Chapter 6: Every day is...

.oOo.

Michael sat in the sun lit room and stared through Dr. Kate Heightmeyer as she patiently waited for an answer. But he didn't want to give one, instead his mind drifted back to yesterday. When Gwen had left and alone once again in his chamber it felt even emptier than before. He now pondered over the ache that filled him then. Was it because she was gone? Or was it the quietness that pressed in over him?

At the time he was to busy to work fast to free the cords. As he slipped in the ear buds he had realized something with a smile. Not only did she give him something to pass the time with, but also a possible reason to see her again.

Turning the iPod on, he flopped down onto the bed, stretched out, put his arms behind his head and he closed his eyes. Carefully he listened to the words and appreciated how the music pushed away the suffocating silence. And in that moment Michael finally felt himself for the very first time, since he could remember, truly being happy.

Giving a small frustrated sigh Dr. Heightmeyer repeated more firmly, "Why did you help Dr. Reyes pick up her things?"

He found her persistence odd, for earlier she had commented, "Oh Michael I heard you ran into someone yesterday on the way to my office." And then like so many times after a question or a comment she grew quiet and waited for him to respond. And oh how he hated those silences because they made him want to talk just to fill them.

The problem was he really didn't want to talk, especially to her. Since she didn't ask a question Michael didn't feel the need to elaborate and only offered, "yes" and thought the subject was settled.

"Michael?"

Shifting in his chair he looked out the windows which took up the entire exterior wall. Like the room they were narrow. The shadows produced in the late afternoon threw bars over everything. The view beyond held nearly the same one from every room. It held nothing but ocean and the city which floated upon it. He hated it, the windows, the walls and nearly everything about this place. It felt dead here and artificial.

Glaring at Dr. Heightmeyer, Michael asked, "Why do you want to know?"

She leaned back and crossed her legs. "Conversation, would you rather talk about something else?"

More silence and it had Michael snapping, "Because Dr. Reyes dropped them!"

"But she could have picked them up by herself."

"She ran into me."

"Yes, so I heard. But why help her?"

Frowning Michael answered, "What does it matter? When you've already decided why I did it."

"I haven't decided anything. I just want to know how you feel about what happened."

"How I feel?" he paused and gave a tight frustrated smile. He hated that question and its various versions simply due to there repetition. Slowly he asked, "You really want to know about how I feel? It's simple, you won't believe me when I say, 'I just wanted to help her.' That, is how I feel."

"And you took the iPod because?"

"Ah see? I told you," he pointed at her. As she said nothing, he gave the question honest thought and finally admitted, "I don't know why I took it. I didn't know what it was. I'm bored. I want to get back to work. When do you think I can go back?"

Gently she pressed. "We've already been over this today. We still can't let you, not yet. I'm sorry."

I doubt that! Michael thought with fists tightening. Aloud he demanded, "Then give me something to do."

"Like what?"

"Besides getting out of this damm city?" he asked, got up, he began to pace. "I really don't honestly care. Just make it new. Give me some space. Stop hovering over me. I'm tired of sitting in my room or the mess. I'm tired of going for walks or sparring."

"Very well, let me see what we can do."

"Right," Michael grunted and headed for the door. "Enough of this, see you tomorrow Doc."

.oOo.

At their daily meeting later that afternoon, Elizabeth decided to not address the issue of Michael till the very end. For she knew once it was brought up her team would find it hard to move on to other matters. As time passed, Elizabeth found it rather amazing that nobody else did. Although unvoiced, she could still see the shadowy concern hang over all of them. Pressing and unpleasant but for the time being, it was ignored and postponed, she realized when their meeting was going longer than usual.

But at last the current Athosian crop yields, on the mainland were winding down. All other topics covered, Elizabeth turned to Dr. Carson Beckett and finally addressed, "How is Michael doing?"

"For the time being he's do'in well. According to the blood I drew yesterday he's stable at his current level dosage," Carson answered. Staring at the table, he then sighed, "However we're still far off from a permanent solution. For now, he will still need to keep takin' the retro-virus daily."

Kate started with her report next, "He has mentioned trouble sleeping. The cameras confirmed he has been having nightmares but he is reluctant to disclose there details. I wouldn't be surprised if they had something to do about his previous life."

"So you're saying, he might remember something?" Rodney asked looking at them all concerned.

Kate shook her head, "It's possible. We know only a little of how our own brains work let alone a Wraith's. I would suggest we reinforce to him that they are only nightmares."

Colonel Steven Caldwell of the Daedalus pressed with, "But I thought you said that the reto-virus altered his brain structure."

"Aye yes it has," Carson confirmed. "At least from what I've seen in the scans, however as Dr. Heightmeyer was sayin'. We don't know exactly how the brain works-his especially."

