On a Tuesday
3:44 pm
Philadelphia, PA
"Charlie, how can you be so goddamn illiterate and actually pass English? It boggles my goddamn mind."
"Well, if you don't want to go, then don't!"
"Oh, no. I'm going. If Dee's going, I'm not missing it."
Dennis stood under the bleachers with Charlie, who was evidently three months older than himself and Dee, two months older than Mac, and having an unsupervised party over the weekend. He seemed surprised by Dennis' confirmation, just as Dennis had expected.
"Really?" Charlie asked, sounding genuinely surprised, "You don't have another party to go to or something? I already thought it was unlikely you of all of my friends would make it."
Dennis sighed. "Must I repeat myself? I am not missing what you consider a party," the self proclaimed popular friend half laughed, "now give me the goddamn fucking card." The envelope said "Deniss" on it, a gross blasphemy of Dennis' name. Then again, what would he expect for his most likely dyslexic or literally retarded friend?
It was a cold day, but warm for February in Pennsylvania. Both Charlie and Dennis just wore jackets, the latter's significantly nicer and the formers…probably had tissues in the kangaroo pouch? Dennis didn't know, nor really care. Dennis was smoking a cigarette for no other reason except it looked cool and it was his right as an American citizen. Charlie had only one envelope left in his hand; his chubby hands were covering the misspelled name, making Dennis wonder who the invite was to.
"Have anyone else to invite, Buddy?" Dennis inquired. It was always fun to see who Charlie considered a friend. Even those twins from his and Mac's old school who smelled like milk and cum were Charlie's friends.
"Yeah. Remember that waitress at the coffee shop that you guaranteed was in college and out of my league?" Dennis nodded. She was, anyhow. She wasn't hot, but she was still out of Charlie's league.
"It turns out, she goes here. I need to invite her."
Dennis Kind Of Meets The Waitress
"Do you even know her name?"
"Yeah, it's-"
As if on cue, the not really pretty waitress and a tall, lean brunette walked by on the track. "Be right back," Charlie said, tipping an imaginary hat.
#
Charlie jumped out to surprise both girls in the most sensual (read: most disturbing and similar to a rapist) fashion he knew how to achieve. Dennis peeked through the bleachers to watch the excitement unfold. It would be good for a laugh later on.
"Charlie!" The Waitress was already freaking out, "What the fuck? I told you to leave me alone."
"All the time? I mean come on," Charlie gave her a "let's be rational" smile. Dennis smiled as the train wreck that is Charlie's romantic attempts unfolded. "It's almost my birthday. I was going to invite you to my party," Charlie held her envelope up, an attempt to entice her.
"Wait, this is your Charlie?" the tall girl asked. Charlie and the Waitress both nodded. Dennis waited for a bitch slap in a "friends stick together and you were staring at my boobs" way. There were a lot of "ways" people did things, Dennis noted to himself.
She dissolved into a face one saves for kittens and puppies sleeping next to each other, interracial babies, and the beginning of most Disney movies. "He looks harmless." She looked him in the eyes, "I'll go to your party, you misunderstood soul." "Misunderstood soul" sounded sarcastic to Dennis, but the Waitress and Charlie both took it seriously.
The Waitress shot daggers at the tall girl as Charlie handed her the envelope. "Fine. I'll go, to keep Jennie safe," the Waitress said, now addressing who was evidently Jennie, "You don't even go here."
"Exactly! Dude, I need a party every once in a while. The home schooled need some fun, too." Jennie looked at the envelope, "Good god you're illiterate. How do you misspell a name as simple as hers?," she nodded to the Waitress.
"Eh. Ma. Gawd," Charlie said, taping into his inner valley girl, "You're home schooled? You need to party! To take away the religious fuddy duddy stereotype! You drink, right?"
"Who doesn't in this day and age? Someone here certainly does." The Waitress blushed.
"Scared nerds, according to my friend Dennis." It was true, after all Dennis thought to himself. Dee didn't drink until Dennis told her how cool it really was and she can put away a fuckton of booze almost three years later.
"OK, info's on the card?" Jennie asked to make sure. Charlie decided to give a thumbs up for some weird reason. They called in union, "See you then!" as the Waitress dragged Jennie by the tails of her Sherlock Holmes esque peacoat to the other side of the track.
#
Charlie scurried back to Dennis, excited to see if he approved. Dennis gave his popular friends looks of approval if they did something right. Sometimes, Dennis gave Mac this approving look, and even Dee received it once. It looked like a look his mother gave, but less mushy. Maybe Charlie would receive that look. "Holy shit!" he grinned ear to ear, "Did you see me? Did you see me go all sensual on Jennie, and even better…," Charlie stopped when he realized how few fucks Dennis gave.
"Yeah, so I'll see you Saturday," Dennis said, going to Lemon Hill or Park or whatever it was. Charlie was never invited anyway.
"OK," Charlie called out, a bit for longed feeling. He almost walked back to squeeze between the two women walking away, but they were gone.
Charlie vowed to himself then and there, under the bleachers, as a fat student and teacher couple made out to his right and the track team took drags on his left (or vice versa; Charlie had no fucking clue about his right and left, but knew the student and teacher couple was east and the track team was west), Dennis would give him what will now be referred to as "The Look of Approval" by the time they graduate.
Jennie is based off of a really cool and badass friend of mine. We met through a mutual adoration of Always Sunny and Tumblr. It makes the drinking line ironic, since neither of us drink.
Oh gosh it's fun writing as Dennis, but angst is my default so it's kind of hard.
I'll say it now, no one in this chapter is PS, if your curious.