A/N

As usual – thank you Fr333bird for beta'ing this and Im_not_a_lizard vel Rhythm Junkie for the hand-holding.

Pic for this chapter: bit(dot)ly/z0eOgS

8. The New

Edward's blood invades Jasper's mouth in a rushed flow, making him sigh. His hands are shaking, whole body alive, like it hasn't been in years, or maybe ever in this life. He swallows, gripping Edward's wrists, sliding his thumbs along the insides of Edward's hands, pressing on the flesh as if he wants to reassure himself that the boy is still here, still with him. He swallows more, and more, reveling in the smooth taste. It's divine to him. Jasper closes his eyes, breathing in, breathing out, shaking more. He wants to climb on top of Edward and devour him, but restrains himself because he wants it to last, he wants it to be gentle, he wants it to be worthy of this perfect boy.

Edward's fingers curl over Jasper's like it's a farewell, and this suddenly brings Jasper back to reality. Jasper opens his eyes wide, taking in the sight – of Edward, limp and lifeless underneath him, but still breathing. His heart is still beating, barely but unmistakably. Jasper hears his own breath, his own whimpers and slurps of his tongue, gulps in his throat – loud and offensive, sacrilegious. The feeling of the finality of what he's doing dawns on him again and Jasper's insides twist. He's not ready. He is not ready to give up on this boy.

I can't do this, Jasper thinks, and then repeats out loud, "I can't do this!"

He releases Edward, crouches back against the opposite wall and watches, still trembling, his fingers scratching the floor below him in the same way they stroked Edward's palms just moments ago.

At first nothing happens – Edward's unconscious now,– but then Jasper feels it. The slow build of overwhelming fear in every part of Edward's body. It's not a state of mind like in his victims, it's deep down in the boy's body – some primal force, the awareness of his bones and muscles, or even deeper in his cells. They are all screaming with fear, curling inside and exploding again like nano-supernovas.

And then Edward chokes and takes a whistling intake of air in his lungs, stretches his body into an unnatural position and starts wailing. It's muffled and not that loud, but nonetheless it hits Jasper hard as he grips his head and clutches his hands over his ears.

Jasper thinks he's losing his mind. He's in despair, guilt overwhelming him and making him unable to think straight. He's full of conflicting desires– to flee, to stay, to just kill Edward while he still can, and be done with it, to embrace him and tell him everything will be all right – although clearly it won't, it fucking won't be okay, because how can it be okay?

But most of all Jasper wants to murder himself in every possible cruel and painful way he can think off. Ripping his own head off or crushing it inside his own grip would be a perfect way to do this. Jasper feels that he'll explode any minute now from all this frustration and guilt. He wants to run and hide away so far away that even he wouldn't find himself. But he's got Edward on the floor next to him, still crying from all the pain – the pain that Jasper's to blame for - and Jasper can't abandon him right now.

Jasper stands up, runs to the mattress and covers Edward with blankets, tucking him up like he's a child. He knows this won't help, but can't stop himself. He brushes Edward's hair from his forehead.

"I'm really so fucking sorry," he mutters, knowing Edward can't hear him. "But maybe, you know, maybe you'll feel better? Maybe you'll like it?" Maybe you'll stay with me, Jasper adds in his mind, but doesn't dare to say it aloud.

He sits next to Edward, leans back on the wall, and tries to push calmness and bliss towards the boy even though it won't work – not in this case. So mostly he just waits, and waits, day, night, day again, listening to Edward's frantic heartbeat.

Slowing down.

And finally halting.

"***"

The silence that follows is impossible. For one magical moment Jasper thinks that the world has actually stopped. Nothing moves, not even the particles in the rays of light filtering through the dusty windows. To test if he's still here Jasper slowly stretches his fingers and curls them again, wincing at the sound it causes in the air, and sees Edward's lip corners twitch, as if from amusement or anger. But Jasper doesn't know it because nothing is coming from this boy – not a single emotion.

Jasper slowly moves forward, on his hands and knees, hovering above Edward, examining his face closer. God, if the boy was perfect before, now he's a deity, Jasper muses, taking in the sight in front of him. He should have been expecting this, really. Everyone as a vampire is somewhat beautiful, but with Edward it's the little flaws – like the slight unevenness of his lip line or a few freckles on his cheek - that make him so perfect.

And Jasper's not prepared, not a little bit, for what happens next, when he finds himself being thrown hard into the wall and Edward launching himself at Jasper's throat, growling, teeth snapping right in front of Jasper's stunned face while he tries to shield himself with his arms. He bends down, twirls and jumps out of reach of Edward's clawed hands.

He should be okay, he thinks when he turns around quickly, but he loses his balance because Edward has already bumped into him, taking Jasper to the ground along with him, digging his nails in Jasper's neck, aiming to kill. Jasper avoids it once more, punching Edward with his head, throwing him off, retreating, dodging the next blow by an inch, really surprised.

