Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it.

-Curtis Judalet

Edward POV

I don't know how things got so fucked up.

I don't even want to think about it. Because it hurts too goddamn much.

I thought nothing hurt more, but when I found myself in front of Bella's truck, seeing her cry her sad little brown eyes out I just wanted to fucking die. It killed me that she felt that way. There really wasn't anything I could do, as much as I wanted to. She clearly wants nothing to do with me.

All because I started hanging out with Jasper Hale and Tyler Crowley. I didn't really mean to become friends with Tyler, as much as I knew she hated him. It was totally fucking wrong for him to lead her on purposely and try some shady shit like he did with Bella. But I was fucking stupid then. I mean, I didn't know she'd totally shut me out of her life just because I'd made some friends. Tyler Crowley had just kind of been there. It was really all just Jasper I'd become close to. He was a really cool guy, and there's a lot more to him than what people think. But Jasper and Tyler are kind of a package deal, I mean I didn't want to hold any grudges against Tyler. I should have though. Because he hurt the one fucking girl I'd ever loved. The most important woman in my life next to Esme. Bella was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Somehow we both managed to fuck that up.

I wonder if she even knows how much it hurts me to see her that way. I wonder if she knows that she's all I think about. That I find myself desperately pining to climb that tree up to her room and lay with her. To just take her in my arms again and talk to her all night. Tell her how much she means to me and I never want to lose her again.

But as long as I'd be friends with Jasper Hale, she'd want nothing to do with me. And yeah, you better believe that fucking hurt. That she'd be willing to throw away our friendship because she'd judged the fucking guy.

I mean, I used to too. But in mid-October, eighth grade year, I'd somehow found myself at this high school party with mostly seniors. This punk named James started shit for no damn reason at all, and he took me out to the back and beat my ass. I mean, I was a fucking 13 year old, I can't believe what a loser that guy was to pick on someone my size like that. Well anyways, Jasper was at that party, of course, because he was always invited to high school parties, being the popular guy he was. James had been on some strong shit, and alcohol and what not, so he wasn't in his right mind. He pulled a knife out on me. Luckily, Jasper heard my pleading for him not to do anything. He'd gotten some seniors out there and punched James square in the face and then rushed to my rescue to help clean me up. Ever since, we'd been friends. He hasn't been anything but a pretty fucking awesome friend to me. And I know that I slightly pushed Bella away, and she was just as good of a friend as Jasper was. Oftentimes, Jasper would try to approach Bella and be friendly with her. More for my sake, but Jasper was just a good guy all around. Bella never gave him the chance. She just pushed him away, along with me.

But I also have myself to blame. I shouldn't have let go of her so easily. I should have fought against it; I shouldn't have ever given up. In all honesty, I never thought it would get this bad. I figured she'd be angry with me for a couple of weeks and then she'd come insisting she'd look past who my other friends were. But she didn't. And that completely fucking broke my heart. It was like she didn't care. I thought we had more than just some friendship just to pass the time by before something better come along. She obviously didn't want me in her life.

As for Tyler, he's alright. I mean, he's grown on me. I don't trust him, and trust me I let him have it every time he brought up Bella. No one talks about my fucking girl like that even if she doesn't want anything to do with me. She will always mean the world to me. And he fucking pushes my buttons sometimes. I lose my cool. He says how fuckable Bella is. I hate it. All that she's been through, I mean, I can't even really look at her that way. She is much much more than anything any of these assholes see her as. And I remember that she actually used to have the biggest crush on Tyler. I almost lost it when she told me who her crush was. I was kind of hoping it was me, because ever since our kiss together I've looked at her differently. She was a woman to me. Always has been since that summer evening after the sixth grade.

Now, she is just so broken, and I do want to fix it, but I've given up. I keep telling myself to just look forward, and to leave the past behind me. She is just a part of my past now.

A past I know that I'll never forget.