A/N: "Uh oh...0" lol, as much as I adore getting the lengthy, funny, threatening reviews, sometimes just those simple-to-the-extreme ones make me giggle just as much. Thank you, LaylaBinx!

On an entirely different note, I am evil. Pure evil. gottalovealoser has told me that many times, and is absolutely correct. Like, I got your reviews and literally evil laughed at some of them. It's an inside joke. You'll figure it out soon enough...maybe not in this chapter - depends on how attentive you are (that's a hint). ;)

Cougar follows Jensen with his eyes as he continues to pace back and forth, his words coming out faster and faster.

"Oh god,oh god,oh god, we're in trouble, Cougar. Like deep, deep trouble. I wonder what the radius is? It could be five feet, in which case I'd be the only one to get infected, which would be a good thing – well, not good for me of course but for the rest of humanity that'd be the most favorable scenario; or it could be like five miles. What if it's five miles? What if it's five hundred miles? What if this was Max's plan all along? Get us losers to release a freaky, freakish, freak virus into the world. Then he really could pin it on us, and he'd actually be right! Oh, man, Max? Right? That's just, that's just disgusting! I can't even fathom the thought! But then I guess that's not really the important thing, is it? We just infected half the world with whatever the hell is it I have – oh my god, you guys are infected with whatever the hell it is I have! You guys can't hulk out! Can you imagine what'll happen if Aisha goes all Firestarter on us? Well, I guess technically it wouldn't be Firestarter 'cause, unless I'm not aware of something, this virus doesn't really give you super powers. Wait, yes it does! It gave me super hearing! I mean, not all the time 'cause obviously I don't have it now, but still, if Aisha only sometimes has pyrokinesis, that's sometimes too many! She'll go after me, first, I know she will! It'll be horrible!"

"Jensen," Cougar cuts in.

Jensen goes on as if he didn't hear him, talking even faster. "And Clay? I can see him just going all The Shining on us, Jack Nicholson styles. And I'd probably still be the first to go. God, why am I so damn annoying all the time? All of you would go after me first! But, then, if you guys go after me, I'll feel threatened and then my Punisher mode will kick in and it'll just be an awful blood bath where we all end up dead, and so will the rest of world 'cause that's how the virus will work – everyone just kills everyone else in like the most horrible fashion imaginable - and then what if the virus goes a step further like the one from the Umbrella Corporation. Oh, god, Cougar! We just jump-started the zombiepocalypse! It'll be…it'll be…"

He sucks in a few short breaths, putting a hand to his chest. As he drops down to his knees, Cougar jumps up, rushing over to him.

"I can't breathe," Jensen wheezes.

"Relax," Cougar tells him.

"I can't!" Jensen barely squeaks out, looking up at Cougar with panic-stricken eyes. He tries desperately to inhale again, the air catching in his throat. With one last pained look, he slumps forward into Cougar's arms. Cougar lays him out again, checking that his breathing has returned to normal, and sits back with a sigh.

Clay steps into the firelight, dropping the computer bag down beside it. He looks at Jensen, still asleep, then up at Cougar.

"Thought he'd be awake by now," he says.

"He was," Cougar frowns.

"And?"

Cougar just shakes his head.

Aisha steps around to sit on the other side of the fire. "We weren't gone that long. If he already had another fit, he's getting worse."

Pooch pushes the bound (and bruised) prisoner forward into the small clearing, nudging him in the back of the knees to force him down. "Take a break," he orders, then sits down beside Cougar. "So, what type of fit was it this time?"

"Panic attack," Cougar answers.

"Panic attack? What the hell was he panicking over?"

Cougar shrugs. "The zombiepocalypse."

Pooch whistles, shaking his head. "We're losin' our boy, Clay."

Clay frowns. "No, we're not. We'll let him sleep it off 'til morning, and then our new friend here," he nods towards the prisoner, "is going to tell him what he told us."

"…sen…Jensen….," he hears a voice calling out to him.

"No, mommy, I don't wanna go to school today," Jensen mutters, trying to wave off the voice.

"Jensen, get your ass up," Pooch orders, kicking him in the leg.

"Ow!" he says, snapping out of the sleep. He rubs his leg. "Not cool, dude."

Pooch lifts an eyebrow at him. "Zombiepocalypse?"

Jensen looks away, rolling his eyes. "Sure, go ahead, make fun of the guy with the mutant virus. You won't be laughing when you catch it."

Shaking his head, Pooch says, "Sorry, man, that special privilege is only for you."

"What do you mean?"

"We're gonna let Barney explain it to you."

"Barney?" Jensen asks, and Pooch looks over towards the purple face of their prisoner. "Ah," Jensen nods, smiling, "I see the resemblance." He walks over to the soldier, then stands bending over him. "Hey, there, Barney." The soldier glares at him. "Ooh, nasty look. You're kinda spunky, aren't ya? I like that. I'm spunky, too, but more in a comic-relief sorta way….well, normally I am, but ya see, I've got this little problem that's making me all wacky - and not in the funny kind of way - and I'm told you're just the guy that can help me out with this little problem."

He reaches down and pulls the gag out of the soldiers mouth. The man looks at Jensen for a second, then flicks his eyes up to see that Clay, Aisha, Cougar, and Pooch are all staring at him, threatening looks in their eyes.

"I don't know that much about the virus," he finally says.

"That's okay, Spunky Barney, I'm gonna crack those files, anyway," Jensen smiles, patting the soldier's head, "But I still like the previews before the show."

The man blows out a breath, annoyed. "First of all, you're not contagious. We would have been sent in with hazard gear if you were."

"Are ya sure?" Jensen asks. "In case you hadn't noticed, Max isn't exactly winning any 'best parent' awards, if you catch my drift."

The man stares at him for a second before speaking. "We were told to use whatever force necessary to bring you in – alive – and to do whatever we wanted with the rest of your team. The only one Max showed any interest in was you."

Jensen frowns, nodding as he brings a hand up to his chin. "I see. So what you're saying is, since I'm the only one Max needs, I'm his only guinea pig; and since I'm his only guinea pig, that means I'm not contagious. The logic makes sense." He turns back to his team behind him, smiling. "I'm not contagious!"

"Yeah. Hooray for us," Clay says, a touch of sarcasm in his voice and a half smile on his lip. He looks down at the soldier. "Why don't you tell him the rest?"

Jensen turns back as the man speaks. "We were advised to keep our taser usage at a low, that it could cause extremely erratic behavior in the package, that being you."

Jensen laughs. "Tasers could cause erratic behavior?" He looks back over his shoulder, still laughing. "Tasers could cause erratic behavior. This guy is funny." He looks back, then leans forward to whisper at the man. "I'm going to tell you a little secret…You ready?...Everything causes me to have erratic behavior. Or was the virus not supposed to do that?"

The man smiles. "You stole a prototype. Prototypes have glitches."

"Hey, I didn't steal anything but computer files," Jensen points out.

"Exactly," the man says, now grinning from ear to ear.

A/N: A little shorter than the norm - sorry! I'm still at the con so I don't have tons of time, here...and, okay, so I didn't wanna fully reveal my lil inside joke just yet. Guilty as charged. You'll get it next chapter for sure, then you'll be mad at me (but hopefully still laugh at what I did if you don't figure out before then...) lol