Jasper has no idea how Edward's doing this. He's dealt with enough newborns in his life to know how to avoid their teeth and impatient, uncoordinated attacks, but Edward seems to foresee each of Jasper's movements. Edward jumps again and Jasper covers his face at the last minute, feeling Edward bite down hard into his flesh. He tries to divert his attention by kicking him fiercely, twisting in his grip, but Edward only grasps him tighter, to the point where Jasper's body is crushing and cracking under the pressure.

Jasper sees no escape. He's sure Edward's going to kill him, and for a wild moment he greets this thought, welcomes it with a slight relief, because it would mean it's finally over for him, once and for all. He just regrets he hasn't got his chance to take care of Edward, to lead him into this new life. He closes his eyes and waits for the last blow. But it doesn't come. Jasper feels the grip on him loosen and then he's abandoned, half lying on the floor, pressed into the wall. He dares to open his eyes to see Edward right in front of him, chest heaving, arms hanging loosely by his side, his pupils blown wide and irises red, an incredible shade of clear burgundy.

Edward gasps and suddenly the emotions that haven't been in place before flood Jasper all at once – the realization, the disbelief, the fear, the anger - most of all the anger, but with a hint of hidden despair as well. Jasper wants to reach for the boy, but is still too scared, too unsure of what to do.

"How could you do this to me?" Edward asks, flinching at the sound of his voice.

"I, ah…" Jasper begins, but finds himself unable to finish and give the right explanation because whatever he can come up with sounds so selfish. Because I couldn't give up on you? Because you're too beautiful to be lost? Because I wanted to keep you? Because I allowed myself to feel hope in a moment of indulgence? None of these answers are right – they are clichéd and sappy as if they've been taken out of some low rated romance novel and Jasper feels ashamed for even making them up, not mentioning trying to voice them.

"Because you wanted to keep me?" Edward hisses. "I'm not a fucking dog, or a book to keep."

And Jasper panics because he must have lost his mind for real as he didn't even notice himself verbalizing his own thoughts. Fuck, fuck, he repeats in his head, now I will really need to find some plastic bags to carry with me and maybe an orange vest to be safe on the road, or at least a big knapsack to hold the books with my handwriting in red pencil all over the printed pages. Jasper catches Edward's eyes and sees the boy is bewildered, his face frozen in total astonishment, completely puzzled.

"Red pencil...?" Edward repeats, his voice low, unsure.

Jasper nods. "Yep. All over the margins, front and back." He chuckles, but it's a nervous laugh. And then it hits them both at the same time.

"Oh fuck," Jasper says just when Edward throws his arms in the air, grips his head and tugs on his hair saying, "This can't be."

But yes, it can be, Jasper thinks, already feeling sorry for the boy because he wouldn't wish that even on his worst enemy, and because he knows exactly what Edward's feeling right now – he's been there, he's dealt with it. Not true, he corrects himself; he hasn't dealt with it – not then and not ever.

"Maybe it's just with me," he says aloud, unsure. "You may be tuned to me somehow," he adds, but deep in his heart he knows it's bullshit, that Edward is cursed in the same way he is himself.

"I'm sorry," Jasper says quietly, approaching Edward's crouched figure, reaching out.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me," Edward says through gritted teeth before Jasper even gets the chance to reach him with his fingers and Jasper snatches his hand back. He slowly sinks to the ground next to Edward, desperately trying to find words of consolation, but there aren't any.

"My throat's burning," Edward says, hoarsely and Jasper nods.

"I know. You need to…" And he doesn't have to finish because Edward already knows it, his head snapping up, angry gaze boring into Jasper's, fists clenching, and a silent 'how could you?' hanging in between them again.

"***"

They wait till night falls, Jasper hopes it'll help a bit - with less people on the streets and darkness hiding their movements.

"Try to keep close to me," Jasper orders, Edward answering, "Yeah," before Jasper finishes, rubbing his hands over his temples, upset.

Jasper tries to send a small wave of calmness towards Edward, but the boy just glares at him, muttering something sounding a lot like 'fucking trickster', and Jasper raises his eyebrows because he doesn't recall himself ever being mischievous and subversive like the real tricksters. Although, on the other hand, he is sometimes maybe a little manipulative. Edward stares at him, shaking his head, still cursing under his breath. Jasper motions for the door and Edward reaches for the handle. It crumbles to dust in his hand, Edward stares at it, astounded, before shrugging and walking down the stairs – his steps light, springy, as if he's not touching the ground, movements fluid, gracious, predatory. He keeps looking over his shoulder, his expression unreadable to Jasper, but emotions clear and 'loud'. Right now Jasper could also pass as a mind-reader.

