Chapter 5

Dende and Piccolo shared another glance, before the younger Namek turned to Bulma and said, "Well… that's what we were going to ask you."

Bulma knew it was pretty ludicrous for her to expect them to have a plan formulated. After all, this wasn't one of those "Move in and take 'em down!" supervillain faceoffs. Bulma couldn't even chuckle at the idea of taking the issue to Vegeta or one of the Z warriors. What would they do? Fling a giant missive of ki at the galaxy and hope it hit the right spot?

Coming to her, though? What could she do? Dende was the one with all the top-secret, godly information. He had a brain between his two green ears. Why couldn't he figure out the plan for himself?

Dende did not leave Bulma wondering to herself for long. He seemed to have read her thoughts and spoke up immediately.

"Communication among the divine does not ever guarantee a solution to the problems discussed," he said. "No one is so holy as to have all the answers. We simply have different means of passing information along, and on a greater scale. My problem solving skills, however, are no keener than yours."

"So, why come to me specifically?" Bulma asked.

"Hey—yeah! Why Bulma? You think she's gonna save the Earth?" Krillin piped in.

"Excuse me?" Bulma arched her eyebrow in the bald monk's direction.

"Bulma is exceptionally intelligent," Dende quickly intervened. "And this is a potential problem. Remember, Frieza is not revived yet…"

"What about Frieza?"

Goku looked bewildered as he and Vegeta appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. Both of them were covered in dirt and grime, which could only mean they had been sparring over the last chicken drumstick. And that could only mean they were in the kitchen for more food. Only the mention of one of their worst nemeses could stall their trek to the fridge.

"Ah, well… So much for being discrete I suppose," Dende rubbed the back of his head, smiling nervously at Piccolo.

Not amused, Piccolo barked at the two Saiyans, "Word in the galaxy is your pasty reptile friend has got a bitch for a mother, and she's eager to have the pick of her litter back in her arms. She's apparently emerged from whatever crack in the universe she's been festering in and is trying to find a way to revive Frieza."

Goku blinked. He paused a moment before saying, "So?"

Dende's jaw nearly hit the floor. Krillin choked on a chow mein noodle he'd been slurping. Piccolo could only stare in utter disbelief. Goku could be pretty thick sometimes, but even this was stretching the limit. Didn't he remember the excruciating battle that waged between him and the Ice-jinn tyrant on Namek? Surely, in all his years of fighting, he had retained enough brain cells to be even slightly afraid of his deadly foe?

Then again, Bulma thought, the first time Goku had been warned of Frieza's formidable power, he had been thrilled. His Saiyan blood flowed with excitement at the prospect of a challenging fight. He always wanted to battle against stronger opponents. Was this just him hoping for another fight?

"Well, we're all a lot stronger now," he said. "In the time that Frieza has been dead, we've taken care of the androids, Cell, Dabura, Majin Buu… We're all definitely as powerful as Trunks was when he travelled back in time and destroyed Frieza. So, what's there to worry about?"

"Huh… that's a good point…" Krillin said. "I hadn't really thought of that…"

"Idiots!"

Only one sulky antihero could spew an insult with such ease and sincerity. Vegeta, who had turned deathly pale when Piccolo announced the news, was now unequivocally glaring at Goku. Arms folded over his chest, he crossed the threshold into the light of the room so he could stand before his longtime rival and shout directly in face.

"Once again, Kakarott, only you could achieve such an astonishing display of ignorance," he rasped. "As if the Empress would honestly return her son to the weak state in which he was killed. Do you even know by what means she's trying to revive him? If she's after the Dragonballs, how do you know she won't wish for his immortality? Or omnipotence? You're as thick as ever, you imbecile. And you!"

Vegeta redirected his wrath at Piccolo. "How did you come across this information, Namek?"

"Back off, Saiyan," Piccolo warned. "I'm not in the mood for a fight today. Dende, as Guardian of Earth, received the information through his divinity."

