Chapter 4

Renesmee's Heartache

Renesmee's POV

As I laid on the ground, in the arms of my Mom, and my Dad stroking my hair; my hands were rubbing at my saw throat and stomach, I had never been physically hurt before – I didn't even know it was possible, being half vampire and all. But as Aunt Rosalie and my Jacob returned to the meadow; Jake was still in his wolf form.

"Jake? Where's Gino?" I asked, even though knowing that he couldn't answer me.

Jake was panting; in his eyes was slight disappointment, as they darted to my Dad.

"He's gone, Nessie." Replied Daddy, "Jacob chased him to the Canadian border but he escaped."

I was so relieved to know that Gino had escaped, my mind came to other conclusions at the meaning of the term 'gone'; but Gino was alive and I knew he would be safe, soon back with Aro in Volterra.

We began walking back to Grandma and Grandpa's house; Mom and Dad were not at all happy at what Gino did to me, and nor was Jacob.

Now back in human form, Jake placed his arm around my waist, "Don't worry, Nessie. That human blood sucker will never be able to hurt you again, and if he ever tries to comes back; Leah, Seth and I will be waiting."

I knew Jake was only trying to make me feel better by his sarcasm; but the thought of him hurting Ambrogio was no sarcasm to me at all.

"No... If he tries to come back, then you are to let him." I replied.

I was used to getting what I wanted; and I knew that if I didn't want Gino to be harmed, then my every little wish was my Jacob's command – one of the main benefits of being the imprintee of the imprinter. But Mom and Dad kept trying to convince me otherwise; Dad saying that he wasn't coming back, and Mom saying that he was no longer welcomed here, but I didn't care.

For days I returned to the meadow, hoping that I would see Ambrogio's face merge through the trees, only he never did; I was starting to believe that what he said to me was true, but still I waited from him. I even returned after most of the snow had melted – meanwhile, my Jacob was trying so hard to cheer me up, mostly during hunting.

But I was at the point in my life where, even though technically I was only eight and a half, I wanted to find love. But, as much as Mom, Dad, Jacob, and the rest of my family wanted it, I never saw it in Jacob – other than Gino – I always saw Jacob as my best friend and big brother but nothing more. And more was what I wanted right now... I wanted Gino.

Eventually those days became weeks and the weeks turned into months; I felt that half of me had been ripped away from my body, and now there was just nothing.

One afternoon as I lay down on my bed, I looked over to something shining in the corner of my room – it was Aro's necklace – the one he had sent to my mom as a wedding gift. I walked over and picked it up, dusted it, and looked into the giant diamond; as I held it up to the sunlight, beaming through the bedroom window, the gem sparkled beautifully and rays of rainbow lightly reflected off it. I looked harder and images began to appear in the orb, at first I thought it was Aro's frightening smile but then it faded into Ambrogio's face.

Cradling it next to my chest, I found comfort in having it so close to me, even though it was Aro's and aside from my memories, it was the only thing I physically had that reminded me of him. I placed it around my neck, never realising just how heavy it was; but I began wearing the necklace, my family kept staring at me – probably wondering why I was wearing it – but it was like the necklace was now the other half of my heart and it made me feel better carrying it around with me.

As I was sitting down on the couch of the stone cottage, lost in my trail of thought with my fingers curling around the heavy diamond orb; there was a knock on the door, Daddy answered it but I could tell who it was from the scent travelling in.

"Jasper, what brings you by?" Dad asked,

"Nothin' really but I was wonderin' if Renesmee would like to join me for a hunt?"

"I'm sure she'd be delighted. Nessie?"

I sighed heavily, even if I did refuse I'm sure Mom or Dad would have pressured me into getting out of the house. So I gracefully slummed over to the door, Uncle Jasper offered me his arm and we swiftly glided into the woods together; it was the only time I ever truly felt whole again was in Uncle Jasper's presence, using his mood control, he made me feel better... for a while.

Together we hunted for deer, bear, and mountain lion, I felt deeply for Uncle Jasper; he struggled so much in resisting human blood, though he was so much better at it now since he began to believe in himself after Mom was turned. As we walked arm in arm, slowly alongside the river, he began a conversation.

"How are you holding up, Nessie? I feel you wither day by day, and you don't seem to be comfortable around your parents anymore." He began,

I shook my head, "It's just so frustrating. Nobody understands that I want to have a romantic relationship; I know I'm ready for it."

"But Jacob..."

"I love Jacob just as much as I love my parents, but I just don't feel any strong romantic feelings for him; not in the way I love Gino. I try and I try but nobody is getting the message... no one cares."

"No, Nessie. You know we've always had your best interest at heart, and I think it's fair to say that I, of all, know exactly how you feel..."

I looked up at Jasper as he sparkled in the sunlight, I felt a little light as I blushed hard when he smiled his handsome southern smile; I did have a little bit of a crush on Uncle Jasper, because he was so charming and sweet when he showed it and he always made me blush when he grinned, but it was nothing compared to how I loved Gino.

"And I must confess that, despite of trustin' and havin' confidence in Jacob; I really actually approve more of you loving Ambrogio than of Jacob."

I looked at him, both in amazement and confusion, "Really?"

"Yes. I know I mustn't hold it against him as he is the son to Aro; but I approve of him because he is the only one capable of making you truly happy – what I feel from you two when you are together... it is the purest feeling I have ever felt in my entire existence."

"Even more than my parents?" I asked,

He nodded with a smile, "Yes."

Unbelievable.

I gripped around Jasper's torso tightly, his left arm came around my waist while his free hand comfortingly stroked my hair; smiling I stretched up and kissed his cheek, grinning widely we walked back together happily.

"That, and plus he smells a lot better too." He joked. We looked at each other for a split second and then suddenly we just burst into laughter for no apparent reason.

But when we reached home, and finding myself lying in bed again, the loneliness began to creep back into my mind again.

Later on that day I went to go see Grandpa Swan; catching quite a few stares because of the giant diamond around my neck. Even though Grandpa wasn't fully aware of the fact that I was half vampire, he just casually went along with things – and the fact that I was physically seventeen and my biological mother was physically eighteen, he was still happy to see me. Mom had told him about the phase I was going through.

And Grandpa sat down on the couch beside me as we ate lunch. "Hey, Nessie. Listen, your Mom told me about this little phase you're going through; and, um, she's really getting worried about ya."

I nodded but said nothing, my fingers clutched around the diamond; stuffing another fork of eggs into my mouth.

"Ya know, the same thing happened to your Mom; Edward abandoned her and she started hanging out with Jake. He made her feel better, and sometimes we gotta learn to love what's good for us."

"Thanks, Grandpa." I leaned over and hugged him, trying to ignore the slight twinge of thirst in my throat.

And with that I finally knew what I had to do to see him again.

It took me two and a half months to finally prepare without my parents' suspicion, I began packing a few things, and trying my best not to think about my plans around my Dad; finally when the day arrived, I told my parents that I was going on a hiking trip – just around the forest and back up to the meadow. Jake insisted on coming with me but I told him that I'd rather do this alone. I kissed them all goodbye and I took that last trip to the meadow; looking down at the necklace, glistening in the sunlight like pure vampire skin.

I took one last deep breath and began the long journey to Italy.