"Fuck you," Edward says again, angrily and loudly before taking a huge step down, hesitating on the next one before jumping over the handrail, down the rest flights of stairs, sending dust and pieces of glass flying around them as he lands with a muffled thud. Jasper follows him, scared of what's coming next, but thrilled just a little bit, too, because that was just awesome - Edward's kind of amazing like this, frightening but gracious and intriguing and…

"Would you, please, shut the fuck up!" Edward growls, right in Jasper's face, making him stumble back a bit, his own anger flaring up as he shoves Edward off him, snarling himself, hurt a bit and really pissed off.

"I'm working on it," he huffs and grabs Edward's shoulder, pushing him towards the door roughly. The boy just shrugs him off, while kicking the door open.

After that there isn't much choice really. Jasper just tries to look around at least to see if anyone else is watching while Edward almost flies across the street, bringing down a guy along with the dog he was walking out, the animal giving a short howl while being tossed aside and the guy covering himself with his hands. It looks nasty from Jasper's point of view – the man's throat ripped open wide, flesh torn, blood spilled all over. However Jasper licks his lips involuntarily and crouches down, flanking Edward, seeing red in front of his eyes, and thinking mine, as he approaches the other vampire. Edward just turns to him, face covered in blood and human tissue and emits a low, threatening growl, making Jasper snap out of the trance.

"Move back," Jasper orders coldly, but Edward doesn't listen. He's still crouching over the body, protecting whatever's left of it.

"We've got to get rid of him. We can't leave it like this. Fuck," Jasper says, annoyed, thinking fucking newborns.

Edward seems to calm down a bit, but is clearly offended and doesn't move.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, come on," Jasper cries. "Just shove him in the dumpster around the corner. And yes, fuck, I know you want more. Just… toss him in there, yes?"

Finally, Edward complies, reluctantly, and jostles the body in the dumpster, closing the lid after it. Jasper thinks that this is not the best place to hide it - too close to their 'home' - and that it will cause them trouble. But the truth is they can't really be in much more trouble than they are already.

Then Edward's moving. He must have caught some new scent and follows it toward the well-lit streets, towards the people. Jasper panics again because he's not sure he can contain Edward, not with his mental abilities. So he tries to catch up with him and grabs his hand, shakes it with, "Edward, please, just follow me, you can't go there like this." Yet, Edward's already walking, quickly, turning once, twice, and onto the street, his face and clothes still covered in bloody stains while he steps into the light among a small crowd of people.

Suddenly he turns around, searching for Jasper with frantic eyes, shouting, "Jasper, Jasper…" and Jasper knows immediately what's happening. He just jumps in front of Edward, tugs on his hand and pulls him out of there, dragging him along, taking him as far away as he can, to the pier, where there is no one – just rusty pipes behind old ship containers.

"***"

"Your voice is clear and quiet, Jasper, but they're all shouting, whispering, mumbling!" Edward clutches his head and his eyes are still crazy.

Jasper is worried Edward's going to really lose it.

"I am losing it!" Edward shouts, tugging on his hair.

Jasper doesn't know what to do so he opts for the first thing that comes into his mind. He takes Edward's hand again.

"Quick," he says.

They reach the ocean and Jasper pushes Edward into the water, practically shoving him under the surface. Then farther on, far away from the city, he makes him lie down on the bottom, cold waves closing high above them, silence covering their ears, darkness surrounding them. Jasper doesn't dare leave Edward here, but knows it won't work properly because Edward can still hear his thoughts. So Jasper tries to concentrate on thinking about something nice and relaxing.

He pictures fields of grass – the wind slowly swaying them down to the ground and up again. Sun shines brightly, making the air blurry and bleached like on overdeveloped photograph. He enriches the vision with scents - as he remembers them – the dry grass, the sunburned dirt, and with sounds. It brings him peace, too, and he can feel Edward relaxing next to him. Even the grip on his hand is not so tight anymore.

Jasper tries to emit a bit of calmness, but Edward tenses because he knows he's being 'manipulated' so Jasper goes back to thinking about soothing places. He adds new elements to the landscape - a white house in the end of a road, the smell of apples in a basket, the clap clap of feet on the deck of the house, screeching of a chair, the scent of something cooking and laughter.

"Kids! Dinner!" someone shouts and Jasper snaps out from the hazy memory - or imagination.

Edward's lying next to him, listening.

Are you better? Jasper asks Edward through his thoughts and feels a squeeze on his hand in return.

Do you think we can go back?

Another squeeze.

Okay, try to keep that image and don't get them to you, Jasper gives Edward advice in his head as they slowly emerge from under the water.

A/N

Beacullen wrote an amazing review if this story on TwiFicReviews! Thank you! Tiny(dot)pl/hj168

And AstridGreenEyes nominated this story for the Sunflower Award (Best Vampire Story category) :) tiny(dot)pl/hjjq2 . Voting will be opened from January 29th to February 19th