Kate also interrupted with, "But one thing we do know is it can heal. How well depends on age."

"Oh yes," Rodney agreed but his voice oozed with sarcasm. "Let's not forget that Wraith are wonderful at that. Carson I'm surprised you didn't bring that up."

"Couldn't we up his dosage, just to be safe?" John suggested.

Carson frowned, "I'd rather no' resort to that."

Agreeing, Kate added, "It might not help matters anyways. As I've said before, the change in his mind might not be due solely to physical changes. The trauma of the transformation to a human, might be what is contributing to suppressing his past memories."

"Still Carson," Elizabeth insisted, "let's keep it an option." Putting aside that particular aspect of the issue she looked to Rodney, "Have you or anyone else working with Dr. Gwen Reyes heard her say anything more about Michael?"

Rodney grimaced and mumbled, "Not that I'm aware of, why?"

Elizabeth ignored the question and asked instead, "Could you find out?"

"Frankly, I've been too busy, since witnessing her making googley eyes at him in his quarters. Although, there's someone I have in mind to ask. Let me try her and get back to you. She might know more. Again, why?"

Not witnessing the event but the one from the hallway, Ronon's imagination filled in the details. He made a face as if he had just smelled something bad and muttered, "Disgusting."

Elizabeth was about to answer Rodney's question when Carson asked one of his own, "Beg your pardon? But who's Gwen?"

John gave a nod towards Steven and explained, "She's new, was lost and ran into Michael in the hallway. He helped her and there seems to be," he paused for the right word and decided on, "an interest between them."

Carson growing agitated inquired, "An interest? Are you doin' what I think you're doin' with these two? It's not right. At least for Gwen's–"

"We're not," Elizabeth assured. Raising a swearing hand, she stressed, "Hear me out on this, Carson. It's all up to them."

"But is she capable of-"

"Yes," Kate chimed in. And she pushed over the opened file, upon her data pad to Carson and added, "Dr. Weir contacted me to meet them outside of Michael's quarters. From the cameras, I observed Gwen's interactions with him and it went well. Since then I have looked over her file."

Carson took a minute to look at Gwen's psychological profile and credentials. But then shook his head and protested, "I still don' approve of this idea. So what if she knows how to defend herself? I'm sure she's no black belt. Look'ere!" He pointed at the screen. "She's barely passed the minimum physical requirements. She's yet to log in more sparing time to improve."

When Kate opened her mouth, Carson squashed the point she was about to make, "And I don' care if the psychological profile spouts that she's a moral rock. And yes according to this she may have had," he gave the file a dismissive wave and stressed, "some psychological training. But a few classes? All this combined, she's still no shrink nor match for his–"

"Carson's right, that's what I said from the beginning!" Rodney interrupted then also emphasized each of his following words, "This is a very bad idea!"

"It's the only one we have," Elizabeth argued and crossed her arms. Leaning forward upon her elbows she slowly explained, "Look we all know is this is new territory we're getting into. But our ultimate goal is to see if we can fully integrate him. And how are we to do that when we keep him away from everyone?"

The question sat there, unanswered. Everyone stared to one another, not sure what to say. Ronon acted instead. Without a word he got up and left. Already he had voiced his view on the matter. It had been ignored and now he refused to be no more a part of it then necessary. The whole idea he found was a complete joke and a very dangerous one at that.

All he could do now was keep at a certain distance and watch for Michael to eventually show them all what he truly was: a Wraith. Nothing would or could change that, in Ronon's mind and the only thing left was to wait, until Michael attempted to hurt someone. Feeling the comforting weight of his Satedan gun, Ronon had already knew what setting he would use. The one he always used when dealing with Wraith, before even his days of being a runner for their amusement. Regardless of the consequences, he would put a deadly stop to the experiment when the opportunity came.

Quietly, they all watched him go. Elizabeth pressed her lips together in a hard frustrated line.

Teyla Emmagan warrior, leader of the Athosions and alien liaison for Atlantis debated for a moment to follow Ronon. But then decided it would be for the best to stay. In a clear voice she attempted to lighten some of the tension in the room, by playing the moderator, "Elizabeth, I think what Carson is trying to say is, 'what will happen if things don't go according to plan?' I also must express my concern over this. Because Michael, wins more often than not in our sparring matches. And I don't believe he has yet to regain his full strength."

"I'm aware of that," Elizabeth acknowledged. Looking deeply into Carson's eyes Elizabeth reassured, "But before we allowed her contact with him again, after they're first brief and accidental encounter, Dr. Reyes was informed. Of possible risks, still she expressed a wish to help him."

"But did you tell her?" Carson pressed.

