Misery is almost always the result of thinking.

-Joseph Joubert, French Essayist and moralist (1754-1824)

Bella POV

Charlie left after that. I don't know where the hell he went, I mean, he did this often.

I sat on the porch. I didn't like crying in public, but it was raining. No one could tell. I mean, well they could…but I didn't care. The rain is one thing that calms me down all the while depressing me even more. But at least I'm not the only one miserable. At least the sky is too, right?

"Bella? Is that you?" I heard a sweet, manly voice say.

I looked up. It was Carlisle Cullen, taking the trash out.

He rushed over to me. "How have you been? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't look—"

"Thanks, but I am."

He assuringly patted my shoulder. "We've missed you being around. All three of us. You know, now there's really no woman in our house to keep things in order."

Yeah, I'm sure everyone misses me. Edward the most, right? Ha. I almost laughed at the sound.

"Well, Bella. I'll see you around?"

I sighed. "I gotta go."

Then, I went in the house. I felt bad for treating Carlisle that way, especially since he had done nothing wrong. I haven't really shown my face but every time he does see me he is nothing but friendly and caring. I just can't let anyone in. I can't help it. He can thank Renee and Edward for that one.

I pulled up into the parking lot. Today was technically the second day of school, so I'd thankfully missed the whole "Oh my gosh I've totally missed you but I never associate with you anyways and probably never will, at least not this year and even though I fail to talk to you or call you…" and it goes on.

I hid my face almost the whole day. I also had to wear a long sleeve shirt even though it wasn't that cold out. I had a bruise on my wrist where Charlie had furiously squeezed.

I passed all of the snickers from Lauren Mallory and her posse. I passed all the stares. I passed everyone. I passed Emmett. He looked so concerned. He always tried to wave to me. That's what he did just then too. He gave me an awkward, pitying "why-don't-you-talk-to-me-anymore" smile and wave.

I just walked right past him, ignoring it, only giving a fraction of a smile. And I imagine it didn't really look much like a sincere smile. I was trying way too hard to let just that millimeter excuse of a smile out.

Most of the school day went by in a haze. I was in no way prepared to have Edward in my biology class. To my luck—and much to my dismay also—I was assigned to the table right next to him. He looked slightly uncomfortable, as I imagine I did too.

He tapped his pencil against the desk, and that annoyed me. I glared at him through my hoodie and hair, and eyelashes. He caught my annoyed expression, even though I didn't mean for him to see it, really, and he abruptly stopped.

For a little while, Mr. Banner talked. But then he said he had nothing really left to the class syllabus and to just "chill" hence to his attempting to be "hip". He said he'd start the lesson tomorrow. There wasn't really anyone in our class. Just a bunch of geeks. And Mike Newton. I just shifted in my seat uncomfortably. Edward cleared his throat.

"Hi, Bella," his velvet voice said quietly, and sweetly.

Oh, how I missed that voice.

I just put my head down and acted like he wasn't there. He didn't deserve my attention. He didn't deserve to hear my voice after all of these years. I have nothing to say to him, anyway.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up slightly, clearly warning whoever it was to go away. It was Mike Newton. Go figure.

"Sup, Bella?"

"Hey," I mumbled, starting to put my head down.

"You look like you didn't get much sleep."

"Is it that obvious?" I scowled.

Mike looked oblivious to my misery. He was always so oblivious. "Well, get some sleep, Bellaaa." He always did that, dragging out the "a". I hated it.

Edward was silent in his seat. I wanted to knock both him and Mike upside the head with a frying pan. I just wanted them both to go away. I wanted to be alone. I mean, I am invisible any other time. Why not now?

I got up from my seat and walked out of the room, bumping my shoulder angrily into Mike's on the way.

I started to walk out the hallway when I heard someone else come out of the classroom. I swear to fucking God Mike never gives up.

"Bella," I heard Edward say sadly.

I didn't even look back. I just kept walking until I reached the parking lot and into my truck. I made sure to lock the doors just in case Edward found it right in his idiotic brain to come after me. I fought my hardest to hold back a cry and drove away, leaving the school that I hated. Fuck. I didn't even make it past fifth hour. I had two more freaking hours. Charlie's going to kill me. I wish he would. I wish he would just put me out of my misery already.

xoxo, B.