On a Wednesday

6:33am

Philadelphia, PA

Mac didn't feel like going to school today. There wasn't a test or something, he just didn't feel like going anywhere today. He needed to call Charlie to say he wouldn't be there today, then make his mom call him in sick.

He dialed Charlie's familiar number. Mac memorized it back in kindergarten, before he got that badass address book for Christmas. The first few times he called, the very first few times, they both were really concerned something bad would happen, like a pedophile would pick up. Mac had nothing to worry about, however. His fear of Uncle Jack was clearly irrational as he got older.

It only took a few rings for Charlie to pick up. "Mac?" Charlie answered, a little sleepy.

"Hey, Charlie," Mac responded, "I'm definitely not going to be in school today, OK? Just head in without me."

Charlie sounded a little more awake now. "Alright, sure. Do you want me to tell Dennis or Dee?"

Shit. Mac forgot about them. "Nah. I'll call them, too. Do you think you can handle Dee without me?"

"What do you mean, 'handle Dee'?" Mac could only imagine Charlie used air quotes over the phone. Mac would never know, though. That realization made him a little sad for some odd reason.

"Do you think you can have a conversation at lunch without me there?"

"I've done it before, Mac."

When the hell did this happen? "Alright, because you know the alternative, right?"

"I could handle him, too, but I think I'll just stick with Dee."

"I'll see you tomorrow, dude. 'Kay?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." They hung up at the same time.

Mac's Day Off

Next, Mac called Dee's private line. Despite her mother's belief no one would ever call her, she still had her own line. She sounded more awake than Charlie when answering. "Hello?"

"Dee? It's Mac. I'm not going to school today."

"Why? Are you too lazy to pull yourself away from porn again?" That happened once and Dee still brings it up.

"No. There's no porn this time."

"Did you make a collage for Charlie?"

"Maybe I will."

Dee laughed. She had a nice laugh, one that's easy to see on her face. Mac could picture her wide, open smile, and stopped when he realized profiling people on the phone was creepy. Then again, he had the whole conversation with Charlie, so he didn't worry.

While he was still thinking of it, "Do you think Charlie and you can have a conversation together at lunch?"

"Definitely. Feel better!" and she hung up.

"I'm not sick," Mac pathetically informed the dial tone.

#

Mrs. Mac was completely ok with Mac being home alone and not in school for any reason other than he felt like it. He's the one who will fail and live with, as she put it, "Either the gay one, the bitch, or the short one." Mac failed to see the passive aggressive quality of her comment, and just stayed home.

Because of his conversation with Dee, he decided jacking off was a little hypocritical. He watched a video recording of Beavis and Butthead instead. Beavis and Butthead always reminded Mac of a watered down version of Charlie and himself, respectively, and with Dee as Daria. The only real differences are Mac's mutual, almost paternal love for Charlie and occasional romantic feelings for Dee.

Charlie didn't have a father. Mac sort of did. Together, they were each others fathers. When Mac came home from prison on fathers day, he and Charlie would throw rocks together or, more when they were younger, talk about Ninja Turtles. It was a better conversation than what Mac would have with his dad; typically, Luther gave Mac tips on how to sell pot at school, then have weird sex with Mrs. Mac and sometimes the security guard.

Dennis came in the picture after Mac was moved to public school. No one wanted to talk to the baby faced Catholic boy, but Dennis thought his shirt was cool. His exact words were, "Oh my god you're arms are huge! Did you rip the sleeves off yourself?" They've been friends since, sharing blood in the AIDS epidemic and going on slightly more calculated schemes.

Enter Sweet Dee: the tall, beautiful, and braced twin sister of Dennis, Mac was obligated to tease her. Around the summer before sophomore year, Dee started getting cooler, in a sense. She had comebacks to his insults and met Charlie (Dennis had met three years before, but never invited Charlie over out of fear of breaking shit), two requirements to be a friend. Mac first realized she was hot when she yelled profanities at a historical tour; "Hey, boners! I'm going to be famous one day! This is history!" Ever so often, Dee would be pretty again, but a lot of the time she was just Dennis' oddly cool sister who was a fun punching bag.

Mac paid attention to the screen for the first time in a while. It was the episode where Beavis gets stuck in one of those blood pressure machines, one of Charlie's all time favorites. It felt a little irreverent watching alone, but not enough to motivate Mac to quit watching.

It was around the time the "Die Cheerleader" video was mocked that Mac realized he was lonely. Fortunately, he knew just what to do. When he would someday beat up a drunk rapist or whatever lowlife piece of shit the Lord sent him, he would find a weak spot and give it a badass roundhouse. The weak spot of being lonely was being able to do things too humiliating in public. This gave Mac an idea.

#

Three hours later, everything was perfect. The cookies were cooled off, but still gooey; the letter within the card was written; the game of Simon was dusted; and the two sided collage was completed. Charlie's birthday gifts were totally set. There were enough cookies in the fridge to eat without eating Charlie's, not to mention Mac's mom would be happy there were cookies.

The letter in the card read: Charlie, you're the best friend I ever had. You remind me there are people who want me to succeed. Even though I might call you retarded or white trash, I still really care about you. Happy birthday! From, Mac

Charlie used to be obsessed with Simon, to the point Mac would hide it when Charlie came over if he asked. After a while, Charlie forgot about Simon and they got into new things. To keep things still his, Mac left a note on the back, reading This is a loan.

Of course, there was the two sided collage. On one side, there was a testament to the Mac and Charlie friendship. Pictures of their friends, their hobbies, and their favorite things dominated the poster board originally used as a presentation about the industrial revolution. On the back, there was porn. It had the stuff Mrs. Kelly never let in the house. The double sided idea allowed Charlie to keep it in his room without his mom knowing. Mac was proud of this idea. It was ideas like this that Dennis' gave him a proud look, like a tired parent when their kid did something so incredibly right. Mac received it most out of the gang.

Now that his gifts to Charlie were done, Mac decided the only logical thing to do now was to sleep more. Staying up from 1 to 6:30 was no way to live.

I'm not really passionate about Mac/Dee or Charlie/Dee, but they both make sense, which is more than Glee can say for itself most days.

Sorry if the Beavis and Butthead stuff is inaccurate. I never saw the early ones (I was 2 months old when this takes place) and got the information from Wikipedia.

fluff: thank you! The main reason it focuses on Charlie is because he's the oldest in the gang (according to season 3), and I think it's what goes on in the sane part of Charlie's head.