When Elizabeth hesitated, John spoke, "Not exactly. Elizabeth told her what we tell everybody who isn't on the need to know list. That he's at the very least suffering from post traumatic shock disorder, he could have a flash back and become violent. That he could kill her and we're still trying to determine what if anything the Wraith may have done to him. Gwen seemed to take the news well. Even asked us a few questions about, if we thought they turned him into a weapon of sorts."

Teyla furrowed her brows, "I do not understand. Why not tell her the truth?"

This time Elizabeth answered, "Because the plan is to not do anything. We will not encourage her to continue contact with him but nor will we dissuade her. Like I said before, it will be up to him or her to make the next step. All I'm proposing, is we try to stay out of their way."

"But surely," Teyla looked around for confirmation from others, "she has the right to know, correct?"

Kate laid out the reasoning, "No. She must remain outside of this project. We feel this is for the best. He needs someone to see and treat him as a human."

Rodney started to grumble quickly, "Oh? So instead of a Wraith, she sees him as human with possible homicidal tendencies? How nice. That will really help-"

"I don' care!" Carson, who had seemed calm earlier surprised everyone by his sudden loss of temper. Exasperated he nearly shouted, "That doesn' make it right!"

"Relax Carson," John tried to reassure. "We'll still be keeping a very close eye on them. She won't be in any real danger."

Carson would have none of it, gathering his things he rapidly got up. Upset his accent thickened, "You're playin' with fire wit' these two. Doin' this to Michael is one thing but wit' Gwen it's quite the other. I'll do as ordered. I'll keep my mouth shut 'bout it to her. However for the record and 'ith all due respect, that doesn' mean I agree with it!"

Watching Carson storm out Elizabeth sighed, "Believe me, you're not the only one." Teyla, Kate and Rodney shortly followed. Only two remained with her, John and Steven.

Steven at last slowly opened his mouth. Deciding to pick his words carefully since he knew the both of them wouldn't like his leaning with the safe majority, "They have a point. If this goes wrong –"

"And if it doesn't?" John cut him off.

Steven eyed them both neutrally before continuing, "All I'm saying is that they have a valid point."

Looking at her hands Elizabeth said crisply, "We have to try. They seem to at least like each other. This is an opportunity and one which is solely up to them to take. What other option do we have? Because I'm not about to let Michael live the remainder of his days under constant guard-it wouldn't be fair."

"I'm sure," Steven agreed but cocked a brow at Elizabeth's unrealistic goal. "But was it fair as you call it, to do this to him in the first place?" he asked Elizabeth directly. When she didn't answer, Steven looked away and sighed, "Just a thought." Without another word he slowly rose and headed back to his ship.

With just the two of them alone left in the room she commented tightly, "At least it's not an absolute 'no' but then again it's not a 'yes' either. Why am I not surprised?" Before John could comment she asked him directly, "Honestly, what do you think? About trying to get Michael to connect with Gwen?"

"I'm not exactly thrilled about it but you do have a point," John reluctantly admitted.

"Will you help keep an eye on them?"

"Sure, but it's not like they won't have enough on them already."

"Still, I would feel better if you handled the matter personally. Don't hover. Try to give them some space or at least let them think they have it. That goes for the guards as well. Have them at least keep you informed if you have other pressing matters to attend to."

"Chaperon them, keep them in line - got it," John nodded. He was quiet for a moment before he added, "Along those lines what do I do if...?"

Both of Elizabeth's brows rose as her neck gave a little jerk, "As in...?" When John didn't elaborate, she mumbled absently, "I honestly thought Rodney was just being sarcastic."

Scratching the back of his head, John gave her a half smile, "No fault there. He usually is."

Pursing her lips, Elizabeth whispered, "You don't really think that...?"

John giving a shrug suggested, "Maybe. I would have told you earlier but thought you were already aware of it till now. But yeah, they might. Then again... they might not, try anything that is."

Picking up her data pad she asked a little skeptical, "They just met, how can you be certain?"

"Got me," John gave the little white lie easily. Ego still slightly bruised from Gwen's seemingly lack of interest in his charm he added, "All I'm saying is trust me on this, it's there."

"Well, we won't let them get too close then. Will we?" She smiled, gave the table a little knock before rising.

Too bad, that table is not made out of wood, John thought

Following Elizabeth out he mumbled, "That's easier said than done."

The physical aspect of that he knew he could handle but the emotional part was completely beyond anyone's control. Silently he hoped the two didn't cross paths at least for a long while. Then he remembered what Gwen had loaned to Michael and winced. Deciding an offer to Gwen to get it back, wasn't exactly violating Elizabeth's wishes, John made his way to Rodney's lab.

.oOo.