"Oh? His divinity?" Vegeta sneered, turning toward the Namek. "Well, how come his divinity can't just set the world straight and stop fucking everyone over all the goddamn fucking time?"

"I was explaining that shortly before you arrived, Vegeta," Dende said calmly. "Rational creatures, if they can be called that, always assume that deities have the power to turn the universe into a blank canvas and paint a pretty picture there."

"Yeah, call us 'irrational,' but isn't that your job? To maintain order and cast judgment and whatnot?" Krillin said.

"Deities are nothing more than reporters of the universe!" Dende finally shouted. "I can create Dragonballs. I can communicate with other Guardians. I can transport you to other worlds and ages. But I do not have the power to judge any one being, and my understanding of the afterlife is limited, at best. Divinity is merely a calling to observe and reflect, to offer guidance. The order of the universe and the impact of creatures' choices upon it are still beyond my control."

"So why even have a Guardian?" Vegeta snorted.

"So that when information like this does come my way," Dende replied, in an exasperated voice, "you have a chance to defend yourselves. A certain amount of luck is dealt in the fate of a universe, but a great deal more is chalked up to choice. And you will all certainly have to make yours. Ignore my words if you wish, or waste time blaming me instead of making efforts to addressing these evils yourselves. It will make no difference. Frieza's mother is searching for a way to bring him back, and if he does return to life, he will be far more powerful than ever. As Vegeta correctly said, he will likely be turned immortal – and who knows what then…"

"There's still one thing I can't get over," Krillin said, a noodle hanging limply from his mouth.

"Yes, Krillin?" Dende took a deep breath and patted his robes.

"You think Bulma can figure all this out?" he snorted.

"Bulma!" Goku shouted.

"The woman!" Vegeta exclaimed in disgust.

"Oh. My. Kami! Krillin, I fucking hate you!" Bulma was ready to brandish a nearby barbecue fork and shove it down her bald companion's throat when, surprisingly, Piccolo grabbed her wrist.

"Ignore these fools," he growled. "While I don't like to admit it, you are somewhat less of one than they and Dende is correct, in my opinion, in asking for your help."

"Oh yes, send the woman after Frieza's mother. Perhaps she can talk her to death," Vegeta sneered, shifting his weight from one side to the next. "Or maybe she can convince her that all she really needs is a makeover. God knows she gets enough of them when she's having a bad day."

Both Goku and Krillin snickered, and Bulma glared at them, then chose to ignore them.

"Piccolo, I thought you didn't want me in on all of this," she said.

"I said our conversation was private," Piccolo replied. "I thought we should have waited to invite you – and only you – to Kami's Tower after we had discussed what information would be most pertinent to you, rather than announcing the news over the P.R. at this party." Piccolo gave Dende a pointed look, which the young green Guardian ignored. "What we did agree on was that you might be of help in this predicament."

"Oh," Bulma said dumbly. She felt ridiculous, but all she could think to say was what she said next. "Well, I have no idea what to do. Should we just wait to see when she shows up and hope for the best?"

"Wait and see? You think this baka is going to know how to handle this better than the rest of us?" Vegeta barked at Dende. "She can barely pick what color to put on her nails, never mind save our asses. I can't imagine what you are thinking by putting this responsibility on her."

"Yeah, no offense Dende, but Bulma's just not good at that type of stuff," Goku interjected, who by now had shuffled his way through a good deal of the fridge. "That's why we usually take care of this kind of stuff."

"Uh, hello!" Bulma waved her hands in the air. "I'm still standing here. But don't let that keep you from insulting me!"

"Nobody's trying to be insulting, Bulma," Krillin said pleadingly. "It's just that… well, you really are more of the sidelines kind of gal. Everybody's got their place to excel, right?"

Before Bulma could even reply, Vegeta interrupted and stated plainly, "Yes, and while hers should be in the kitchen, she can't even succeed here. The only place the woman excels is in the dressing room or her toy room."

Bulma's last reserve of patience expended. Turning on Vegeta, she exploded with wrath.

To be continued…

~Fina Arvanthol