unnerving. Berwald's mind was racing; it was a big mess since the last time we met. I had no idea he was getting like this when my only way to communicate with him was through text. How was I supposed to know when I couldn't read his mind? The whole three days we hadn't seen each other I didn't think anything was wrong only to find everything was. I felt totally blind. But then again, this is how normal people do things all the time. How do they live like this?

When we got to the end of the driveway Berwald turned his car off but didn't move to get out. He sat back in his chair and looked at me. Just looked. While it appeared he was zoning out I knew he was contemplating how to start the conversation he desperately wanted to have with me. He couldn't wait for me to invite him into my house and he doubted I would anyway. His head was in a really uneasy place right now.

"Are…you okay, Berwald?" I asked innocently. The man blinked before answering.

"Are ya?" I couldn't stand his piercing gaze any longer and looked away.

"Yeah, I'm fine." My hand went for the door handle but a sudden click made me stop. The little peg went down before I could open it. That forced me to turn back around. "Ber, what is this about?" I knew full well but I wanted to know how he was going to say it.

"Mon'ay nigh'," he said slowly. The image of us in the starlight flashed across my eyes. "Ah w'nt tah know wha' tha' was."

"…It was a kiss wasn't it?"

"Hm. Did ya me'n it?"

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't…"

"Th'n why do's it fe'l l'ke ya're avoid'n m'?"

"I-I'm not!" I put my hands up and gave him the best smile I could muster, hoping to help the atmosphere a little. "I just happened to get really busy suddenly and I think I might have caught something. You probably shouldn't stick around too long or you might catch it, heheh."

Berwald's hands came up to take mine and lower them again. He leaned forward a little and I swear his gaze got ten times sterner. "T'no, tell m' the truth. B'fore tha' happ'ned ya lo'ked worr'ed 'bout s'meth'n. Ya're worr'ed now, too. Wha' is it? Do ya not l'ke me'af'er all?"

"No! No, Berwald, of course I like you! In fact I like you a lot more than I ever thought, especially after what happened Monday night. It's made me realize how much it would hurt to lose you…"

"Ya aren't gonna l'se m'," he said quieter. "'M the one who's 'fraid've lose'n ya. T'no, tell m' wha's wron'."

Well, I might as well do it now. It took a moment to gather my thoughts so I wouldn't stutter like a fool. Berwald waited patiently still holding my gloved hands. I could feel his warmth through the fabric. "You might hate me after I tell you this."

He shook his head. I could never hate him. I love Tino, ever since the moment I saw his amazing eyes. Ah, so he finally realized…

"Berwald, you constantly wonder how I'm able to read you so well when your face doesn't change. I always surprise you when I understand what you mean and can almost predict what you are going to do. I know more about you than you know…"

WHAT'S THIS, A CLIFF HANGER? Oh, I am simply evil aren't I?